Tropic Plunder

  • Aired:  04/02/14
  •  | Views: 34,361

With crackdowns hitting offshore banking in the Cayman Islands, deranged millionaire John Hodgman embarks on a bold journey to protect his extensive assets. (5:16)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]MONEY -- MONEY IT'S SOMETHING

THAT WEALTHY PEOPLE LIKE VERYMUCH TO HIDE. IT'S GETTING

HARDER AND HARDER TOFIND ON OVERSEAS BANK

TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY. OURRESIDENT DERANGED MILLIONAIRE

JOHN HODGMAN SHARES HISAMAZING JOURNEY.

>> THANK YOU, JON, AS YOU KNOWTHE WEALTHY ARE THE MOST

PERSECUTED MINORITY IN THEWORLD.

WE'VE BEEN FORCED FROM OURHOMES.

WELL, WE KEPT OUR HOMES BUT OURMONEY HAS BEEN FORCED IN EXILE

HOUNDED FROM ONE TAX SHELTER TOTHE NEXT.

FOR YEARS WE RELIED UPON THECAYMAN ISLANDS TO GIVE OUR MONEY

A BETTER LIFE BUT RECENTLY THEDEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE HAS

CRACKED DOWN ON OUR BANKINGHAVEN SO I WENT TO MIAMI,

GATEWAY TO THE WORLD OFINTERNATIONAL ASSET PROTECTION.

YOU'LL NEVER FIND A MOREWRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND

VILLAINY, ALSO SOME PRETTYGOOD CUBAN SANDWICHES.

TO EXPLORE MY OPTIONS, I METWITH OFFSHORE BANKING

EXPERT DAVID MARCHANT ABOARD THEAYN RAND THEMED YACHT.

SO WHERE COULD I GO NOW TO GETTHE OLD FASHIONED CAYMAN ISLANDS

TREATMENT?

>> IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN OFFSHORE JURISDICTION WHERE TO BE

PERFECTLY FRANK YOU CAN DOWHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO --

>> THAT IS THE POINT OF WEALTH.

>> I WOULD SUGGEST THE COOKISLANDS.

>> HYPOTHETICALLY LET'S SAY IHAVE A BUSINESS THAT ALLOWS

OTHER MILLIONAIRES TO SHOOTPANDA BEARS REMOTELY VIA SKYPE.

>> SHOOTING PANDA BEARSREMOTELY VIA SKYPE I THINK

THE COOK ISLANDS PROBABLY WOULDACCOMMODATE YOU, YES.

>> I LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS.

>> THERE'S A REASON IN THEOFFSHORE WORLD WHY THE COOK

ISLANDS IS KNOWN ASTHE CROOK ISLANDS.

>> [EVIL LAUGH]WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING

MANIACALLY LIKE ME?

>> WE HAVE DIFFERENT MORALSLET'S JUST PUT IT AT THAT.

>> A PLACE LESS MORALTHAN THE CAYMANS? FANTASTIC.

A MASTER OF SHELTERINGMONEY IN THE COOK

ISLANDS HOWARD ROSEN UNLEASHED ASALES PITCH THAT SPOKE TO THE

RECKLESSLY RICH.

>> I THINK WE USE SEATBELTS INCARS TO PROTECT OURSELVES.

WHY SHOULDN'T WE BE ABLE TOPROTECT OUR FINANCIAL RESOURCES.

>> THE COOK ISLANDS ARE JUST ASEATBELT SO YOUR MONEY DOESN'T

BUMP IT HEAD.

>> RIGHT. ESSENTIALLY CORRECT.

>> LET'S SAY I WANT TO PUTMY MONEY IN A TRUST FOR MY WIFE

>> SURE. >> AND KEEP ALL OF MY OTHER

CURRENT WIVES FROM GETTINGTHEIR DUMB HANDS ON IT.

>> ABSOLUTELY. A LOT OFTIMES THIS IS USED AS POST

MARITAL PLANNING AND PREMARITALPLANNINGING.

>> I'M CONSTANTLY IN A STATE OFPREAND POST MARRIAGE

>> THEN ASSET PROTECTION ISPROBABLY APPROPRIATE FOR YOU.

>> SOUNDS AMAZING.

HOW IS ANY OF THIS LEGAL?

>> NO COURT IN THE UNITED STATESHAS JURISDICTION OVER THE COOK

ISLANDS TRUST.

