Are You There, God? It's Me, Corporate.

  • Aired:  07/14/14
  •  | Views: 57,719

Jessica Williams explains the particulars of the Hobby Lobby Supreme Court case, and Jason Jones takes advantage of the liberties of corporate personhood. (5:28)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

ANOTHER BIG STORY FROM JUSTAFTER WE WENT AWAY.

WE ALL REMEMBER HOW PIPE CLEANERPARADISE HOBBY LOBBY WAS NOT

KEEN ON THE OBAMACARE PROVISIONREQUIRING FULL CONTRACEPTION

COVERAGE IN EMPLOYEE HEALTHPLANS.

WHY DO THEY CARE?

THAT GUY. LOVES CRAFTS.

HATES PREMARITAL SEX.

CASE WENT ALL THE WAY TO THESUPREME COURT AND WE FINALLY GOT

OUR ANSWER.

>> BIG A DAY AT THE SUPREMECOURT IN THIS THE LAST DAY OF

ITS TERM.

THEY RULED THAT LIKE THE REST OFUS, CORPORATIONS HAVE A RIGHT TO

EXERCISE THEIR RELIGION.

>> OBAMACARE, HOBBY LOBBYCLAIMED, RESTRICTED THEIR

RELIGIOUS LIBERTY, BUT DOESA FOR-PROFIT ORGANIZATION

HAVE RELIGIOUS LIBERTY? YES, THESUPREME COURT SAID TODAY

IN A 5-4 DECISION.

>> Jon: YES, A RULING CAME DOWNIN THE CASE OF HOBBY LOBBY V.

DIRTY, DIRTYCONTRACEPTION WHORES.

FINAL SCORE HOBBY LOBBY 5,WHORES 4.

SORRY, WHORES.

ASIDE FROM CODIFYING THESOMEWHAT ODD NOTION THAT

CORPORATIONS CAN HAVE DEEPLYFELT RELIGIOUS BELIEFS, ONE

THING STRUCK ME ABOUT THEDECISION.

HOBBY LOBBY DIDN'T WANT ITSEMPLOYEES INSURANCE TO COVER

CERTAIN CONTRACEPTIVE METHODSSUCH AS PLAN "B" BECAUSE

THEY SAID THAT METHODCAUSED ABORTIONS.

THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THATIS...IS...IT'S NOT...

WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR,TRUE.

AT LEAST ACCORDING TO THE FOODAND DRUG ADMINISTRATION AND THE

AMERICAN COLLEGE OFOBSTETRICIANS AND GYNECOLOGISTS,

ALTHOUGH WHAT DO THEYKNOW ABOUT VAGINAS?

I DON'T THINK... NOT AS MUCH ASTHE OWNERS OF A STORE THAT SELLS

FOAM CONES AND GLITTER.

LOOK, HERE'S THEJURISPRUDENCE BEAUTY PART.

TO THE COURT, THE FACT THATHOBBY LOBBY IS OBJECTING TO

ABORTIONS THAT NEVER ACTUALLYHAPPEN DOESN'T MATTER.

BECAUSE AS JUSTICE ALITO WROTE,IT IS NOT FOR THE COURT TO SAY

THAT THE PLAINTIFF'S RELIGIOUSBELIEFS ARE MISTAKEN OR

UNREASONABLE.

FOR MORE WE GO TO JESSICAWILLIAMS AT THE SUPREME COURT.

JESSICA, THANKS FOR JOINING US.>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]YOU KNOW, I HAVE READ THIS CASE.

THIS SEEMS CRAZY TO ME.

>> OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT,RELAX, JON.

IT'S A MUCH MORE NARROW RULINGTHAN IT SEEMS.

YOU KNOW, HOBBY LOBBY WAS ONLYOBJECTING TO FOUR TYPES OF BIRTH

CONTROL, SO THIS WILL HARDLYAFFECT ANYONE.

>> Jon: WOW.

>> UNLESS, YOU KNOW,THERE'S SOME RELIGION OUT

THERE THAT'S OPPOSED TOALL CONTRACEPTION.

>> Jon: OH LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,CATHOLICISM.

>> OH, RIGHT.

