A$$holes Wanted

  • Aired:  07/25/13
  •  | Views: 20,967

Aasif Mandvi tries selling a promising congressional candidate on going to Washington DC, despite its 535 obvious flaws. (4:34)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WELCOME BACK.

CONGRESS BECOMES THE LEAST

PRODUCTIVE IN HISTORY, HAVING

PASSED JUST 15 BILDZ.

WHAT WE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT,

KIND OF PERSON ASPIERS TO BE A

MEMBER OF THIS ILLUSTRIOUS CLUB.

>> AMIDST RECORD LOW APPROVAL

RATINGS, BOTH PARTIES ARE ON THE

HUNT FOR PROMISING CONGRESSIONAL

CANDIDATES TO HEAD TO D.C.

SO WHEN LETTIESIA PEREZ, AN

UP-AND-COMING DEMOCRAT, CAPTURED

THE SUPERVISOR SEAT IN A

STRONGLY REPUBLICAN CALIFORNIA

COUNTY, THE D.N.C. KNEW JUST

WHAT TO DO.

>> I RECEIVED AN E-MAIL FROM THE

CHAIRMAN OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

WHICH SAID, "WE'VE HEARD A LOT

ABOUT YOU.

WE KNOW THAT YOU'RE A RISING

STAR IN CALIFORNIA, AND WE'D

LIKE TO YOU CONSIDER POTENTIALLY

A RUN FOR CONGRESS."

>> IT'S SUCH A GREAT JOB.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY

EXCITED.

>> ACTUALLY, I HAD TO SAY NO.

>> YOU DECIDED TO SAY NO TO D.C.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

I DID.

RESOUNDINGLY.

>> Reporter: AND HER

RESOUNDING NO EFF'ING WAY HAS

BECOME A WORRYINGLY COMMON

REFRAIN.

ACROSS THE NATION, THE PARTIES

ARE STRUGGLING TO FIND ANYONE

WILLING TO RUN FOR CONGRESS.

BUT WHY?

>> IT'S NO SECRET, THERE IS

REMARKABLE GRIDLOCK IN D.C.

I DON'T WANT TO BE AT A PLACE

WHERE I HAVE A GOOD, FANCY TITLE

BUT I'M NOT ACTUALLY ABLE TO

DELIVER FOR PEOPLE.

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT.

OKAY, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON

HERE.

THIS HESITATION OF YOURSELF TO

GO TO D.C., IS IT SCANDAL BASED?

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> DRUG USE?

>> NO.

>> YOU'RE NOT A CITIZEN.

>> I'M ABSOLUTELY A CITIZEN, AND

PROUD.

>> YOU HAVE SENT PICTURES OF

YOUR PENIS OVER THE INTERNET.

>> NEVER, WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER

IT.

>> WHY WOULDN'T YOU CONSIDER

THAT?

>> ELECTED OFFICIALS HAVE A HIGH

DUTY OF MORALITY, OF ETHICS, OF

PERSONAL, PROFESSIONAL CONDUCTS.

>> DOES IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH THE FACT YOU DON'T HAVE A

PENIS?

>> THE QUESTION WAS WOULD I

CONSIDER SENDING PICTURES AND I

WOULD NOT.

>> DO YOU HAVE A PEENS OR NOT?

>> I DON'T.

>> NO SCANDAL, NO PEENS, SHE'S

AN AMAZING CANDIDATE.

CLEARLY PEREZ DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

THE HONOR AND PRIVILEGE OF

SERVING IN THE U.S. CONGRESS.

LUCKILY, STEPHEN LATOURETTE, AN

18-YEAR MEMBER OF THE HOUSE AND

SUBCOMMITTEE VICE CHAIRMAN KNOWS

FIRSTHAND THE PROFOUND

SATISFACTIONAVE REWARDING CAREER

GIVING VOICE TO THE AMERICAN

PEOPLE.

GIVE ME THREE WORDS THAT SUM OF

YOUR EXPERIENCE.

>> FRUSTRATING, MADDENING,

GRIDLOCK.

>> OKAY.

THREE WORDS THAT AREN'T THOSE

WORDS.

>> UHM, SAD

DISAPPOINTING, DIFFICULT.

>> OKAY, FORGET ABOUT WORDS.

I'M LOOKING TO INSPIRE SOMEBODY

TO RUN FOR CONGRESS.

>> YOU'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO RUN

FOR CONGRESS.

>> WHY?

>> THE LEADERSHIP IN THE HOUSE

IS MORE CONCERNED ABOUT GAMING

THE OTHER PARTY SO THAT THEY CAN

BE IN CHARGE THAN THEY ARE IN

ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHING

SOMETHING.

POTENTIAL CANDIDATES SHOULDN'T

BE MOTIVATED BY ACCOMPLISHING

ANYTHING.

>> OKAY, THIS SOUND LIKE AN

OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE JOB.

IF WE WANT TO GET SOMEONE LIKE

PEREZ TO RUN FOR CONGRESS, WE

ARE GOING TO HAVE TO RECALBRIGHT

HER EXPECTATIONS SO SHE

LIBRARIES TO LOVE D.C., DESPITE

THE 535 OBVIOUS FLAWS.

>> WELL, I DON'T SEE MUCH

COMPROMISE TAKING PLACE IN D.C.

I WANT TO TALK.

I WANT TO FIND SOLUTIONS.

>> THIS IS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU

WANT.

THIS IS ABOUT WHAT THE BROKEN

MACHINE OF THE U.S. CONGRESS

NEEDS TO KEEP LIMPING ALONG.

>> IT'S NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR

ME.

>> ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MANAGE

TO KILL THE THING INSIDE OF YOU

THAT THINKS AND CARES AND YOU'RE

GOOD TO GO.

>> I COULD NEVER KILL ANYTHING

INSIDE OF MY THAT'S CARES ABOUT

PEOPLE.

IT'S WHAT FUNDAMENTALLY DRIVES

ME.

>> WOW, WE HAVE A REAL PROBLEM.

WASHINGTON IS TOO GRIDLOCKED TO

ATTRACT THE KIND OF

RESULTS-ORIENTED POLITICIANS WE

NEED TO BREAK THE GRIDLOCK.

SO THE QUESTION REMAINS-- WHO

WILL RUN FOR CONGRESS?

>> I THINK PEOPLE WHO ARE SO

BLATANTLY PARTISAN THAT THIS IS

FUN FOR THEM.

THEY'RE RUN.

I THINK THE GOAL IS

TO FIND PEOPLE THAT AREN'T...

BUT IF YOU'RE ASKING ME WHO I

THINK WOULD BE MOST INTERESTED

IN THE JOB, IT'S PROBABLY THE.

>> SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.

THE U.S. CONGRESS 2014.

... WANTED.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> John: THANK YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT B

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