Russian Diplomacy

  • Aired:  09/04/13
  •  | Views: 70,715

As relations between the United States and Russia fray, Samantha Bee searches for a diplomatic solution with Andranik Migranyan. (5:10)

>> Stewart: SO WE ARE TALKING

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE FOREIGN

POLICIES AND THE PROXY WARS.

PRESIDENT OBAMA MET WITH

RUSSIAN'S PRESIDENT PUTIN, HEAD

OF THE G-20 THIS WEEK AND AFTER

SOME CONSIDERATION HE DECIDED

AH, I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT,

SO INSTEAD OUR, WE DECIDED TO

GIVE DIPLOMACY A BIT OF A TRY.

>> SINCE 1989 THE UNITED STATES

AND RUSSIA HAVE BEEN ALLIES BUT

RECENTLY THE NATIONS HAVE

STRUGGLED WITH ONE CRISIS

NESTLED INSIDE OTT CRISIS INSIDE

ANOTHER.

TO SEE HOW TO KEEP THESE TWO

NATIONS FROM ANOTHER COLD WAR I

SAT DOWN WHO HEADS THE KREMLIN

APPROVED POLICY GROUP.

LET'S START WITH AN EASY ISSUE.

EDWARD SNOWDEN.

>> YOU DON'T WANT HIM AND WE DO

WANT HIM.

WHY CAN'T WE FIGURE THIS (BLEEP)

OUT LIKE RIGHT NOW?

>> THIS WAS YOUR FAULT.

WHY THE HELL YOU CANCELED HIS

PASSPORT IN MOSCOW AIRPORT? YOU

CREATED ALL OF THIS MESS.

>> AH! DON'T TURN THIS AROUND

AND BLAME ME FOR THIS.

>> THIS IS AMERICAN PROBLEM.

YOU CREATED THIS PROBLEM.

WE ARE THE VICTIMS OF THIS

SITUATION.

>> RUSSIA IS THE VICTIM?

>> YES.

>> RUSSIA IS THE VICTIM.

>> OH, RUSSIA IS THE VICTIM.

158 POUNDS OF PASTY NERD WALKS

INTO YOUR COUNTRY AND YOU ARE

POWERLESS TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT

IT.

>> HE IS AN UNWELCOMED GUEST.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WITH GUEST

WHOSE DON'T LEAVE I SHAVE MY

LEGS WHILE I AM WATCHING TV.

>> WE ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH THIS.

>> MAYBE WE SHOULD DISCUSS

SOMETHING THAT NEVER SEEMS TO

ELICIT STRONG OPINION, RUSSIA'S

TREATMENT OF GAYS.

>> WHY DO YOU THINK THAT GAY

PEOPLE ARE SO OBSESSED WITH

THEIR WELL-BEING? LIKE NOT

GETTING A CAB OR GETTING PUT IN

JAIL.

>> GAY PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME

RIGHTS AS THE OTHER PEOPLE, JUST

DON'T MANIFEST THIS IN THE

PRESENCE OF OUR PUBLIC WITH ALL

OF THIS KIND OF PARADES, YOU

KNOW, MASS DEMONSTRATION.

>> SO BETTER TO NOT BE GAY AT

ALL?

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT THIS

IS A KIND OF INFERIORITY

COMPLEX.

WHY THE HELL YOU HAVE TO HAVE

PARADES?

>> YES, THESE GAY PRIDE PARADES

CLEARLY DEMONSTRATE AN

INFERIORITY COMPLEX WITH ALL OF

THEIR PHALLIC IMAGERY, WE GET IT

GUYS, YOU ARE GAY, GET YOUR

(BLEEP) OUT OF MY FACE.

ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS LOOK TO

THEIR PRESIDENT TO SEE WHAT IS

AN APPROPRIATE PUBLIC DISPLAY.

>> QUITE NATURAL PICTURE.

>> OKAY.

HAT ABOUT THIS PICTURE, THOUGH?

COME ON.

>> IT IS QUITE NORMAL.

WHEN, YOU KNOW, WHEN MAN, MACHO,

IS, YOU KNOW, RIDING THE HORSE

--

>> THE GUY LOOKS LIKE A GAY

CENTAUR.

>> HE IS ONE GLITTER CANNON AWAY

FROM LEADING A GAY PARADE.

>> IT IS YOUR FANTASY.

>> OKAY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO

AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THE GAY

STUFF.

I JUST -- I -- I -- AH -- NO.

NO.

I --

>> NO.

I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO OPEN UP

THE ONE ISSUE AT THE

GEOPOLITICAL HEART OF OUR

DIFFERENCES.

>> EVER SINCE I GOT THIS RIGHT

HERE.

>> OH.

SYRIA.

LET'S TALK ABOUT DISARMING

ASSAD.

>> HERE IS HOW WE SEE IT.

RUSSIA IS PROPPING UP ASSAD WITH

MONEY AND WEAPONS AND WE THINK

YOU SHOULD STOP.

>> NO, NO.

RUSSIA IS AGAINST REGIME CHANGE

FROM OUTSIDE.

THIS IS PRINCIPAL RUSSIAN

POSITION.

>> ISN'T IT AMAZING WHEN

INNOCENT CIVILIANS GET KILLED

SOMETIMES EMOTIONS GET IN THE

WAY, BUT RUSSIA SEEMS IMMUNE TO

THAT.

>> LISTEN, LOOK AT THE MIRROR,

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE

KILLED IN IRAQ AFTER AMERICAN

INVASION?

>> OH, HERE WE GO.

>> 200,000 --

>> HOW MANY MILLIONS WERE

DISPLACED?

>> WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS

CONVERSATION.

>> NO, NO, NO.

BUT YOU ARE ENDLESSLY TRYING TO

BLAME RUSSIA FOR DOING SOME BAD

THING.

>> OKAY, YOU WANT TO HAVE A --

>> YES, WE NEED TO HAVE A --

>> OKAY.

AFGHANISTAN.

GO.

>> YES.

AFGHANISTAN.

IT WAS A TRAGIC EVENT IN SOVIET

HISTORY, AND NOW YOU ARE

REPEATING SOVIET EXPERIENCE.

>> AH! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR

THIS! RRRR.

>> AND SUDDENLY IT HIT ME.

MAYBE WE WEREN'T SO DIFFERENT

AFTER ALL.

>> I HAVE GOT AN IDEA.

YOU PROPPED UP DICTATORS AND WE

HAVE PROPPED UP DICTATORS, WHY

CAN'T WE PROP UP THE SAME

RUTHLESS DICTATORS?

>> OH, WE CAN DO THAT.

>> AT LEAST WE AGREE ON

SOMETHING.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Stewart: WE WILL BE RIGHT

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