Charlatan's Web

  • Aired:  12/18/13
  •  | Views: 69,693

Former E.P.A. official John Beale admits to lying about his C.I.A. ties, contracting malaria and serving in Vietnam. (5:00)

>> Jon: WELCOME!

TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

MY NAME IS STILL JON STEWART.

THE GUESTS TONIGHT, YOU COULDN'THAVE TUNED IN ON A BETTER NIGHT.

A LOT OF SHOWS SAY, WE'VE GOTWILL FERRELL ON THE SHOW.

THAT'S TREMENDOUS.

WE ALSO HAVE DAVID KOECHNER ONTHE SHOW.

THAT'S ALMOST TOO MUCH SHOW.

PAUL RUDD WILL BE JOINING THOSETWO, THE THREE OF THEM AND WHAT

DO WE GET, THREE, WHY NOT FOUR,WHY NOT PUT STEVE CARELL ON THE

SHOW, AS WELL, ALL FOUR.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]AND WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?

[LAUGHTER]LET'S BEGIN IN WASHINGTON.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOWREGULARLY...

[LAUGHTER]REALLY?

NOBODY?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY ACCUSTOMED TOTWO THINGS: THE DELIGHTFUL RHYME

[BLEEPED].

[LAUGHTER]AND MADDENING TALES OF WASTE,

FRAUD AND ABUSE.

WELL, TONIGHT WE HAVE TALE SOWASTEFUL, SO FRAUDULENT, SO

ABUSEY, YOU CAN'T HATE THEPLAYER, YOU CAN ONLY [BLEEPED]

THE GAME.

WHY WOULD I SAY THAT AGAIN?

THAT DOESN'T EVEN... THATDOESN'T BELONG THERE.

IT MAKES NO SENSE.

JUST GO TO IT.

>> THIS IS THE CASE OF JOHNBEALE, WHO WAS THE HIGHEST-PAID

E.P.A. OFFICIAL THERE IS AND ONEOF ITS TOP EXPERTS IN CLIMATE

CHANGE WHO HAS NOW ADMITTEDTHROUGH HIS LAWYER THAT HE DID

ABSOLUTELY NO WORK FOR YEARS BYTELLING HIS BOSSES HE WAS DOING

UNDERCOVER WORK FOR THE C.I.A.

IT TURNS OUT HE HAD NOAFFILIATION WITH THE C.I.A.

WHATSOEVER.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: I TIP MY CAP TO YOU.

THIS IS AMAZING.

WHAT A DELICIOUS STEW OFGOVERNMENT BUGABOO, NO-SHOW JOB,

A CLIMATE CHANGE GUY, LACK OFOVERSIGHT WITH JUST A SUE SONT

OF BRAZEN FRAUD.

YOU SAY IT'S INTERESTING, IT'S AGOOD STORY.

I'M LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION OFTHIS STORY.

HOOK ME.

>> HE TOLD HIS BOSSES THAT HEWAS WORKING UNDERCOVER FOR THE

C.I.A., SPENDING A LOT OF TIMEIN PAKISTAN DEALING WITH THE

TALIBAN.

IN FACT, INVESTIGATORS HAVE NOWDISCOVERED HE WAS ACTUALLY AT

HOME IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA RIDINGBICYCLES, READING BOOKS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: THIS IS WHAT'S SO

WONDERFUL ABOUT THIS STORY: THISMAN IS A LIAR AND BORING AS

[BLEEPED].

THAT'S WHAT'S SO FASCINATINGHERE.

IT IS AN AMAZING FRAUDPERPETRATED BY A GUY SO HE COULD

DO THINGS WE ONLY DO WHEN WE'VERUN OUT OF OTHER THINGS TO DO.

[LAUGHTER]I WILL COMMIT FRAUD AND THEN...

READ A BOOK, MAYBE RIDE A BIKE.

THERE'S NOTHING ON TELEVISION.

THEN I'LL MAKE SOME JUICE FROMCONCENTRATE.

I DON'T KNOW.

SO AGAIN, IT'S BRAZEN CRIMINAL,ORDINARY LIFE.

HE'S THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER[BLEEPED].

YOU KNOW, TAKE IT UP A NOTCH.

FOR INSTANCE, GIVE US SOME TINYPERKS WHOSE BENEFIT IS DWARFED

BY THE DICKISHNESS REQUIRED TOPROCURE IT.

HOW FAR WOULD THIS MAN GO TO GETHOW LITTLE?

>> BEALE GOT A COVETED PARKINGSPACE BY REPRESENTING THAT HE

HAD MALARIA.

>> Jon: MALARIA!

MALARIA!

HE HAS TOLD PEOPLE HE HASMALARIA SO THAT HE MAY PARK

CLOSER TO THE JOB HE DOES NOTSHOW UP AT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]AND, PRAY TELL, HOW DID THIS

GENTLEMAN CONTRACT MALARIA?

>> MALARIA, CONTRACTED WHILE HEWAS SERVING IN VIETNAM.

>> Jon: I ALMOST HESITATE TOASK, BUT...

>> HE DIDN'T HAVE MALARIA ANDHE'D NEVER BEEN TO VIETNAM.

>> EXACTLY!

[AUDIENCE BOOS]>> Jon:, NO I SCOFF AT YOUR

BOOS AND, IN FACT, SAY YAY.

HE DIDN'T NEED TO GO TO ALL THATTROUBLE.

HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN AHANDICAPPED PARKING SPACE FOR A

LEGITIMATE MEDICAL REASON -- HISGIGANTIC BALLS.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]JUST DRIVE UP.

I'M SURE HIS BOSS WOULD HAVESAID, DON'T WORRY ABOUT PARKING,

JUST DRIVE UP ON THE SIDEWALK.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO DRAG THOSEMAGNIFICENT [BLEEPED] TESTICLES

ON THE ASPHALT.

Loading...