October 1, 2014 - Lena Dunham

  • Episode: 20003 | 
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An intruder breaches White House security, the first case of Ebola emerges in the U.S., and Lena Dunham discusses "Not That Kind of Girl." 

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILYSHOW MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A VERY GOOD SHOW TONIGHT.

MY GUEST -- OH, WE LOVE, WE LOVETHIS LADY.

LENA DUNHAM IS GOING TO BE JOINING US ON THE PROGRAM.

VERY TALENTED. VERY FUNNY.

BUT FIRST, SOME OF YOU MAY HAVEBEEN READING ABOUT A RECENT

INCIDENT AT OUR WHITE HOUSE.

>> THE U.S. SECRET SERVICECAPTURED A MAN WHO HAS JUMPED

THE WHITE HOUSE FENCE ANDMADE IT INSIDE THE BUILDING.

A SPOKESMAN SAYS THE MAN WAS NOT ARMED.

HE WAS CAUGHT JUST AFTER PASSING THROUGH THE NORTH

PORTICO DOORS.

>> OH, THAT DOESN'T SOUND THATBAD. SOUNDS LIKE YOUR AVERAGE

OVERLY COMFORTABLE TOURISTPROBABLY LATE FOR THE TOUR.

OR PERHAPS THE SECRET SERVICE IS UNDERSELLING THIS

INCIDENT.

>> GONZALEZ ENTERED THE UNLOCKED FRONT DOOR OF THE

EXECUTIVE MANSION.

>> HE THEN RAN MORE THAN 30 FEET THROUGH THE ENTRANCE

HALL TO THE CROSS HALL.

>> GONZALEZ THEN OVERPOWERED AN AGENT AND RAN A HUNDRED

FEET INTO THE EAST ROOM.

>> WHERE COUNTLESS WHITE HOUSE RECEPTIONS AND PUBLIC

CEREMONIES ARE HELD, THAT INCLUDED PARTIES FOR HEADS OF

STATE.

EVEN FRANK SINATRA.

>> WAS CARRYING A THREE AND AHALF INCH KNIFE.

>> HAD 800 ROUNDS OF AMMO, TWO HATCHETS AND A MACHETE IN HIS

CAR.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: OH.

NOW YOU MAY WONDER HOW THEY KNEW WHAT WAS IN HIS CAR.

HE HAD THAT DECAL.

THAT'S HOW THEY, THEY'RE SOADORABLE. BUT, BY THE WAY,

THAT WAS A REALLY WEIRD SINATRAREFERENCE, NO?

I THINK KNOWING THAT THE LONG DECEASED OLD BLUE EYES HAD

BEEN IN THAT VERY ROOM REALLY BROUGHT HOME THE URGENCY OF

THE ATTACK.

HOW DID THIS INTRUDER GET SO FAR INTO THE WHITE HOUSE?

DON'T THEY HAVE, DON'T THEY HAVEGUARD DOGS THERE.

>> THERE WERE A LOT OF OFFICERS THERE, AND THERE WAS

CONCERN THE DOGS MIGHT ATTACK THEM INSTEAD.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: SOUNDS STRANGE, BUT IT

MAKES MORE SENSE WHEN YOU FIND OUT A LOT OF SECRET SERVICE

AGENTS ARE CATS.

(LAUGHTER)SO, SO, SO THE DOGS DID NOT GET

THE INTRUDER. DOTHEY HAVE ALARMS?

>> THERE'S AN ALARM BOX NEARTHE FRONT ENTRANCE THAT'S

SUPPOSEED TO ALERT GUARDS OF ANINTRUSION, BUT

APPARENTLY IT HAD BEEN GOING OFF A LOT, AND SO IT WAS ON MUTE

BECAUSE IT WAS BOTHERING STAFFERS.

>> Jon: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

YOU CAN'T JUST TURN OFF THE ALARM BECAUSE IT'S IRRITATING.

