Tarred Heels

  • Aired:  04/26/12
  •  | Views: 58,183

John Edwards' trial begins, and North Carolina's Democratic Party chairman, David Parker, faces questions over the alleged sexual misconduct of his subordinate, Jay Parmley. (4:47)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, SO,

MURDOCH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL RACE IS FINALLY SET.

ROMNEY WILL BE FOR THE REPUBLICANS, BARACK OBAMA THE DEMOCRATS.

OF COURSE THEY'LL BE HEADING DOWN TO CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA, FOR THEIR CONVENTION

THIS SUMMER.

WE'LL BE THERE, TOO.

LET'S SEE HOW DEMOCRATS IN THE TAR HEEL STATE ARE FARING THESE DAYS.

>> FORMER NORTH CAROLINA SENATOR JOHN EDWARDS ARRIVING IN COURT.

EDWARDS IS ACCUSED OF ACCEPTING ALMOST $1 MILLION IN ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS TO HIDE

HIS MISTRESS FROM THE PRESS WHILE HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT,

THOUGH?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HE STILL LOOKS GOOD, STILL LOOKS GOOD.

REMEMBER THE TWO AMERICAS GUY THAT YOU THOUGHT PACKED UP AND MOVED TO THE OTHER AMERICA.

BUT, NO, HE'S STILL HERE!

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, DEMOCRATS ARE PROBABLY HOPING THE FORMALITY OF I TRIAL WILL BRING SOME DIGNITY TO THIS

OTHERWISE-TAWDRY AFFAIR.

>> EDWARDS CALLED HIS MISTRESS A CRAZY BLANK.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: I LOVE THIS GAME.

CRAZY 8s?

CRAZY LOVE?

CRAZY CUTE?

CRAZY EDDIE?

>> CALLING HER A "CRAZY SHUT."

>> Jon: THANK YOU.

I ASSUME EDWARDS MEANT A PROFICIENCIUOUS PERSON WHO BEHAVES RECKLESSLY, WHO

SCREWSUT'RE AROUND WITHOUT THOUGHT OF ONE'S LIFE AND CAREER, YEAH.

SHE'S THE CRAZY SLUT, YEAH.

BUT I COULD SEE WHY CBS WOULDN'T WANT TO USE THAT WORD "SLUT, YOU

KNOW, ON TELEVISION, GIVEN THE REFINED SENSIBILITY OF THEIR PRIME-TIME SHOW.

>> I'M NOT A SLUT.

>> YOU'RE A WHO ARE.

>> DRUNKEN WHORE.

>> BITCH.

>> Jon: THE STORY GETS WEIRDER AND WEIRDER.

APPARENTLY WHEN EDWARDS FIRST FOUND OUT HIS MISTRESS WAS PREGNANT, EDWARDS QUESTIONED

WHETHER HE WAS ACTUALLY THE FATHER.

>> JOHN EDWARDS CLAIMED THERE WAS ONLY A ONE IN THREE CHANCE

HE WAS HIS MISTRESS' BABY DADDY.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: ONE IN THREE CHANCE.

THE ODDS ARE AGAINST IT.

DO WE HAVE ANY FOOTAGE OF THE BABY, THOUGH?

CAN WE TAKE A LOOK AT THAT?

( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS-- THAT IS THE CREEPIEST

THING ANY OF US WILL SEE IN A VERY LONG TIME.

BUT JOHN EDWARDS IS THE PARTY'S PAST.

THE MODERN DEMOCRATIC PARTY IN NORTH CAROLINA IS A WELL-OILED MACHINE.

>> THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE NORTH CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC PARTY,

HAS RESIGNED.

>> HE WAS ACCUSED OF SEXUALLY HARASSING A MALE EMPLOYEE.

>> Jon: LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE-- NO LOVE CHILD.

( LAUGHTER ) BUT HEY, THAT'S OLD NEWS ANYWAY.

NOW ALL EYES ARE ON THE PARTY'S CHAIRMAN, DAVID PARKER WHO

DIDN'T FIRE APARTMENTLY WHEN THE ALLEGATIONS CAME TO LIGHT.

WHY?

>> WHEN HE TALKED WITH YOU, HE IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT WILL SHAKE YOUR HAND AND PUT HIS

HAND-- HIS OTHER HAND ON YOUR SHOULDER.

NOTHING IMPROPER ABOUT THAT.

IT'S JUST WHO HE IS.

THERE'S A LEG TOUCH.

HE REACHES AROUND BEHIND,

THROUGH, APPARENTLY BUCKET SEATS, WHACKED HIM ON THE LEG TO WAKE HIM UP.

IT'S NOT SEXUAL.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN THIS SHOULDER RUBBING HAPPENED.

SOME MEN LIKE TO PRETEND THEY'RE GOING TO WHACK YOU IN A PARTICULARLY PAINFUL PLACE.

THERE'S NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT THAT.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: COME ON, EVERYBODY!

WHAT ARE YOU SO UPSET?

B?

CAN'TA GROWN MAN PUNCH ANOTHER GROWN MAN IN THE DONG WHILE AT WORK?

WHAT KIND OF DISTONIA DO WE LIVE IN HERE?

( LAUGHTER ) WHEN THAT LOGIC FAILED, PARKER

USED A DIFFERENT TACT.

>> PARKER CALLED JAY APARTMENTLY NOTHING MORE THAN A CLOSE TALKER.

>> Jon: WOW.

IN FACT HE STANDS SO CLOSE TO YOU WHEN HE SPEAKS IT'S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM NOT TO TOUCH

YOUR BALLS.

BY THE WAY, A CLOSE FAULKNER WHAT IS THIS, THE SEINFELD DEFENSE IN CAROLINA?

DOES THAT WORK FOR OTHER CRIMES?

"SO I WAS ON THE SUBWAY, AND I WAS GOING TO WORK,

YADDY-YADDY-YADDA.

I ENDED UP JERKING OFF IN THIS WOMAN'S CUP." WHAT?

( LAUGHTER ) CONGRATULATIONS, NORTH CAROLINA.

YOU HAVE BECOME THE DEMOCRATS' SOUTH CAROLINA.

BEFORE LONG, YOUR GOVERNOR WILL BE TAKING TANGO LESSONS ON THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL AND YOUR

RESIDENTS WILL BE CLOSE TALKING YOUR HORSES, AND THEN

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