The Romney Returns

  • Aired:  07/19/12
  •  | Views: 49,298

Ann Romney assures America that it knows enough about the Romney's finances, but a close look at Mitt's tax returns reveals a variety of tax avoidance schemes. (4:19)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MITT ROMNEY CONTINUES TO REFUSE TO RELEASE HIS TAX RETURNS

FROM ANY YEAR PRIOR TO THE YEARS HE WAS RUNNING FOR, I DON'T KNOW, THE PRESIDENCY.

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE AS HIS WIFE ANN ROMNEY EXPLAINED TODAY Y DON'T YOU ALL SHUT UP.

>> WE'VE GIVEN ALL YOU PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND ABOUT OUR

FINANCIAL SITUATION AND ABOUT HOW WE LIVE OUR LIFE.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW ENOUGH!

YOU HAVE LEARNED THAT WE,

THE ROMNEYS, LIVE IN THE GRAY KNELTER-- NETHERWORLD BETWIXT WHAT IS LEGAL AND WHAT IS MORAL.

WHERE DESIRE MEETS POWER AND ONE FIGHT GET ITS DRUNK,

SLEEPS AND HAS A BABY NAMED PRIVILEGED T MONEYBUCKS.

BUT AS YOU MAY REMEMBER YESTERDAY I REVEALED THAT WE HERE AT THE DAILY SHOW HAVE

COME INTO POSSESSION OF THE SECRET TAX RETURNS IN A SEGMENT WE CALL-- HOW DID WE DO IT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HOW DID WE DO IT?

HOW DID WE GET ACCESS TO ALL OF HIS TAX RETURNS.

WE MADE IT UP.

(LAUGHTER) SUCK ON THAT, WILL McEVOY.

LET'S GET TO IT.

YESTERDAY IN OUR FORUMS WE LEARNED SOME OF THE WAY ITS ROMNEY SPENDS HIS MONEY ARE

SOMEWHAT EXCESSIVE.

BUT NOBODY CARES THAT HE'S RICH.

THEY CARE ABOUT THE INSTITUTIONAL ADVANTAGE THAT HE HAS GOTTEN THROUGH TAX CODE LARGESSE.

SEE, HE'S BEEN DOGGED BY ALLEGATION THESE HIDES HIS MONEY IN TAX-FREE OFFSHORE

ACCOUNTS IN PLACES LIKE THE CAYMANS, SWITZERLAND AND THAT ISLAND FROM "LOST" (LAUGHTER)

PROBLEM THERE IS IT TAKES SIX YEARS TO MAKE A WITHDRAWAL AND EVEN WHEN YOU

GET YOUR MONEY BACK YOU LOOK AT IT AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

YOU STILL CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

BUT UNDERSTAND THIS.

MR. ROMNEY HIDES HIS MONEY NOT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LOVE AMERICA, BUT BECAUSE HE

LOVES US SO MUCH.

HE KNOWS WHAT MONEY DOES TO PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER) HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE MONEY CORRUPT HIM.

OF COURSE MITT ROMNEY COULD ONLY KEEP SOME OF MONEY OFFSHORE WHICH IS WHY WE

FOUND IN THESE FORMS MITT ROMNEY HAS BEEN A PIONEER IN A NEW SYSTEM OF TAX

AVOIDANCE N 2006 HE PUT $12 MILLION INTO HOVER MONEY.

IT'S ONE OF THOSE GAME SHOW STYLE CASH BLOWING MACHINES INSURANCING THAT HIS MONEY

NEVER TOUCHES AMERICAN SOIL LONG ENOUGH TO BE TAXABLE.

(LAUGHTER) A VAST IMPROVEMENT OVER HIS FIRST IDEA-- (APPLAUSE) A VAST IMPROVEMENT OVER THE

FIRST IDEA REINCOMED IN HIS 2005 RETURNS, HIRING MILLIONS OF MONEY JUGGLERS.

THIS IS ALL IN ADDITION TO ROMNEY'S ON-SHORE OFF-SHORE ACCOUNTS.

ACCORDING TO HIS 2002 HE RETURN HE DIDN'T JUST SEND MONEY TO SWITZERLAND, HE

PURCHASED A TOWN IN AMERICA FOR AN INTERNAL BANK,

POPULATED IT WITH SWISS PEOPLE AND STUFFED MONEY UP THEIR ASSESES, BECAUSE THE

INSIDES OF SWISS PEOPLE ALSO TECHNICALLY SWISS SOIL AND IMMUNE TO AMERICAN TAX LAW.

BY THE WAY F THAT'S NOT UNCOMFORTABLE ENOUGH, INSIDE EACH ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE IS

ALSO A TOOTH PICK, TWEEZERS AND A CORK SCREW.

BECAUSE-- THEY'RE SWISS AND ARE MULTIFUNCTIONAL.

YOU ARE PROBABLY ASKING,

WHAT HAPPENS IF HE NEEDS HIS MONEY RIGHT AWAY.

IT'S IN SWISS PEOPLE'S COLONS AND THEY ARE NOTORIOUSLY CONSTIPATED PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER) -- MUCILI YOU SAY, NO T WILL TAKE TOO LONG.

MITT ROMNEY PLAYS A GAME HE CALLS SWISS PINATA AND HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR A

BLINDFOLD WHERE IS THE FUN IF THAT, I'M SAYING WHEN MITT ROMNEY NEEDS MONEY

QUICKLY HE BEATS A SWISS PERSON UNTIL THEY BREAK OPEN.

AT LEAST ACCORDING TO THE TAX PAPERS WE HAVE.

I'M SURE IF THERE IS ANYTHING ELSE WE NEED UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE

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