THIS IS THE WHITE HOUSE.

NOT A '97 HONDA CIVIC THAT'SPARKED ON YOUR BLOCK AT 3:00 AM.

NOW IT WOULD BE ONE THING IFTHIS POSSIBLY LETHAL GAME OF

FREEZE TAG WAS A ONE OFF FLUKE.BUT, THANKS TO THE

SECRET SERVICE, THE PRESIDENT'SHAD A LOT OF CLOSE CALLS.

>> THE SECURITY GUARD WAS INAPPROPRIATELY TAKING PHOTOS

OF THE PRESIDENT INSIDE ANELEVATOR,

WHO TURNED OUT HAD A GUN.

>> THE U.S. SECRET SERVICEMISHANDLED A SHOOTING INCIDENT

AT THE WHITE HOUSE BACK IN 2011.

>> THE SEVEN SHOTS WEREN'T DISCOVERED FOR FOUR DAYS.

>> Jon: FOUR DAYS!

IT TOOK THE WHITE HOUSE ONLY A LITTLE LESS TIME TO FIND OUT

THEY'D BEEN HIT BY BULLETS THAN IT TOOK JAMES FRANCO TO

SAW OFF HIS OWN ARM.(LAUGHTER)

HIS OWN ARM! [ APPLAUSE ]

AND SO YESTERDAY THE HOUSEOVERSIGHT AND GOVERNMENT

REFORM COMMITTEECALLED SECRET SERVICE

DIRECTOR JULIA PIERSON TOTESTIFY ABOUT THESE ISSUES.

IT DID NOT GO WELL.

>> THE BULLETS WERE NOTDISCOVERED TO HAVE HIT THE

WHITE HOUSE IN REAL-TIME WITHIN A 24 HOUR OR GREATER

PERIOD BY THE SECRETSERVICE. YES OR NO, PLEASE.

>> THERE WAS REPORTS OF SHOTSBEING

FIRED IN PROXIMITY TO CONSTITUTION AVENUE.

>> YOU HAVE OFFICERS AT THEWHITE HOUSE DRAWING THEIR

WEAPONS BECAUSE THEYBELIEVE SHOTS WERE FIRED.

NOW GIVE ME ALL THE EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT A VEHICLE BACKFIRE.

>> IN DOWNTOWN AREAS THERE IS SOUND ATTENUATION OFTEN TIMES --

>> I'VE NEVER HEARD A CAR BACKFIRE SIX TO EIGHT TIMES.

>> I DO NOT -->> I HAVE NEVER. HAVE YOU?

>> I'VE HEARD CARS BACKFIRE, BUTI DON'T THINK --

>> SIX TO EIGHT TIMES?

>> THE INITIAL SHOOTINGINCIDENT OCCURRED AT 9:30 AT

NIGHT. IT'S DIFFICULT TO SEE ATNIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: SO THAT'S SECRET

SERVICE. THEY BELIEVED BASICALLYTHAT WE HAVE TWO OPTIONS

WHEN SOMEONE SHOOTS AT THE WHITEHOUSE AT NIGHT.

YOU CAN GET A FLASHLIGHT AND LOOK AROUND, OR ONLY HAVE A

PRESIDENT DURING DAYLIGHT HOURS.

I MEAN, IT'S DARK.

YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SEND MYAGENTS OUT THERE?

THERE COULD BE A BOOGIE MAN, ANYTYPE OF GOBLIN OR GREMLIN.

IT'S VERY FRIGHTENING.

HERE'S HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL THESECRET SERVICE IS AT THIS POINT.

CONGRESS HAD TO HELP THEM COMEUP WITH SOLUTIONS.

>> HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO LOCK THE FRONT DOOR OF THE

WHITE HOUSE?

>> HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THESE GUYS?

WE COULD EVEN PUT VEGETATIONBARRIERS, SIMPLE THINGS

LIKE HOW ABOUT SPANISH BAYONETS.

