Two Guys, a Girl and a Pita Place

  • Aired:  09/11/13
  •  | Views: 108,838

Sam Bee, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross apologize to the citizens of Egypt for sending America's three stupidest people to their country. (5:40)

[APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

OBVIOUSLY, THE WORLD ISFOCUSED ON SYRIA RIGHT

NOW, BUT THE ENTIRE MIDDLEEAST IS A TINDER BOX, VOLATILE,

UNSTABLE.

THE UNITED STATES MUSTTAKE THE GREATEST OF CARE

WITH OUR APPROACH TOTHE EMBATTLED AND FRAGILE

REGION.

>> REPRESENTATIVE MICHELEBACHMANN, LOUIS GOHMERT AND

STEVE KINGWERE IN EGYPT OVER THE

WEEKEND AND GAVE A PRESSCONFERENCE ON EGYPTIAN TV.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: PLEASE BE A

JIMMY KIMMEL PRANK.

PLEASE BE A JIMMY KIMMELPRANK.

PLEASE BE A JIMMY KIMMELPRANK.

NOPE.

APPARENTLY THEY WERE ON ADIPLOMATIC MISSION.

>> MY NAME IS MICHELEBACHMANN, AND I'M A MEMBER

OF THE UNITED STATESCONGRESS FROM THE UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA.

>> Jon: THEY'VE ONLYSAID ONE SENTENCE, AND

THIS IS ALREADY THEWEIRDEST [BLEEP]

THING I'VE SEEN ON TELEVISION.

WHY IS SHE TALKING LIKETHAT?

IS SHE ADDRESSING ANEGYPTIAN KINDERGARTEN?

BACHMANN, GOMERT AND KINGWENT TO EGYPT TO SAY TO

THE GOOD AND KIND PEOPLEIN EGYPT THAT THE GROWING

PAINS THEIR COUNTRY ISEXPERIENCING IN ITS

TEMPORARY MILITARILYIMPOSED RESPITE FROM

DEMOCRACY CAN BE CUREDWITH A QUICK SHOT OF

VITAMIN AMERICA.

>> I'M REMINDED OF THEWORDS OF THOMAS PAINE, HE

SAID IN AMERICA LAW ISKING.

>> OUR DECLARATION OFINDEPENDENCE IS THE

CONSENT OF THE PEOPLE THATALLOW A GOVERNMENT TO

FUNCTION.

>> OUR FOUNDING FATHERSWROTE A MESSAGE I THINK

WILL RESONATE.

>> THOMAS JEFFERSON.

>> GEORGE WASHINGTON.

>> THE UNITED STATESCONSTITUTION THAT I CARRY

IN MY POCKET EVERY DAY IWEAR A JACKET.

>> Jon: AND ANOTHERTHING, WHAT IS WITH YOUR ROUND

BREAD? IT MAKES NO [BLEEP]SENSE.

YOU CAN'T GET INTO IT.

THERE IS NO WAY TO FILL ITWITH SANDWICH.

IN AMERICA, WE USE SLICEDSQUARE BREAD.

I THINK YOU'LL AGREE IT ISEASIER TO HANDLE.

YOU NEED TO MAKE SOMECHANGES.

WHY AM I TALKING LIKE ABROOKLYN GUY WITH THESE

PEOPLE.

IT IS THE ONE TIME I COULDHAVE USED MY SOUTHERN GUY.

I NEED MY AFRO BACK.

COULD THESE THREE PEOPLEBE ANY MORE CONDESCENDING?

I THINK WE ALL KNOW THEANSWER TO THAT.

>> THAT'S WHAT WE'RE ABOUTIN AMERICA.

WE WANT THOSE VALUES THATWE TREASURE IN AMERICA,

THOSE VALUES THAT SERVEDOUR COUNTRY AND ALLOWED US

TO BUILD UP SO STRONG FROMNOTHING -- WE WERE NOTHING

236 YEARS AGO.

TODAY WE ARE STRONG.

>> Jon: MAYBE SOME DAY,EGYPT, YOU'LL BE STRONG

ENOUGH TO BUILD SOMETHINGLASTING.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: MAYBE.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON!

WRAP IT UP, YOU THREE.

>> I THINK THERE MAY BESOME QUESTIONS THAT YOU

ALL MAY HAVE, AND IF YOUDO, WE ARE MORE THAN HAPPY

TO ANSWER THEM.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONSAT THIS TIME.

[LAUGHTER]>> THE ONE QUESTION THAT

HAS COME FORWARD AGAINIS --

>> Jon: THERE IS NO WAYIN THAT TIME THEY TOOK A

REAL QUESTION.

IT TOOK LONGER TO SAY THEWORDS, HELLO, I HAVE A

QUESTION.

AT THIS POINT, I'M NOTREALLY SURE YOU'RE IN

EGYPT.

LOOK AT THESE GUYS.

ARE THEY IN A VACUUM? IS THATWHERE THEY FAKED THE MOON

LANDING?

ARE THEY CHAINED TOGETHER?

IS THIS A HOSTAGE VIDEO.

THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THEY'REAFRAID THEY'RE GOING TO

GET MUSLIM ON THEM.

NOT THAT THERE APPEARS TO BEANYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM.

HONESTLY THE VIBE OF THIS WHOLETHING IS NERVOUS DELEGATION OF

EARTHLINGS MEET ALIENS IN ASCI-FI MOVIE.

IF I MAY ADDRESS THEEGYPTIAN PEOPLE MYSELF, I

FEEL LIKE I NEED TO FIXTHIS.

WE SENT OVER OUR OWNDELEGATION TO UNDO SOME OF

THAT DAMAGE.

HERE THEY ARE RIGHT NOW INEGYPT.

[APPLAUSE][CHEERS]

>> THANK YOU, JON.

HELLO, MY NAME IS SAMANTHABEE, AND I AM AN AMERICAN

FROM THE AMERICANUNITED STATES OF AMERICAN STATES

IN AMERICA.

AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELFAND MY COLLEAGUES, I WOULD

LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO THEPEOPLE OF EGYPT FOR

SENDING YOU LITERALLY THETHREE STUPIDEST PEOPLE IN

AMERICA.

[APPLAUSE][CHEERS]

>> SORRY FOR THAT.

>> THANK YOU, SAM.

EGYPT, I'D LIKE TO, IF IMAY, SHOW YOU SOMETHING

THAT I PUT IN MY JACKETEVERY DAY THAT I WEAR ONE.

IT'S CALLED BACON.

[APPLAUSE][CHEERS]

>> AND IT'S CURED PORK,AND WE EAT IT AND WE LOVE

IT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOUDON'T.

[APPLAUSE][LAUGHTER]

>> OKAY, WE HAVE TIME FORONE QUESTION.

EXCELLENT QUESTION.

YES, IT IS POSSIBLE THATWHEN THOSE THREE CONGRESS

PEOPLE ARE UNSUPERVISED,THEY EAT THEIR OWN

(bleep).

>> ANY MORE QUESTIONS?

WOW, SO MANY QUESTIONS.

SO MANY ACTUALLY QUESTIONSFROM REAL, ACTUAL

EGYPTIANS.

>> OH, MY GOSH, WHAT DIDYOU SAY?

YOU ARE SO BAD.

>> HEY, HEY, WHAT'S GOINGON OVER HERE.

OVER HERE.

LOOK AT THIS.

>> OH, MY GOSH.

EGYPTIANS ARE SO NICE.

[APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

SAMANTHA BEE, BOB ODENKIRK,DAVID CROSS IN EGYPT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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