C*A*S*H

Aired:  05/29/08 Views: 141,269

Potential soldiers don't sign up for the military to go to college -- they want to fight fire monsters. (7:10)

THAT IS ALL THEY COULD FIND.

AS FOR STILL PRESIDENT BUSH

HE IS CONTINUING TO SPRINT

TO THE FINISH.

HE GAVE WHAT WOULD BE HIS

FINAL ADDRESS TO THE

GRADUATING CLASS OF THE

SERVICE ACADEMY OF THE AIR

FORCE ACADEMY IN COLORADO

SPRINGS.

HOW DID HE HANDLE THE

OCCASION?

OH, GREAT, THAT'S GREAT,

JUST GREAT.

WHEN I SEE THE PRESIDENT DO

THE CHEST BUMP, I CANNOT

HELP BUT THINK THAT IF HE

HADN'T BEEN [BLEEP] THINGS

UP FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS,

AND WAS GOOFING AROUND LIKE

THIS, WOULD WE LOVE HIM?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WOULD WE BE LIKE HE

IS IRREPRESSABLE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHAT A SCAMP.

OR DOES THE WHOLE DOING THAT

WHILE ROME IS BURNING ASPECT

OF HIS PRESIDENCY SOUR US ON

HIS EXUBERANCE?

BUT HERE'S HOW I EXPLAIN IT.

COME WITH ME ON THE JOURNEY,

COME WITH ME ON THE JOURNEY

IF YOU WILL.

IMAGINE THAT WE HAD NEVER

GONE INTO IRAQ, THAT THIS

PRESIDENT HAD TAKEN

IMMEDIATE AND EFFECTIVE

ACTION ON KATRINA, GAS WAS

LIKE 99 CENTS FOR LOW TEST

AND CHENEY HAD NEVER BEEN

BORN, JUST IMAGINE THAT.

AND THEN LOOK AT THESE

PICTURES.

LOOK, HEY, IT'S PRESIDENT

DOING THE HEISMAN, A LITTLE

RING A DING DING, OH, KISS,

KISS, BLOW, BLOW, AND OF

COURSE THE OLD POWER FLICK.

HEH HEH HEH.

YOU LIKE DOGS?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE

BITCHES?

HEH.

CALL THE PLUMBER, BECAUSE

THESE PIPES ARE ABOUT TO

BURST!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BUT OF COURSE, HE

DID [BLEEP] THINGS UP.

SO IT ALL JUST SEEMS

ASSANINE.

BUT AT LEAST THE PRESIDENT

IS OUT THERE SUPPORTING THE

TROOPS.

AND ISN'T THAT WHAT'S IT'S

ALL ABOUT.

>> I WATCHED WITH REGRET AS

THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

VOTED TO DENY OUR TROOPS THE

SUPPORT NECESSARY TO CARRY

OUT THEIR NEW MISSION.

>> ANYONE CAN SAY THEY

SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

AND WE SHOULD TAKE THEM AT

THEIR WORD.

>> IF YOU REALLY WANT TO

SUPPORT THE TROOPS, DON'T

CUT THEIR LEGS OUT FROM

UNDER THEM.

>> WE DO EXPECT THOSE TO SAY

THEY ARE GOING TO SUPPORT

THE TROOPS TO SUPPORT THEM.

>> WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH

THE POLICIES OR NOT YOU

SHOULD BE SUPPORTING THE

TROOPS IN THE FIELD.

>> AND I ASK YOU TO SUPPORT

OUR TROOPS IN THE FIELD AND

THOSE ON THEIR WAY.

>> Jon: YES!

WE MUST SUPPORT OUR TROOPS.

BUT NOT NECESSARILY WITH

EQUIPMENT OR STRATEGY OR

AFTER-CARE OR ENDING THEIR

SERVICE WHEN YOU PROMISE, OR

HAVING OUR COUNTRY

CONTRIBUTE IN ANY WAY OTHER

THAN SHOP AND NOT QUESTION

US.

NO.

THERE ARE OTHER BETTER WAYS

TO SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: LIKE YOUR FLAG PINS,

YOUR FLAG PIN HATS, YOUR CAR

MAGNETS.

BY THE WAY, ANYONE WHO HAS

SEEN BUSH'S CABINET KNOWS

THEY TAKE THAT SUPPORT THE

TROOP SENTIMENT VERY

SERIOUSLY.

I BELIEVE THAT IS HIS

CABINET RIGHT THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I WONDER IF THEY ARE

PLANNING A STRATEGY FOR A

VICTORY IN IRAQ.

LET'S LISTEN IN ON THE

MEETING ♪ WE'LL PUT A BOOM

IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ IT'S THE AMERICAN WAY ♪

♪.

>> Jon: NOPE, THAT WAS TOBY

KEITH.

BUT THAT'S COOL TOO.

IT'S ANOTHER KIND OF

SUPPORT.