YOU JUMP THAT FENCE, AND YOU GET QUITE A GREETING WHEN YOU

HIT THE GROUND.

>> Jon: A LOCK, AND ALARMSYSTEM, OR SPIKY PLANTS.

YOU NEVER WANT TO BE IN A POSITION WHERE YOU ARE CHARGED

WITH GUARDING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND YOU

COULD BE REPLACED BY A PLANT.

(LAUGHTER)BY THE WAY, FOR ANY OF YOU

OUT THERE WHO DID NOT KNOWWHAT A SPANISH BAYONET

WAS, AND THOUGHT GEEZ, WHYDON'T I LOOK THAT UP ON THE

URBAN DICTIONARY.

I'M GOING TO SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE.

SPANISH BAYONET IS WHEN "YOU TAKE YOUR PENIS AND PUT IT IN

A STAND AND STUFF TACO, YOU ADDYOUR DESIRED TACO FILLING, AND

THEN YOU FEED THE SPANISHBAYONET TO YOUR PARTNER."

(LAUGHTER)YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT,

WHOEVER WROTE THAT, YOU PROBABLY WON'T CLIMB HIS (BLEEP) FENCE.

ANY OTHER IDEAS FOR DETERING FENCE JUMPERS?

>> I WANT TO KNOW WHETHER YOU HAVE CONSIDERED SIMPLY ASKING

THAT A HIGHER FENCE BE BUILT?

ONE, THAT, FOR EXAMPLE, COULD CURVE SO MAYBE YOU DAMAGE A

BODY PART IF YOU TRY TO GET OVER IT.

>> HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

THESE PEOPLE PUT THEY'RE DICKSIN TACOS.

THEY'RE NOT SCARED OF BODY PART DAMAGE.

MAYBE I'M BEING MORE DISMISSIVETHAN I SHOULD BE.

NOBODY ON THE COMMITTEE SUGGESTED ANY TRULY TERRIBLE

IDEAS.

>> IT SHOULD BE OVERWHELMINGFORCE. IF A WOULD BE INTRUDER

CAN'T BE STOPPED BY A DOG ORINTERCEPTED BY A PERSON,

PERHAPS MORE LETHAL FORCE IS NECESSARY.

IF THEY WANT TO PENETRATE THAT, THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT

THEY ARE GOING TO PERHAPS BE KILLED.

THAT'S THE MESSAGE WE SHOULD BE SENDING EVERY SINGLE TIME.

>> Jon: OKAY. ANYONE HAVEANYTHING TO ADD TO

JUDGE DREDD'S PROPOSAL.

>> I WAS TRAINED IN THAT YOU ONLY USE AS MUCH FORCE AS IT

ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO SUBDUE OR FIX THE PROBLEM.

NEVER ANY MORE UNDO FORCE.

>> THE IDEA THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SHOOT-OUT ON THE

WHITE HOUSE GROUNDS SEEMS TO ME A LAST RESORT, NOT A FIRST

RESORT.

>> YOU'VE HEARD MANY MEMBERS BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE THOUGHT

THAT WE WOULD HAVE SORT OF A SHOOT TO KILL FIRST, AND

, OF COURSE, I THINK ABOUT EARLIER -- I THINK IN THIS YEAR

WE HAD A TODDLER BREACH THE FENCE.

>> Jon: TAKE THE SHOT.

I SAID TAKE THE SHOT.

I KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE THE TARGET IS CARRYING A DIRTY

BOMB IN HIS BOOM BOOM.

IN HIS BOOM BOOM!

FOR MORE WE TURN TO SENIOR WHITEHOUSE CORRESPONDENT,

JORDAN KLEPPER.

JORDAN, THANK YOU FOR JOININGUS.

(LAUGHTER)JORDAN, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

[ APPLAUSE ]>> SECURITY IS SUPER TIGHT HERE,

JON.

