God's Priorities

  • Aired:  11/26/12
  •  | Views: 84,402

There's a reason God is too busy to help out with famine and global warming. (4:27)

>> WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

NOW-- AS WE'VE SEEN, THE RECENT FIGHTING IN THE MIDDLE EAST HAS THREATENED THE PEACE THAT HAD BRIEFLY

INTERRUPTED THE PREVIOUS FIGHTING IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

RAISING THE QUESTION OF WHY THE REGION'S TRUE RULE CERTIFICATE LETING THIS GO ON.

AND SO GOD, IF YOU WOULD, MEET ME AT CAMERA 3.

(LAUGHTER) DUDE, YOU SHOW -- SHOWED UP, IT'S SO CRAZ OOECHLT I MEAN I KNOW YOU'RE EVERYWHERE.

CAMERA 1?

CAMERA 4.

CAMERA 3.

DUDE, YOU'RE TOTALLY EVERYWHERE.

I THOUGHT WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN ALL GLITTERY SUNBEAMS AND MIST AND STUFF, DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

(LAUGHTER) NOW THAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY HERE I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY, HOW TO BEGIN.

THANK YOU FOR THE MOON?

(LAUGHTER) AND CERTAIN KINDS OF FISH, THE WHITE FLAKEY KIND.

THE OTHER KIND, HONESTLY I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU HOW YOU DO YOUR BUSINESS, IT'S A

LITTLE FISHY.

AIR PURIFIERS ARE NEAT.

I'M SORRY THAT I DON'T PRAY THAT MUCH.

AND I SHOULD PROBABLY CONFESS.

I USED TO MASTURBATE TO THE COVER OF ANN MARGARET COVERS.

(LAUGHTER) OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN ALBUM COVERS, CAPTAIN AND TENILLE ALBUM.

MOSTLY TO TENILLE ALTHOUGH CAPTAIN HAD HIS MOMENTS.

(LAUGHTER) ACTUALLY, IF WE'RE GOING TO DOT MASTURBATION THING WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE AWHILE.

LET'S JUST SAY ALPHABETICALLY EVERYONE FROM ABBA TO VICKI VET.

ZSA ZSA GABOR, OKAY, ONCE, BUT THERE ISN'T ABOUT ME.

IT'S ABOUT YOU.

AND YOUR HOME, YOUR HOLY LAND.

YOU KNOW THERE IS A HUGE FIGHT GOING ON THERE.

THE ONE SIDE SAYS WE SHOULD WORSHIP YOU ON FRIDAY.

THE OTHER SAYS SATURDAY.

AND A FEW OTHER PEOPLE, NOT THAT MANY IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA SAY SUNDAY.

I MEAN IT'S THE KIND OF INSOLVINGABLE DISPUTE THAT CAN'T HELP BUT DESCEND INTO THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF BLOODSHED.

YOU KNOW I'M A PEACEMAKER, I CELEBRATE FREAK END, YOU NO WHAT I MEAN?

FRIDAY, SATURDAY-- SUN-- I GUESS IT.

LOOK, I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

ALTHOUGH OBVIOUSLY YOU COULD EASILY.

AND IT SEEMS A LITTLE STRANGE THAT YOU HAVEN'T.

BUT I KNOW, LIKE BONO SAYS, MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

I GET THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO INTERVENE IN EVERY EARTHLY DISASTER, THE EARTHQUAKE,

THE FISCAL CLIFF, BUT THERE IS YOUR HOUSE, WHATTIVE VERSION OF YOU IS THE CORRECT ONE, THEY ARE

[BLEEP] UP YOUR [BLEEP].

I DON'T THINK ANYONE DOING THE FIGHTING REALIZES THAT.

HAMAS SHOOTING ROCKETS AT TEL AVIV THAT IS YOUR TV ROOM BLOWN TO PIECE.

ISRAEL REBOMBS GAZA, THERE GOES YOUR BREAKFAST NOOK.

SOUTH LEBANON WANTS TO GET IN ON THE ACTION SO, MUCH FOR THE SUN PORCH YOU JUST FINISHED.

AND IT WAS GOING TO BE SO NICE AND YOU KNOW THERE HASN'T BEEN A GOOD CARPENTER IN THIS AREA

SINCE-- OH-- OH-- UH-- BUT SERIOUSLY, MAN, FIX THIS, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

DISEASE, FAMINE, GLOBAL WARMING WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHY WON'T YOU HELP US!

>> AFTER 12 UNDEFEATED GAMES NOTRE DAME IS GOING TO THEIR FIRST TITLE GAME SINCE 1988.

(APPLAUSE) OKAY, THAT WAS WORTH IT I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

BUT AFTER THE BCS DROP BY THE MID REISS, THEY COULD USE A LITTLE PICK ME UP.

RUDY!

RUDY!

YAWWAY, YAHWEH.

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