>> I DON'T CARE IF IT'S LEGAL ORNOT.

THANK YOU THOUGH.

>> OKAY.

>> ROSEN EXPLAINED THAT THECOOK'S UNIQUE LEGAL SYSTEM IS SO

PROTECTIVE OF AMERICAN WEALTHBECAUSE OF AN AGE-OLD ISLAND

TRADITION OF HAVING THEIRBANKING LAWS WRITTEN BY AMERICAN

LAWYERS, LAWYERS LIKE THIS GUY.

>> OUR FIRM HAS HAD SOME INPUTIN RECENT LIMITED LIABILITY

COMPANY LEGISLATION ENACTED INTHE COOK ISLANDS.

>> IS IT WRONG FOR THE RICH TOSIMPLY PLAY BY THE SYSTEM THAT

THEY'VE BEEN HANDED AND WHICHTHEY WROTE THEMSELVES?

>> I SAY THAT PEOPLE AREENTITLED TO PROTECT THEMSELVES.

>> RIGHT IF PEOPLE ARE GOING TOSUE ME EVERY TIME I BOTCH A HOME

SURGERY OR COMMIT SOME FRAUD, IHAVE NO CHOICE.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

THAT'S EVEN A BETTER REASONTO SET UP A COOK ISLANDS ASSET

PROTECTION TRUST.

>> I THINK I JUST GOT A LITTLEMONEY BONER.

>> TYPICALLY WE'LL SAY IFSOMEONE HAS MORE THAN $500,000

IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING FOR THEMTO CONSIDER.

>> I HAVE $500,000 RIGHT HERE.

>> WELL, FIRST OF ALL WE DON'TDEAL IN CASH.

WOULD YOU HAVE TO ILLEGALLYDEPOSIT THAT.

[LAUGHTER]>> IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU.

>> WE PREFER A CHECK OR WIRETRANSFER.

>> SURE ONCE THE CAMERAS COMEOUT EVERYONE GETS ALL

RESPECTABLE. SO I RETREATEDTO THE BEACH V.I.P.

SECTION TO PONDER WHERE TO HIDEMY RICHES FROM THE GROSS HANDS

OF THE TAKING CLASS.

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

>> I HAD IT. I DIDN'TEITHER OF THOSE TWO DUMB

ISLANDS.

ATTENTION MILLIONAIRES TIRED OFHIDING YOUR BLOOD MONEY ON

ISLANDS JUST TURN AROUND ANDSTART RECOGNIZING U.S. LAW?

TIRED OF PAYING OUT BIGJUDGMENTS TO THE WORKERS IN YOUR

ASBESTOS PLANT THAT JUSTHAPPENED TO BE CHILDREN?

AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THAT TEDIOUSJAIL TIME.

THERE'S GOT BE A BETTER WAY.

AND THERE IS. I'M JOHN HODGMAN.ARE YOU BANKING IN THE CAYMAN

ISLANDS OR THE COOK ISLANDS?SURE THOSE OTHER ISLANDS

SAY THEY TURN A BLIND EYE TOWHERE YOUR MONEY COMES FROM BUT

ON THE HODGE ISLAND WE HAVELITERALLY BLINDED OUR

BANK WORKERS WITH NONDISCLOSUREAGREEMENTS AND BLEACH

OPEN AN ACCOUNT NOW ANDWE'LL EVEN SEND YOU PICTURES OF

ROADS AND SCHOOLS THAT YOURUNTAXED DOLLARS ARE NO LONGER

FUNDING. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHATYOUR BUSINESS IS FROM

HYDROFRACKING BLOOD DIAMONDSTO HUMAN CENTIPEDING TO THE

UNDER GROUND IVORY DILDO TRADES.WE WANT TO. STASH. YOUR. CASH.

THE FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF HODGEISLANDS IS VULNERABLE TO

CAPSIZING, GUSTIVE WINDS, SCUM,BOTH MORAL AND LITERAL, AND JOHN

HODGMAN JUST TAKING YOURMONEY AND PUTTING IT IN THE COOK

ISLANDS ANYWAY. THE HODGEISLANDS ARE NOT ACTUALLY

ISLANDS. THEY ARE SHIPPINGPALETTES FLOATING IN A CANAL.

DO NOT CONSULT YOUR FINANCIALADVISOR BEFORE CALLING.

>> Jon: JOHN HODGMAN WE'LL BERIGHT BACK.

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