Fifty Shades of No Way - Obamacare & Government Shutdown

  • Aired:  09/24/13
  •  | Views: 53,832

Give America one small taste of entitlements and suddenly it's addicted to not having its old people freeze to death and live off cat food. (3:57)

REPEAL, DEFUND, INFORMATIONBLACKOUT, MISINFORMED, APPEAL

TO FEAR OF ANAL PUPPET FINGERBANGING.

[ LAUGHTER ][ LAUWHAT IF NONE OF THESE

CONSTRUCTIVE SOLUTIONSTO IMPROVING OBAMACARE

WORK?

>> SOME REPUBLICANS INCONGRESS ARE THREATENING TO

SHUTDOWN THE GOVERNMENT UNLESSTHE PRESIDENT AGREES TO STRIP

OUT FUNDING FOR OBAMACARE.

>> Jon: TO REPUBLICANS THAT'SNOT A THREAT THAT'S A GOAL.

NWASN'T THAT THE THEME OF LASTYEAR'S REPUBLICAN CONVENTION?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]FILTHY.

[LAUGHTER]HOW DO YOU -- LET YOU READ IT AT

YOUR OWN PACE.

[ LAUGHTER ]AS THE ROLL WENT

AROUND THE ROOM SOME WERE DONE.

SOME WERE JUST GETTING TO THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY A GOVERNMENT

SHUTDOWN?

>> I BELIEVE NOTHING IS HURTINGTHE AMERICAN PEOPLE MORE,

NOTHING IS HURTING THE ECONOMYMORE, NOTHING IS DAMAGING JOBS

MORE THAN OBAMACARE.

>> NOTHING MAKES FOOD TAKESWORSE.

NOTHING MAKES IT HARDER TO GETAN ERECTION, NOTHING RUINS

BREAKING BAD LIKE OBAMACARE.

OBAMACARE WILL MURDER YOUR HOPE.

>> WHAT WOULD A GOVERNMENTSHUTDOWN DO?

>> BASED ON THE LAST SHUTDOWN IN1995 HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF

FEDERAL WORKERS SENT HOMEWITHOUT PAY.

MANY IF NOT MOST FEDERAL OFFICESAND PROGRAMS WILL BE CLOSED AND

SHUTDOWN.

DURING THE LAST SHUTDOWN 200,000PASSPORT APPLICATIONS WERE NOT

PROCESSED.

>> Jon: PRESIDENT OBAMA WILLBE FORCED TO GET AROUND ON AIR

FORCE 3.

THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT'SFLUFFER WILL BE FURLOUGHED.

[ LAUGHTER ]WHY IS THAT -- WE COULDN'T HAVE

POINTED THAT IN THE OTHERDIRECTION?

[ LAUGHTER ]FOR GOD SAKES.

MOVE ON.

MOVE ON.

[ LAUGHTER ]THERE'S A JOKE ASSOCIATED WITH

THAT BUT I DIDN'T GET TO ITBECAUSE IT MOVED ON.

[ LAUGHTER ]ALL RIGHT.

FORGET IT.

LET'S GO.

I GUESS IF YOU REALLY SINCERELYBELIEVE THIS IS A TERRIBLE

PROGRAM THAT AMERICANS WILLHATE, I HAVE TO RESPECT YOUR

PRINCIPLED STAND TED CRUZ.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION'SPLAN IS SIMPLE: TO GET AS MANY

AMERICANS ADDICTED TO THESUBSIDIES, ADDICTED TO THE SUGAR

BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT IN MODERNTIMES NO MAJOR ENTITLEMENT HAS

GONE INTO EFFECT AND THEN BEENUNDONE.

>> Jon: BUT THE SUGAR IN YOURMETAPHOR IS IN THIS CASE HEALTH

INSURANCE, SOMETHING THAT CANLITERALLY BATTLE THE EFFECTS OF

TOO MUCH SUGAR.

YOU KNOW HOW AMERICA IS WITHENTITLEMENTS IT'S LIKE CRACK TO

US.

YOU GIVE US ONE SMALL TASTE OFSOCIAL SECURITY SUDDENLY WE'RE

SUCKING THE (bleep) OF NOTHAVING OUR OLD PEOPLE FREEZE TO

DEATH AND LIVE ONCAT FOOD.

THAT'S IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YOU ARE PROTECTING AMERICA FROM

THIS TERRIBLE OBAMACARE PLANTHAT ONCE WE GET A TASTE OF

WE'LL NEVER WANT TO BE WITHOUT.

YOU ONLY WIN IF THE PROGRAMFAILS.

OBAMACARE IS YOUR SPRINGTIME FORHITLER.

IT TURNS OUT THE REPUBLICANS ARENOT AFRAID WE'RE ALL GOING TO

GET FINGER BANGED BY A PUPPETUNCLE SAM, THEY ARE AFRAID WE

GONNA LIKE IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

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