March of Dumbs

  • Aired:  10/01/13
  •  | Views: 332,610

Congressional Republicans save America from the most insidious law ever created by man. (4:25)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Jon: HEY! WELCOME TO THE

DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JONSTEWART.

MAN DO WE HAVE A SHOW TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS GOING TO BETALKING ABOUT A BOOK I HAVE NOT

BEEN THIS EXCITED ABOUT A BOOKIN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG, I MEAN

YOU KNOW HALF THE CRAP I HAVE TOREAD ON

THIS SHOW, BUT THIS BOOK, THEAUTHOR IS NOT DAVID MITCHELL,

DAVID MITCHELL IS GOING TO BE ONHERE PROMOTING IT.

IT IS A BOOK WRITTEN BY AJAPANESE 13-YEAR-OLD BOY ABOUT

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE AUTISM.

IT IS INCREDIBLE.

ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLETHINGS I THINK I HAVE EVER READ.

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH LASTNIGHT'S MARCH TOWARD GOVERNMENT

SHUTDOWN, THE CABLE NEWSNETWORKS

WERE SO EXCITED THEY WHIPPED OUTTHEIR CLOCKS, TRANSITIONING

RELENTLESSLY FROM COUNT DOWNCLOCK TO BEFORE SHUTDOWN TO

COUNT DOWN CLOCK AFTER SHUTDOWNBECAUSE ON CABLE NEWS THIS IS

THE DEMARCATION POINT IN HISTORYON PAR WITH THE BIRTH OF CHRIST.

>> BY THE WAY, CNN HAS JUST BEENGIVEN A NEW SHOW, TIME OF DAY.

>> COMING UP ON OUR 6 O'CLOCKHOUR, 6 O'CLOCK.

>> KIDDING, CNN WOULD NEVER GIVEA SHOW TO A CLOCK, THEY WOULD

GIVE IT TO TWO PUNDITS WITHOPPOSING VIEWS

ABOUT WHAT TIME IT IS.

CLOCKFIRE!

TONIGHT AT 8:00, NO, IT IS ATTHREE!

>> THERE YOU HAVE IT.

THANKS TO THE EFFORTS OF A FEWBRAVE HOUSE REPUBLICAN

MORONS WE ALL GET TO NOW

CELEBRATE THE MARCH OF DUMBS. >>>> GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! LET'S

HEAR IT!

>> FROM AN ACTUAL CONGRESSMAN ASTO WHY WE HAD TO SHUT THE

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT DOWN.

>> WE JUST WANT TO HELP THEAMERICAN PEOPLE GET BY AND

THROUGH IS ONE OF THE MOSTINSIDIOUS LAWS EVER CREATED

BY MAN, AND THAT IS OBAMACARE.

>> Jon: BRAVO.

NOT JUST ONE OF THE MOSTINSIDIOUS LAWS BY AMERICA, WHICH

HAS JIM CROW AND SLAVERY ON ITSRESUME OF LAWS, BUT BY MAN,

PUTTINGOBAMACARE UP WITH THE NUREMBERG

LAWS, THE SPANISH INQUISITIONAND THE MEDIEVAL LAW WHERE

ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, THE KINGGETS TO

SLEEP WITH YOUR WIFE.

>> HEY HE MAY BE BANGING MYBRIDE BUT AT LEAST HE IS NOT

FORCING ME INTO A HEALTHCAREEXCHANGE.

I DON'T WANT THE GOVERNMENTSTANDING BETWEEN ME AND THE GUY

THAT APPLIES MY LEECHES.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THE PEASANT HASAN ACCENT LIKE THAT BUT IT

SHOULD PROBABLY NOT BE FROMJERSEY.

ANYWAY, THE HOUSE REPUBLICANSHAVE MADE THE INCREDIBLY

UNPOPULAR MOVE OF FORCING ASHUTDOWN OF THE UNITED STATES

GOVERNMENT, TO SAVE US ALL FROMHAVING THE KING BANG OUR WIVES.

THERE'S ONLY ONETHING LEFT TO DO. FOX!

TO THE DAMAGE CONTROL STATION! MAN THE STRAW MAN.

I WONDER IF IT IS GOING TO BELIKE THE SEQUESTER WHERE BEFORE

THE SEQUESTER WE HEARDESSENTIALLY THE SKY IS GOING TO

FALL AND YOU ARE GOING TO FEELTHE PAIN IMMEDIATELY.

NOT SO MUCH.

THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED ISSOME MUSEUMS CLOSED AND SOMEONE

CAN'T GO TO THE STATUE OFLIBERTY.

>> WE WERE WARNED THE SKY WASGOING TO FALL BUT THE SUN CAME

UP, DIDN'T IT?

>> NO ONE TOLD YOU THE SKY WASGOING TO FALL.

NO ONE TOLD YOU THE GOVERNMENTSHUTDOWN HAD THE SAME EFFECT AS

AN ASTEROID HITTING THE PLANET.

THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN DIDAFFECT THE PROGRAM THAT WOULD

TELL US THAT IS HAPPENING. BUTTHE POINT IS, ON FOX,

NO BIGGY.

>> WHEN THE PRESIDENT CAME OUTYESTERDAY AND WENT THROUGH A

LIST OF WHAT WASN'T GOING TOCHANGE HE SAID WE WILL HAVE AIR

TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS, MEDICARE,GO TO THE DOCTOR, I WAS SITTING

THERE, WAIT A MINUTE, HE ISMAKING THE CASE FOR THE

REPUBLICANS, IT IS PRETTY GOOD.

>> MAYBE I AM ONE OF THE FEWPEOPLE THAT THIS DOESN'T IMPACT

ME MENTALLY.

WE HAVE HAD 17 GOVERNMENTSHUTDOWNS, GOVERNOR, I AM NOT

AFRAID OF A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFGOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN.

>> Jon: HOW BAD CAN IT BE IF ITDOESN'T PERSONALLY AFFECT SEAN

HANNITY?

IT'S NOT LIKE THEY SHUT DOWNSMITH AND WOLLENSKY FOR

PRIVATE EVENTS. OR CLOSED OURNATION'S STRATEGIC FLAG

GRAPHIC RESERVES. OR IF ROGERAILES

IMPLEMENTED A NO GRUNTING POLICYIN THE MEN'S ROOM.

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