Jim Gaffigan

  • Aired:  06/18/13
  •  | Views: 22,641

Jim Gaffigan shares the experience of raising five kids in a two-bedroom New York apartment and reveals the origins of his book, "Dad Is Fat." (5:22)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> John: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, A VERY FUNNY

COMEDIAN WHOSE BEST SELLING BOOK

IS CALLED "DAD IS FAT."

PLEASE WELCOME THE BRILLIANT JIM

GAFFIGAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

SO NICE.

>> John: THANK YOU FOR BEING

HERE.

WE ALL APPRECIATE IT.

>> THANK YOU.

THE.

>> John: THE BOOK "DAD IS FAT."

THAT'S SUBJECTIVE, ISN'T IT?

>> YES.

>> John: WHERE DOES THE TITLE

COME FROM?

>> THE TITLE COMES FROM ANYMY

NOW SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON WHEN HE

WAS FOUR OR FIVE THE FIRST

SENTENCE HE WROTE ON A DRY-ERASE

BOARD WAS "DAD IS FAT."

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

THEN HE SHOWED IT TO ME AND I

PUT HIM UP FOR ADOPTION.

>> John: (LAUGHS)

SO HE THOUGHT FOR FOUR TO FIVE

YEARS, WHAT DO I WANT THIS FIRST

STATEMENT TO BE?

DAD IS FAT.

ALMOST LIKE A POEM IN A WAY.

AND THEN --

>> HE KNEW THAT I WOULD LAUGH

AND HE -- WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE

THE FIRST TIME HE HAD CALLED ME

FAT.

IT WAS LIKE A DAILY OCCURRENCE.

>> IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE

FORMALIZED IN THE WRITING.

>> HE WORKED ON IT.

>> John: SO LET'S CRUNCH THE

NUMBERS.

FIVE CHILDREN --

>> DO I HAVE FIVE?

JOHN I DON'T KNOW YUP.

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> John: YET YOU LIVE IN A TWO

BEDROOM APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.

THOSE NUMBERS DON'T SEEM TO

MATCH UP.

>> NO, THEY DON'T.

BUT IT'S NOT AS IF WE'RE TRYING

TO PROVE SOMETHING.

IT'S NOT LIKE "WE'RE GOING TO

RAISE OUR KIDS IN A BOX."

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S JUST CIRCUMSTANCES -- YOU

KNOW, MY WIFE GETS PREGNANT

LOOKING AT BABIES SO SHE IS -- I

DON'T EVEN LET HER HOLD AVOCADOS

JOHN.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT YOU CAN'T -- OVER THE PAST

COUPLE YEARS YOU CAN'T REALLY

TURN TO SOMEONE WHO'S SEVEN

MONTHS PREGNANT AND BE LIKE "HEY

LET'S PACK UP AND MOVE."

SO WE'VE BEEN WAITING AND

EVENTUALLY WE'LL MOVE.

OR WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER KID.

I DON'T KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> John: FIVE CHILDREN, YOU ARE

THE DEFINITION OF A COMMITTED

CATHOLIC.

>> I HAVE ONE MORE AND I COULD

BE A REPUBLICAN NOMINEE.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> John: ONE MORE AND YOU GET AN

OFFICIAL MEDAL FROM THE VATICAN.

>> HEY, THE POPE GAVE ME THESE

SHOES.

>> John: THEY ARE PRETTY FLY FOR

A WHITE GUY.

>> I'M CATHOLIC BABY WIFE IS

VERY CATHOLIC, SHE'S A SHIITE

CATHOLIC.

SO THERE IS NO GOALIE.

>> John: THE NUMBERS BACK THAT

UP.

JIM, SOUR FUNNY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> John: YOU ARE MY WIFE'S

FAVORITE COMEDIAN, INCLUDING ME.

(LAUGHTER)

SHE EMCEED -- REMEMBER WE DID

THAT CHARITY GIG WITH BOB SAGET?

SHE'D NEVER SEEN YOU LIVE BEFORE

AND YOU WERE DOING THE SUBWAY

BIT AND I COULD HEAR LAUGHS

COMING OUT OF HER I'D NEVER

HEARD BEFORE AND SHE WAS

LITERALLY CRYING AND SHE TURNED

ME-TO-ME AND SAID "WHY CAN'T YOU

DO THAT?"

(LAUGHTER)

THAT IS VERY FLATTERING.

WELL YOUR WIFE IS VERY

BEAUTIFUL.

WE BOTH -- OH, WE'RE OUT OF OUR

LEAGUE SO --.

>> John: I THINK BIOLOGICALLY WE

CAN BOTH OBJECTIVELY SAY WE

TRADED WAY UP.

>> BECAUSE MY WIFE -- WHENEVER

I'M WITH MY WIFE AND PEOPLE FIND

OUT SHE'S MY WIFE THERE'S

USUALLY AN AUDIBLE "WOW."

WHICH I SUPPOSE IS FLATTERING

BUT IT HURTS MY FEELINGS.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M NOT A CAVEMAN.

(LAUGHTER)

NOT ALL CAVEMAN.

>> John: THIS IS SO FUNNY.

I LAUGHED OUTLOUD IN THIS BOOK.

AND THERE'S A CANON OF COMEDIANS

WRITING BOOKS ABOUT CHILDREN AND

FATHER HOOD.

ONE OF THE FIRST BOOKS I EVER

WROTE -- SFWLO READ WAS BILL

COSBY "FATHER HOOD" AND THIS IS

PAGE FOR PAGE LAUGH OUT LOUD

POUND FOR POUND YOU GO TOE TO

TOE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE

COMPARISONS I CAN DO.

TOE TO TOE WITH COSBY.

>> WELL, THAT'S VERY FLATTERING

BECAUSE COSBY IS THE MAN AND

THAT BOOK INSPIRED THIS I WROTE

THIS WITH MY WIFE.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BOOBLG DO A

BOOK THAT WAS "I HATE MY KIDS"

AND I DIDN'T WANT TO DO A BOOK

THAT WAS LIKE "I WORSHIP MY KIDS

AND JESUS."

I WANTED IT TO BE FUNNY.

>> John: IT'S A PERFECT BOOK

ABOUT CHILDREN BECAUSE THERE'S A

LOT OF LOVE AND A LOT OF

CONTEMPT.

IN THAT CONTEMPT IT'S ALMOST THE

GREATEST LOVE.

>> I THINK YOU HAVE TO --

THERE'S A GALLOWS HUMOR.

WHEN YOU'RE HANDED A BABY IT'S

HARD.

IF YOU'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT

PARENTING, THAT MEANS YOU'RE

INVOLVED.

JOHN, I WENT TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY

THREE WEEKS AGO FOR MY DAUGHTER,

HER FRIEND, AT 8:00 A.M. ON A

SATURDAY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> John: WHAT?

>> AND I WAS LIKE WHO'S RUNNING

THIS PARTY?

THE TALIBAN?

(LAUGHTER)

WHO HAS A BIRTHDAY PARTY AT 9:00

A.M.?

BUT IF YOU HAVE KIDS YOU'RE

COMPLAINING!

I MEAN THERE'S A CERTAIN GALAXY

LIKE DON'T THROW THE BABY OUT

WITH THE BATH WATER.

THAT PHRASE CAME FROM SOMEONE

WHO THOUGHT ABOUT THROWING OUT

THE BABY.

IT'S A LOT OF WORK!

>> John: IT'S FANTASTIC.

"DAD IS FAT."

IT'S BRILLIANT.

JIM GAFFIGAN.

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