I TRIED TO ENTER THROUGH THE NORTH PORTICO, BUT THE STEPS

WERE MYSTERIOUSLY COVERED IN ICE.

AS I SLIPPED, I GRABBED ON TO A DOORKNOB WHICH TO MY

SURPRISE WAS SCALDINGLY HOT.

SO I TRIED THE BACK ENTRANCE.

BUT WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR, A BUCKET OF GLUE FELL ON MY

HEAD CAUSING ME TO

STUMBLED INTO A TRIP WIRE THAT ACTIVATED A FEATHER CANNON.

>> Jon: AND THE IRON MARK ONYOUR FACE?

>> OH, I JUST HAD SOME TROUBLEIRONING THIS MORNING.

(LAUGHTER)>> ALRIGHT, SO BASICALLY TO

PROTECT HIMSELF, OBAMA HAS HOMEALONED THE WHITE HOUSE.

>> WELL, IT STOPPED THE WETBANDITS, DIDN'T IT?

>> NO, NO, IT DIDN'T STOP THEWET BANDITS!

WHAT STOPPED THEM WASA LONELY MAN WITH A SNOW SHOVEL

AND A HEART OF GOLD.>> OKAY, WHATEVER.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT STOPPEDTHEM.

>> IT SOFTENEDTHEM UP A BIT.

>> Jon: IT MADE THEM MADDER. ITMADE THE WET BANDITS --

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN ENTRUST THE PRESIDENT'S

SAFETY TO A SYSTEM OF WHIMSICALTRAPS.

>> TO DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE, JON.

LOOK, NOBODY'S GOING TO WANTTO GO NEAR THE PRESIDENT NOW

THAT HE HAS EBOLA.

>> Jon: WHAT WHAT WAIT WHAT? THEPRESIDENT HAS EBOLA?

HOW DID THE PRESIDENT GET EBOLA?

>> WELL, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, EBOLA JUST JUMPED THE FENCE

AND WALKED THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR.

>> Jon: NO ONE THERE NOTICED?

NONE OF THE SECURITY NOTICED A SIX FOOT TALL YELLOW VIRUS

ENTERING THE WHITE HOUSE?

>> NOPE, NOPE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT WAS A FEW DAYS BEFORE ANYBODY

NOTICED ANYTHING STRANGE.

PEOPLE FINALLY GOT SUSPICIOUSWHEN IN A CABINET MEETING

EBOLA PROPOSED A NATIONWIDEINITIATIVE TO PROMOTE

SPITTING IN EACH OTHER'S MOUTHS.

PLUS IT KEPT ASKING WHICH ROOMFRANK SINATRA HAD BEEN IN.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, EBOLA IS AVERY SERIOUS DISEASE.

IS THE PRESIDENT GOING TO BE OKAY?

>> HE'LL BE FINE.

THE EBOLA ISN'T GOING TO STICKAROUND VERY LONG.

IT SAYS IT DOESN'T FEEL SAFE IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT,JORDAN. THANK YOU.

JORDAN KLEPPEREVERYBODY. THANK YOU.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

[ APPLAUSE ]IT'S FINALLY -- I'M SO EXCITED

-- FINALLY OCTOBER.

MY FAVORITE MONTH. TO BE CHARLESNELSON REILLY.

IT'S HALLOWEEN SEASON, MAN! IT'SJUST LIKE -- HOLD ON.

31 DAYS OF GHOULS AND SPOOKY STORIES.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE WITCH'S MONTHHAS IN STORE.

>> THE CENTER FOR DISEASECONTROL SAYS IT HAS CONFIRMED

THE FIRST CASE OF EBOLA HERE INTHE UNITED STATES.

THE PATIENT IS IN ISOLATIONIN A HOSPITAL IN THE DALLAS,

TEXAS AREA.

>> Jon: WE'RE GONNA GO WITHACTUAL SCARY, HUH?

ALRIGHT, GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT.

