Back in Black - Nanny State

  • Aired:  11/16/10
  •  | Views: 155,832

San Francisco gives away clean syringes to heroin addicts, but won't let your kid have a Buzz Lightyear with his Happy Meal because it sends the wrong message. (4:59)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

WHEN A NEWS STORY FALLS THROUGH

THE CRACKS LEWIS BLACK CATCHES

ITS FOR A SEGMENT WE CALL: BACK

IN BLACK.

♪ ♪

>> PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS UPSET ABOUT

THE ROLE OF GOVERNMENT IN OUR

LIVES.

SOME BECAUSE OF GOVERNMENT IS

OVERPROTECTING US BY KEEPING US

TOO SAFE, SOUND AND COMPLETELY

MISERABLE.

[LAUGHTER]

SOME BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT IS

UNDERPROTECTING US BY GIVING US

THE FREEDOM TO KILL OURSELVES IN

THE FUNNIEST WAYS IMAGINABLE.

DON'T YOU WORRY, THE HATS WERE

FINE.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHERE DOES THE NANNY STATE

DRAW THE LINE?

SAY YOU ARE INDULGING IN

AMERICA'S FAVORITE OUTDOOR PAST

TIME, SMOKING, FOR THE 12

MILLIONTH TIME THE GOVERNMENT

HAS COME UP WITH A FOOLPROOF WAY

TO STOP YOU FROM DOING IT AND

THIS TIME IT'S REALLY GO TO

WORK.

[LAUGHTER]

>> THE F.D.A. IS ROLLING OUT THE

MOST GRAPHIC WARNINGS YET

COVERING HALF THE CIGARETTE PACK

>> REALLY?

HOW WILL THIS IMAGE GET US TO

QUIT SMOKING WHEN IT'S BASICALLY

THE SAME IMAGE THAT GETS US TO

BUY A MOVIE TICKET?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE TRUTH IS YOU'LL NEVER

DISCOURAGE YOUNG PEOPLE FROM

SMOKING BY SAYING IT WILL KILL

THEM.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP THEM

FROM LIGHTING UP, LAUNCH A

PROSMOKING CAMPAIGN THAT LINKS

CIGARETTES TO VIRGINITY.

[LAUGHTER]

OR BETTER YET, I LIKE THE VERY

REAL LINK BETWEEN CIGARETTES AND

NOT HAVING ANY MONEY.

[LAUGHTER]

MEANWHILE, THE ONE THING PEOPLE

WON'T STAND FOR, THE GOVERNMENT

INTERFERING WITH OUR TRAVEL

PLANS.

>> THE ANGER CONTINUES TO BUILD

OVER WHAT YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH

WHEN YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT.

>> FULL BODY SCANNING AT

AIRPORTS.

THEY ARE CALLING THE SCREENINGS

A HEALTH RISK AND INVASIVE.

>> THERE ARE A LOT OF OBJECTIONS

HERE.

THE HEALTH CONCERNS, THE PRIVACY

CONCERNS.

I THINK THE AMERICAN PUBLIC HAS

BECOME INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED.

>> I SEE SO IN THE NAME OF

FIGHTING TERRORISM WE'RE WILLING

TO START WARS, WATERBOARD PEOPLE

AND KILL CIVILIANS WITH UNMANNED

DRONES BUT THE ONE LINE WE WON'T

CROSS IS OUR WAIST LINE.

BUT IF SCANNERS ARE TOO MUCH FOR

YOU YOU CAN OPT FOR A GOOD OLD

FASHIONED PAT DOWN.

>> WE'RE DOING A GROIN CHECK.

I'LL PUT A HAND HERE AND A HAND

ON YOUR INNER THY.

YOU CAN HAVE THE SCREENING.

>> IF YOU TOUCH MY JUNK, I'M

GOING TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

[LAUGHTER]

>> WAIT A SECOND!

I GET TO GO FROM NEW YORK TO SAN

DIEGO IN FIVE HOURS AND SOMEONE

TOUCHES MY BALLS?

THAT'S A GREAT DEAL!

[LAUGHTER]

MAYBE I SHOULD CHARGE THEM A

BAGGAGE HANDLING FEE.

[LAUGHTER]

THEN AT LEAST WE CAN TAKE

COMFORT THAT THERE ARE SOME

ACTIVITIES THAT GOVERNMENT CAN

NEVER REGULATE LIKE THE SIMPLE

ACT OF BEING HAPPY.

>> SAN FRANCISCO IS TAKING THE

HAPPY OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN'S

FAST FOOD MEAL.

LAWMAKER AS PROVED A BAN ON TOYS

IN MEALS HIGH IN CALORIES AND

HIGH IN FAT.

>> SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT:

THE TOWN THAT GIVES AWAY CLEAN

SYRINGES TO HEROIN ADDICTS WON'T

LET YOUR KID HAVE A BUZZ

LIGHTYEAR WITH HIS HAPPY MEAL

BECAUSE IT SENDS THE WRONG

MESSAGE.

NO WONDER NO NO ONE ESCAPED ESCAPED FROM

ALCATRAZ, IT WAS MORE FUN THAN

LIVING IN SAN FRANCISCO.

COME ON SAN FRANCISCO, IF YOU

WERE ANY MORE OF A NANNY STATE

YOU WOULD BE REGULATING BABIES.

FIRST A BAN ON HAPPY MEAL TOYS

NOW SAN FRANCISCO MIGHT CONSIDER

BANG CIRCUMSIGNIFICANCE.

>> APPARENTLY YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR

HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO BUT YOUR

FORESKIN IS GOING HOME WITH YOU.

[ APPLAUSE ]

WHERE DID THEY EVEN GET THE IDEA

FOR SUCH A CRAZY LAW?

I GUESS THEY ARE JUST BOWING TO

POPULAR PRESSURE.

>> IF YOU TOUCH MY JUNK, I'M

GOING TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

>> JON?

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

LEWIS BLACK.

PICK UP HIS THIRD BOOK.

IT'S OUT IN STOR

Loading...