Jon Stewart Fingers Some A**holes and Then Gives Them a Vigorous Tongue-Lashing

  • Aired:  07/26/12
  •  | Views: 30,632

A typographical error prevents Congress from enacting regulatory reform for banks, but not from presenting a bill aimed at making English the national language. (4:34)

THROWN THIS CELEBRATION BECAUSE THEY'RE STARVING.

ANYWAY, THAT'S THE BASIS OF THE JOKE.

HEY, IT'S WHAT WE DO HERE.

WE CALL IT OUT, MAN.

AND WE'RE GOING TO KEEP DOING THAT.

KIM JONG UN IS NOT THE ONLY D-BAG OUT THERE, AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH MY BRAND NEW SEGMENT...

( LAUGHTER ) IT IS WHAT IT IS.

LOOK, LET'S GET TO IT!

FIRSTUM, BUSINESS LEADER SANDY WEILL, THE FORMER C.E.O. OF CITIGROUP WENT ON TV YESTERDAY

AND SAID THIS.

>> I THINK WHAT WE SHOULD PROBABLY DO IS GO AND SPLIT UP INVESTMENT BANKING FROM BANKING,

HAVE BANKS BE DEPOSIT TAKERS,

HAVE BANKS MAKE COMMERCIAL LOANS AND REAL ESTATE LOANS, AND HAVE BANK DO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT

GOING TO RISK THE TAXPAYER DOLLARS, THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE TOO BIG TO FAIL.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT GUY DIDN'T SOUND LIKE AN ASS AT ALL.

HE'S SAYING WE SHOULD RETURN TO THE GLASS-STEGALL ACT, WHICH SEPARATED COMMERCIAL BANKING

UNTIL 1999, WHICH SET IN MOTION THE ENTIRE FINANCIAL DEBACLE IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED.

HOW DID IT GOAT REPEALED.

PERHAPS THE MEMOIR OF ONE SANDY WEILL CAN GIVE US A CLUE.

>> WE HAD BEEN LOBBYING CONGRESS FOR MONTHS TO OVERTURN THE DEPRESSION-ERA GLASS-STEGALL ACT.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: OH, RIGHT.

IT WAS YOU!

IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF SANDY WEILL WAS SAYING, HEY, WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE REPEALED THAT LAW.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HE'S SAYING.

>> I THINK THE WORLD CHANGES AND THE WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN NOW IS DIFFERENT THAN THE WORLD WE

LIVED IN 10 YEARS AGO.

>> Jon: I MEAN, FOR INSTANCE, NOW WE HAVE SMARTPHONES.

( LAUGHTER ) THE KIDS FROM HARRY POTTER FILMS ALL GROWN UP.

AND THERE IS A SMOLDERING RUBBLE WHERE OUR FINANCIAL SYSTEM USED TO EXIST.

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S OKAY.

SO THE GUY REAPS ENORMOUS RICHES BY PULLING THE LAST GENA PIECE OF WHAT WAS HOLDING UP OUR

ECONOMY NOW THINKS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.

CONGRESS CAN ALWAYS REINSTATE THAT LEGISLATION UNTIL THEARLS AS,.

>> THE PURPOSE IS TO PUT A MORATORIUM ON REGULATION UNTIL THE ECONOMY BOUNCES BACK AND

UNEMPLOYMENT NATIONALLY GOES BELOW 6%.

>> Jon: SO THE REFORM THAT SANDY WEILL THINKS COULD HELP FIX THE ECONOMY COULD NOT BE

REINSTATED UNTIL, ACCORDING TO THIS LEGISLATION, THE ECONOMY WAS FIXED.

HERE'S THE WORST PART-- THAT'S NOT WHAT MAKES THIS WHOLE THING ASSHOLIAN.

DROP IN.

WE'RE GOING FULL RECTAL.

>> THEY FORGOT TO PUT THEUN"" IN UNEMPLOYMENT.

THE DEMOCRATS POINTED OUT THE RECENT JOBS BILL CALLED FOR A FREEZE UNTIL EMPLOYMENT WAS 6%.

THAT WOULD MEAN 94% WOULD BE OUT OF A JOB.

>> Stephen: A TYPO.

THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

IT DOESN'T POINT TO AN ENDEMIC DYSFUNCTION IN OUR LEGISLATURE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU BELIEVE

CONGRESS WAS ASSHOLES OR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS.

VERY LITTLE DIFFERENCE, BY THE WAY, BETWEEN THE TWO.

>> WOULD ASK THE GENTLEMAN FROM VIRGINIA IF HE WOULD BE WILLING-- LET ME REPHRASE THAT--

HE WOULD NOT OBJECT TO A UNANIMOUS CONSENT IN THE HOUSE TO MAKE THE CORRECTION IN WHAT

WAS CLEARLY A TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR.

>> MADAM CHAIRMAN, WE WILL RESERVE THE RIGHT TO OBJECT AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME.

>> Jon: LET'S BE CLEAR WHAT JUST HAPPENED.

THE REPUBLICANS MADE A TYPO.

THEY ASKED THE DEMOCRATS IF THEY WOULD MINDS IF THEY WENT BACK AND CORRECT IT, AND THE

DEMOCRATS SAID, YEAH, ( BLEEP ) THAT.

FULL METAL ASSHOLES.

DON'T THEY HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO IN CONGRESS.

>> A BILL THAT WOULD MAKE ENGLISH THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES?

>>STATES.

>> Jon: I'M GOING TO PUT YOU DOWN FOR NO.

>> I HAVE SEEN AND MANY IN COUNTRY HAVE SEEN CITIZENSHIP OATHS TAKEN IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES.

I HAVE GIVEN SPEECHES AT NATURALIZATION CEREMONY.

I LIKE TO GO, AND I LIKE TO WELCOME NEW AMERICANS BUT I CAN TELL WHO LAUGHS AND WHO DOESN'T.

THOSE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH DON'T LAUGH AT THOSE JOKES.

>> Jon: I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO ENHANCE AUDIENCE RESPONSE TO MY JOKES THROUGH LEGISLATION.

( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( APPLA

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