HOW BIG OF A BED DO I NEED TO HIDE UNDER?

>> THIS IS NOT TRANSMITTED BY THE AIR.

THERE'S NO RISK TO A PERSON IN THIS HOSPITAL WHO'S WALKING OR

IS A PATIENT.

>> THE LIKELIHOOD THAT THIS ONE CASE WILL LEAD TO AN

EPIDEMIC IN DALLAS OR IN TEXASIS VERY REMOTE, CLOSE TO ZERO.

>> Jon: WE'RE BACK, BABY! CANYOU HEAR THAT?

THAT'S THE SOUND OFTHOUSANDS OF DOOMSDAY BUNKERS

BEING HASTILY REBRANDEDAS WINE CELLARS.

LOOK, THE PROBLEM IS UNDERCONTROL.

COULD SOMEONE TELL THAT, THOUGH,TO THE NEWS -- CAUSE HERE'S HOW

THEY STARTED THE DAY TODAY.

>> GOOD MORNING, AMERICA.

BREAKING NEWS. EBOLA IN AMERICA.

THE FIRST CASE OF THE DEADLY DISEASE DIAGNOSEED ON U.S.

SOIL.

A MAJOR AMERICAN CITY ON HIGH ALERT.

>> Jon: OH YEAH! WE'RE ALL GOINGTO DIE.

KISS YOUR ASS GOOD-BYE, MOTHER(BLEEP).

YOU'RE ABOUT TO BLEED OUT OFYOUR (BLEEP).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(LAUGHTER)

THEY'VE DRUNKEN SO MUCH DOOMSDAYJUICE, THEY'RE EVEN PROJECTING

PANIC ONTO PEOPLE WHOARE NOT PANICKING.

>> THIS MORNING A FRANTICCOMMUNITY SEARCHING FOR ANYONE

WHO MAY HAVE COME IN DIRECTCONTACT WITH THE EBOLA PATIENT.

>> Jon: THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A FRANTIC CRISIS CENTER.

IT'S LIKE A LOCAL ZONINGBOARD MEETING.

OR THE METS PRESS ROOM ON THE LAST DAY OF THE SEASON.

THERE'S, IT'S ALMOST LIKETHEY'RE CROSSING

THEIR FINGERS FOR AN OUTBREAK.

>> I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT WE WILL CONTROL THIS IMPORTATION,

OR THIS CASE OF EBOLA.

>> Jon: WHAT THE (BLEEP)? YOUDON'T GET TO JUST PUT

DRONING OMINOUS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC UNDER OBJECTIVELY GOOD

NEWS.

THE GUY WAS SAYING, WE'VE GOT THIS.

THIS IS THE MUSIC YOU SHOULD BE USING.

>> I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT WE WILL CONTROL THIS IMPORTATION,

OR THIS CASE OF EBOLA.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Jon: THE PROBLEM IS, THE

MEDIA WAS INFECTED BY EBOLAFEAR A LONG TIME AGO, AND NOW

THAT IT'S HAD ITS TIME TOINCUBATE, THEY'RE SHOWING

EXTREME SYMPTOMS.KEEP IN MIND THEY ALREADY HAVE A

WEAKENED IMMUNITY TO ANY SORTOF PANIC.

>> A TERRIFYING WARNING ABOUT ATOY YOUR CHILD MIGHT BE WEARING

RIGHT NOW, THESE BRACELETS COULDCAUSE CANCER?

>> A NEW TERROR THREAT COMINGTHAT COULD KILL MILLIONS OF

AMERICANS THROUGHOUR POWER GRID.

>> ONE OF THE THINGS I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE PUMPKIN SPICE

LATTES, THESE INGREDIENTS ARE LINKED TO CANCER.

>> Jon: EBOLA AIN'T (BLEEP) WHENIT COMES TO

PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK! MY GUESTTONIGHT,

THE CREATOR AND STAR OF HBO'S "GIRLS."

