Syria & Nancy Pelosi's Grandchild

  • Aired:  09/09/13
  •  | Views: 76,487

John McCain gives the folks at Fox & Friends a language lesson and Nancy Pelosi teaches her grandson about the war in Syria. (4:28)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW, MY NAME IS JON STEWART,GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT

MY GUEST SHERIFINK THE AUTHOR OF THE FEEL GOOD

BOOKFIVE DAYS AT MEMORIAL, THE

STORY OF FIVEDAYS POST KATRINA AT A

HOSPITAL-- VERY DISTURBING.

OF COURSE OUR TOP STORY THEONGOING DEBATE ON WHAT TO DO

ABOUT SYRIA.

THAT IS ACTUALLY THE LOGOFOR SIRI.

(LAUGHTER)MICHAEL CERA.

PRETTY SURE THAT'S THE DUCKFROM WONDER PETS THIS IS

SEWIOUS ♪♪.

>> I AM AWARE OF MING MING'SCATCH-PHRASE.

THANK YOU.

OBVIOUSLY THIS IS ADIFFICULT AND COMPLICATED

TOPIC AND REASONABLE PEOPLECAN REACH DIFFERENT

CONCLUSIONS FOR COMPLETELYDEFENSIBLE REASONS, OR YOU

CAN WATCH CABLE TELEVISIONWHERE UNREASONABLE PEOPLE

REACH DIFFERENT CONCLUSIONSFOR INSANE REASONS.

HERE IS A TERRIBLE ARGUMENTAGAINST WAR.

>> LISTEN THIS VIDEO SENATORMcCAIN OF A SYRIAN, LOOKS

LIKE A FIGHTER JET BEINGSHOT OUT OF THE SKY.

LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAYAFTERWARDS.

ALLAH AKBAR, ALLAH AKBAR!

>> I HAVE A PROBLEM HELPINGTHOSE PEOPLE OUT SCREAMING

THAT AFTER A HIT.

>> YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHAT?

>> Jon: THEY WOULD JUSTSCREAM YIPPIE KI YAY MOTHER

[BLEEP] LIKE A NORMAL PERSON,I WOULD BE ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S MY FAVORITE PART OFTHE CLIP THOUGH, YOU HAVE TO

WATCH THIS MY FAVORITE PARTIS THE EXPRESSION ON DUCE

MEADE'S FACE WHEN SENATORMcCAIN EXPLAINS WHAT THAT

MEANS.

>> I HAVE A PROBLEM HELPINGTHOSE PEOPLE.

>> YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHIS?

>> SCREAMING THAT AFTER AHIT.

>> WOULD YOU HAVE A PROBLEMWITH AN AMERICAN CHRISTIAN

SAYING THANK GOD, THANK GOD?

THAT'S WHAT-- THAT'S WHATTHEY'RE SAYING.

COME ON.

(LAUGHTER)LOOK AT THEIR EXPRESSIONS. THEY

LOOK LIKE McCAIN JUST CAUGHTTHEM MASTURBATTING.

IT'S JUST LIKE-- (LAUGHTER)

HERE'S MY IMPRESSION OF THEFOX AND FRIENDS DIRECTOR.

JUST SEND OUT THE HOOTERSGIRL, I KNOW IT'S NOT TIME

YET.

GET SOME WINGS OUT THERE!

(LAUGHTER)LET'S HEAR A BAD PRO WAR

ARGUMENT.

>> THIS IS A CHOICE AMONGBAD OPTIONS.

THIS IS THE LEAST BADOPTION.

>> WE'RE GOING KILLCIVILIANS.

>> THEY'RE GOING TO BEKILLED ANYWAY.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: LOOK, THESE PEOPLE

ARE GOING TO DIE, LET'S FACEFACTS.

AT LEAST LET IT BE FROM ANAMERICAN BOMB SO THEY CAN GO

TO HEAVEN, YOU KNOW WHAT I'MTALKING ABOUT?

PERHAPS THE LEAST COMPELLINGARGUMENT FOR WAR CAME FROM

HOUSE MINORITY LEADER NANCYPELOSI.

>> MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD GRANDSON,AS I WAS LEAVING SAN

FRANCISCO YESTERDAY, HE SAIDTO ME, ARE YOU YES WAR WITH

SYRIA, NO WAR WITH SYRIA.

I SAID WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> HE SAID I THINK NO WAR.

I SAID-- .

>> Jon: SO I SAID TO HIMWHAT THE [BLEEP] DO YOU

KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)YOU'RE FIVE.

YOU THINK PURPLE IS AFLAVOR.

(LAUGHTER)YOU SLEEP IN A FAKE RACE CAR.

(LAUGHTER)YOU'RE SO IRRESPONSIBLE THAT

HAVING A TEENAGER WATCH YOU ISSAFER THAN LEAVING YOU ALONE.

BY THE WAY, IF YOU LIKE ANYOF THOSE YOU WILL ENJOY MY

NEW DOUBLE ALBUM I'M THETOOTH FAIRY, 80 MINUTES OF

THINGS GUARANTEED TO UPSETYOUR CHILD.

YOU'LL GET, WE ALL DIEALONE.

AND OF COURSE I'M SANTACLAUS.

AND YES, WE HAVE A FAVORITECHILD.

IT'S NOT YOU.

(LAUGHTER)KIDDING, OF COURSE.

SURE HOUSE MINORITY LEADERNANCY PELOSI HANDLED THE

INNOCENT CHILD'S QUERY WITHGRACE AND COMPASSION.

PLEASE, MISS PELOSI, RESPONDTO YOUR FIVE-YEAR-OLD

GRANDSON'S QUESTIONS ABOUT WAR.

>> BUT YOU KNOW THEY'VEKILLED HUNDREDS OF CHILDREN

THERE.

>> HOLY [BLEEP] YOU SAIDTHAT TO A FIVE-YEAR-OLD?

>> HOLY [BLEEP] YOU SAIDTHAT TO A FIVE-YEAR-OLD?

ANYWAY, GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.

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