Fear Watch

Aired:  08/16/06 Views: 4,107

Jon Stewart takes a look at Target: USA, where CNN gives helpful hints on how to block your private area and not live in fear. (4:44)

PRESIDENT BUSH. PRESIDENT BUSH'SDEBATING OF EXISTENIAL

PHILOSOPHY AND LAST WEEKEND'SFOILED TERROR PLOT

ARE TWO MORE THINGS

THAT HAVE AMERICANS ASKING WHATTHE HELL IS GOING ON HERE.

THE AIRLINE PLOT ALSO REMINDS USTHAT

WHILE WE ARE SAFER AND OF COURSETHE WORLD IS SAFER YOU CAN'T GO

STROLLING LA-DEE-DA

ON AN AIRPORT DRINKING AFRESCAS. THAT ALL WE HAVE TO

WORRY ABOUT IN THIS WORLD. CNNHAS MORE.

>>ALL DAY LONG CNN HAS BEENREPORTING ON HOMELAND SECURITY

AND EFFORTS TO TARGET THE UNITEDSTATES.

WE'RE CALLING IT TARGET U.S.A.

>> HOW SAFE ARE WE HERE.TARGET U.S.A. SPECIAL

COVERAGE ALL DAY, RIGHT HERE ONCNN.

>> Jon: TARGET U.S.A.

[ LAUGHTER ]BIT OF AN ATTENTION GRABBER.

[ LAUGHTER ]FOR A MOMENT WHEN I SAW THAT I

THOUGHT IS CNN EXPLOITING THISMOMENT OF HEIGHTENED ANXIETY?

BUT THEN I REMEMBERED.

>> DAY AND NIGHT CNN IS ONWATCH, WHEN YOU NEED TO KNOW.

TRAVELERS ARE GETTING THEMESSAGE.

GET THE FACTS. NOT FEARS.CNN SECURITY WATCH.

>> Jon: FACTS NOT FEAR, EVENTHOUGH WE'RE USING THE FEAR

MUSIC WITH THE FEAR VOICE ANDTHE FEAR FONT.

THAT'S TO GET YOUR ATTENTION SOWE CAN TELL YOU EVERYTHING IS

COOL.

[ LAUGHTER ]DON'T BE AFRAID.

[ LAUGHTER ]THERE'S A GREATER CHANCE OF YOU

DYING IN A TUB.

[ APPLAUSE ]IT'S ALL ABOUT CONFIDENCE.

THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE'S ABETTER CHANCE OF YOU DYING IN

YOUR TUB THAN BEING KILLED BYTERRORISTS.

CNN IS HERE TO PUT YOUR FEARS INCONTEXT, KNOWLEDGE, IS POWER.

>> WE'RE TAKING AN IN-DEPTH LOOKAT WHERE AMERICA IS MOST

VULNERABLE TO TERRORIST ATTACKS.

>> WE HAVE MORE THAN 6,000 POWERGENERATING PLANTS.

>> A 4,000 MILE U.S. CANADIANBORDER.

>> THE SUBWAYS, THE BUSES,RAILROAD LINES.

>>CRUISE SHIPS. THE FERRYS. MORETHAN 5000 AIRPORTS.

>> COULD YOU SEE ANYBODY COULDCOME UP TO ANY OF THESE AND PUT

ANYTHING INSIDE THEM.

>> AND LOOK AT THE SHOPPINGCENTER.

THIS IS THE BIG ISSUE.

>> IF WE BUILD A BETTER MOUSETRAP, THE TERRORISTS WILL BUILD

A BETTER MOUSE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ][ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: THEY ARE ATTACKING USWITH MICE?

WHAT CNN IS SAYING IS WE'RE ONLYVULNERABLE EVERYWHERE.

THE DANGER IS STRICTLY LIMITEDTO GEOGRAPHICAL LOCATIONS, YOU

KNOW, PLACES.

[ LAUGHTER ]CAN'T HELP US MAKE AN ANCHOR

WISTFUL.

>> REMEMBER WHEN A BOMB WAS AFEW STICKS OF DINE MIGHT WIRED

TO A PLUNGER?

WELL, THOSE WERE THE OLD DAYS.

>> Jon: THOSE WERE THE DAYS,MY FRIEND.

I THOUGHT THEY'D NEVER END.

[ LAUGHTER ]SO NOW I'M AFRAID OF EVERYWHERE.

WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING?

>> A BRIEFCASE LIKE THIS ONE,COULD EASILY HIDE A BOMB.

>> A LIQUID THAT CAN BE USEDPOTENTIALLY TO MAKE BOMBS.

>> LIQUIDS THAT COULD EASILY FITINTO CONTAINERS OF HOUSEHOLD

ITEMS.

>> YOU CAN PUT IT ALL IN ONE,MAKE A SEPARATE CUT THROUGH HERE

AND COMPARTMENTALIZE THISBOTTLE.

>> AN EASY WAY TO SLIP INTO THEUNITED STATES UNDETECTED.

>> YOU HAVE A REGULAR DOUBLE ABATTERY.

THERE'S YOUR POWER SOURCE.

>> WHEN YOU POUR WATER INTO ASEALED SANDWICH BAG, PLACE ITINSIDE MY BELT LINE.

YOU CAN BARELY SEE IT.

>> SOMETHING AS SMALL AS ASPORTS DRINK AND HAIR GEL.

>> WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE WANNABE TERRORISTS ANY IDEAS NOW.

>> NO.

>> Jon: WE DON'T WANT TO TELLTHE TERRORISTS WHAT TO DO.

THAT'S COMING UP NEXT IN THESITUATION ROOM.

BY THE WAY, DID THAT ONE DUDEPULL GATORADE FROM THE SHAMPOO

AISLE? MISSTOCKINGSHELVES.

WILL AL QAEDA STOP AT NOTHING.

IN FAIRNESS CCN'S FULL DAYTARGET USA COVERAGE

DID OFFER ONE INTERESTING PIECEOF ADVICE.

>> IF YOU DON'T WANT MY PRIVATEAREAS SHOWN, I SHOULD PUT A

METAL PLANT IN MY PANTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: CNN --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]CNN, I AM SO AHEAD OF YOU.

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