Back in Black - Future Technology

  • Aired:  06/12/13
  •  | Views: 100,437

Lewis Black will gladly give up all of his private information, just so long as the future contains robotic beer butlers. (5:10)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!

WHEN NEWS STORY FALLS THROUGH

THE CRACKS, LEWIS BLACK CATCHES

IT FOR A SEGMENT THAT WE CALL

"BACK IN BLACK."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THE N.S.A. SCANDAL HAS MADE

US ALL A LITTLE SKEPTICAL OF OUR

TECHNOLOGY.

AND WITH THE NEXT WAVE OF FACE

TOYS COMING OUT, YOU MIGHT BE

WONDERING "ARE THE TRADEOFFS

WORTH IT?"

WELL, IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING

ABOUT THE LATEST IN TECHNOLOGY

IT'S ROTH!

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> GOOGLE'S FIRST BID IN THAT

MARKET IS GLASS-- WHICH GOES ON

YOUR FACE.

>> OKAY, GLASS.

>> GOOGLE, GENESIS.

>> WELL, THANKS, GLASSES, I

NEVER WOULD HAVE FIGURED OUT I

WAS AT THE AQUARIUM LOOKING AT

JELLYFISH!

(LAUGHTER)

AT LEAST I KNOW ONE THING I

COULD USE BEFORE.

>> THIS IS INTERESTING.

PEOPLE WHO OWN GOOGLE GLASSES

NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO WATCH

PORN ON THEM.

>> NOT SO FAST, GOOGLE!

I THINK YOU'RE UNDERESTIMATING

MY ABILITY TO MASTURBATE TO

JELLYFISH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> John: WOW, THAT IS VERY WELL

SAID, LEWIS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHO THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> John: THAT'S A FAIR POINT.

I APOLOGIZE.

CARRY ON.

(LAUGHTER)

>> COME ON, TECH WORLD!

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE US INTO

THE FUTURE, DON'T GIVE US NEW

WAYS TO BE ON THE GO!

BEST PART OF NEW TECHNOLOGY IS

THAT IT LETS US SIT ON OUR PASS!

THAT'S WHY I WAS SO EXCITED

ABOUT THE NEW XBOX-- UNTIL I SAW

THIS.

>> SO THE XBOX THAT HASN'T COME

OUT YET BUT IS COMING HAS THIS

MOTION SENSOR THAT DETECTS NOT

ONLY YOUR EVERY MOVE AND WHAT

YOU SAY, IT DETECTS FACIAL

EXPRESSIONS.

GERMANY'S FEDERAL DATA

PROTECTION COMMISSIONER CALLED

THE KINECT "A TWISTED NIGHTMARE

>> WHEN THE GERMANS --

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

ARE CALLING YOUR PRODUCT A

TWISTED NIGHTMARE YOU MIGHT WANT

TO CONSIDER TAKING ANOTHER PASS

AT IT.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT FINE.

THE XBOX IS TRACKING MY EVERY

MOVE.

AS LONG AS THAT'S THE ONLY THING

IT DOES!

>> YOU'RE SEEING YOURSELF

REPRESENTED HERE IN THREE

DIMENSIONS.

WE CAN LOOK FOR PATCHES OF YOUR

SKIN AND LOOK AT

MICROFLUCTUATIONS IN THE BLOOD

UNDERNEATH YOUR SKIN.

HERE YOU CAN SEE WE'VE ZOOMED IN

YOUR FACE AND WE CAN SHOW IF

YOU'RE NEUTRAL OR SMILING.

>> TELL YOU WHAT, MICROSOFT,

INSTEAD OF READING MY FACE, WHY

DON'T YOU JUST READ MY HAND.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FWLO NO NEED TO ZOOM IN!

I'M TELLING YOU TO (BLEEP) OFF!

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I EVER

ALLOW A MACHINE THAT CAN MONITOR

MY EVERY THOUGHT AND MOVEMENT

INTO MY HOME?

>> RESEARCHERS AT CORNELL

UNIVERSITY-- GO BIG RED-- SAY

THEY'VE CREATED A ROBOT THAT CAN

TELL WHEN YOU WANT A BEER AND

THEN POUR SAID BEER FOR YOU.

>> THAT ROBOT IS EQUIPPED WITH

THE KINECT DEVICE, THE SAME

THING ON THE XBOX 360.

>> WELL, LET ME BEGIN BY

APOLOGIZING TO MICROSOFT ABOUT

THE MIDDLE FINGER THING.

BECAUSE THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF

PRIVATE INFORMATION I WON'T GET

TO TO BE SERVED A BEER BY A

ROBOT!

BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

ARE ARE BEER BUTLER IT IS BEST

TECHNOLOGY HAS TO OFFER?

>> SOME 30 YEARS FROM NOW WE

MIGHT BE LIVING THE LIVES OF

JAMES CAMERON'S "AVENUE CAR."

THAT'S THE DREAM OF RUSSIAN

MULTIMILLIONAIRE DIMITRI ITS OF.

HE'S STRIVING TO PROLONG LIFE BY

UPLOADING THE HUMAN BRAIN INTO

HOLOGRAMS OR ANDROIDS.

>> WELL, THAT'S REALLY COOL

UNTIL YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

NOW, WHO DECIDED THIS CRAPPY

GENERATION IS THE ONE THAT

DESERVES TO LIVE FOREVER?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF THIS AVATAR TECHNOLOGY

EXISTED 80 YEARS AGO IT WOULD BE

A BUNCH OF GIANT BLUE RACISTS

RUNNING AROUND AND I'M PRETTY

SURE AVATAR STROM THUR MONDAY

WOULDN'T BE OKAY WITH PRESIDENT

OBAMA!

TO ME THE FACT WE ALL EVENTUALLY

DROP DEAD IS NOT A BUG, IT'S A

FEATURE!

IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE RID OUR

SOCIETY OF OLD AS (BLEEP)S!

NEW GUY?

>> John: THANK YOU, LEWIS.

LEWIS BLACK, LADIES AND

GENTLEME

Loading...