Still Cheney After All These Years

  • Aired:  02/12/13
  •  | Views: 160,086

Former Vice President Dick Cheney claims the Obama administration's policies are weakening America. (5:04)

["DAILY SHOW" THEME SONG PLAYING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WE'VE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT MIKE PIAZZA, THE GREATEST HITTING CATCHER OF ALL TIME!

ALL TIME!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOGA BERRA, THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

HIS NAME IN ENGLISH MEANS MIKE TOWNSQUARE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER FROM HERE, FOLKS.

[LAUGHTER]

LOWER THOSE EXPECTATIONS IF YOU WOULD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

LISTEN AN HOUR OR SO AGO BECAUSE I PRESIDENT OBAMA WRAPPED UP THE FIRST SECOND TERM STATE OF UNION ADDRESS.

WE'LL BRING YOU COMPLETE TEAM COVERAGE THERE TOMORROW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SPOILER ALERT THERE THE STATE OF THE UNION, YOU KNOW, FINE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW, CUMSECUMSA.

JUST THIS MORNING WE WERE REMINDED ABOUT HOW THESE PLEA PLANNED POLITICAL EVENTS COULD

BE EQUIPPED.

EVIL THREATENS OUR VERY DEM CINCH AFTER MY INTERVIEW WITH FORMER VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY.

>> Jon: YEAH!

YOU THOUGHT I WAS TALKING ABOUT NORTH KOREA NUKE TEST.

NO, NO, NO MY BROTHER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AND PROFESSIONAL FROWN HOARDER RICHARD P. CHENEY SHOWED UP ON

TV THIS MORNING.

HE DOESN'T HAVE A NEW BOOK, PROBABLY JUST PROMOTING HIS NEW MOVIE ZERO DARK THIRTY.

FEEL GOOD PICTURE OF YEAR.

MAKES THE DENTIST SEEN IN MARATHON MAN LOOK LIKE A TICKLE FIGHT.

I GIVE IT FOUR.

WHY ARE WE WASTING OUR BANDWITH ON THIS GUY.

WHAT HE IS DOING KILLING TIME WHILE HE IS HAVING HIS HOUSE REPIX LATED.

>> YOU THINK THIS PRESIDENT IS WEAKENING AMERICA?

>> YES I, DO.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION IF THEY WERE LISTENING TO YOU NOW AS THEY WILL.

>> I DOUBT IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY THERE'S A SAYING EVERY TIME DICK CHENEY LAUGHS, AN ANGEL GETS

STABBED IN THE (bleep).

[ LAUGHTER ]

I DON'T THINK WE HAVE A VISUAL FOR THAT BUT --

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY FORMER VICE PRESIDENT YOU WERE CRITICIZING.

>> THE ADMINISTRATION'S POLICIES ARE TERRIBLY FLAWED.

THE PRESIDENT CAME TO POWER WITH A WORLD VIEW THAT IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT.

THE PRESIDENT HAS MADE CHOICES IN PART BASED ON PEOPLE WHO WON'T ARGUE WITH HIM.

HE WANTED TO REDUCE U.S.

INFLUENCE IN THE WORLD.

HE WANTED TO TAKE US DOWN A PEG.

>> Jon: CHENEY IS CONFIDENT IN HIS OPINIONS AND ANALYSIS I GUESS BY FORGETTING THAT HE

SUCKED AT THIS.

LIKE HE WAS THE (bleep).

EVEN IF OBAMA WANTED TO TAKE OUR STANDING IN THE WORLD DOWN A PEG, I COULDN'T BECAUSE THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION LEFT HIM WITH NO PEG ROOM.

HE COULD HAVE INVESTED IN DEEP SEA PEG HOLE DRILLING TECHNOLOGY BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE CAN'T

AFFORD TO BECAUSE THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION LEFT US IN A BIT OF A CASH CRUNCH AND BY PREVIOUS

ADMINISTRATION I MEAN THESE (bleep).

HERE IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW -- WHERE WITH THE CONFIDENT CRITICISM IN THE THING WHERE HE

DID GET THE BALLS AND PLEASE DON'T SAY CADAVERS.

REMEMBER THIS, MR. VICE PRESIDENT?

>> THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

>> Jon: NOT ONLY THERE ARE THERE NO JOBS THERE WERE NO WEAPONS.

>> WE'LL BE GREETED AS LIBERATORS.

>> Jon: WE WERE NOT.

>> I THINK THEY ARE IN THE LAST THROES OF THE INSURGENCY.

>> Jon: TURNS OUT THE BEGINNING TO THE MIDDLE OF THROES.

THERE'S QUITE A FEW THROES.

THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH THE CHIEF EXPORT AFTER THAT.

THIS GUY WAS WRONG EVERY TIME, EVERY TIME HE ANALYZED IT HE WAS WRONG.

YOU TRY THAT AT WORK AND SEE IF YOU KEEP YOUR JOB AND BE WRONG EVERY (bleep) TIME.

THERE'S NO DOUBT YOU HAVE OVARIAN CYSTS.

I'M A MAN, WA, WA.

THERE'S NO DOUBT.

I AM SURE YOU NEED TIRES.

THERE'S NO DOUBT WE HAVE INFORMATION THAT YOU NEED, WAH,

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