HER NEW BOOK IS CALLED "NOT THATKIND OF GIRL:

A YOUNG WOMAN TELLSYOU WHAT SHE'S LEARNED."

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM, LENA DUNHAM.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

>> HI.

>> Jon: I LOVE THIS BOOK. YOU'REA VERY GOOD WRITER.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: FUNNY ESSAYS.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT IVER MUCH ADMIRE ABOUT YOU?

YOUR ABILITY AT A YOUNG AGE TO ARTICULATE MOTIVATIONS OF YOUR

BEHAVIOR THAT EVEN YOU DON'T -- THAT TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF

WELL, AND THE REASONS YOUBEHAVE IN WAYS THAT, YOU KNOW,

YOU END UP BEING SELF-CRITICALOF OR THINGS LIKE THAT.

LIKE, YOUR ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> WELL, THANK YOU.

>> Jon: WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?

>> PROBABLY IF I HAD A LITTLEMORE OF THAT ABILITY,

I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THETHINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE,

AND IT WOULD NOT HAVENECESSITATED WRITING THIS

DISASTROUS TOME.

>> Jon: POST, POST-ABILITY. NOTAT ALL.

>> BUT, UMM, WELL, I'VE BEEN INA LOT OF THERAPY.

>> Jon: OH.

>> I DON'T KNOW IF THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION.

IT'S DEFINITELY A PART OF THEEQUATION.

>> Jon: RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

>> AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I JUST, IHAVE THIS SENSE THAT IF I DON'T

MAKE SOME SORT OF -- IF I DON'TMAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THESE

EVENTS THEN THEY HAPPENED INVAIN, AND I MIGHT AS WELL JUST,

YOU KNOW, GO BURY MYSELF IN AYARD.

>> Jon: IS IT THAT WHEN YOU ARE,SO, WHEN YOU WERE OUT

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, WEREYOU ALWAYS IN SOME WAYS

OBSERVING YOURSELF AS YOU WEREIN THESE SITUATIONS?

OR IS THIS ALL KIND OF A POST MORTEM ON THESE EVENTS?

>> I WISH IT WAS MORE OF A POST MORTEM. I MEAN, ONE OF MY,

ONE OF THE LIKE PRIMARYCRITICISMS THAT PEOPLE IN MY

LIFE HAVE OF ME IS LIKE YOUHAVE JUST GONE INTO THAT GLAZED

PLACE WHERE I KNOW YOU'RELOOKING AT THIS AND LIKE

KIND OF LIKE MOVING THE DETAILSAROUND IN YOUR HEAD AND

DECIDING THAT THIS IS A SCENE,AND IT'S NOT FAIR BECAUSE WE'RE

PEOPLE AND WE'RE HERE RIGHT NOW.

SO, I TRY TO FIGHT THAT, BUTIT'S CHALLENGING.

>> Jon: PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFEDO KNOW THAT? THEY'LL SAY,

OH YOU'RE WRITING THISDOWN, AREN'T YOU?

>> MY DAD 100% KNOWS THIS.LIKE, HE'S LIKE,

YOU'RE GETTING DISASSOCIATEIVE HERE.

HE'S GOT A THING HE SAYS WHEREHE LOOKS AT ME AND IS LIKE,

NO, DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL.

>> Jon: AND, I'M AMAZED.

AND HE'S STILL ENGAGED IN THAT WAY.

LIKE, I'M A DAD, AND I CHECKEDOUT LIKE THREE YEARS AGO.

LIKE THAT'S, THAT'S AWESOME.

>> HE'S LIKE TOO ENGAGED.>> Jon: OH REALLY?

>> HE CALLED ME LIKE SEVEN TIMESON THE WAY HERE.

I MEAN, HE'S MY FAVORITE.

SO IT'S WORKING OUT FINE BUT --

>> Jon: WAIT, DOES YOUR MOM KNOW THAT?

