Indecision 2013: Wait, There's an Election in 2013? Edition

  • Aired:  11/06/13
  •  | Views: 64,976

Bill de Blasio is elected mayor of New York City, Terry McAuliffe strikes a blow for corrupt government in Virginia, and Chris Christie stares into New Jersey's soul. (2:17)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

TONIGHT OUR GUEST, YOU'REGOING TO LIKE THIS, MONIQUE

BRINSON DEMERY.

SHE'S THE AUTHOR OF "FINDINGTHE DRAGON LADY"

IT'S ABOUT MY PROM.

LET'S BEGIN TONIGHT WITH OURSPECIAL COVERAGE OF ALL OF

LAST NIGHT'S BIG ELECTIONSWITH INDECISION 2013, WAIT,

THERE WAS AN ELECTION IN2013, EDITION.

FIRST UP.

CLOSE TO HOME, NEW YORK CITYELECTED WORLD'S TALLEST

HUMAN BILL DE BLASIO, AS ITSMAYOR. DE BLASIO CAMPAIGNED

ON PROGRESSIVE PLATFORM OFECONOMIC PARITY AND

CULTURAL DIVERSITY. OBVIOUSLYTHIS TYPE OF SOCIAL CHANGE

TAKES TIME. >> Jon: HOLY [BLEEP] LOCK

YOUR DOORS.

LA REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN.

DE BLASIO WON IN A BLOWOUTCRUSHING HIS OPPONENT JOE

LHOTA BY 49 PERCENTAGEPOINTS AT WHICH POINT LHOTA

WAS SWALLOWED UP BY ANGRYZOMBIES.

SOMEBODY GET THE GUY ANAPPLE BOX, THE YELLOW PAGES

TO STAND ON?

MEANWHILE IN VIRGINIA'SGOVERNOR RACE, TERRY

McAULIFFE STRUCK A BLOW FORCORRUPT GOVERNMENT BY

DEFEATING TEA PARTYARCHETYPE AND NOTED SODOMY

OPPONENT KEN YOU'RE ONLYALLOWED TO STICK IN IN THE

CUCH, CUCCHINELLI. IN NEWJERSEY GOVERNOR CHRISTIE

CRUISED TO A RE-ELECTION WINOVER HIS OPPONENT RANDOM

DEMOCRAT, NOBODYREALLY KNOWS.

CHRISTIE CELEBRATED BYWEIRDING EVERYBODY OUT.

>> TONIGHT FIRST ANDFOREMOST I WANT TO SAY THANK

YOU, NEW JERSEY, FOR MAKINGME THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE

WORLD.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: DID NEW JERSEY MARRY

CHRIS CHRISTIE LAST NIGHT?

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING DIRECTLYINTO OUR SOULS DURING YOUR

SPEECH?

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