Barackalypse Now

  • Aired:  05/20/13
  •  | Views: 117,026

The Obama administration sends out some guy to address the myriad scandals threatening to engulf the White House. (4:32)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE THE

"DAILY SHOW."

HIGH NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST, PAYING WILL BE

JOINING US.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

SHE'S, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY HE IS

THE HOST OF THE POPULAR SHOW

"ELLEN."

( LAUGHTER )

LET'S GET TO OUR TOP STORY

TONIGHT AS THOUGH WE WERE A NEWS

ORGANIZATION.

( LAUGHTER )

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IN

CRISIS MODE.

HURRICANE SANDY STILL SWIRLING.

THE I.R.S., THE AP, THE BENGHAZI

E-MAILS, JOE BIDEN'S SPRING

BREAK.

OH!

IT'S TIME FOR-- THAT'S NOT EVEN

PHOTOSHOPPED

( LAUGHTER )

IT IS TIME FOR SOME DAMAGE

CONTROL, WHICH IS WHY YESTERDAY

THE ADMINISTRATION SENT OUT

WHOEVER THIS GUY IS.

( LAUGHTER )

TO PUT OUT THE FIRE.

>> BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE

I.R.S. WAS UP TO.

>> NORSHOULD WE.

AS I SAID, THERE IS-- THE I.R.S.

IS AN AGENCY THAT HAS A-- HAS A

HISTORICAL INDEPENDENCE.

FOR VERY GOOD REASONS IN THIS

TOWN, WE-- THE-- THE WHITE HOUSE

AND STAYS AS FAR AWAY FROM THE

I.R.S. AND LETS THEM DO THEIR

BUSINESS.

THE CARDINAL RULE IS YOU DON'T

GET INVOLVED IN AN INDEPENDENT

INVESTIGATION.

>> Jon: YOU SWEET, SWEET

BOY.

( LAUGHTER )

I KNOW THE CARDINAL RULE IS YOU

DON'T GET INVOLVED, BUT THE

PROBLEM HERE IS THE GAP BETWEEN

INVOLVED IN AND AWARE OF.

IT'S LIKE YOUR KIDS WANT TO MAKE

DINNER FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE INVOLVED.

BUT YOU SHOULD BE AWARE THAT

THEY'RE DOING IT.

( LAUGHTER )

OR YOU GET STUCK EXPLAINING WHY

YOUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN.

AND--

( LAUGHTER )

CAN I SAY SOMETHING.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THAT, THE

KIDS, EVEN WHEN THE HOUSE IS ON

FIRE.

THEY DON'T LOSE THEIR SMILE.

"OH, THERE'S A FIRE..."

BY THE WAY, WE WEREN'T THE ONLY

ONES WHO WONDERED WHY THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION SENT OUT KEVIN A

OLDER BROTHER FROM "HOME ALONE."

>> I MEAN, THIS IS NO DISRESPECT

TO YOU.

WHY ARE YOU HERE TODAY?

WHY ISN'T THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF

OF STAFF HERE TO TELL US WHAT

HAPPENED?

>> DISPL WHY AM I HERE INSTEAD

OF THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF

STAFF?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE

FUNNIER?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOUNG GUY WHO REALLY DOESN'T

KNOW ANSWERING QUESTIONS.

NOT THAT HAVING ACTUAL

EXPLANATIONS FOR THE SCANDAL

WOULD HAVE EVEN MATTERED.

>> THIS IS JUST ROTTEN TO THE

CORE.

THIS IS ARROGANCE.

THIS IS BIG GOVERNMENT CRONYISM.

>> NANNY STATE IS HERE TO TELL

US ALL WHAT TO DO, AND IF WE

START CRITICIZING, YOU GET

TARGETED.

>> ALL THREE OF THESE SCANDALS

MAKES A CLUSTER THAT IMPLIES

SOME VERY BAD THINGS.

>> LITERALLY, THE DECISIONS OF

OUR LIFE AND DEATH MAY VERY WELL

BE IN THE HANDS OF THE I.R.S.

>> I DON'T THINK WE KNOW WHAT

THE FACTS ARE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: YOU MISSED LAST

BIT.

PLAY THE LAST BIT AGAIN.

JUST GIVE THEM THE LAST BIT

AGAIN.

THEY MISSED THE LAST THING

BECAUSE THEY WERE LAUGHING AT

MICHELLE BACHMAN BECAUSE SHE'S

( BLEEP ) INSANE.

>> I DON'T THINK WE KNOW WHAT

THE FACTS ARE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon:-- HERE'S WHAT I

KNOW-- I I SAID, LIFE AND DEATH.

ARROGANT CLUSTER... LIFE OR

DEATH.

THE FACTS ARE ( BLEEP ).

UN.

( LAUGHTER.

UN YES, THE ADMINISTRATION'S

LACK OF TRANSPARENCY IS EQUAL

ONLY TO THE REPUBLICANS', AS OF

NOW, FACT-FREE, BONE-DEEP

CERTAINTY AND CONTEMPT.

AND THIS, MY FRIEND.

>> ABC NEWS TRUMPETED AN

EXCLUSIVE STORY THAT PURPORTED

TO REVEAL E-MAILS PROVING THAT

THE WHITE HOUSE HAD MEDDLED WITH

THE BEG TALKING POINTS LAST

SEPTEMBER.

>> PART OF HIS STORY TURNED OUT

TO HAVE BEEN BASED ON AN

INACCURATE SUMMARY OF E-MAILS

THAT MADE THINGS LOOK WORSE FOR

THE WHITE HOUSE.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: CAN ANYBODY DO

THEIR JOBS IN THAT TOWN.

?O NOW EVEN THE PRESIDENT IS

MESSING UP.

WE FOUND AN E-MAIL WHERE THE

STATE DEPARTMENT SAID THEY

WANTED TO EDIT IT TO REFLECT

POLITICAL CONCERNS.

OH

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