Colbert Super PAC - Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert

  • Aired:  01/17/12
  •  | Views: 331,359

As a citizen addressing the general public, Stephen calls on the Colbert Super PAC not to run vicious character assassinations ads that can be traced back to him. (8:39)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

NOW, AS YOU KNOW, I AM THE PROUD

NEW OWNER OF A SUPERPAC WHICH

SOUNDED GREAT AT FIRST.

PRACTICALLY UNLIMITED MONEY TO

SPEND HOWEVER I WANTED.

THEN I SAW SOMETHING ON MORNING

JOE THAT, WELL, FRANKLY SCARED

ME.

>> SUPERPACS HAVE TO BE ENTIRELY

SEPARATE FROM A CAMPAIGN AND A

CANDIDATE.

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO COMMUNICATE

WITH A SUPERPAC IN ANY WAY,

SHAPE, OR FORM.

>> SO YOU'RE NOT COORDINATING

ANY WAY WHATSOEVER?

>> MY GOODNESS IF WE COORDINATE

IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER WE GO TO

THE BIG HOUSE.

>> Jon: (GASPS)

WHICH ONE OF YOUR BIG HOUSES DO

YOU GO TO?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THE BEACH HOUSE OR THE SKI

CHALET?

OR THE BIG HOUSE... I DON'T WANT

TO GO TO JAIL.

THIS IS SERIOUS.

I NEED GUIDANCE.

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I REALLY NEED HELP.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING

ME.

>> Jon: NO, I NEED HELP.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

>> JON, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU, MY FRIENDS.

THANK YOU.

JON, JON, PLEASE, CAN WE MAKE

THIS QUICK?

>> Jon: MAKE IT QUICK?

>> I WANT TO MAKE SURE LIAM

NEESON GETS ENOUGH TIME TO TALK

ABOUT "THE GRAY."

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: VERY SUSPENSEFUL.

I'M CONCERNED.

I DON'T WANT TO SEEM UNGRATEFUL

FOR THE STAGGERING AMOUNT OF

MONEY WITH ALMOST NO LIMITATIONS

YOU PUT AT MY DISPOSAL FROM THE

SUPERPAC.

>> AS YOU KNOW, JON, FEDERAL LAW

PROHIBITS ME FROM COORDINATING

WITH YOU.

>> Jon: DAMN IT!

SO CLOSE YET STYMIED BY THE

UNPOSSIBLY STRICT REGULATIONS

CONCERNING FEDERAL ELECTIONS.

>> JON, IF I MAY, THERE IS ONE

SMALL LOOP-CHASM.

>> I'M CALLING ON THE SUPERPAC.

I CANNOT COORDINATE OR

COMMUNICATE WITH THEM DIRECTLY

BUT I CAN SPEAK OUT AS A CITIZEN

TALKING TO YOU.

I'M CALLING ON THEM TO EDIT OUT

EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE OR TO PULL

THE ENTIRE FILM.

>> I CAN'T TELL YOU, BUT I CAN

TELL EVERYONE THROUGH

TELEVISION.

AND IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE

WATCHING, WELL, I CAN'T PREVENT

THAT, JON.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: STEPHEN, I DON'T HAVE

TIME TO WATCH YOUR SHOW TONIGHT.

WAIT A SECOND.

OH, I HAVE AN IDEA.

HOLD ON.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IS THAT GOING TO WORK?

THAT'S GOING TO WORK.

>> I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

I GOT IT.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST SET IT TO

"THE COLBERT REPORT."

>> TONIGHT I TALK TO JON STEWART

ABOUT SUPERPACS WITHOUT

COORDINATING WITH HIM!

THIS IS "THE KOHL BARE REPORT!"

THANK YOU, AUDIENCE, PLEASE,

PLEASE SIT DOWN.

(LAUGHTER)

NATION, SO MUCH TO GET TO

TONIGHT, BUT FIRST I AM CALLING

ON THE SUPERPAC.

I CANNOT COORDINATE WITH THEM, I

CAN'T COMMUNICATE DIRECTLY, BUT

I CAN SPEAK OUT AS A CITIZEN

TALKING TO YOU AND I'M CALLING

ON THEM NOT TO RUN VICIOUS

CHARACTER ASSASSINATION ADS ADS THAT

IMPUGN AND BORDERLINE SLANDER

ANY CANDIDATE IF IN ANY WAY

THOSE ADS COULD BE TRACED BACK

TO ME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHAT DID HE SAY?

IT'S SO OBTUSE.

I JUST WISH WE COULD COMMUNICATE

DIRECTLY AND CLEARLY.

IT'S SO FRUSTRATING.

I WONDER, IS "AMERICAN IDOL" ON?

♪ I GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER, I

GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGGER... ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: I TELL YOU WHAT, DOG,

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TRY

CHRISTINA, YOU'VE GOT TO BRING

IT.

HEY, WHAT'S ON B.E.T.?

>> NOTHING'S ON B.E.T.!

>> Jon: FINE!

NOT WORKING!

GET RID OF THIS EVE AND

EVERYTHING.

I JUST... I FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT

TO CALL THE LAWYER FOR MY

SUPERPAC.

>> NOT BEFORE I CALL THE LAWYER

FOR THE EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE.

>> Jon: WELL, WHO SHOULD WE

CALL FIRST?

>> WELL, SINCE THEY ARE THE SAME

PERSON, WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL

AT THE SAME TIME.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S

LEGAL.

