Broke Bank Mounting - America's Dystopian Future

  • Aired:  06/29/11
  •  | Views: 119,075

Samantha Bee reports from an eye-stinging, cancerous America ruled by apes, while Aasif Mandvi reports from a radioactive, post-Chinese repo America ruled by apes. (3:15)

WE COME.

EACH PARTY SAYS THE OTHER IS

LEADING US TO ARMAGEDDON.

IS EITHER OF THEM BEING SLIGHTLY

HYPERBOLIC?

FOR MORE WE GO TO THE FUTURE

WITH SAMANTHA BEE IV AND AASIF

MANDVI, JR.,, JR.,, JR., IN

WASHINGTON, D.C.

HELLO, GUYS.

>> HELLO, JON.

>> GLEEP GLOOP GLOP.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOSH, IS

ENGLISH NO LONGER IN USE?

>> OF COURSE IT IS.

I'M JUST [BLEEPED] WITH YOU.

>> Jon: YOU'RE IN THE FUTURE

WHERE REPUBLICANS DID NOT RAISE

THE DEBT CEILING.

ARE WE IN TROUBLE IN

>> NOT REALLY.

REPUBLICANS GOT EVERYTHING THEY

WANTED.

AMERICA DECLARED BANKRUPTCY AND

IN RECEIVERSHIP RESTRUCTURED OUR

GOVERNMENT AND WE GOT THIS

CAPITALIST YOU OPEN THEA.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: IS THIS AIR

BREATHABLE?

>> IT STINGS A LITTLE, BUT THE

FREE MARKET WILL CORRECT IT.

YOU KNOW, EVENTUALLY, FOR SURE.

>> Jon: ASSIF, TELL ME ABOUT

THE FUTURE THAT YOU'RE LIVING

IN.

>> WELL, HERE THE DEMOCRATS

SUCCESSFULLY RAISED THE DEBT

CEILING AND INCREASED TAXES

WITHOUT CUSHING SOCIAL PROGRAMS.

>> Jon: I GOT THE TELL YOU, I

GOT TO TELL YOU, SEEING THAT, A

LITTLE BIT OF A RELIEF.

IT REALLY DOES LOOK GREAT.

>> OH, WHAT THIS BACKGROUND?

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> THIS IS A GOVERNMENT-ISSUED

SIMU-SCREEN MADE AVAILABLE

THROUGH THE ENHANCEMENT ACT OF

2033.

USUALLY IT DOESN'T WORK THAT

WELL.

THAT'S IT.

THERE IT IS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: ASSIF, THAT'S EXACTLY

THE SAME ENVIRONMENT THAT'S IN

SAM'S FUTURE.

>> NO, NO, SAM IS FACING

CANCEROUS POLLUTANTS.

THIS IS A RADIATION CLOUD.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: WHAT HAPPENED?

>> WELL, WE RAISED THE DEBT

CEILING, BORROWED MORE THAN WE

COULD REPAY, AND WHEN CHINA

DEMANDED THEIR MONEY BACK, THERE

WAS A REPO SITUATION.

LONG STORY SHORT, WE NUKED THEM,

THEY NUKED US AND HAVE SINCE

BEEN AT WAR WITH THEIR NEW ARMY

OF RADIOACTIVE PANDAS.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO

LIVE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL,

SOCIALIST PARADISE.

>> Jon: SO NEITHER REPUBLICANS

NOR DEMOCRATS WERE IN ANY WAY

EXAGGERATING THE CONSEQUENCES OF

EACH OTHER'S POLICIES.

>> NO, NO, IN FACT,

UNDERSELLING, OR AS OUR GLORIOUS

CHAIRMAN BOBO WOULD SAY [MAKING

CHIMP NOISES]

ALL HAIL BOBO.

>> OH, PLEASE, SAVAGES.

THANK GOD THE LAISSEZ FAIRE

POLICIES OF OUR DEAR PRESIDENT

FIELD MARSHAL BOBO HAVE

PROTECTED US AS HE SO ELOQUENTLY

STATED IN HIS STATE OF THE

[MAKING CHIMP NOISES]

>> Jon: I THINK THAT LAST

PARTED WAS A FECES THROW FOR

EMPHASIS.

>> VERY EXPRESSIVE.

>> Jon: NO MATTER WHICH PARTY

GAINS TUPPER HAND IN 2011, IT

LEADS TO A DYSTOPIA IN AMERICA

GOVERNED BY APES.

>> BOTH: YES.

>> Jon: NO THIRD OPTION MIGHT

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