Indecision 2010 - Primary Proxy Battle Theme

  • Aired:  08/12/10
  •  | Views: 142,084

Sarah Palin loses a proxy battle in Georgia, and Linda McMahon overcomes footage from her entire adult professional career. (6:10)

COMEDY CENTRAL

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART,

TONIGHT'S GUEST, THE BAND

ARCADE FIRE.

A CANADIAN BAND FROM

MONTREAL.

SO BELIEVE ME, WE WILL BE

WATCHING THEM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: DROPPING ANY OF THEM

ANCHOR BABIES, BELIEVE ME.

COME HERE FROM CANADA, DROP

AN ANCHOR BABY, OH, I GUESS

WE HAVE TO STAY NOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT WAS ODD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT WAS A SQUEAL

FROM AN ANCHOR BABIES.

TONIGHT WE BEGIN WITH AN

INDECISION 2010 UPDATE AND

RESULTS FROM TUESDAY NIGHT'S

EXCITING PRIMARY.

SO EXCITED WE NEEDED A DAY

TO COOL DOWN SO WE COULD

REPORT IT DISPASSIONATELY.

SO PRIMARIES IN CONNECTICUT,

COLORADO AND GEORGIA.

THE SMART STATES, THE PRETTY

STATE AND GEORGIA.

WHAT NARRATIVE WOULD EMERGE.

AS YOU KNOW THE LAST FEW

PRIMARYS HAD VERY CLEAR

THEMES.

A LOT OF FIRE FROM ANGRY

VOTERS COULD BE SHUTTING

DOWN A NUMBER OF INCUMBENTS.

>> ANGRY VOTERS AND

FRUSTRATED VOTERS.

>> ANGRY VOTERS.

>> WOMEN WIN BIG.

>> YOU MIGHT SAY IT WAS

LADY'S NIGHT.

>> THE ANTI-INCUMBENT MOVE.

NO OFFICIAL COULD BE

CONSIDERED SAFE.

>> MANY BELIEVE SHE WILL

STRUGGLE TO SURVIVE IT.

>> Jon: OH MY GOD!

THEY'RE GOING TO KILL

BLANCHE LINCOLN.

NOW OF COURSE, IN THOSE

PRIMARIES 98.5% OF INCUMBENTS

WON THEIR PRIMARIES AND 50%,

57% OF THE LADIES NIGHT

PRIMARIES WERE MEN.

JUST BECAUSE THE NARRATIVE

TURNS OUT TO BE UTTER

[BLEEP] DOESN'T MEAN WE

WON'T GET ANOTHER ONE FOR

THIS PRIMARY.

SO WHAT WAS IT THIS TUESDAY

NIGHT.

>> MANY HIGH PROFILE

ENDORSEMENTS ACTUALLY STOLE

THE SPOTLIGHT FROM THE

CANDIDATES THEMSELVES.

>> KAREN HANDEL WAS PACKED

BY SARAH PALIN.

>> FORMER CONGRESSMAN NATHAN

DEAL BACKED BY HUCKABEE AND

GINGRICH.

>> BENEFITS ROAN OF A.

>> OBAMA VERSUS CLINTON IS

THAT WHAT THIS RACE IS

BOILING DOWN TO, I WON'T GO

THERE, I WON'T GO THERE.

>> DON'T GO THERE.

RSVPRATOLFMO.

NAMBLA, DON'T KNOW.

SO THIS MONTH'S PRIMARY IS A

PROXY BATTLE THEME.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK IN

COLORADO, THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN

STATE.

BARACK OBAMA ENDORSED

MICHAEL BENNET, WON THE

SENATE PRIMARY, DEFEATING

BILL CLINTON, ENDORSED

ANDREW ROMANOFF.

DOWN GOES CLINTON.

I HOPE BENNET GAVE ALL DUE

PRAISE TO OBAMA.

>> I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THE

PRIMARY VOTERS IN COLORADO

CARE AT ALL WHO ENDORSED

WHICH CANDIDATE.

>> YOU DON'T THINK THAT THAT

HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?

I MEAN COME ON, THAT'S WHAT

COLORADO WON THE NATIONAL

SCENE.