HERE WE GO.

(PHONE RINGS)

>> HELLO?

>> Jon: HELLO?

TREVOR.

ARE YOU THERE?

>> HELLO, STEPHEN?

>> HI, IT'S TREVOR POTTER,

EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HI, I AM SITTING HERE...

SUPERSTAR CAMPAIGN LAWYER.

I AM SITTING HERE WITH JON

STEWART.

>> Jon: BUT DON'T WORRY, WE'RE

NOT COORDINATING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> OKAY.

GOOD.

THAT'S GOOD.

>>

>> Jon: TREVOR, I DON'T KNOW

IF I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING.

CAN I TELL STEPHEN WHAT I'VE

DONE WITH IT?

>> YES.

BUT REMEMBER, STEPHEN CANNOT

REQUEST, SUBJECT, OR ASSESS TO

ANY OF THE SUPERPAC'S ACTIVITY.

>> GOT IT.

SO JUST SPEAK UP IF WE CROSS THE

LINE.

>> WILL DO.

>> Jon: LAST WEEKEND I BOUGHT

FIVE 60-SECOND AD LOTS ON

CHANNEL A WCSC.

>> CHARLES ON THE'S NEWS LEADER.

>> Jon: (GASPS)

OKAY.

THE AIRTIME COSTS $3600 AND IN

IT I ACCUSE MITT ROMNEY OF BEING

A SERIAL KILLER.

(LAUGHTER)

IS THAT OKAY, STEPHEN?

>> I CANNOT COORDINATE WITH YOU

IN ANY WAY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT MOVING ON.

LAST NIGHT THE SUPERPAC THAT

SUPPORTS YOU BUT WHICH I CONTROL

INDEPENDENTLY RAN ANOTHER AD IN

SOUTH CAROLINA AT A TOTAL

PRODUCTION COST OF $15,000

EQUATING WITH A VOTE FOR HERMAN

CAIN WITH A VOTE FOR STEPHEN

COLBERT.

ANY THOUGHTS ON THAT, STEPHEN?

>> I CANNOT COORDINATE WITH YOU

IN ANY WAY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I HAVEN'T SEEN THE AD BUT

WHEN I WATCHED IT, I THOUGHT

THAT THE FINAL SHOT OF A

HANDSOME MAN SMILING COULD HAVE

BEEN A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

AND WAS A LITTLE... WITH A

LITTLE COLOR CORRECTION AND

MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE DONE

SOMETHING ABOUT THE CROW'S FEET.

BUT AS I SAY, I HAVE NOT SEEN

IT, JON, AND I CANNOT COORDINATE

WITH YOU IN ANY WAY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: WELL, I HAPPEN TO

THINK IT LOOKED NICE AND IT WAS

A VERY FLATTERING PICTURE OF

YOU.

>> I WOULDN'T KNOW.

TREVOR...

>> Jon: I THINK WE LOST HIM.

ARE YOU STILL THERE?

>> YES, I AM.

>> Jon: HOLY (BLEEP).

THIS IS STILL LEGAL?

>> IT SHOULD BE OKAY, SO FAR.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, I HAVE SOME

FUTURE PLANS.

>> I CAN'T COORDINATE.

>> Jon: THE NEXT SUPERPAC

ATTACK AD ATTACK IT IS ATTACK

ADS OF ROMNEY AND GINGRICH'S

UNCOORDINATED SUPERPAC ADS.

THEY'LL BE RUNNING IN HEAD OF

THE CHARLES ON THE.

>> I CANNOT COORDINATE IN ANY

WAY.

>> Jon: AND WE THOUGHT MAYBE

WE'D BUY TIME IN COLUMBIA, SOUTH

CAROLINA.

>> UM, I CANNOT COORDINATE IN

ANYWAY.

>> Jon: THEN I DECIDED NO,

WE'RE JUST GOING DO IN THE

CHARLESTON.

>> I CANNOT COORDINATE IN ANY

WAY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

TREVOR?

>> STILL HERE.

>> Jon: YOU HEARD ALL THAT?

NOBODY'S GOING TO THE BIG HOUSE.

>> WELL, IT DOESN'T SOUND AS

THOUGH YOU VIOLATED THE

COORDINATION RULE.

EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE CRIMINAL

PENALTIES THAT ARE ON THE BOOKS,

NOBODY I CAN THINK OF HAS GONE

TO JAIL SOLELY FOR COORDINATING.

SO THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL

BETTER.

YOU MIGHT GET FINED.

>> Jon: FINED?

HOW MUCH?

>> FOUR TO SIX FIGURES.

>> Jon: FOUR TO SIX FIGURES?

WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT

KIND OF...

(LAUGHTER).

TREVOR?

I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO SOUND A

LITTLE CRAZY AND... AS A MATTER

OF FACT I FEEL WEIRDLY CRIMINAL

EVEN ASKING BUT IF I GET FINED

COULD I PAY THAT WITH SUPERPAC

MONEY?

>> YES, PROBABLY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WELL, STEPHEN, IT HAS

BEEN GREAT NOT COORDINATING WITH

YOU.

>> AND IT HAS BEEN GREAT NOT

COORDINATING WITH YOU, MY

FRIEND!

>> Jon:LY SEE YOU TONIGHT ON

THE RIDE HOME.

>> ON THE BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO?

>> Jon: STEPHEN COLBERT,

EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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