THERE ACTUALLY IS ANOTHER

WAY TO SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

THERE IS A NEW GI BILL

SPONSORED BY VIRGINIA

SENATOR JIM WEBB.

BASICALLY WITH THIS BILL YOU

SPEND THREE YEARS IN THE

ARMY AND THEY WILL PAY YOUR

TUITION TO THE BEST PUBLIC

COLLEGE YOUR STATE HAS TO

OFFER.

GIVE YOU A STIPEND, HOUSING

STIPEND.

THE OLD GI BILL ONLY

REIMBURSED SOLDIERS FOR THE

AVERAGE INSTATE TUITION

COSTS SO THIS NEW BILL IS

MORE GENEROUS FOR OUR

TROOPS.

WHICH IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

WITH ALL THOSE PEOPLE THAT

WE SHOWED EARLIER SAYING

SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

WHY?

>> AT A TIME WHEN THE UNITED

STATES MILITARY IS FIGHTING

IN TWO WARS, ONE STUDY

ESTIMATES THAT SENATOR

WEBB'S BILL WILL REDUCE

RETENTION RATES BY 16%.

>> Jon: A 16% DROP IN

RETENTION RATES THAT IS

TOUGH TO REPLACE.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, THAT SAME

GI BILL WOULD SOMEHOW

INCREASE RECRUITMENT IN A

WAY THAT MIGHT OFFSET THAT

LOSS.

>> WHICH ACCORDING TO THE

SAME STUDY McCAIN WAS

QUOTING, IT DOES.

BY 16% TO BE PRECISE.

AND IT MY MATH IS CORRECT,

IF YOU SUBTRACT 16% AND THEN

ADD 16%, YOU GET --

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: A 32,000% INCREASE.

WAIT.

I SUCK AT MATH.

HERE'S THE DEAL.

WHERE DID POTENTIAL SOLDIERS

GET THE IDEA THAT THE

MILITARY WAS SOME KIND OF

FAST TRACK TO COLLEGE IN THE

FIRST PLACE.

>> I DID ALL MY RESEARCH AND

I CAN GET MONEY FOR COLLEGE.

>> WITHOUT THE AIR GUARD,

COLLEGE WAS NOT AN OPTION.

>> THE GUARD HELP IMMEDIATE

PAY FOR MY COLLEGE AND MY

BOOKS.

>> THE BILLS I GOT FROM THE

UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI

WERE ZERO.

>> Jon: OH, RIGHT.

COME ON!

NOBODY BELIEVES THOSE ADS.

PEOPLE REALLY SIGN UP FOR

THE MARINES BECAUSE THEY

WANT TO FIGHT FIRE MONSTERS?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> Jon: HELLO?

>> HEY, JON, IT'S ROB RIGGLE.

>> Jon: ROB RIGGLE, A MARINE

AND OUR OWN MILITARY EXPERT.

YOU'RE HOME RIGHT NOW ON

PATTERNITY LEAVE.

HEY, ROB RIGGLE, HOW ARE YOU

DOING.

>> GREAT, JON, GREAT.

JUST CALLED TO TELL YOU I

ACTUALLY DID JOIN THE

MARINES BECAUSE I THOUGHT I

WAS GOING TO FIGHT A FIRE

MONSTER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: YOU REALLY THOUGHT

YOU WERE GOING TO FIGHT A

FIRE MONSTER?

>> I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COULD

SINK THAT [BLEEP] WITH

COMPUTERS.

>> Jon: HOW IS THE NEW BABY?

>> HE'S GOOD.

HE'S GOOD.

JUST DOING MY BEST TO

PROTECT HIM FROM THE FIRE

MONSTERS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I THINK I SEE ONE NOW.

SHOOT MOTHER [BLEEP].

>> Jon: THANK YOU, ROB.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ROB RIGGLE, EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: NOW OF COURSE --

SURPRISED I DIDN'T PUT THAT

ON MUTE.

OF CURES THIS BEING THE

CAMPAIGN SEASON SENATOR

McCAIN HAD SOME CHOICE WORDS

FOR THOSE WHO SUPPORT THIS

MORE GENEROUS GI BILL.

>> WELL, JOHN McCAIN

RESPONDED RATHER HEATEDLY IN

THIS STATEMENT.

QUOTE, I WILL NOT ACCEPT

FROM SENATOR OBAMA WHO DID

NOT FEEL IT WAS HIS

RESPONSIBILITY TO SERVE OUR

COUNTRY IN UNIFORM ANY

LECTURES ON MY REGARD FOR

THOSE WHO DID.

>> Jon: HE'S ABSOLUTELY

RIGHT.

WE SHOULD NOT ALLOW MILITARY

POLICY TO BE SHAPED BY THOSE

WHO HAVE NEVER SEEN COMBAT.

TO DO THAT WOULD BE

OUTRAGEOUS.

IT WOULD BE A HUGE

DISAPPOINTMENT TO ANYBODY

THAT HAS EVER DUG THEMSELVES

ON THE THINGS.

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