Inde-Sudan 2011

  • Aired:  01/12/11
  •  | Views: 109,022

As the people of South Sudan vote on independence, Samantha Bee makes Aasif Mandvi wheel around her headshots in case she runs into George Clooney. (7:03)

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: HI, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME TO ONE AND ALL TO "THE

DAILY SHOW".

WE'VE GOT ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

FORMER MINNESOTA GOVERNOR TIM

PAWLENTY WILL BE JOINING US ONCE

HE FINISHES SHOVELING OUR WALK.

BOOM!

ACTUALLY HE'S FROM MINNESOTA.

IT WAS HIS IDEA HE JUST --

[LAUGHTER]

SAYS IT JUST MAKES HIM FEEL MORE

COMFORTABLE.

THE NEWS IN AMERICA LATELY HAS

NOT BEEN, I GUESS THE WORD WOULD

BE GOOD, AND IT'S NO BETTER

ABROAD.

THERE'S TERRIBLE FLOODING IN

AUSTRALIA.

GOVERNMENT COLLAPSE IN LEBANON,

RIOTS IN TUNISIA -- WHAT THE --

WAIT.

THESE PEOPLE ARE SMILING AND

DANCING.

WHERE IS THIS HAPPY PLACE FILLED

WITH JOY AND DANCING?

I'M BEING TOLD IT'S THE SUDAN.

[LAUGHTER]

HOLY (bleep).

IT TURNS OUT THE HAPPIEST

COUNTRY OUT THERE RIGHT NOW IS

THE ONE THAT NORMALLY THE MIDDLE

EAST LOOKS TO WHIT WANTS TO

APPEAR STABLE.

HOW CAN THEY BE DANCING IN THE

STREETS OF SUDAN?

IT'S HOME TO MUSLIMS IN THE

NORTH FIGHTING CHRISTIANS IN THE

SOUTH, PLAGUED BY FAMINE AND

FOOD SHORTAGE.

IT SITS ATOP A LARGE OIL SUPPLY

EVERYONE WOULD LIKE TO EXPLOIT.

SUED JANUARY LIKE A RANDOM CAUSE

OF WAR GENERATOR.

IT'S RELIGIOUS STRIFE RAPID IN

FAMINE AND BURIED IN OIL.

IT'S LIKE A TUR (bleep).

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHY ARE PEOPLE THERE DANCING

IN THE STREETS?

>> VOTING IS UNDERWAY IN SUDAN

THIS WEEK.

THAT WILL LIKELY CREATE THE

WORLD'S NEWEST NATION.

>> IN A FEW MONTHS WE MAY SEE

THE CREATION OF A BRAND NEW

COUNTRY.

COUNTRY NUMBER 193, I BELIEVE.

THIS IS A BIG DEAL.

>> YOU BET IT'S A BIG DEAL.

ONLY SEVEN MORE COUNTRIES AND WE

GET A FREE SANDWICH.

[LAUGHTER]

YES, THE CHRISTIAN SOUTHERN PART

OF SUDAN HAS FINALLY DECIDED

THAT ITS PRESENCE IN A COUNTRY

THAT WAS INVENTED AROUND 50

YEARS BY A BRITISH FIAT THAT

COMBINES WIT A NORTHERN MUSLIM

AREA THAT HATES THEM MAY NOT BE

IN THE BEST LONG-TERM INTEREST.

THE VOTE HASN'T BEEN WITHOUT ITS

CHALLENGES SUCH AS SUDAN'S 24%

LITERACY RATE WHICH HAS LED TO

CREATIVE BALLOTS.

>> THE BALLOTS CLEARLY LAY OUT

THE CHOICE FOR THE SOUTHERN

SUDANESE PEOPLE.

THEY CLASPED HAND TO REMAIN

UNIFIED TO THE NORTH OR AN OPEN

PALM FOR INDEPENDENCE.

>> Jon: THAT MAKES SENSE.

THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I

THOUGHT IT WAS WANT TO ARM

WRESTLE AND I HAVE TO USE THE

BATHROOM.

FLORIDA STARTING USING PICTOGRAM

BALLOTS.

THIS IS HOW VOTERS CHOSE TWO

YEARS AGO AGAINST OBAMA AND

McCAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU -- I DON'T

KNOW WHY WE HAVE ARABIC WRITING

ON THAT THAT DOESN'T SEEM

HISTORICALLY ACCURATE REALLY.

[LAUGHTER]

SO A TORTURED PEOPLE STEPPING

OUT FROM THE SHADOW OF GENO --

GENOCIDE, PERHAPS SEEING LIGHT

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THAT

COUNTRY Y. SHOULD I CARE?

I'M AMERICAN.

