Uncensored - HPV Mandate & Pro-Vagina Controversy

  • Aired:  09/15/11
  •  | Views: 118,514

Kristen Schaal is torn on the HPV issue: on one hand, Rick Perry takes care of Texas vaginas, and on the other, Michele Bachmann argues for a woman's right to choose cancer. (5:46)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK!

IF YOU WATCH THIS WEEK'S CNN TEA PARTY AMERIGASM, YOU KNOW MINNESOTA CONGRESSWOMAN MICHELE

BACHMANN SCORED SOME POINTS ON GOVERNOR RICK PERRY ON HIS HPV VACCINE ORDER.

>> I'M A MOM OF THREE CHILDREN AND TO HAVE INNOCENT LITTLE

12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TO BE FORCED TO HAVE AN INJECTION THROUGH EXECUTIVE ORDER IS FLAT OUT WRONG.

I'M OFFENDED FOR ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS AND PARENTSES THAT DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

>> Jon: OH!

ADVANTAGE BACHMANN.

AND SHE WILL GIVE THAT ADVANTAGE BACK IN THREE, TWO.

>> THERE'S A WOMAN WHO CAME UP CRYING TO ME TONIGHT AFTER THE DEBATE.

SHE SAID HER DAUGHTER WAS GIVEN THAT VACCINE.

SHE TOLD ME HER CARTE SUFFERED MENTAL RETARDATION AS A RESULT OF THAT VACCINE.

>> Announcer:

>> AND NOW I AM REPEING THAT ASSERTION UNCHECKED, ASSUMING THERE IS A BODY OF EVIDENCE TO

BACK THIS UP.

I'M SURE THERE IS, RIGHT?

( LAUGHTER ) FOR MORE ON THE VACCINE CONTROVERSY WE'RE JOINED BY

DAILY SHOW SENIOR WOMAN'S CORRESPONDENT, SHALL.

WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THIS WHOLE VACCINE ISSUE?

WHAT IS THE VACCINE ABOUT?

>> WELL, FRANKLY, I'M JUST EXCITED PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT WOMEN'S HEALTH.

ANYTHING TO DISTRACT US FROM THE TERRIBLY POLARIZING CIRCUMCISION DEBATE.

( LAUGHTER ) BY THE WAY, I VOTE YES.

NOT CRAZY ABOUT TURTLENECKS.

YOU?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: HOW DOES THE BACK SEAT WORK?

HOW DOES--

>> WELL, JON, WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN VERY MUCH, HE GIVES HER A SPECIAL CLOSE HUG WITH HIS

PENIS, IT'S CALLED ( BLEEP ).

( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: LET'S GET BACK TO THE HUGGING, THE VACCINE PART.

>> OKAY, WHEN TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER ( BLEEP ), YOU CAN GET ANSP D CALLED THE HUMAN

PAPALOMA VIRUS.

IN WOMEN, HPV HAS BEEN PROVE TONE CAUSE CERVICAL CANCER.

FORTUNATELY NOW THERE'S A VACCINE CALLED GARDASIL WHICH PREVENTS HPV, WHICH IS GOES

GOODBECAUSE ONE OF TWO SEXUALLY ACTIVE PEOPLE WILL GET HPV IN THEIR LIFETIME.

AND I DON'T HAVE IT, SO...

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) DON'T WORRY, JON.

I SAID SEXUALLY ACTIVE.

( LAUGHTER ) OH, SO CUTE.

>> Jon: I WAS A LITTLE SCARED.

IT SEEMS IRONIC MICHELE BACHMANN CAME OUT AGAINST THE VACCINE FOR WOMEN WHILE RICK PERRY, THE MAN,

WAS SORT OF STANDING FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH FIGHTING HPV.

>> IT'S NOT REALLY THAT STRANGE.

IN SOME WAYS IT'S A REGIONAL ISSUE.

MINNESOTA DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HPV AS MUCH BECAUSE THEY WEAR SO MANY LAYERS.

( LAUGHTER ) FINDING GENITALS IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE.

TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO WAGES AT THE ST. PAUL'S HOOTERS.

I'M WILLING TO OVERLOOK CONGRESSWOMAN'S BACHMANN'S

REGIONAL BIAS BECAUSE SHE'S THE LAST FEMALE CANDIDATE IN THIS RACE.

RACE.

>> Jon: IS THAT YOUR TRUCK?

YOU DRIVE A TRUCK WITH TRUCK NUTS ON THEM?

>> THEY'RE LADY NUTS AND I HAPPEN TO LIKE THEM.

>> Jon: ISN'T BACHMANN SAYING THE HPV VACCINE CAUSES MENTAL RETARDATION.

>> IT IS BY ALL ACCOUNTS FLAT OUT WRONG.

>> IT IS NOT EVEN SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN SUCKED.

>> THERE'S NO EVIDENCE THE VACCINE CAUSES MENTAL RETARDATION.

>> Jon: NO, NO, DO NOT SAY HIS NAME.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> OH, MAN, THERE GOES THE MARKET FOR MY MICHELE BACHMANN

"I'VE GOT AN EYE ON YOUR VAGINA" CONDOM.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: THAT'S PRETTY CREEPY.

>> YEAH.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE FACING THE CAMERAS.

>> WE'RE DONE.

NOW I'M TORN.

ON ONE HAND, GOVERNOR PERRY'S TAKING CARE OF TEXAS VAGINAS,

BUT HE DID IT WITH A GOVERNMENT MANDATE TO FORCE IT ON YOUNG GIRLS.

IT'S LIKE HE'S TRYING TO TURN TEXAS INTO SOME KIND OF POOHNANNY STATE.

MICHELE BACHMANN, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS ARGUING FOR A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE, BUT ONLY IF

THAT CHINESE IS GETTING CANCER ( LAUGHTER ) THE TRUTH IS EITHER ONE IS A

PRONG PRO-VAG CANDIDATE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE THE WORSE FOR-- THE CHILDREN.

>> Jon: BECAUSE?

THEY'LL BE MORE LIKELY TO GET CERVICAL CANCER?

>> WELL, THAT, BUT ALSO BECAUSE THEY'LL NEVER GET TO PLAY WITH

MY MICHELE BACHMANN BIG MOUTH BILLY VAGINA.

♪ TAKE ME TO THE CLINIC 3 ♪ TAKE ME TO THE CLINIC 3.

>> Jon: DID YOU JUST TURN A BIG MOUTH BILLY BASS INTO A SINGING VAGINA?

>> YES, AND I HAVE 10,000 OF THEM IN MY GARAGE.

( LAUGHTER ) AND THEY SHOULD ALL GO OFF AT ONCE, IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

>> Jon:

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