Everybody Coups - Egypt & Semantics

  • Aired:  07/18/13
  •  | Views: 22,263

Following the Egyptian military's ouster of Mohamed Morsi, America finds itself stuck with a comically oversized $1.6 billion novelty check. (5:33)

MUSLIM.

OF COURSE WHAT NEITHER OF

THOSE SIDES UNDERSTAND HERE

IS THAT AMERICA'S GOVERNMENT

DOESN'T ESPECIALLY CARE

WHOSE'S RUNNING EGYPT AS

LONG AS WE HAVE INFLUENCE

WITH THEM.

THAT IS WHY WE SEND THEM 1.6

BILLION DOLLARS IN AID EACH

YEAR.

THAT'S RIGHT.

BY THE WAY, WE SEND EGYPT

1.6 BILLION DOLLARS IN AID

EACH YEAR.

AND WE DO NOT WANT TO STOP

DOING THAT.

THEY'RE A VITAL ALLY FOR

NEWS THAT PART OF THE WORLD.

IN FACT, I ACTUALLY HAVE

NEXT YEAR'S MONEY RIGHT HERE,

WHICH-- WHICH WE BADLY WANT

TO BRIBE EGYPT W I MEAN HELP

THEM WITH, BRIBE, HELP, IT'S

A GRAY AREA.

THE POINT IS, WHO SHOULD I

MAKE THIS COMICALLY

OVERSIZED NOVELTY CHECK OUT

TO.

>> U.S. LAW, THE FOREIGN

ASSISTANCE ACT OF 1961

EXPLICITLY SAYS THE

ADMINISTRATION CANNOT

FINANCIALLY SUPPORT AN ARMY

THAT IS INVOLVED IN A

MILITARY COUP.

>> WHAT?

SO NOW WE CAN'T EVEN GIVE

EGYPT MONEY?

(LAUGHTER)

THROWING MONEY AT THE

PROBLEM HAS LONG BEEN THE

BACKBONE OF AMERICA'S

FOREIGN POLICY.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

IT'S NOT GOOD NEWS.

THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS.

THAT WE ARE PREVENTED FROM

OUR OWN LAWS FROM GIVING

STRATEGICALLY ALLIES ANY

SORPT OF COUP AID.

>> OH, GOD, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO.

NO, NO!

I CLEARLY SAID COUP AID, NOT

COOL AID, ARE YOU PAYING FOR

THAT WALL.

SO IT LOOKS LIKE-- IT LOOKS

LIKE WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.

BECAUSE WE WANT TO KEEP

GIVING EGYPT MONEY.

BUT YOU CAN'T REALLY DENY

THAT THIS WAS A COUP, RIGHT?

>> THE LEGAL DETERMINATION

THAT A COUP HAPPENED WOULD

REQUIRE A SUSPENSION OR

CUTTOFF IN ALL

NONHUMANITARIAN ASSISTANT

DANCE TO EGYPT INCLUDING ITS

1.3 BILLION IN FMF IS THAT

CORRECT?

>> WELL, MATT, BECAUSE WE'RE

NOTS THERE, WE HAVEN'T MADE

THAT DETERMINATION.

>> I KNOW, BUT THAT

DETERMINATION WOULD TRIGGER

A CUTTOFF OR SUSPENSION OF

THE ASSISTANCE IS THAT

CORRECT?

>> AGAIN, I DON'T WANT TO BE

ANALYZING WHAT THE LEGAL

OPTIONS ARE HERE.

THAT IS BEING CLOSELY LOOKED

AT.

>> SO THAT IS OUR STRATEGY.

WE THINK WE CAN GET AROUND

OUR OWN COUP RULE IF WE CAN

JUST MANAGE TO NOT USE THE

WORD COUP.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S LIKE A GAME SHOW.

YOUR CHALLENGE IS TO

DESCRIBE THE EVENTS IN EGYPT

BUT IF YOU SAY THE WORD COUP,

WILL YOU LOSE EVERYTHING.

IT'S LIKE THE 100,000 DOLLAR

PYRAMID EXCEPT IT'S 1.6

BILLION DOLLARS AND THE

PYRAMID IS AN ACTUAL

PYRAMID.

(LAUGHTER)

SO LET'S DO THIS, LET'S DO

THIS!