JOHN PENDERGAST COFOUNDER OF THE

ENOUGH PROJECT EXPLAINS WHY I

SHOULD CARE.

>> THE IDEA IS TO TRY TO PREVENT

HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES BEFORE THEY

OCCUR BY SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON

THE PLACES -- ON THE LOTIONS

ALONG THE BORDER BETWEEN THE

NORTH AND THE SOUTH.

>> Jon: I'M BEING TOLD BY MY

PRODUCER THAT I DIDN'T HEAR ANY

OF THAT BECAUSE OH, MY GOD THAT

GUY IS STANDING NEXT TO GEORGE

CLOONEY.

OH, MY GOD IT'S GEORGE CLOONEY.

OH, MY GOD.

ACTUALLY GEORGE CLOONEY IS DOWN

IN THE SUDAN HELPING TO MONITOR

THE ELECTIONS.

I HAVE TO GIVE HIM -- ZOOM OUT

THERE, WHAT?

OH, MY GOD HE'S THERE WITH

CHEADLE, DAMON AND BRAD PITT.

SON OF A BITCH.

HE'S NOT THERE TO MONITOR THE

VOTE, THIS IS A HEIST!

HE'S THERE TO ROB THE SUDAN'S

BIGGEST CASINO.

[LAUGHTER]

NOT THE SAME COMPANY AS THE ONE

HERE.

WE HAVE FULL TEAM COVERAGE OF

THIS SUDAN'S INDEPENDENCE VOTE

WITH AASIF MANDVI AND SAMANTHA

BEE IN SUDAN.

WELCOME, GUYS.

THANKS FOR JOINING US.

AASIF, WHAT NOW --

[ APPLAUSE ]

-- VERY INSPIRING STORY THE

PEOPLE OF SOUTH SUDAN TURNING

OUT IN THE MILLIONS UNDER DPUR

HE IS TO -- DURESS TO VOTE ON

WHETHER TO FORM THEIR OWN

COUNTRY.

AN HISTORIC DAY.

>> AN EXCITING TIME TO BE HERE

TO WITNESS THE ATTEMPT TO UNDO

THE CONSEQUENCES OF BRITAIN'S

CENTURIES LONG GAME OF RISK IN

THE SUBCOULD BE NENT.

THEY SAY IT LOOKS LIKE A

DIAMOND.

THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

I SAY DIAMOND SHAPE.

>> Jon: THEY ARE THRYING TO

TAKE CONTROL OF THEIR OWN

DESTINY.

>> THAT MUST BE NICE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: SAM, I UNDERSTAND

YOU'VE BEEN MONITORING THE

VOTING.

>> YES, WELL, JON, SO FAR MORE

PEACEFUL THAN EXPECTED ASIDE

FROM CONTESTED BORDER AREAS

PEOPLE HAVE MADE IT TO THE POLLS

TO GET THEIR HANDS ON A BALLOT

JUST LIKE THIS ONE.

WHAOPZ -- WHOOPS!

>> Jon: IS THAT YOUR HEAD

SHOT?

>> HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?

>> PROBABLY ONE FROM THE

SUITCASE FULL OF HEAD SHOTS YOU

MADE ME WHEEL AROUND IN CASE YOU

RUN INTO CLOONEY.

>> DID YOU SEE HIM?

>> Jon: HOW MUCH HAS

INTIMIDATION AFFECTED TURNOUT?

>> YOU WANT A NUMBER.

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

QUANTIFY.

>> SIX IS THE AGE OF MY

DAUGHTER, EIGHT IS MY SON, THREE

TIMES THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE

BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED

555-3093 IS MY PHONE NUMBER.

WITH ALL THE NUMBERS I GAVE YOU

I'M GUESSING ZERO IS THE NUMBER

OF TIMES YOU ARE GOING TO CALL

IT.

>> Jon: THIS SAY MONOLOGUE

FROM ERIN BROCKOVICH.

>> I GUESS I WOULD MAKE A PRETTY

GOOD SINGLE MOM WITH A HEART OF

GOLD AND OR AMBITIOUS YOUNG

LAWYER OR ANY NUMBER OF THINGS.

>> JON, PLEASE.

CAN YOU KNOW WHICH MOVIE STAR

INDIA GOT WHEN WE PARTITIONED IN

1947?

ALEX GUINNESS.

>> Jon: OSCAR WINNER PLAYED

OBI WAN.

NOT TOO SHABBY.

>> NO THAT'S ALEC.

THIS IS ALEX.

(bleep) AFRICA THEY ALWAYS GET

WHAT THEY WANT.

>> DEPENDING UPON THE KINDNESS

OF STRANGERS.

>> Jon: KEEP

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