War of Petition

  • Aired:  01/17/13
  •  | Views: 59,483

Americans would use a grand experiment in direct democracy to deport Piers Morgan, secede from the Union, and build a Death Star. (3:40)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

THE PRESIDENT HAS TAKEN BOLD ACTION WITH HIS RECENT EXECUTIVE ACTION BUT NOT EVERY IDEA COMING

FROM THE WHITE HOUSE WORKS OUT AS PLAN.

>> WE'RE LAUNCHING AN ONLINE TOOL CALLED WE THE PEOPLE TO ALLOW THE AMERICANS TO DIRECTLY

PETITION THE WHITE HOUSE.

>> Jon: HAVE YOU MET US?

IT WAS THE GRANDEST EXPERIENCE IN DIRECT DEMOCRACY SINCE JEFFERSON ALLOW EVER AMERICAN TO

SUGGEST POLICY AFTER THE CARRIER PIGEON WAS DISCONTINUED FOR HYGIENIC REGIONS.

THAT PHOTO WAS NOT RETOUCHED.

IT WAS A NOBLE EFFORT.

ONLY 5,000 SIGNATURES NEEDED TO GET AN OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT RESPONSE WHICH WAS A LOW BALL.

DID THEY NOT HOW THE INTERNET WORK?

5,000.

THE KONY2012 PETITION GOT NINE MILLION HITS.

COULD YOU GET A PETITION TO LEAVE KONY ALONE FOR 5,000.

>> ONE CRITIC OF GUN LAWS IS PIERS MORGAN.

OVER 80, TO HAVE SIGNED REQUESTS TO DEPORT HIM FOR ENGAGING IN A HOSTILE ATTACK AGAINST THE

CONSTITUTION BY TARGETING THE SECOND AMENDMENT.

>> Jon: OKAY.

I'M A LITTLE TORN ON THIS ONE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ON THE ONE HAND IT'S A WASTE OF THE GOVERNMENT'S TIME BUT ON THE OTHER HAND --

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE DO MISS LARRY KING EVERY NOW AND AGAIN.

MAYBE THERE'S AN EASIER ONE.

>> THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF AMERICANS IN 20 STATES NOW THAT HAVE SIGNED

PETITIONS AT WHITE WHITEHOUSEGOV TO ALLOW THEIR STATE TO PEACEFULLY SECEDE FROM THE UNION.

>> Jon: REALLY TORN ON THIS ONE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ARE THERE ANY THAT MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE TORN ABOUT ON THIS WEB SITE?

>> ONE PETITION CALLED ON THE WHITE HOUSE TO BEGIN CONSTRUCTION OF THE DEATH STAR.

>> IT RECEIVED 40,000 SIGNATURES WHICH MEANS THE ADMINISTRATION HAD TO COMMENT AND SAID, THE

ADMINISTRATION DOES NOT SUPPORT BLOWING UP PLANETS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: THE ADMINISTRATION R THEY ON TAPE SAYING THAT BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE (bleep).

WE'VE GOT DRONES AND THOSE ARE JUST LIKE BABY ONES.

I GUARANTEE THEY ARE WORKING ON ONE BUT AT LEAST THE WHITE HOUSE HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT IT.

>> STARTING TODAY A PETITION SENT TO THE WEBSITE WE THE PEOPLE HAS TO HAVE 100,000

SIGNATURES IN THE SPAN OF 30 DAYS TO GET AN OFFICIAL RESPONSE.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON YOU KEEP VOTING TO RAISE THE SIGNATURE CEILING AND YOU KNOW

WE'RE GOING TO KEEP HITTING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

WHY NOT ADDRESS THE SYSTEMIC PROBLEM MAINLY PEOPLE LOVE SIGNING UP FOR (bleep) ON THE INTERNET.

100,000 ISN'T GOING TO SLOW US DOWN.

I HAVE A PETITION RIGHT NOW TODAY THAT I DEMAND THAT THE U.S. GOVERNMENT ADDRESS.

I DEMAND THE U.S. GOVERNMENT GIVE EVERYONE IN AMERICA A FAKE TWITTER GIRLFRIEND.

WE CAN DO THIS, PEOPLE!

100,000 SIGNIFICANT IN TOURS.

WE'LL GET -- SIGNATURES.

WE'LL GET COLBERT ON BOARD.

WE CAN DO.

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