The NeverTrending Story

  • Aired:  05/12/11
  •  | Views: 184,543

Newt Gingrich launches his state-of-the-art presidential campaign in a Sears photo studio with Casio accompaniment. (6:00)

AS THEY ( BLEEP ) CAN TO THEIR

CAR.

( LAUGHTER )

THE LARGER PROBLEM FOR FOX AND

THEIR PROTEGES-- AND BY PROTEGES

I MEAN REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES FOR

PRESIDENT-- IS HOW DO YOU

COMPETE WITH A COMMANDENER CHIEF

WHO HAS CAPTIVATED AND QUITE

FRANKLY, HYPNOTIZED YOUNG PEOPLE

WITH THE DEFT USE OF THE

LANGUAGE OF THE YOUNG-- YOU KNOW

FREE-VERSE POETRY?

ONE CONTENDER MAY HAVE THE

ANSWER.

>> A SIGN OF THE TIMES WHEN NEWT

GINGRICH OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED

TODAY THAT HE IS RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT.

HE DID IT ON TWITTER, THIS WILL

BE THE FIRST MAJOR PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATE EVER TO ANNOUNCE HIS

RUNNING VIA A TWEET.

>> Jon: OMAN.

HE ANNOUNCED ON TWITTER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, WAS TUMBLR

DOWN?

WAS VIMEO 4 CHANNELS... THAT IS

SOME pets.com...

( LAUGHTER )

I DON'T UNDERSTAND MY COMPUTER.

( LAUGHTER )

SO LET'S SEE GINGRICH'S HISTORIC

TWEET.

TODAY I'M ANNOUNCING MY

CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES.

YOU CAN WATCH MY ANNOUNCEMENT

HERE H-T-T-P, COLON, BACKSLASH,

BACKSLASH, BIT, DOT, L-Y,

BACKSLASH, LOWERCASE "K," BIT

"E," LITTLE "B," LITTLE H-7-D.

( LAUGHTER )

WAIT A MINUTE, HIS TWITTER

ANNOUNCEMENT IS JUST A TLOINK A

YOUTUBE VIDEO?

WHERE DOES THAT GO, TO A GROUPON

DISCOUNT ON GINGRICH BUMMER

STICKERS?

ACTUALLY, THAT'S A PRETTY

HIGH-TECH WAY TO ROLL OUT YOUR

FIRST CAMPAIGN AD.

I HOPE THE YOUTUBE ANNOUNCEMENT

ITSELF MEASURES UP.

>> I'M NEWT GINGRICH, AND I'M

ANNOUNCING MY CANDIDACY FOR

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

BECAUSE I BELIEVE WE CAN RETURN

AMERICA TO HOPE AND OPPORTUNITY,

TO FULL EMPLOYMENT, TO REAL

SECURITY, TO AN AMERICAN ENERGY

PROGRAM, TO A BALANCED BUDGET.

>> Jon: BACK UP 3

( LAUGHTER )

SO WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD

IDEA TO DO YOUR STATEMENT OF THE

ART CAMPAIGN COMPUTER LAUNCH IN

A SEARS PHOTO STUDIO BOOTH?

( LAUGHTER )

WITH A CASIO ACCOMPANIMENT.

THAT'S NOT MUSIC TO LAUNCH A HIP

PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.

THAT'S THE MUSIC FOR A

MOTHER-DAUGHTER WALK ON THE

BEACH IN A MASSENGIL AD.

STILL, GINGRICH ANNOUNCING ON

TWITTER AND YOUTUBE INSTEAD OF

ON TELEVISION AND A NEWSPAPER

IT'S AS THOUGH NEWT HAS

ABANDONED OLD MEDIA WHILE IT WAS

SICK OR POSSIBLY DYING TO TAKE

UP WITH NEWER, YOUNGER, MORE

( BLEEP ) MEDIA.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

I-- I'M A LITTLE BAFFLED AS TO

WHY HE'S DOING IT.

