Rise of the Planet of the AAs

  • Aired:  08/08/11
  •  | Views: 163,583

The U.S. gets downgraded, so financial institutions are flushing their money out of stocks like s**t from a caffeinated goose. (8:23)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST MARK ADAMS WILL BE

HERE.

A NEW BOOK ON MACHU PICCHU.

AWFULLY A LOT OF FUN TO SAY.

MACHU PICCHU.

WE BEGIN TONIGHT WITH A MORE

MODERN CIVILIZATION AND ITS

MYSTERIOUS DECLINE.

>> STANDARD AND POORS ONE OF

THE AGENCY'S, HAS DROPPED THE

U.S. FROM A TRIPLE-A RATING

DOWN TO A DOUBLE-A-PLUS

RATING.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN FROM TRIPLE-A TO DOUBLE-A

-PLUS DOESN'T SOUND THAT BAD.

IF YOU WERE GOING TO RENT THE

TRIPLE-X MOVIE YOU GOT HOME

AND FOUND OUT THAT THE MOVIE

WAS JUST DOUBLE-X-PLUS, ARE

YOU GOING TO WORRY THAT THERE

WAS NOT QUITE ENOUGH (BEEP)

AND SUCKING TO FILL UP THE

APPROXIMATELY FOUR MINUTES

YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH IT?

I MEAN, SIX MINUTES.

LADIES?

AND BY THE WAY, THE RATINGS

AGENCY IS STANDARD AND POORS.

WHO IS GOING TO LISTEN TO A

COMPANY WHOSE NAME TRANSLATES

TO AVERAGE AND BELOW AVERAGE.

THIS IS A BIG NOTHING BURGER.

>> GLOBAL MARKETS IN TURMOIL.

>> HIGH AND ANXIETY.

>> A MANIC MONDAY.

>> THE DOW PLUNGING THROUGHOUT

THE AFTERNOON.

>> WE ARE DOWN MORE THAN 400

POINTS ON 500 POINTS.

>> THE DOW JONES INDUSTRIAL

CLOSING DOWN 634 POINTS.

>> ANOTHER HORRENDOUS, RECHED,

YOU FILL IN THE ADJECTIVE DAY

FOR STOCKS.

>> Jon: CRASH-A-TROCIOUS.

DIARRHEA-TASTICALLY.

THAT'S AN ADD VERB.

SO THEY DOWNGRADED AND THE

STOCK MARKET TANKS.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHY WOULD THAT HAPPEN?

STANDARD AND POORS, THAT NAME

SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO ME.

>> THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO GAVE

THE CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH TO

THE MORTGAGE SECURITIES THAT

WERE TOXIC.

>> Jon: NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

STANDARD AND POORS.

I THINK IT WAS A COP SHOW.

WASN'T IT?

DETROIT CRIME JUST GOT

DOWNGRADED.

PRETTY SURE THAT WAS STANDARD

AND POORS.

>> THEY WERE GIVING TRIPLE-A

RATINGS, GOLD RATINGS IN

EFFECT TO MORTGAGE-BACKED

SECURITIES THAT WERE

WORTHLESS.

>> Jon: NO, NO, I DON'T THINK

THAT'S THEM.

I'M GOING TO STICK WITH THE

COP SHOW DUO.

THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER.

MEAN IF IT WAS THE SAME

RATINGS COMPANY, SO CRUCIALLY

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VERY

FINANCIAL PREDICAMENT WE FIND

OURSELVES IN NOW, THAT WOULD

BE A REAL SLAP IN THE FACE.

I MEAN MAYBE STANDARD AND

POORS ARE INCREDIBLY TOUGH

GRADERS.

ARE THERE OTHER COUNTRIES WITH

TRIPLE-A RATINGS.

>> AUSTRALIA, DENMARK DENMARK,

GERMANY, THE NETHERLANDS,

SWEDEN, THE UNITED KINGDOM AND

EVEN THE ISLE OF MANN RIGHT

OFF THE COAST OF THE U.K.

>> Jon: OUCH.

WE'RE BELOW ISLE OF MANN, THIS

PLACE?

♪ LET'S GIVE THE BOY A HAND ♪♪

>> Jon: THAT PLACE HAS BETTER

CREDIT THAN WE DO?

THERE'S NO INDUSTRY THERE.

THEY JUST HORSE AROUND IN THE

POOL ALL DAY.

I'M BEING TOLD THAT MAN

ISLAND.

NOT ISLE OF MANN.

WOW, ISLE OF MANN HAS A BETTER

CREDIT RATING THAN WE DO.

DID I SAY SLAP IN THE FACE?

I MEANT...

BY THE WAY, IN CALCULATING AND

ANALYZING OUR DEBT SITUATION

STANDARD AND POORS MADE A $2

TRILLION MISTAKE BUT THEY'RE

STICKING WITH THE DOWNGRADE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SAY WHAT THESE

MORE ONS SAID IN THEIR

ANALYSIS OF OUR DEBT

SITUATION.

THIS SHOULD BE RICH.

>> ONE OF THE THINGS THAT THE

S&P CITED WHEN MAKING THIS

DOWNGRADE DECISION WAS ALL THE

POLITICAL PROBLEMS WE SAW IN

CONGRESS AND GETTING EVERYONE

TO AGREE TO RAISE THE DEBT

LIMIT.

