Site Flub - Monkey Court

  • Aired:  10/28/13
  •  | Views: 62,455

Who better to fix the Affordable Care Act website issues than Congress? (7:04)

ANYWAY, THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATIONHAS PROMISED THE SITE WILL BE

FIXED BY THE END OF NOVEMBER.

JUST IN CASE IT'S NOT, NO WORRIES.

>> THERE WILL BE A HEARING THIS MORNING ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT'S

NEW HEALTHCARE WEBSITE.

>> Jon: CONGRESS[LAUGHTER]

IS ON THE CASE.

WHO BETTER TO FIX THIS THAN CONGRESS?

[LAUGHTER]IN FACT, NOT JUST CONGRESS, THE

COMMITTEE WHO'S SECOND-RANKING DEMOCRAT ENTERED CONGRESS FOUR

YEARS BEFORE THE 1959 INVENTION OF MICRO CHIPS.

>> I REMIND MY COLLEAGUES THE LAST PERFECT LAW CAME OFF THE

TOP OF MOUNT SINAIWITH MOSES WRITTEN ON A STONE

TABLET BY THE HAND OF GOD.

AND I WAS THERE.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: NICE GUY, MOSES.

NEVER MADE GOOD ON THE MILK AND HONEY THING.

GOOD PEOPLE.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

THIS COMMITTEE I'M SURE INCLUDESPEOPLE WITH THE PROPER

EXPERTISE.

>> A COMPUTER SCIENCEMAJOR FROM RICE UNIVERSITY AND

A FORMER NAVAL AVIATOR.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

>> COULD NOT AFFORD TO HAVE MY COMPUTER DROP OFF LINE AS I'M

ROLLING TO MY PLANE TO DROP ATORPEDO

TO STOP A RUSSIAN SUBMARINE FROMLAUNCHING A NUCLEAR

MISSILE AT OUR COUNTRY.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I THINK THAT GUY JUST

USED THE PLOT FOR THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER TO SLAG

HEALTHCARE.GOV.

ANYWAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO SOMEONEELSE.

REPRESENTATIVE JOE BARTON FROM TEXAS. WELL KNOWN FOR WANTING

AMERICA, AND THIS IS TRUE, TOAPOLOGIZE TO BP FOR

GETTING OUR BEACHES ON THEIROIL, I GUESS.

BARTON HAD CONCERNS BEYOND THE HEALTHCARE'S EFFICACY.

>> HOW IN THE WORLD CAN THIS BE HIPPA COMPLIANT WHEN HIPPA IS

DESIGNED TO PROTECT THE PATIENT'S PRIVACY AND THIS

EXPLICITLY SAYS IN ORDER TO CONTINUE, YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT

THIS CONDITION THAT YOU DON'T HAVE PRIVACY.

>> Jon: THAT IS AN INTERESTINGPOINT.

MY GUESS IS THAT IT'S HIPPA COMPLIANT BECAUSE THE WEBSITE

DOESN'T ASK YOU FOR ACTUAL HEALTH INFORMATION.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WONDER IF THERE'S ANOTHER CONGRESS PERSON.

PERHAPS A DEMOCRAT, THAT IS SO SICK OF THIS [BLEEP] AND THIS

GUY THAT HE ANSWERS THE QUESTION, BUT CANNOT HIDE HIS

UTTER CONTEMPT FOR JOE BARTON'S WILLFUL IGNORANCE.

>> HIPPA ONLY APPLIES WHEN THERE'S HEALTH INFORMATION BEING

PROVIDED THAT'S NOT IN PLAY HERETODAY.

NO HEALTH INFORMATION IS REQUIRED IN THE APPLICATION

PROCESS AND WHY IS THAT?

BECAUSE PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS DON'T MATTER.

SO ONCE AGAIN, HERE WE HAVE MY REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES TRYING TO

SCARE EVERYBODY -- >> WILL YOU --

>> NO, I WILL NOT KNEEL TO THIS MONKEY COURT.

>> THIS IS NOT A MONKEY COURT.

>> Jon: MY FAVORITE PART OF THATCLIP, OTHER

THAN THE RHYTHMIC TRI-DELT JUST HAD

ENOUGH OF THESE [BLEEP]'S HEAD ROLLING.

WHATEVER.

IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE REFRESHMENTS, DARLENE, YOU CAN'T

BE ON THE REFRESHMENTS COMMITTEE.

[LAUGHTER]IT'S -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

HEARD IT BECAUSE YOU WERE LAUGHING TOO HARD.

THE OFF CAMERA CONGRESSMAN'S DENIAL BACK AT THIS GUY THAT

THIS IS NOT A MONKEY COURT.

IT'S JUST NOT! [LAUGHTER]

MONKEY COURT, OF COURSE, WAS MY 1990s MTV COURTROOM REALITY

SHOW.

[LAUGHTER]BY THE WAY, I STILL DON'T KNOW

WHY I WAS THE ONE THAT HAD TO WEAR THE DIAPERS.

ANYWAY, MONKEY COURT NOT WITHSTANDING, THERE WAS ONE

ISSUE THAT CONGRESSMAN McKINLEY WANTED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF.

>> I HAVEN'T HEARD ONE OF YOU APOLOGIZE TO THE AMERICAN

PUBLIC.

ARE APOLOGIES NOT IN ORDER?

I'VE NOT HEARD THE WORD "I'M SORRY."

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THERE'S NOT AN APOLOGY TO THE AMERICAN

PUBLIC.

[LAUGHTER][CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: HOW DID YOU -- [APPLAUSE]

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

WHAT SORT OF WIZARDRY IS THIS?

[LAUGHTER]THEY'RE MULTIPLYING! FOR THEIR

PART, THE DEMOCRATS DID NOT SOMUCH OFFER WEB SITE DIFFICULTY

REASONS, AS MUCH AS WEB SITEDIFFICULTY RHYMES.

>> LET THE GOAL BE TO FIX IT, NOT NIX IT.

>> WE WANT TO FIX IT, NOT NIX IT.

>> FIX IT, DON'T NIX IT. >> Jon: FIX IT.

DON'T NIX IT.

CORRECT IT, DO NOT REJECT IT.

DEBUG IT, PLEASE DO NOT UNPLUG IT.

IMPROVE IT, DON'T REMOVE IT.

[LAUGHTER]REPAIR IT, NOT FORESWEAR IT.

♪ WE'VE GOT TO SQUEEZE HER, DON'T TEASE HER, NEVER LEAVE

HER ♪ ♪ TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS

♪ OH, YEAH ♪ ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO

♪ NO, NO, NO ♪ WE'VE GOT TO TRY

♪ AHHHH ♪ A LITTLE TENDERNESS

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THAT WAS WEIRD.

[LAUGHTER]OF COURSE, REPUBLICANS BIT OFF

ONE SOLUTION.

>> REPUBLICANS BELIEVE THEY MAY HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER TO ALL OF

OUR TECHNICAL PROBLEMS.

MR. JOHN MCAFEE.

YOU MAY KNOW MR. MCAFEE AS THE FOUNDER OF THE COMPANY THAT

BEARS HIS NAME AND SELLS ANTI-VIRAL SOFTWARE.

>> JOHN MCAFEE WAS WANTED IN CONNECTION TO THE MURDER OF AN

AMERICAN, GREG FAULK, IN BELIZE.

>> Jon: OKAY.

WE CAN TRY THAT OR -- ♪♪

♪ TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS, BABY ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪ WE'VE GOT TO PLEASE HER,

TEASE HER ♪ ♪ AHH

♪ WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

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