Colbert Super PAC - Strict Separation

  • Aired:  01/16/12
  •  | Views: 182,286

Because of the strict FEC separation of super PAC and candidate, Jon will have to determine what to do with all of Colbert Super PAC's money on his own. (6:41)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO THE

DAILY SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, AUTHOR JODI

KANTOR.

SHE'S AUTHOR OF "THE OBAMAS"

WHICH IS ABOUT THE OBAMAS.

WE DO HAVE A BIG SHOW FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY

I'M WEARING A BEJEWELED CROWN.

LONG STORY SHORT.

I CAME INTO A LITTLE BIT OF

MONEY.

( APPLAUSE )

ON THURSDAY....

>> COLBERT HAS JUST ANNOUNCED

HE WILL EXPLORE RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT.

AND STEWART WILL OVERSEE HIS

POLITICAL ACTION COMMITTEE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

EXCEPT IT REALLY IS.

I'M NOW RUNNING COLBERT'S

SUPER PAC AND THE VAST FORTUNE

THAT THAT ENTAILS BUT HERE'S

THE PROBLEM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH

THE MONEY, AND STEPHEN COLBERT

BY LAW CANNOT COORDINATE WITH

ME.

>> I CAN'T TELL AMERICANS FOR

A BETTER TOMORROW TOMORROW

WHAT TO DO.

IT'S NOT MY SUPER PAC, GEORGE.

IT'S THE SUPER PAC OF-- I HOPE

I'M PRONOUNCING THIS CORRECTLY--

JON STEW-AIR.

I BELIEVE IT'S A SOFT-T.

>> Jon: FUNNY JOKEMENT IT'S

SULLY SEW-AIR.

BOTH Ts ARE SILENT.

BECAUSE OF THE STRICT

SEPARATION OF SUPER PAC AND

CANDIDATE AND THE FACT THAT I

DON'T SPEAK TO STEPHEN COLBERT

EXCEPT BY PHONE OR IN PERSON,

I'M JUST OUT HERE LIKE A

CARTOON HOBO WHO WON THE

LOTERY.

DO I USE ALL THIS MONEY THAT

INDIVIDUALS AND/OR

CORPORATIONS WHO BELIEVE

DEEPLY IN STEPHEN COLBERT HAVE

DONATED TO CREATE AN

ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN AROUND

COLBERT'S STRENGTHS OR DO I

BUY THIS (LAUGHING) FROM THE

ESTATE OF ELIZABETH TAYLOR?

BOTH ARE LEGAL.

BOTH ARE LEGAL.

BUT ONLY ONE BRINGS OUT MY

EYES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

HAPPENS TO LEAVE ME WITH

ENOUGH LEFT OVER TO PAY THE

COUNTRY OF CHINA SO FROM SPACE

YOU CAN READ 58008.

WHICH UNBE KNOWN TO THE

CHINESE WHEN THE PLANET

ROTATES SAYS THIS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING

THERE'S NO WAY STEVEN COLBERT

WANTED JON STEWART TO BLOW ALL

HIS SUPER PAC MONEY ON THIS

KIND OF CRAP.

MAYBE.

WHO CAN TELL?

WATCH NEWT GINGRICH TRY

DESPERATELY TO SEND A MESSAGE

TO HIS SUPER PAC ABOUT WHAT HE

WOULD LIKE THEM TO DO WITH THE

30-MINUTE ANTI-MITT ROMNEY

MOVIE THEY HAD ALREADY PAID

FOR AND DISTRIBUTED.

>> I'M CALLING ON THE SUPER

PAC... I CANNOT COORDINATE

WITH THEM OR COMMUNICATE

DIRECTLY BUT I CAN SPEAK OUT

AS A CITIZEN TALKING TO YOU.

I'M CALLING ON THEM TO EITHER

EDIT OUT EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE

OR TO PULL THE ENTIRE FILM.

BUT TO NOT RUN THE FILM IF IT

WAS ERRORS IN IT.

>> Jon: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

GOOD LUCK UNTANGLING THOSE

VERBAL HIEROGLYPHICS.

IT'S LIKE A MYSTERY INSIDE AN

ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A GROWN

MAN'S HEAD INSIDE A BABY'S

BODY.

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO

WATCH STEVEN COLBERT WHEN HE'S

PUBLICLY SPEAKING ON

TELEVISION AND LOOK FOR CLUES

AS TO WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO.

>> DID QUEEN ISABELLE A SAY GO

TO AMERICA AND THEN SAY HAVE

YOU FOUND ANYTHING, LIKE I

HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN ON THE

NINA AND THE PINTA AND THE

SANTA MARIA YET.

LET ME GO AND COME BACK AND

FIND THE SPICE ROUTE AND THEN

COME BACK, PLEASE.

>> Jon: QUEEN ISABEL A,

COLUMBUS.

ITALIAN SPICE.

I GET YOU.

YOU'RE SAYING TO ME THROUGH

THE TELEVISION THE HEAD OF

YOUR SUPER PAC YOU WANT ME TO

PAY MARIO BATTALI AN ENORMOUS

AMOUNT OF SUPER PAC MONEY TO

MAKE ME A DELICIOUS MEAL SO

THAT MAY BE SUSTAINED FOR THIS

VOYAGE?

CHEF!

CHEF!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THANK YOU.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

>> HERE YOU ARE MR. STEWART.

>> Jon: FRITTAT CON EGGS.

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.

BUT THERE IS MUCH MORE ME TO

SAY YET TONIGHT.

I NEED TO PRESERVE MY JAW

STRENGTH.

AS YOU KNOW, MY SALIVA IS

CONSIDERED CURRENCY IN SOUTH

AMERICA.

>> IT IS GOING TO COST YOU

DOUBLE, SIR.

>> Jon: RIDICULOUS.

AN ALMOST CRIM CRIMINAL WAY OF

THE PEOPLE'S SUPER PAC MONEY.

I'LL DO IT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

AND THAT IS HOW JON STEWART

GOT MENINGITIS.

STEPHEN, I AWAIT FURTHER

NON-INSTRUCTIONAL PUBLIC

STATEMENTS.

THROUGH THE TELEVISION.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER

THIS.

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