Mess O'Potamia - 300

  • Aired:  06/23/14
  •  | Views: 229,027

The militant group ISIS quickly gains control of much of Iraq, giving Dick Cheney an opportunity to place blame for the crisis on everyone but himself. (6:27)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, OUR GUESTTONIGHT THE GREAT BILL MAHER.

BILL MAHER WILL BE JOINING US.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]BUT FIRST, WE TURN TO THE MIDDLE

EAST, WHERE A GROUP OF SUNNIISLAMIST MILITANTS HAVE FORMED

A NATION START-UP LOOKING TOGAIN MARKET SHARE IN IRAQ.

THE GROUP IS CALLED ISIS, NOT TOBE CONFUSED WITH THEIR EARLY

'90s INCARNATION, VANILLAISIS.

[LAUGHTER]ANYWAY, THE IRAQI GOVERNMENT HAS

NOW HAD A COUPLE OF WEEKS TORESPOND TO THE REBELS'

INCURSION. WE SHOULD BEGETTING NEWS OF THE

IRAQI GOVERNMENT'S TRIUMPHRIGHT ABOUT NOW.

>> ISIS MILITANTS CONTROL THEBORDER AREA WITH SYRIA, THE

BORDER AREA WITH JORDAN ANDPRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING IN

BETWEEN.

>> Jon: RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

[LAUGHTER]WAIT!

DID YOU JUST BLOW PASTEVERYTHING IN BETWEEN?

DID YOU JUST YADDA, YADDA THEINVASION?

YEAH, ISIS CAME IN FROM SYRIA,STARTED SWEEPING EAST, YADDA,

YADDA, YADDA, THE U.N. NOWRECOGNIZES THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC

OF ISIS.

LOOK, ISIS RUNNING AN ENTIRECOUNTRY, IT SEEMS LIKE FUN,

GUYS, BUT I THINK YOU'RE GOINGTO LEARN, RUNNING A

COUNTRY IS NOT ASEASY AS IT SOUNDS.

>> ISIS MILITANTS TRYING TO TAKEOVER A HYDRO-ELECTRIC DAM.

>> PROVIDING SOCIAL SERVICESLIKE FIXING POT HOLES AND

INVESTING IN ELECTRICITY.

>> ON THE STREETS OF MOSUL, ISISMILITANTS NOW DIRECT TRAFFIC.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

FIRST OF ALL, MY GUESS IS THATDUDE IS NOT THE TOP JIHADI.

I'M SURE THE LEADER'S LIKE, YOU,GRAB YOUR GROUP, YOU'RE GONNA

MOVE DOWN TOWARDS BAGHDAD.

YOU, SEIZE THE REFINERIES.

JIMMY, MAKE SURE NO ONE BLOCKSTHE BOX.

AS YOU KNOW, FOR QUITE A FEWYEARS THE FLOW OF IRAQI TRAFFIC

WAS OUR JOB.

AND IF YOU THINK WE'RE JUSTGOING TO SIT HERE AND LET

ISLAMIST RADICALS RECALIBRATETHE "WALK", "DON'T WALK" SIGNS,WELL,

LISTEN UP, MISTER, YOU GOTANOTHER THING COMING.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SENDING ASMALL GROUP OF AMERICAN FORCES

INTO IRAQ, UP TO 275 TROOPS.

>> Jon: 275 TROOPS...

[LAUGHTER]NOW, THERE IS AN EFFECTIVE

NUMBER OF TROOPS TO FIGHT ANINVADING FORCE IN THAT PART OF

THE WORLD, BUT IT AIN'T 275.

[LAUGHTER]>> PRESIDENT OBAMA PLANS TO SEND

300 U.S. MILITARY ADVISERS TOIRAQ.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'MTALKING ABOUT.

300 IS THE EXACT NUMBER OFTROOPS.

NOT ONE LESS.

NOT ONE MORE.

299 YOU LEAVE A GAP.

301 THEY'RE TRIPPING OVER EACHOTHER'S ABS.

300!

WE HAVE ARRIVED.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]SO AMERICA ONCE AGAIN BEING

DRAWN INTO THE INSTABILITY OFTHAT REGION, WHICH MEANS IT'S

ONLY MATTER OF TIME BEFORE --[DARTH VADER THEME MUSIC

PLAYING]THERE HE IS, AMERICA'S TRAGEDY

HERPE, DICK CHENEY.

