Indecision 2012 - Romspringa - Rick Santorum's Surge

  • Aired:  01/03/12
  •  | Views: 221,661

GOP voters try every chocolate in the Republican candidate sampler, including the one that they already know sucks. (3:28)

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THAT'S IT!

ROMSPRINGA'S OVER.

YOU WENT THROUGH EVERYBODY.

YOU GOT TO GO BACK TO ROMNEY.

THERE'S NOBODY ELSE.

UNLESS... OH, LORD, PLEASE, NO.

>> SANTORUM HAS CAUGHT FIRE.

HIS EVENTS NOW OVERFLOWING WITH

SUPPORTERS.

>> HE'S HAD A METEORIC RISE.

>> A SANTORUM SURGE.

>> SANTORUM WAS CONSIDERED THE

LONGEST OF LONG SHOTS.

HE NOW HAS A CHANCE OF WINNING

THE IOWA CAUCUSES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF

HERE!

(LAUGHTER)

SANTORUM.

REALLY?

REPUBLICANS ARE GOING TO TRY

EVERY CHOCOLATE IN THE BOX?

LOOK, LOOK, HERE'S YOUR

CANDIDATES, LET'S CALL IT A

WHITEMAN'S SAMPLER.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU GOT THEM ALL IN THERE?

YOU'RE GOING TO END UP WITH THE

PLAIN CHOCOLATE.

YOU'RE GONNA.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GONNA END

UP.

YOU JUST ARE.

YOU TRIED TO BACHMANN OVER HERE,

TOO MANY NUTS.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT.

NO GOOD.

PERRY.

OH, THE PERRY LOOKS GREAT.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

CAN YOU GET THE PERRY OVER HERE?

OH, LOOK AT THE PERRY.

THAT LOOKS GREAT.

BUT GUESS WHAT?

ALMOND NOUGAT.

WHO PUTS ALMOND NOUGAT IN

CHOCOLATE?

YOU TRIED ALL OF THEM.

ALL OF THEM EXCEPT THIS ONE.

THIS IS THE ONE YOU NEVER TRIED

BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT SUCKS.

THIS ONE?

THAT'S SANTORUM.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S THE ONE THAT HAS THE CHERRY

(BLEEP) ON THE INSIDE.

THE ONE YOU TRY AND PAWN OFF ON

ONE OF YOUR COUSINS.

LOOK AT THIS, LOOK.

LOOK AT THIS.

SEE IT?

LOOK AT THIS (BLEEP) OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

MY CHOCOLATE WAS ALIVE AND NOW

IT'S BLEEDING!

SO THIS IS THE ONE YOU'RE

GETTING.

YOU'RE GETTING ROMNEY IN THE

END.

THE LITTLE MESSENGER BOY.

THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE.

LOOK AT THAT.

HE'S GOT SOME SANTORUM ON HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT IS

TO CLEAN UP WHEN YOU'VE GOT

SANTORUM ON YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE DO

NOT GOOGLE THAT.

(LAUGHTER)

SO THAT'S IT.

YOU END UP WITH ROMNEY, THE

LEAST BAD CHOCOLATE.

AND, BY THE WAY, WHEN YOU DO

ULTIMATELY END UP WITH ROMNEY,

DON'T TRY AND PRETEND THIS IS

THE CHOCOLATE YOU WANTED THE

WHOLE TIME.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE,

NOT BECAUSE ROMNEY FLIP-FLOPS OR

PRETENDS HE'S AN ORDINARY FELLOW

TRYING TO MAKE IN THE THIS

BLUE-COLLAR WORLD, BUT BECAUSE

ROMNEY'S GOOD IDEAS REEK OF JOHN

KERRYESQUE OUT OF TOUCHEDNESS.

DID YOU WATCH THE COVERAGE OF

TIMES SQUARE IN NEW YEAR'S EVE?

DID YOU SEE MITT ROMNEY BOUGHT

THE SPACE BEHIND THE BALL IN

TIMES SQUARE.

THAT'S SMART.

MAKES PERFECT BUSINESS SENSE.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOUR BUSINESS

IS GETTING PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S LIKE THOSE ADS RIGHT ABOVE

URINALS.

YOUR FIRST THOUGHT IS "THAT'S A

GREAT IDEA, PEOPLE CAN'T GO

ANYWHERE, THEY HAVE TO LOOK AT

IT."

THEN YOUR SECOND THOUGHT IS "I

HATE WHOEVER THE (BLEEP) PUT

THIS HERE."

(LAUGHTER)

SO THAT'S YOUR GUY.

EAT UP.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND

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