Sequest Out - Deep Cuts

  • Aired:  03/04/13
  •  | Views: 40,618

The sequester proves that there are worse penalties for f**king up on "Top Chef" than for f**king up in Congress. (2:22)

DESIGN OF DEATH STAR.

THE PRESIDENT IN SPEAKER BOEHNER'S STATEMENTS WE GET A HIBT OF WHY THE SEQUESTER IS HAPPENING.

THE PENALTY FOR NOT FINDING A WAY TO BALANCE REVENUE AND SPENDING CONSISTS OF CUTS IN SPENDING.

HOW DO REPUBLICANS FEEL ABOUT CUTS IN SPENDING.

WE WANT TO REDUCE THE SIZE OF GOVERNMENT.

>> REDUCE THE DEBT.

SHRINK THE SIZE OF GOVERNMENT.

>> WE NEED TO CUT SPENDING.

>> MORE LIMITED GOVERNMENT.

PUT IT ON A STRICT ATKINS STYLE DIET.

>> Jon: I WISH I WAS THERE WHEN DEMOCRATS SAID THERE'S GOING TO BE MASSIVE ACROSS THE

BOARD SPENDING CUTS.

I'M SURE THE REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE, OKAY!

[LAUGHTER]

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

BASICALLY THE SEQUESTER AMOUNTS TO CATCHING YOUR KID SMOKING AND FORCING HIM TO SMOKE A WHOLE

CARTON OF CIGARETTES ONLY YOUR KID IS DENIS LEARY.

IN CASE YOU ARE WONDER BEING THIS INCOMPETENCE THAT WILL IMPLICATIONS FOR THE NEEDIESTEST

DOES IT HAVE IMPLICATIONS FOR CONGRESS?

NOT SO MUCH.

>> MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, THE VERY PEOPLE WHO VOTED TO PUT THIS IN PLACE WON'T SEE ANY CHANGE TO

THEIR OWN $174,000 PAYCHECKS.

>> Jon: WHAT AN ONEROUS PENALTY FOR.

THERE ARE WORST PENALTIES FOR (bleep) ON TOP CHEF THAN CONGRESS.

AT LEAST THERE YOU HAVE TO PACK YOUR KNIVES AND GO.

WITH LAST CHANCE KITCHEN NOWADAYS YOU GET TO WORK BACK IN.

AND THERE'S THE ALL STAR SEASON AND PARACHUTING CONTESTANTS IN FOR NO GOOD REASON.

YOU BROUGHT JOSI IMRERKS BACK?

CJ IS COOL AT LEAST HE CAN COOL.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M BEGINNING TO REALIZE THAT AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION ISN'T RIGHT METAPHOR FOR THIS SEQUESTER.

BECAUSE CONGRESS DID RIG IT UP AND IF THEY PULLED OFF THE COMPROMISE IT WOULD HAVE FELT

AMAZING FOR THEM BUT AS USUAL THEY DID IT WRONG AND WE'RE BLACKING OUT WHILE THEY ARE ALL

STAR JERKING

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