ALL RIGHT.

DICK CHENEY, TELL US HOW WE'VEDONE EVERYTHING WRONG SINCE YOU

LEFT OFFICE, AND IF YOU WOULD,DO IT FROM IN FRONT OF A SEARS

PORTRAIT STUDIO BACK DROP WHILSTYOUR SITH APPRENTICE STANDS IN

AN EERIE SILENT VIGIL.

GO.

>> THE POLICIES OF THE LAST SIXYEARS HAVE LEFT AMERICA

DIMINISHED AND WEAKENED.

IRAN IS MARCHING TOWARD ANUCLEAR WEAPON.

AL QAEDA IS RESURGENT,ESTABLISHING NEW SAFE HAVENS

ACROSS THE MIDDLE EAST,INCLUDING IN IRAQ, WHERE

PRESIDENT OBAMA WITHDREW ALLAMERICAN FORCES WITH NO

STAY-BEHIND AGREEMENT.

>> Jon: MY POINT IS, IF YOUSEND FEDERAL REVENUERS UP HERE,

WE WILL DEFEND OUR LAND.

[LAUGHTER]ISN'T THAT RIGHT, SILENT JOE?

[LAUGHTER]YOU KNOW WHAT, HERE'S WHAT'S

UPSETTING ABOUT THIS GUY.

[BLEEP] GUY ACTS LIKE WE WERE 20SECONDS AWAY FROM TOTAL VICTORY

IN IRAQ WHEN OBAMA JUST GIVES ITAWAY AT MID-FIELD AND THEN OSAMA

BIN LADEN CROSSES IT AND ISISHEADS IT HOME.

GOD, HOW DID WE BLOW THAT GAME?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]BY THE WAY, MR. CHENEY THERE,

WHO WAS IT THAT NEGOTIATEDWITHDRAWAL OF AMERICAN FORCES

WITH NO STAY-BEHIND AGREEMENTAND, IN FACT, BRAGGED ABOUT IT

IN 2009.

>> WE'VE NOW ENTERED INTO ASTRATEGIC FRAMEWORK AGREEMENT

WITH THE IRAQIS THAT CALLS FORULTIMATELY THE U.S. COMPLETION

OF THE ASSIGNMENT AND WITHDRAWALOF OUR FORCES FROM IRAQ, ALL OF

THOSE THINGS I THINK BYANYBODY'S STANDARD WOULD BE --

EXCUSE ME.

EVIDENCE OF SIGNIFICANT SUCCESS.

>> Jon: "SIGNIFICANT SUCCESSUNLESS SOME OTHER GUY...

[CLEARING THROAT]UNLESS SOME OTHER GUY COMES IN,

ABIDES BY THE AGREEMENT THATBUSH AND I [CLEARING THROAT]

NEGOTIATED.

IF SOMEONE DID THAT IT WOULD BETANTAMOUNT TO AMERICA ROLLING

OVER ON ITS BACK, SHOWING ITSBELLY AND THEN ARE YOU URINATING

ON ITSELF. [CLEARING THROAT]

HAS AMERICA FINALLY TIREDOF DICK CHENEY'S

DISINGENUOUS BLAMEGAME? PERHAPS THIS VISIT TO

AMERICA'S NEWS CHANNEL WOULDPROVIDE THE ANSWER.

>> TIME AND TIME AGAIN HISTORYHAS PROVEN THAT YOU GOT IT WRONG

AS WELL, IN IRAQ, SIR. YOU SAIDTHERE WAS NO DOUBT

SADDAM HUSSEIN HAD WEAPONS OFMASS DESTRUCTION.

YOU SAID WE WOULD BE GREETED ASLIBERATORS.

YOU SAID THE IRAQ INSURGENCY WASIN THE LAST THROES BACK IN 2005.

WITH ALMOST A TRILLIONDOLLARS SPENT THERE,

WITH 4,500 AMERICAN LIVES LOSTTHERE, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO

THOSE WHO SAY YOU WERE SO WRONGABOUT SO MUCH AT THE EXPENSE OF

SO MANY?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: NO, I GUESS, WAIT...PRETTY GOOD.

I GUESS NOW DICK CHENEY KNOWSWHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN HE

SOMEONE HE THOUGHT WAS A FRIENDSHOOTS YOU IN THE FACE.

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