>> TO DEMONSTRATE THAT HE IS THE

CANDIDATE OF THE 21st CENTURY.

>> SMART MOVE.

HE'S TRYING TO SHOW EVEN THESE

OLDER GUYS ARE YOUNG AND HIP AND

USING FACEBOOK AND TWITTER.

>> IS NEWT GINGRICH A PAST

GENERATION GUY OR CAN HE HOOK UP

WITH THE NEW GENERATION?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

SGLON YOU KNOW HOOK-UP MEANS

( BLEEP ), RIGHT?

YOU KNOW THAT.

THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS?

( APPLAUSE )

LOOK, NEWT-- AND I SAY THIS WITH

ALL DUE RESPECT, NEWT, AND I

HATE TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BUT

THIS WHOLE TWITTER, YOUTUBE

THING IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR

YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT COOL.

( LAUGHTER )

YOU'RE UNCOOL.

LET ME PUT IT TH IN LINGO YOU

MIGHT UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE WHAT MIGHT BE KNOWN TO

YOUR GENERATION AS A SQUARE.

( LAUGHTER )

LOOK AT YOU.

PHYSICALLY.

YOU RESEMBLE A SQUARE.

YOU PHYSICALLY-- LOOK AT YOUR

HEAD.

YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE THE BOX A

SLIGHTLY SMALLER SQUARE HEAD

WOULD COME IN.

( LAUGHTER )

WHICH IS FINE, BUT EMBRACE WHO

YOU ARE.

YOU'RE A SMARTIE-PANTS POLICY

WONK GUY.

YOU SHOULD ANNOUNCE THROUGH

THROUGH A MEDIA FORM WITH A

LIMITED AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS

LIKE TWITTER.

DO IT THROUGH A SUDUKEO PUZZLE

WHICHES IS AWE KNOW, IS A LARGE

SQUARE MADE UP OF A SERIES OF

SMALLER ONES.

LET'S FACE IT, NEWT, IF YOU WERE

A SUPERHERO YOUR POWER WOULD BE

THE ABILITY TO TURN THINGS

BEIGE.

( LAUGHTER )

AND YOUR THEME SONG WOULD BE--

YOU WOULD NOT HAVE A THEME SONG.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

AND YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR

POWERS WHEN YOU WERE BITTEN BY A

RADIOACTIVE UNSALTED SALTINE.

( LAUGHTER )

THIS TWITTER THING WILL NOT MAKE

YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

IT WILL JUST MAKE YOUNG PEOPLE

THINK YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD

LIKE WHEN THE ABC NEWS PROGRAM

"20/20" DECIDED TO APPEAL TO A

YOUNGER DEMGRAPHIC, SO THEY

CREATED "20/20 DOWNTOWN" WHICH

THE THE SAME ( BLEEP ) SHOW.

EXCEPT INSTEAD OF JOHN QUINONES

HOSTING INSIDE A STUDIO, THEY

MADE HIM STAND OUTSIDE IN A

BROWN LEATHER JACKET.

( LAUGHTER )

SO, NEWT, YOU CAN PUT ON A

TURTLENECK AND A LEATHER JACKET,

AND GIVE YOURSELF A BEIBER, BUT

NO MATTER HOW CLEVER-- NO HOW

CLEVER YOUR HASH TAGS,, THIS IS

HOW THE NEW GENERATION WILL

ALWAYS SEE YOU.

>> EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE ALLERGIES.

( LAUGHTER )

SGLON EXTREME ALLERGIES!

NEWT, THE NEW GENERATION STILL

ISN'T GOING TO WANT TO HOOK UP

WITH YOU.

THEY SMELL THE PANDER.

THEY RESPECT AUTHENTICITY, SO

GET OFF TWITTER.

GET BACK TO CRUNCHING NUMBERS ON

ELECTORAL DISTRICTS TO FIGURE

OUT WHERE YOU CAN SCARE ENOUGH

TOLD PEOPLE TO GET SBOU THE OVAL

OFFICE, OR, AS I'M SURE IT WILL

BE

Loading...