Democalypse 2014 - The Race to Continued Incumbency

  • Aired:  05/21/14
  •  | Views: 93,595

Mitch McConnell defeats the Tea Party in the Kentucky primary elections. (4:35)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW"! MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OH WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOUTHIS EVENING. MY GUEST TONIGHT,

FORMER SECRETARY OF TREASURY TIMGEITHNER, WILL BE HERE,

AUTHOR OF THE NOVEL, WELL BOOK,"STRESS TEST."

I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHATIT'S ABOUT.

(LAUGHTER)OFF THE TOP, AN APOLOGY.

LAST NIGHT, I MAY HAVEINADVERTENTLY MADE SOME

DEROGATORY REMARKS TOWARDSPHILLIES MANAGER RYNE SANDBERG

AND THE ENTIRE CITY OFPHILADELPHIA. AND WHILE A CITY

THAT FAMOUSLY BOOED AND THREWSNOWBALLS AT SANTA CLAUSE

MAY DESERVE SOME SHADE, IHURT SOME PEOPLE THAT I CARE

ABOUT VERY MUCH, INCLUDING, ONE,PHILIP E. PHANATIC.

PHILLY THEY CALL HIM.

NOW OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NO NEED TOREHASH WHO CALLED WHO

"A (BLEEP) UP JIM HENSONREJECT LOOKING PIECE OF

(BLEEP)."

THE POINT IS, IT WAS SAID.

MOST LIKELY BY THE ONE OF US WHODOESN'T HAVE A BLOW TICKLER IN

PLACE OF A FUNCTIONING LARYNX.

HOWEVER, AFTER OUR TAPING, IREALIZED THAT "MY" PREFERRED

BASEBALL CLUB, THE NEW YORKMETROPOLITANS HAS A MASCOT

ALSO INHABITS THE NETHERWORLDTWIXT HUMAN AND ANIMAL.

HE HAS A GIANT BASEBALL INSTEADOF A HEAD.

WHY AN INDIVIDUAL WITH THATCONDITION WOULD TAKE A

JOB IN A PLACE WHERE HE ISSURROUNDED ALL DAY

BY BATS, SEEMS LIKE A RECIPE FORTROUBLE.

THE POINT IS, I'M APOLOGIZE IF IOFFENDED MR. PHANATIC.

I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT YOUR LIFEHAS BEEN SINCE THAT SEX TAPE

CAME OUT.

SERIOUSLY, WAS THAT THE CARDINALMASCOT IN THE CORNER

PLEASURING HIMSELF. I DON'TKNOW HOW THAT GUY GOT IN THERE.

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, WETURN TO THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS

AND OUR CONTINUING COVERAGE OF"DEMOCALYPSE 2014:

THE RACE TO CONTINUEDINCUMBENCY."

YESTERDAY SAW PRIMARY VOTES INSIX STATES.

BUT NOT YOUR USUAL, BORINGPRIMARIES.

THIS TIME, THE FUTURE OF THEREPUBLICAN PARTY WAS ON THE

LINE.

>> IS THE TEA PARTY OVER?

ACROSS THE NATION,ESTABLISHMENT REPUBLICANS

SEEMINGLY TAMED THE TEA PARTY.

>> THE ESTABLISHMENT WON LASTNIGHT.

>> THE TEA PARTY REPUBLICANSTHEY GOT SPANKED. SHELLACKED.

>> PURPLE NURPLED! SWIRLIED.THROUGHOUT THE NATION TEA PARTY

TITTIES WERE TWISTED. FORPROOF THE TEA PARTY IS

FINISHED, LOOK TOFURTHER THAN KENTUCKY.

>> MCCONNELL WAS THE NUMBER ONEREPUBLICAN TARGET FOR TEA PARTY

>> MCCONNELL WAS THE NUMBER ONEREPUBLICAN TARGET FOR TEA PARTY

GROUPS AROUND THECOUNTRY. AND HE EASILY

BEAT BACK MATT BEVIN, A SELFSTYLED TEA PARTIER.

>> Jon: I BELIEVE WE HAVESOME FOOTAGE FROM THAT

RACE!

>> BUT I JUST LEFT YOU! HOW DIDYOU GET UP HERE ANYWAY?

>> OH, UH, JUST RUNNIN'.

>> AND ALSO I GOT A MILLIONDOLLARS FROM THE CHAMBER OF

COMMERCE, SO THAT HELPED.

AH YUP.

>> MITCH MCCONNELL, THE ULTIMATEMAINSTREAM ESTABLISHMENT

REPUBLICAN, HANDILY DEFEATINGTHE TEA PARTY EXTREMISTS. ONCE

MORE KEEPING OUR GOVERNMENT OUTOF THE HANDS OF CRAZIES WHO SAY

THINGS LIKE PRESIDENT OBAMA IS"DESTROYING THE CONSTITUTION."

>> THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITEDSTATES IS TREATING OUR

CONSTITUTION WORSE THAN APLACEMAT AT DENNY'S.

>> OR THOSE INSANE PEOPLE WHOSAY WE HAVE TO REPEAL OBAMA

CARE!

>> IF I HAD MY WAY ABOUT IT, WEWOULD REPEAL OBAMACARE.

>> OR JUST THE GENERAL TEAPARTY, OBSTRUCTIONIST, PISTOL

WAVING ALARMIST RHETORIC!

>> GOVERNMENT SPENDING ISCOMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUT OFCONTROL.

>> THIS IS RUNAWAY GOVERNMENT ATITS WORST.

>> OBAMACARE IS THEWORST LEGISLATION PASSED IN THE

LAST HALF CENTURY.

DENY OBAMA A SECOND TERM.

STOP THIS TRAIN WRECK.

(APPLAUSE)>> Jon: SO, YEAH, TAKE THAT

TEA PARTY!

DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE TEA PARTYIS SO MUCH LOST AS FOUND A NEW

HOST!

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