I KNEW I FORGOT ONE.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> BUT STILL, YOU KNOW, THERULING ONLY APPLIES TO SMALL,

CLOSELY HELD COMPANIES.

>> Jon: YEAH, YOU KNOW, WE'VEHEARD THAT TERM "CLOSELY HELD."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, JON, THINK OFIT AS A HUG,

>> Jon: OK, OK. >> A HUG THAT SQUEEZES

ALL THE SLUTS OFF THE HEALTHPLAN.

>> Jon: OH OKAY.

BUT THEN THIS IS, THIS DECISIONIS ONLY LIMITED TO SMALL

PRIVATE BUSINESSES.

>> YEAH, ALTHOUGH,YOU KNOW WHAT, TECHNICALLY NO

BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING IN THEACTUAL COURT DECISION TO STOP

LARGE PUBLIC COMPANIESFROM TRYING TO CLAIM

THE SAME EXEMPTIONS.>> Jon: ALRIGHT.

BUT JUSTICE ALITO DID SAY IT'SEASY FOR INSURERS TO PICK UP ANY

COVERAGE THAT CORPORATIONS OPTOUT OF PROVIDING.

>> Jon: BUT, I SENSE AN ALTHOUGHCOMING.

>> RIGHT. ALTHOUGH A FEW DAYSLATER IN THE WHEATON CASE, THE

COURT ALSO SAID THAT EVEN HAVINGTO DO THE OPT-OUT PAPERWORK

MIGHT VIOLATE COMPANY'SRELIGIOUS PRINCIPLES.

>> OH DEAR LORD, SO A COMPANY'SPRINCIPLES COULD BE ALMOST

ANYTHING. JEHOVAH'S WITNESSESOPPOSE BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS.

SCIENTOLOGISTS OBJECT TOANTIDEPRESSANTS.

I IMAGINE THE AMISH AREN'T TOOKEEN ON AMBULANCES.

WHERE DOES THIS... WHEREDOES THIS END?

>> I GUESS...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> I'LL TELL YOU WHERE IT ENDS.

>> Jon: WHOA.

WHOA.

>> JON, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THISALL ENDS.

IT ENDS WITH PANTLESS MONDAYS.

>> Jon: JASON, WE HAVE TALKEDABOUT THIS.

YOU CANNOT COME TO WORKWITHOUT PANTS.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

I CAN'T, BUT MY CORPORATIONJONESY WONESY HAS A BONESY LLC

CAN DO WHATEVER THE [BLEEPED] ITWANTS.

AND AS A DEVOTELY RELIGIOUSCORPORATION, I CANNOT LET PANTS

JEOPARDIZE THE HEALTH ANDSAFETY OF THE BABY I HAVE

GROWING IN MY DICK.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I'M SORRY.

THE WHAT NOW?

>> YOU HEARD ME, JON.

I'VE GOT A DICK BABY.

>> Jon: I DON'T. REALLY, JASON,THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS

A DICK BABY.

>> I SINCERELY BELIEVE THATTHERE IS.

>> JON, HE'S BEEN DOING THISDICK BABY THING ALL DAMN DAY.

>> DON'T BELITTLE MY FAITH,WOMAN!

>> Jon: ALRIGHT. JASON, YOURFAITH WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE

ALSO FORBID YOU TOFLUSH THE TOILET AFTER

YOU USE IT, WOULD YOU?

>> NO JON, THAT'S IN THEBIBLE.

LEVITICUS 721: THOU SHALT NOTTOUCH NO UNCLEAN THING.

>> Jon: WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.

>> YES, YOU WILL, JON.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA.

WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THATSOUND?

>> JON, WE TIED A BELL TO HIS

DONG SO WE KNOW WHEN HE'SCOMING.

>> Jon: I DO HAVE TO SAY,JASON, AS I... I HOPE, IT LOOKS

LIKE THE CAMERA ADDS TEN POUNDS.

[LAUGHTER]>> I DON'T... OH, NO, NO, NO,

THAT'S THE BABY WEIGHT.

>> Jon: ALRIGHT. JESSICAWILLIAMS AND JASON JONES,

EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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