>> SHE'S MY OTHER FAVORITE.

THEY CURRY FAVOR ATDIFFERENT TIMES.

TODAY MY DAD'S REALLY GREAT, BUT

YESTERDAY MY MOM WAS KIND OFWORKING OUT BETTER FOR ME.

>> Jon: OKAY.

DO YOU USE THAT COMPETITION TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?

BECAUSE I COULD THINK THAT WOULD-- I MEAN --

>> I CAN'T REMEMBER EVER EXCEPTONCE WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> IN THE SUPERMARKET MY MOMSAID I COULDN'T HAVE A TOY.

AND I WALKED OVER TO MY DAD ANDWAS LIKE MOM SAID I COULD HAVE

IT, AND I GOT IT, AND WAS LIKE,OH THAT WORKS GREAT.

THAT'S A THING YOU CAN DO.

>> Jon: THE LESSON THERE IS LIEOUT OF EAR SHOT.

>> YEP. TOTALLY.>> Jon: OF ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M VERYIMPRESSED BY YOU WITH?

IS YOU TAKE MORE CRITICISM, ANDMORE VITRIOLIC CRITICISM THAN

ALMOST ANY PERFORMER AND WRITERI'VE EVER SEEN,

AND YOU HANDLE IT WITHA GRACE THAT BELIES THE

TYPES OF THINGS THAT IS COMEYOUR WAY.

AND I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO FATHOM, BECAUSE I THINK YOUR

WORK IS REALLY SPECIAL, REALLY INTERESTING, REALLY FUNNY.

YOU'RE A YOUNG PERSON.

I DON'T GET IT.

DO YOU, DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT?

HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF IT?

>> WELL, THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.

I AM, I CALLED GILBERTGOTTFRIED, AND HE OFFERED ME A

LOT OF SUPPORT ABOUT HOW TOHANDLE, YOU KNOW...

>> Jon: YES.

>> LIFE IN THE SPOTLIGHT, AND IFEEL REALLY EQUIPPED NOW.

NO, I, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT CAN DEFINITELY BECHALLENGING.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> IT'S NOT SOMETHING WHENYOU'RE SORT OF YOU KNOW WRITING

IN YOUR ROOM AND DREAMING OFTHIS CAREER THAT YOU NECESSARILY

THINK ABOUT, AS LIKE I'MGOING TO HAVE A TV SHOW,

AND I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOOK AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO

HATE ME IN THE INTERNET.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOUKNOW, IT'S LIKE, IT THIS DOUBLE

EDGED SWORD OF LIKE YOU HAVETHIS GIFT OF PEOPLE PAYING

SERIOUS ATTENTION TO YOUR WORK,AND I FEEL SO LUCKY

ABOUT THAT, AND IT'S GIVEN METHIS SENSE OF COMMUNITY IN

MY LIFE THAT I NEVERIMAGINED I'D HAVE.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> SO I HAVE, IF I HAVE TO KINDOF TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD,

I TRY TO REACT. MY, MY MOTTOWOULD BE,

I TRY TO REACT WITH CLASS AND ALITTLE BIT OF SASS.

I HAVEN'T TESTED THAT ONE OUT ON ANYONE YET.

>> Jon: THAT RHYMES, SO I WOULDGO WITH THAT.

BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE GONE WITHDOUBLE GUNS. I WOULD HAVE GONE

WITH JUST LIKE A PICTURE ON THEINTERNET OF ME JUST LIKE BOOM!

>> THERE HAVE DEFINITELY BEENTIMES WHEN I'VE BEEN TEMPTED.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> BUT I KNOW THAT THAT DOESN'TALSO ELICIT THE DESIRED RESULT,

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND THEN YOU END UP LOOKINGLIKE THIS LIKE CRAZY GNOME

THROWING ROCKS OUT OF A CAVEAT THE CORNER OF THE UNIVERSE.

AND I CAN'T DO THAT.