>> Jon: NOT TO BE PARTICULAR,

BUT I BELIEVE IT MIGHT HAVE

BEEN THE PIKE'S PEAK GOLD

RUSH IN 1861 THAT ORIGINALLY

PUT COLORADO ON THE NATIONAL

SCENE LEADING A MERE 16

YEARS LATER TO THEIR

STATEHOOD RATIFICATION THEN

TRAGICALLY A 50 FOOT WOMAN

TAPPED ONE OF THEIR

MOUNTAINS.

(LAUGHTER)

IN THE ENSUING BEER-VALANCHE

THOUSANDS WERE KILLED.

WHAT HAPPENED IN GORGE

AR -- DORGE GA, KAREN HANDEL

AND NATHAN DEAL.

IN THIS TIME OF

ANTI-INCUMBENT ANGRY PROXY

LADIES NIGHT FERVOUR I THINK

WE KNOW HOW THIS ONE TURNS

OUT.

>> FORMER CONGRESSMAN NATHAN

DEAL DEFEATED FORMER GEORGIA

SECRETARY OF STATE KAREN

HANDEL.

[BLEEP].

>> Jon: I GUESS HANDEL'S

MESSIAH TURNED OUT TO BE A

DEAL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH

THE HANDEL... I'VE GOT

NOTHING ON THIS ONE.

HOW DID SARAH PALIN LOSE A

PROXY WAR.

SHE IS A GRIZZLY BEAR!

WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN GEORGIA

THAT CAN KICK A GRAZLY'S

BEAR'S ASS.

>> IN THE FIRST CAMPAIGN

KAREN HANDEL SUPPORTED GAY

PARTNER BENEFITS AND GAY

ADOPTION.

>> Jon: OH, THE GAY MONSTER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT IS WHAT BEATS

THE GRIDSLY BEAR.

NOW WHAT ABOUT THE

CONNECTICUT REPUBLICAN

SENATORIAL PRIMARY WHERE THE

PROXY WAR WAS BETWEEN THE

FREE MARKET REPRESENTED BY

PETER SCHIFF AND BEYOND

THUNDER DOME REPRESENTED BY

FORMER WORLD WRESTLING

ENTERTAINMENT C.E.O. LINDA

McMAHON.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BY THE WAY, HOW DOES

A LADY CHUGGING A BEER AND

GETTING IN A BEAT DOWN WITH

STEVE AUSTEN NOT GET A SARAH

PALIN MAMA GRIZZLY

DESIGNATIONMENT WHAT DOES A

LADY GOT TO DO, KILL A MAN

WITH A SPORK.

COME ON.

THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING

ABOUT McMAHON'S WIN WAS HER

ABILITY TO OVERCOME FOOTAGE

FROM HER ENTIRE LIBERAL

ADULT CAREER.

>> LINDA MAMA HON HAS KICKED

REPUBLICANS FOR YEARS.

>> THE GROUP CALLED MOTHERS

OPPOSING McMAHON WOULD MAKE

A NONWRESTLING FAN OF ANY

PARTY CRINGE.

>> THE ONE THAT STRUCK ME

WAS YOUR DAUGHTER ENTERING

THE RING AS THE CROWD CHANTS

SLUT, SLUT, SLUT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: OH, THAT OLD

QUESTION.

WAIT A MINUTE, THEY TOOK

THAT FROM OUR SHOW.

SENATOR HARRY REID, SENATOR.

>> SLUT, SLUT, SLUT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: TO BE FAIR, TO BE

FAIR TO OUR AUDIENCE HARRY

REID WILL [BLEEP] TO MOVE.

LINDA MAMA HON WASN'T

ENDORSED BY OBAMA, CLINTON

OR PALIN.

SHE IS BREAKING THE SEEM.

I NEED A SEAM OR I CAN'T

FOLLOW THIS CRAP.

I HAVE TO BE HONESTMENT I'M

FREQUENT FREAKING OUT.

CHUCK DODD, I GAVE YOU A

BEARD.

>> THE ONE THING WE LEARNED

IS THAT THE CANDIDATES THAT

GOT THE MOST VOTES WON THEIR

PRIMARIES LAST NIGHT THAT

WAS TRUE.

MY POINT IS THAT THAT IS

LIKE THERE WAS NO, THAT IS

BASICALLY THERE WAS NO BIG

THEME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHY DO WE KEEP

PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU

PEOPLE!

WHY DO I ALWAYS, ALWAYS FALL

FOR IT.

I LEAN IN, WHAT DO I GET

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