>> THE TEA PARTY WILL NOT

BUDGE ON TAX CUTS AND RIGHT

HERE S&P IS SAYING THAT KIND

OF RIGID POSITION WAS A MAJOR

REASON FOR THE DOWNGRADE.

>> ALSO YOU'VE GOT THE

EXTERNAL SITUATION.

THE REST OF THE WORLD ALSO NOT

IN GREAT SHAPE.

THE FINAL FACTOR WAS MONETARY

POLICY.

THAT'S OF COURSE THE FEDERAL

RESERVE AND ITS DECISION ON

INTEREST RATES.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

YOUR NAME IS STILL STUPID.

STUPID NAME.

STANDARD AND POORS.

STUPID.

YOU'RE SUGGESTING OUR

POLITICAL SYSTEM IS RECKLESS

POPULATED BY IDEOLOGICAL

CHILDREN.

WELL, YOU DON'T WATCH THE

SUNDAY MORNING NEWS SHOWS.

>> I THINK IT'S FAILED

PRESIDENTIAL LEADERSHIP.

>> THIS IS WITHOUT QUESTION

THE TEA PARTY DOWNGRADE.

>> THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AISLE

HAD BEEN UNWILLING TO REFORM

THE PROGRAMS.

>> THE TEA PARTY DOWNGRADE.

>> EVERY SINGLE TIME...

SENATOR, YOU VOTED TO INCREASE

THE DEBT.

>> THE DEBT ALREADY.

>> Jon: IF THIS IS.

>> THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER,

HOWEVER (TALKING STATEMENT).

>> GENTLEMEN.

>> Jon: SHUT UP, SHUT UP.

I'LL SPRAY YOU LIKE THE DOGS

IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WHO HUMP

FOR PLEASURE AND OF COURSE

PROFIT.

IX-NAY.

ON THE.

ANDARDS AND ORES.

THIS IS HARD.

BY THE WAY STANDARD AND POORS,

BEFORE YOU BLAME ONE PARTY

OVER THE OTHER, NOBODY WAS

HAPPY WITH THE RECENT DEBT

CEILING DEAL THAT SEEMED TO

INDICATE OUR POLITICAL

PARTIES' UNWILLINGNESS AND

INABILITY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS

WAS TRUE.

>> WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS FINAL

AGREEMENT WE CAME TO AT THE

WHITE HOUSE I GOT 98% OF WHAT

I WANTED.

I'M PRETTY HAPPY.

>> Jon: YOU ARE THE WORLD'S

MOST MISGUIDED TANGERINE.

I'LL TELL YOU, SPEAKER OF THE

HOUSE BOEHNER SAYING HE PRETTY

MUCH GOT EVERYTHING HE WANTED

IN A DEAL THAT SEEMED TO

DESTROY OUR FINANCIAL STANDING

IN THE WORLD SEEMS LIKE A BIT

OF A SLAP IN THE FACE.

BUT MAYBE IT'S A WAKE-UP CALL.

YOU KNOW, THE ALL KNOWING

MARKET AND THE RATINGS AGENCY

ENABLERS HELPED CREATE THIS

TERRIFYING RECESSION.

WHICH COMBINED WITH OUR

GOVERNMENT GOVERNMENT'S

MASSIVE BAILOUT TO KEEP THESE

FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS SOLVENT

HAS BALLOONED OUR DEFICIT AND

WEAKENED OUR ABILITY TO BATTLE

ITS EFFECTS.

THE QUESTION IS, NOW THAT THE

U.S. HAS BEEN DOWNGRADED, OUR

TREASURY MARKET IN RUINS,

WHERE DOES THIS SMART MONEY

GO?

SHOW US THE WAY, OH, WIZARDS

OF WALL STREET.

>> THE INTERESTING THING IS

THE TREASURYS ARE UP.

>> U.S. TREASURYS ARE NOT

GETTING HURT BY THERE.

>> THERE'S BEEN AN ENORMOUS

FLIGHT TO U.S. TREASURYS.

>> MONEY IS SLOWING INTO WHAT

ELSE, U.S. TREASURYS.

>> Jon: ARE YOU (BEEP)

SERIOUS?

ARE YOU (BEEP) SERIOUS?

THE U.S. GETS DOWNGRADED SO

THE FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS ARE

FLUSHING THEIR MONEY OUT OF

STOCKS FROM A BOOEN GOOSE TO

STASH IT IN THE SAFEST PLACE

THEY CAN FIND, FRESHLY

DOWNGRADED U.S. TREASURYS.

BASICALLY YOU BURN UP THE

(BEEP) HOUSE DOWN AND THEN YOU

HAVE THE BALLS TO COME OVER

AND GO, HEY, IS YOUR BASEMENT

STILL STANDING?

YOU MIND IF I, YOU KNOW, PUT

MY MONEY THERE FOR A LITTLE

BIT?

JUST UNTIL I CAN FIND A NICER

PLACE FOR IT TO LIVE?

BETWEEN YOU AND ME SINGAPORE

IS LOOKING PRETTY NICE THIS

TIME OF YEAR.

FORGET, YOU GUYS.

WE CAN GO OTHER PLACES FOR

MONEY.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY GAME IN

TOWN.

HEY, WHAT'S UP, ISLE OF MANN?

CAN I TALK TO YOU?

WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO FLOAT US

SOME WHATEVER YOUR CURRENCY IS,

MANN-BUCKS.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, I SAW THAT FOOTAGE OF THE

POOL.

IT WAS A (BEEP).

WHAT

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