LET'S PLAY!

HERE'S OUR FIRST CONTESTANT,

STATE DEPARTMENT SPOKESMAN

JENNIFER SAKI, LET'S GO.

>> THERE ARE A NUMBER OF

FACTORS BEING CLOSELY LOOKED

AT.

THERE IS A BROAD LEGAL

DEFINITION THAT IS

APPLICABLE IN MANY CASES.

A WIDE-RANGING, HIGH LEVEL

INTERAGENCY PROCESS

DETERMINING THE NEXT STEPS

ON OUR POLICY FOR EGYPT.

THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE

ON ITS GROUND WHO DO NOT

THINK IT WAS A COUP.

>> WOW.

SHE IS GOOD.

SHE IS GOING KAMA SUTRA ON

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE,

BENDING WORDS INTO ALL KINDS

OF EXCITING EXOTIC POSITIONS

BEFORE REACHING A CLIMAX OF

MEANINGLESSNESS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WILL YOU LET US KNOW WHEN

THE HEAT FROM THE FLAMES OF

THE BURNING HOOPS THAT YOU

ARE JUMPING THROUGH TO AVOID

TAKING A POSITION ON THIS

GET TOO HOT, OR WILL THAT

JUST BE OBVIOUS FROM --

>> MATT, IF YOU ARE HAVING A

GOOD TIME TODAY I WILL BE

BACK HERE TOMORROW.

WE'LL DO THIS AGAIN.

>> OH, THOSE TWO ARE GOING

TO [BLEEP] LIKE RABBITS WHEN

THEY GET HOME.

THAT'S A FACT.

(APPLAUSE)

>> OUR NEXT CONTESTANTS IN

THE 1.6 BILLION DOLLAR

PYRAMID IS WHITE HOUSE PRESS

SECRETARY JAY CARNEY WHO

SOMEHOW TRIES TO BE

UNEQUIVOCAL IN HIS

EQUIVICATION.

>> IN ANSWER TO YOUR

QUESTION, SPECIFICALLY ABOUT

WHAT WE CALL WHAT HAPPENED,

I'LL BE BLUNT.

THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY

COMPLEX AND DIFFICULT

SITUATION.

I'M TRYING TO BE VERY CANDID,

IS THAT THIS IS A COMPLEX

SITUATION.

>> I'M BEING VERY CLEAR WITH

YOU AND NEDRA AND EVERYONE

HERE THAT THIS IS A COMPLEX

AND DIFFICULT ISSUE.

AND AGAIN I'M TRYING TO BE

CANDID HERE ABOUT, YOU'LL

GET NO ARGUMENT FROM ME IF

YOU GO ON THE AIR AND SAY

THAT THIS IS A HIGHLY

COMPLICATED SITUATION.

>> THAT POOR MAN.

I HONESTLY CANNOT TELL IF

HE'S DOING A TERRIBLE JOB OR

JUST HAS A TERRIBLE JOB.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I THINK IT MIGHT BE 100

PERCENT OF BOTH.

THE LOGIC OF THIS SITUATION

IS INSANE.

IT'S AS IF KATE MIDDLETON

GAVE BIRTH BUT ENGLISH LAW

PREVENTED HER FROM CALLING

THE THING SHE WAS HOLDING A

BABY.

YES, THIS TINY HUMAN EMERGED

FROM MY WOMB AFTER NINE

MONTHS OF GESTATION BUT IS

IT A BABY, I DON'T THINK WE

SHOULD GET BOGGED DOWN IN

CALLING IT THAT QUITE YET.

THE PROBLEM IS, WE CAN TRY

TO PARS WORDS ON THIS ALL WE

WANT.

WE CAN CALL THIS A MORSIECTOMY,

A SURGICAL REMOVAL OF A MAN

FROM THE BODY OF THE COUNTRY

HE WAS HURTING.

BUT EVERYONE IS GOING TO

KNOW WHAT WE'RE SAYING.

LET'S BE CLEAR HERE, WE CAN

DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED IN

EGYPT AS A COMPLICATED AND

MULTIFACETED SITUATION, BUT

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THAT IS

JUST A FANCY LEGAL WAY TO

AVOID CALLING IT WHAT IT IS,

A COMPLETE CLUSTER [BLEEP].

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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