Indecision 2012 - Indecision Edition - Donald Trump & Sarah Palin

  • Aired:  05/05/11
  •  | Views: 334,449

Donald Trump wants America to honor traditional marriage, and Sarah Palin urges Barack Obama to release the Osama bin Laden photos. (3:15)

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

I'M JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT-- TONIGHT, OUR

GUEST, AWE PULITZER

PRIZE-WINNING AUTHOR JOHN

MEACHAM.

HE HAS THIS NEW WORK, A

FRUCTOSE-FREE LIFE-- MY YEAR

WITHOUT FRUIT.

LAUGH

( LAUGHTER )

I'M BEING TOLD AN AN ANTHOLOGY

ABOUT THE CIVIL WAR BUT SOMEONE

REALLY SHOULD WRITE THAT

FRUCTOSE BOOK.

IT WOULD BE REALLY INTERESTING.

HAPPY CINCO DeMAYO.

BUT FIRST--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

HERE'S HOW LAME AND OLD I AM-- I

THOUGHT IT WAS MAY 5.

( LAUGHTER )

BIG NEWS FROM THE REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL RACE-- DEBATE IN

SOUTH CAROLINA TONIGHT WILL PIT

TIM PAWLENTY AGAINST RON PAUL IN

A CONTEST TO DETERMINE ONCE AND

FOR ALL WHO WILL COME IN FOURTH

IN THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY?

( LAUGHTER )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

ABSENT FROM THE DEBATE,

FRONT-RUNNERS DONALD TRUMP AND

SARAH PALIN, THE TOM ARNOLD AND

ROSEANNE BARR OF THE REPUBLICAN

FIELD, WHO ARE NEVERTHELESS

MANAGING TO ADDRESS ISSUES

IMPORTANT TO THEIR PARTY'S BASE.

>> TRUMP IS RAISING SOME

EYEBROWS FOR COMPARING HIS

OPPOSITION TO LEGALIZING

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE TO HIS

RELUCTANCE TO USE A NEW KIND OF

PUTTER.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T

WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT I

THINK GAY PEOPLE AND STRAIGHT

PEOPLE USE THE SAME PUTTERS.

( LAUGHTER )

REALLY A MATTER OF HOLE

SELECTION, NOT...

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

"OH, I'M STOOPING.

>> THE "NEW YORK TIMES" SUNDAY

QUOTE-- "IT'S LIKE IN GOLF.

I DON'T WANT THIS TO SOUND

TRIVIAL BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE

SWILLING TO THESE REALLY LONG

PUTTERS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SINK

THREE-FOOTERS ANYMORE AND I HATE

IT.

I AM A TRADITIONALIST.

I HAVE SO MANY FABULOUS FRIENDS

WHO HAPPEN TO BE GAY, BUT I AM A

TRADITIONALIST.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: I'VE GOT FRIENDS,

THEY'RE FABULOUS, THEY'RE GAY,

FABUOUSLY GAY, BUT I WANT THIS

COUNTRY TO HONOR TRADITIONAL

MARRIAGE.

GAY PEOPLE CAN'T DO IT BUT I CAN

DO IT AS MANY TIMES AS I WANT

WITH PROGRESSIVELY YOUNGER

BROADS.

TRADITION!

TRUMP 2012.

YOU KNOW THE GREATEST THING

ABOUT TRUMP-- HE'S STEALING ALL

THE CRAZY OXYGEN FROM SARAH

PALIN.

ALL SHE DID TWEET ADVICE TO THE

PRESIDENT.

>> FORMER GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN

TOOK TO TWITTER SAYING, "SHOW

PHOTO AS WARNING TO OTHER

SEEKING AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION.

NO PUSSY FOOTING AROUND.

NO POLITICKING.

NO DRAMA.

IT'S PART OF THE MISSION."

>> Jon: EXCELLENT.

( LAUGHTER )

SARAH PALIN'S MESSAGE TO THE

PRESIDENT IS THIS-- YOU HAVE TO

SEE THE ENTIRE TASK THROUGH.

THE SORT OF IMPORTANT POLITICAL

AND PRESIDENTIAL ADVICE SHE HAD

TO QUIT HER JOB AS GOVERNOR TO

BE ABLE TO GIVE.

( CHEERS AND

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