Zero Dark 900,000 - The Raid

  • Aired:  05/02/13
  •  | Views: 23,752

Samantha Bee and the Best F#@king News Team Ever use enhanced interrogation techniques to track down a veteran's missing benefits claim. (4:21)

>> WELCOME BACK.

WE NOW REJOIN SAMANTHA BEE'S

PRESS, PART TWO OF ZERO DARK

900,000.

>> IN MY SEARCH FOR EUGENE

MANNINGS MISSING VA CLAIM

FORM I KEPT GETTING

STONEWALLED.

BUT JUST WHEN I WAS AT MY

DARKEST, A BREAK.

MY TEAM HAD CAPTURED AN

ENEMY COMBATANT, VA

SYMPATHIZER AND AUTHOR CAMEA

WILLIAMS.

>> WE'RE TRYING TO LOCATE A

MEDICAL CLAIM FORM FILED BY

ARMY VETERAN EUGENE MANNING

OVER 300 DAYS AGO.

WHERE IS THE CLAIM?

>> I REALLY DON'T --

>> IN THE END EVERYBODY

BREAKS.

>> I THINK THEY'RE TRYING

REALLY HARD TO DO A BETTER

JOB.

>> OKAY, WILLIAMS, YOU WANT

TO PLAY IT THAT WAY.

>> I'M ABOUT TO PERPETRATE

SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF

TORTURE ON THEIR ASS.

LOOK LIKES SOMEBODY WANTS TO

GET CHEESE BOARDED.

>> HERE YOU GO, YOU'RE GOING

TO NEED THIS FOR SPREADING.

>> YOU HEAR THAT.

THAT IS THE VA AUTOMATED

TELEPHONE SYSTEM.

ENJOY.

>> I HOPE YOU LIKE LONG FORM

IMPROV.

>> HEY, HEY, HOW ARE YOU

DOING.

>> WE DO AN 90 MINUTE

IMPROVISED LONG FORM SITCOM.

>> THEY CAN DO THIS ALL DAY

LONG.

YOU JUST TRY CHOKING DOWN

THAT BOARD FULL OF CHEESE

WITHOUT ANY FIBER.

>> OH I FORGOT MY WIFE ONLY

SPEAKS SPANISH.

>> DON'T YOU TURN EYES AWAY

FROM THIS ABOMINATION.

>> PLEASE ENTER YOUR SOCIAL

SECURITY NUMBER.

>> SHE'S ENJOYING IT.

PLAY IT BACK, REMOVE THE

CHEESE.

>> IT TOOK ENTIRE MINUTES

BUT SHE FINALLY CRACKED.

WHERE IS THE CLAIM?

>> YOU HAVE ASKED THE VA?

>> THAT'S IT.

BUT WHICH LOCATION.

>> IT WOULD BE IN THE

MANHATTAN, IN THE NEW YORK

REGIONAL OFFICE.

>> OH MY GOD.

IT'S BEEN UNDER OUR NOSES

THE ENTIRE TIME?

JUST MILES FROM THE AMERICAN

EQUIVALENT OF WEST POINT.

WHICH IS ALSO KNOWN AS WEST

POINT.

THIS IS AN EXACT REPLICA OF

WHAT WE WOULD EXPECT TO SEE

AT THE VA BUILDING.

>> HOW MUCH PAPER IS THAT?

>> ROUGHLY A COUPLE OF

MILLION LOST DOCUMENTS.

>> IS THE MEDICAL CLAIMING

THE VA --

>> 100 PERCENT IT'S THERE.

>> OH PIE GOD, IS THAT A

MINICLIPBOARD.

>> YES, A MININOTEPAD.

>> MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE

THIS.

>> JUST BRING ME THE [BLEEP]

CLAIM FORM.

>> GOGELS DOWN.

>> GOGELS DOWN.

>> GOGELS UP, GOGELS UP.

>> THAT DOES NOTHING FOR US.

>> YOU GOT AN ORGANIC --

>> ALL RIGHT, I CAN'T TAKE

IT, I'M GOING IN.

>> REALLY?

BY YOURSELF.

>> YEAH, I GOT IT.

>> NOW THAT'S AN-- SEE?

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> THE GROOVE ON THERE.

>> I GOT THE FORM.

LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF

HERE.

>> YOU GOT IT, WE GOT IT!

>> OH PIE GOD.

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THIS?

YOU JUST BROUGHT A BUNCH OF

BLANK CLAIMS FROM THE VA

WAITING ROOM.

ARE YOU SIMPLE?

[BLEEP] AWAY FROM ME.

>> WOW, SHE'S REALLY MAD.

>> WE DIDN'T GET THE CLAIM

FORM BUT WE'RE NEVER GOING

TO STOP.

FOR EUGENE, FOR ALL THE

SOLDIERS, THIS DOESN'T END

HERE.

>> PRESS TWO FOR INFORMATION

ABOUT VA BENEFITS, PRESS

THREE.

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT FOR

CLAIM SPECIFIC

INFORMATION --

>> SAMANTHA BEE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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