Merge Overkill - Greeb Is Good

  • Aired:  02/27/13
  •  | Views: 29,315

John Hodgman merges with the English language and examines the modern economic strategy that rewards corporate irresponsibility. (6:06)

HE'S A WIZARD.

DROWN HIM!

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHY WOULD THE REST OF -- WITH THE REST OF ECONOMY STAGNATING HAS THERE BEEN A SURGE IN

MERGERS AND ACQUISITIONS.

IT DOESN'T --

>> I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION, JON.

>> Jon: JOHN HODGMAN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> THE ANSWER, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD IS GREEB, GREEB IS GOOD.

GREEB IS RIGHT.

GREEB WORKS.

>> Jon: SORRY, I KNOW YOU ARE DOING A SPEECH FROM WALL STREET BUT IT SOAND SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE

SAYING GREEB WITH A B.

>> YES, OBVIOUSLY.

GREEB, MY FRIENDS CUTS THROUGH ALL THE.

>> Jon: JOHN, SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND.

THE GOURDO GECKO SPEECH IN THE MOVIE IS FAMOUS AND IT'S GREED WITH A D NOT WITH A B.

IT'S NOT GREEB.

>> CHECK YOUR SHOULDER PADS, HUMAN LEAGUE, THE 80s ARE OVER.

GREED IS DONE IT THE DID THE ITS JOB.

THE WEALTHY ARE WEALTHIER THAN EVERY BEFORE.

OUR CORPORATIONS CORPORATIONS ARE SITTIN UNPRECEDENTED HOARDS OF CASH.

WE NEED A WORD FOR WHEN YOU WANT EVERYTHING BUT STILL WANT MORE.

>> Jon: I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S STILL GREED.

>> NOT ACCORDING TO THE MERRIAM-HODGEMAN DICTONARY.

>> Jon: I THOUGHT IT WAS MERRIAM-WEBSTER.

>> I MERGED WIT.

I COST ME AN INGROCENEOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY.

>> Jon: THAT'S NOT A WORD.

>> IT WASN'T, IT IS NOW.

>> Jon: THOSE MERGERS WERE NOT GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY AND NOT FOR CONSUMERS.

>> WHO?

>> Jon: THE CONSUMERS, THE PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

THE PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SERVE.

>> NO, I DON'T SEE THAT IN HERE.

I SEE TERMINATION, CHILD LABOR.

THERE'S INGROCENEOUS, OBVIOUSLY BUT NOT IN THIS ONE.

>> Jon: IF THESE MERGER AREN'T GREAT FOR THE ECONOMY WHY ARE THE FINANCIAL REPORTERS SO

EXCITED ABOUT ALL THESE MERGER?

>> THEY ARE EXCITING, JON.

THEY ARE LIKE FUN CORPORATE WEDDINGS.

>> Jon: THAT HAS TERRIBLE FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES FOR OUR --

>> IN THE WEDDING METAPHOR, YOU ARE THE DRUNK DATELESS GUY IN THE WEDDING MUTTERING ABOUT HALF

OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE OR IN THIS CASE FINANCIAL CATASTROPHE.

WE'RE HAVING GAY TIME HERE SO WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP AND DID THE ELECTRIC SLIDE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: NO, I UNDERSTAND.

NOT SURE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

-- I'M NOT SURE WHEN THE LAST TIME WAS YOU WERE AT A WEDDING BUT A LOT OF THESE MERGERS ARE

EVEN BAD FOR THE COMPANIES INVOLVED.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> Jon: WHY WOULD THEY PUT THEMSELVES IN A POSITION WHEREBY ACQUIRING THESE COMPANIES THEY

ARE GOING TO SO BEING INCH ALMOST TOO BIG.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> THIS THEY TOO BIG TO FAIL, THAT'S RIGHT, TBTF, JON.

IT'S THE RICH MAN'S YOLO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: SOUR SAYING TO ME, JOHN HODGMAN SITTING HERE WITH SLICKED BACK HERE IS SAYING TO

ME --

[LAUGHTER]

ACTUALLY THE POINT FOR THE CORPORATIONS IS TO GET SO BIG THAT THEIR FAILURE CREATES A

RISK THAT THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T TOLERATE.

>> THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

IT HAS WORKED IN THE PAST.

GM,AIG, PIONEERS IN THE FIELD OF STRATEGIC OVER LARGENESS.

>> Jon: THIS IS WHAT THEY DISCUSSED.

>> MORAL HAZARD IS A LAZY MOOCHER NORMAL DOESN'T GET A JOB BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY GET

WELFARE OR GOES ON A RECKLESS LEUKEMIA SPREE BECAUSE HEY, OBAMACARE HAS IT COVERED.

THIS IS TOO BIG TOO FAIL.

WHEN RESPONSIBLE CORPORATIONS RECEIVE CRITICAL CAPITALIZATION FROM PUBLIC FUNDS TO OFFSET

LOSSES FROM FUNDS FAR BEYOND OUR CONTROL SUCH AS OUR OWN TERRIBLE DECISION-MAKING.

>> Jon: I WISH THE WORD (bleep) WAS STILL IN HERE.

IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK THIS TIME HODGMAN, WE'RE ON TO YOU.

>> ARE YOU?

>> Jon: YES!

NO MORE BAILOUTS FOR CORPORATE IRRESPONSIBILITY, NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

>> I HEARD WARREN BUFFETT'S KETCHUP CONGLOMERATE IS GOING DOWN.

IF I GOES DOWN AMERICANS WILL HAVE HUNTS KETCHUP.

>> Jon: NO DON'T MAKE US DO.

THAT I THINK I THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT.

>> EXACTLY.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE TO MERGE WITH THE CONDIMENT.

THAT'S THE NEW STANDARD OIL.

ALL I HAVE IS MERRIAM-HODGMAN, JOHN HANCOCK INSURANCE AND CHIPS AHOY.

>> Jon: YOU MERGED WITH THOSE?

>> DIDN'T SEE YOU THE PRESS RELEASE ANNOUNCING OUR NEW NAME?

>> Jon: NO, I HAVE NOT.

MERRY COCKS AHOY.

>> MERRY COCKS AHOY.

>> Jon: INDEED.

>> NOT INDEED JUST MERRY COCKS AHOY.

>> Jon: HAVE YOU MARKET TESTED THAT NAME?

>> WHY WOULD I?

I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT SELLS WELL SO I CEP MY PROFITS AND RUN A RESPONSIBLE COMPANY SO I DON'T

HAVE TO RUN TO THE GOVERNMENT FOR A BAILOUT.

YOU ARE THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF --

Loading...