>> Jon: CAN I TELL YOUSOMETHING THOUGH?

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: THAT SHOULD BE YOUR NEXT SHOW. JUST CALL IT GNOMES.

AND IT'S JUST GNOMES.

>> THERE'S THIS CLASSY SASSYGNOME WHO JUST THROWS STUFF OUT

OF A CAVE.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'MTALKING ABOUT!

BUT IT'S INCREDIBLE BECAUSE YOUALSO, YOU CHART THAT GROWTH.

WHEN I WATCH THE SHOW, IN SOMERESPECTS, YOU FEEL

LIKE YOU'RE WATCHING A VERSION OF -- A LESS ACTUALIZED

VERSION OF YOU.

>> WELL THAT SORT OF, I ALWAYSSORT OF -- THANK YOU AGAIN.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> BUT I ALWAYS SORT OF THINK OFMY CHARACTER ON THE SHOW AS

BEING SORT OF ME, LIKE TWO AND AHALF YEARS BEHIND.

>> Jon: OH OKAY.>> SO IT'S FUN. I'M LIKE GETTING

TO SAY, LIKE TO SAY ALL THESTUFF I WISH I'D SAID IN

THE MOMENT, AND HANDLE THE SITUATION SLIGHTLY BETTER.

WHICH MEANS THAT I -- IN THEFIRST INSTALLMENT, MUST HAVE

HANDLED THE SITUATION PRETTYBADLY BECAUSE MY CHARACTER

IS A TOTAL ASSHOLE. BUT I REALLY-- I LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY

TO SORT OF LIKE GOBACK AND AS YOU SAID,

DO THE POST MORTEM ON THE THINGSI'VE BEEN THROUGH.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> I GOT TO DO IT ON THE SHOW.THE BOOK IS A REALLY DIFFERENT

WAY OF GOING ABOUT THATBECAUSE YOU GET TO HAVE THIS

REALLY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPWITH THE PAGE, AND THIS SORT OF

LIKE FIRST PERSON NARRATION ANDYOU CAN TALK ABOUT MOTIVATIONS,

IN A WAY THAT IT WOULDN'T REALLYBE APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO STOP

IN THE MIDDLE "GIRLS" AND BELIKE, AND THEN I LEARNED,

BUT -- IN A BOOK,CAN YOU DO THAT.

>> Jon: WELL, THAT WAS "SEX &THE CITY" I THINK.

THEY JUST HAD SOMEBODY TYPETHAT.

>> AND "SEX & THE CITY," THEYDID IT SO EFFECTIVELY, AND WITH

SO MANY PUNS THAT I --

>> Jon: WITH SASS AND CLASS.

>> YEAH. WITH SASS AND CLASS.

>> Jon: YES, WELL, IT'S, IT'SEXCELLENT.

I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST.

I MEAN, THIS IS, IT'S ATERRIFIC PIECE MUCH WORK.

>> THANK YOU.

AND CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MOVIE.

>> Jon: THANK YOU.>> I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: I HEAR GOOD THINGS.

[ APPLAUSE ]"NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL."

IT'S ON THE BOOKSHELVES NOW.

AND THE NEW SEASON OF "GIRLS" ISWHAT?

>>THE NEW SEASON OF "GIRLS"COMES OUT IN JANUARY.

>> Jon: JANUARY.

LENA DUNHAM.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT AT 11.HERE IT IS YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> THE PRESIDENT DOES HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE IN DIRECTOR

PIERSON AND OTHER MEMBERS OF THE SECRET SERVICE.

>> THE PRESIDENT CONTINUES TO HAVE CONFIDENCE IN THE MEN AND

WOMEN OF THE SECRET SERVICE.

DOES THAT EXTEND TO DIRECTOR PIERSON?

>> THE PRESIDENT CONCLUDED THATNEW LEADERSHIP OF THAT AGENCY

WAS REQUIRED.

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