The Daily Show Correspondent Strike

  • Aired:  09/26/12
  •  | Views: 322,752

Replacement correspondent Sir Patrick Stewart makes John Oliver's strike the least effective piece of industrial action in history. (5:35)

UNFUNDED MANDATES." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FOR MORE ON THE N.F.L. LABOR DISPUTE WE GO NOW TO SENIOR CORRESPONDENT JOHN OLIVER

OUTSIDE N.F.L. HEADQUARTERS IN NEW YORK.

JOHN, WHAT IS THE STATUS RIGHT NOW OF THE N.F.L. DISPUTE?

>> WELL!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> WHO FAMILIES BOTH ALIKE IN DIGNITY, ONE THE REFEREE, THE OTHER THE LEAGUE OF NATIONAL FOOTBALL IS LOCKED IN DISPUTE

AGES OLD.

OH FAIR REFEREES!

(LAUGHTER) SHIRTS BESTRIPES ARMS AKIMBO WITH ONLY A FLAG AND WHEUS TOLL EXAMINE DESPERATION AND FAIR

N.F.L. BATTERED BUT UNBOWED LIKE HENRI AT AGINCOURT FROM THIS DAY TO THE ENDING OF THE WORLD!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BUT WE SHALL BE REMEMBERED.

WE FEW, WE HAPPY FEW, WE BAND OF BROTHERS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: MY GOD.

MY GOD.

THAT'S-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I'M JUST-- I'M SORRY.

IT JUST-- HOLY (BLEEP)!

I WAS JUST-- (LAUGHTER).

JOHN OLIVER, YOU HAVE ALMOST OVERNIGHT IMPROVED EXPONENTIALLY.

(LAUGHTER) JOHN OLIVER, JOHN OLIVER, YOU MOVED ME.

>> YES, 'TIS I, JOHN OLIVER IN THE FLESH.

(LAUGHTER) THE CLOWN PRINCE OF CORRESPONDENTS, BOB YOUR ANKLE, UP YOUR BUM!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: I HAVE TO SAY THOUGH, IF I MAY, IT CERTAINLY-- IT CERTAINLY LOOKS AND SOUNDS LIKE YOU BUT SOMETHING'S OFF.

YOUR FACE.

SO SYMMETRICAL.

YOUR COMPLEXION HAS LOST ITS DEATHLY PALLOR.

YOUR VOICE TODAY RICH AND MUSICAL LIKE THE SONOROUS NOTES OF AN OBOE.

>> AH!

PRAISE FROM CAESAR IS PRAISE, INDEED.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SEE, EVEN THAT.

THERE IS JUST SOMETHING SO MUCH MORE APPEALING ABOUT YOU!

EVERY FACET IT'S-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT, REALLY.

IT'S--

>> OKAY.

HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENED.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD, IT'S PATRICK STEWART!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AMAZING!

>> HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENED.

YOUR CORRESPONDENTS, EMBOLDENED BY THE N.F.L. LABOR DISPUTE, HAVE ALSO GONE ON STRIKE!

UNTIL THEN, WE REPLACEMENT CORRESPONDENTS-- MYSELF, PACINO, GLENN CLOSE AND, AS ALWAYS, THE INCOMPARABLE MANDY PA TIN KIN AS

AASIF MANDVI-- WILL ATTEMPT TO HOLD DOWN THE FORT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: IF I MAY, IF I MAY, I BELIEVE I'VE DETECTED A BIT OF A RUB IN THE STRIKE STRATEGY.

YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM.

(LAUGHTER) YOU ARE AN INFINITELY SUPERIOR SUBSTITUTE.

YOU LOOK BETTER; YOU SOUND BETTER.

I KNOW THIS IS REMOTE.

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU SMELL BETTER AS WELL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> YES, I SMELL PRETTY GREAT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: MAY I?

IS IT A HINT OF LAVENDER WITH A GRACE NOTE OF CEDAR AND PERHAPS A A BIT OF OCEAN SAND?

IS THAT WHAT IT SMELLS LIKE?

>> IT'S AXE BODY SPRAY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: WELL, THIS CORRESPONDENT STRIKE MAY GO DOWN AS THE LEAST EFFECTIVE ACTION IN HISTORY.

IF YOU ARE AN OPTION, I'M FIRING ALL THESE GUYS RIGHT AWAY.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) STRIKE OVER.

STRIKE OVER.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE, WE'VE REACHED A SETTLEMENT.

>> Jon: NO SETTLEMENT.

YOU DON'T WORK HERE ANYMORE, OLIVER, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED I TRADED UP MY '83 TOYOTA FOR A MASERATI.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JOHN?

WE WEREN'T ON STRIKE.

THIS WAS JUST A JOKE!

IT WAS A METAPHOR.

I WAS JUST EMBODYING THE IRONY OF THIS CURRENT N.F.L. LABOR DISPUTE IN A BIT YOUR KNOW, LIKE WE DO ALL THE TIME.

I CAN DO SHAKESPEARE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

HERE'S SOME HENRY THE LION HEARTED.

"NOW IS THE WINTER OF MY DISCONTENT!"

>> Jon: NO, FORGET IT, FORGET IT.

>> JOHN, LOOK, THE POINT IS, YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK, YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET SOMEONE LIKE SIR PATRICK STEWART TO WORK HERE PERMANENTLY.

>> ACTUALLY, I'D LOVE THIS JOB.

(LAUGHTER) IT SEEMS TO ME TO BE INCREDIBLY EASY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: YES!

THERE WE GO.

THAT'S GREAT.

BEAUTIFUL.

WE'LL TAKE HIM!

>> OH, THAT'S GREAT.

SO HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY.

>> OH, IT'S-- (WHIT PERKING)

>> PER DAY?

>> NO, PER YEAR.

>> NO (BLEEP)ING WAY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I AM ON STRIKE!

>> YES!

STRIKE!

STRIKE!

STRIKE!

>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

JOHN OLIVER AND PATRICK STEWART.

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