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May 5, 2015 - Willie Nelson

  • Episode: 20101
  • Views: 101,454

Three Republican candidates join the presidential race, Senator Ted Cruz contradicts his own principles, and Willie Nelson discusses his memoir "It's a Long Story: My Life." (21:28)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE "THEDAILY SHOW"!

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

BOOM!

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, OH THISONE I'M EXCITED ABOUT,

THE GREAT WILLIE NELSON WILLBE JOINING US!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BUT YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW

AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASONTHERE ON THE "BIG BROTHER" SHOW

BEFORE THEY VOTE ALL THECRAZY PEOPLE OUT WHO YOU KNOW

ARE NEVER GOING TO WIN, THAT'SWHERE WE'RE AT IN THE

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL RACE.

AS WE SEE IT IN TONIGHT'SINSTALLMENT OF DEMOCALYPSE 2016:

ROAD BACK TO YOUR OWN HOUSE!

IN JUST A FEW DAYS, THE OFFICIALFIELD HAS DOUBLED IN SIZE.

OUR FIRST BRAVE NEW ENTRANT.

>> I'M GETTING READY TO DOSOMETHING, TOO.

I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

>> OUR FOUNDERS NEVER INTENDEDUS TO HAVE A PROFESSIONAL

POLITICAL CLASS.

I'M CARLY FIORINA, AND I'MRUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

>> Jon: AND I WANT TO TURN THECLINTON POLITICAL MACHINE --

OFF!

(LAUGHTER)AND REWIND US TO SIMPLER TIMES.

OH, (BLEEP), HERE'S A PICTURE INA PICTURE.

ALRIGHT THAT'S, LET ME JUST --NO, THAT'S THE --

I HIT CLOSED CAPTIONING.

THAT'S --(LAUGHTER)

MOTHER (BLEEP)! ANYWAY --

(LAUGHTER)CARLY FIORINA ANNOUNCED HER

CANDIDACY APPARENTLY FROM INSIDEA MESOTHELIOMA LAWSUIT AD!

(LAUGHTER)SO WHAT DOES THE FORMER C.E.O.

OF HEWLETT PACKARD WHO LAID OFF30,000 PEOPLE, GOT FIRED AND

STILL GOT A $20 MILLION GOLDENPARACHUTE THINK ARE HER

QUALIFICATIONS.

>> I THINK I'M THE BEST PERSONFOR THE JOB BECAUSE I

UNDERSTAND HOW THE ECONOMYACTUALLY WORKS.

>> Jon: YES, YOU DO --(LAUGHTER)

BUT CARLY FIORINAANNOUNCED FOR PRESIDENT,

CAN SHEHANDLE THE COURIC GAUNTLET?

MANY HAVE TRIED!

ALMOST ALL HAVE DONE FINE,REALLY ONLY ONE OF THEM

(BLEEP)-ED IT UP.

WHAT DO YOU READ IS NOT A TRICKQUESTION, IT'S JUST A QUESTION.

ANYWAY, KATIE SAT DOWN WITHCARLY FIORINA. GO!

>> YOU'RE POLLING AT AROUND 1%.

SO IS THIS, ARE YOU HOPING THATYOU MAY BE IN FACT TAPPED AS A

VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE?

>> OH, KATIE, WOULD YOU ASK AMALE CANDIDATE THAT QUESTION?

>> YES, I WOULD ASK THATQUESTION.

>> WELL, AT LEAST, AT LEAST -->> I THINK A MALE CANDIDATE

WHO WAS POLLING 1%, I WOULD ASKTHE QUESTION.

>> Jon: HOW ABOUT THIS, WOULDYOU CALL A MALE REPORTER KATIE?

BOOM!

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE, DON'T MAKEME MANSPLAIN THIS TO YOU.

ALSO ANNOUNCING ON MONDAYPEDIATRIC NEUROSURGEON TURNED

REPUBLICAN DARLING BENCARSON, WHO HAD A CHOIR OPEN

WITH A TUNE NO ONE WHO WOULDVOTE FOR HIM HAS HEARD OF!

♪ YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF INTHE MUSIC, THE MOMENT YOU OWN

IT, YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO.

YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT.

DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TO BLOWTHIS OPPORTUNITY COMES ONCE IN A

LIFETIME ♪♪>> Jon: BEN CARSON'S PALMS ARE

SWEATY, KNEESWEAK, ARMS ARE HEAVY, THERE'S

VOMIT ON HIS SWEATER ALREADY,MOM'S SPAGHETTI!

HE'S NERVOUS, BUT ON THE SURFACEHE LOOKS CALM AND READY TO DROP

BOMBS ♪♪♪ YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN

THE MUSIC, THE MOMENT YOU OWNIT, YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO ♪

(RAPPING)♪ NOWADAYS EVERYBODY WANNA TALK

LIKE THEY GOT SOMETHIN' TO SAYBUT NOTHIN' COMES OUT WHEN THEY

MOVE THEIR LIPS, JUST A BUNCH OFJIBBERISH AND (BLEEP) ACT LIKE

THEY FORGOT ABOUT DRE ♪.

♪ YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF INTHE MUSIC, THE MOMENT YOU OWN

IT, YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO ♪>> Jon: ANYWAY, I SWITCHED

SONGS.

CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TODO.

BUT POST GOSPEL CHOIRPRECANDIDATE WAS THIS

SURPRISINGLY LONG VIDEO.

>> HISTORIANS WERE RIGHTABOUT THIS CRITICAL TURNING

POINT FOR OUR NATION.

NEVER BEFORE HAVE WE BEEN SOCLOSELY CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER

BUT MORE DIVIDED AS A COUNTRY.

IF AMERICA IS TO SURVIVE THECHALLENGES OF THE MODERN WORLD,

WE NEED TO HEAL.

>> Jon: IT LOOKS LIKE, IT LOOKSLIKE BEN CARSON JUST WENT TO

STOCKFOOTAGE.COM AND SAID, IDON'T KNOW,

GIVE ME ONE OF EVERYTHING. OFCOURSE, ULTIMATELY BEN CARSON

DID TAKE THE STAGE AND ANNOUNCEHIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF

THE UNITED STATES BUT IT WASHONESTLY KIND OF TOO BORING TO

TELEVISE UNLIKE THE POSTANNOUNCEMENT LUNCH WITH

CNBC'S JOHN HARWOOD.

>> OBAMA, YOU REFERRED TO HIM ASA PSYCHOPATH.

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?

>> I SAID HE REMINDS YOU OF APSYCHOPATH.

>> Jon: THAT IS PERHAPS THE MOSTINFLAMMATORY THING ANYONE HAS

EVER SAID WHILE NOT LOOKINGUP FROM EATING A SALAD.

I DIDN'T SAY OBAMA WAS EVILINCARNATE, I SAID HE REMINDS YOU

OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SATAN(BLEEP) STALIN.

NOW, YOU MAY BE THINKING, TWONEW DOOMED PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATES IN ONE WEEK, OHTHAT'S A PRETTY GOOD HAUL!

WELL LET'S PULL UP THE NETS ANDCALL IT A DAY.

NOT SO FAST [BEEP]!

MIKE HUCKABEE SAW CARLYFIORINA'S LIVING ROOM AND

BEN CARSON'S GOSPEL HOUR ANDRAISED THEM TONY ORLANDO,

BOY SCOUTS LEADING THE PLEDGE OFALLEGIANCE AND THEN FOR

SOME REASON TONY ORLANDO AGAIN!

(SINGING)>> ♪ AMERICA IS MY HOME TOWN

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: MY GOD, THAT WAS SOMUCH CONCENTRATED PATRIOTISM I

SPONTANEOUSLY GREW AN AMERICANMUSTACHE!

YEE-HAW!

FINALLY AFTER ALL THATRIGMAROLE, IT WAS TIME FOR THE

MAIN EVENT -- GOVERNOR MIKEHUCKABEE'S WIFE!

>> IMAGINE YOURSELF AT A DINNERAND YOUR DINNER GUESTS WERE

GEORGE WASHINGTON, JOHN ADAMS,BENJAMIN FRANKLIN AND THOMAS

JEFFERSON, AND YOU HAD 30MINUTES TO DEFEND AMERICA, WHAT

WOULD YOU SAY?

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: I WOULD SAY...

CAN WE USE THIS INCREDIBLYPOWERFUL TIME MACHINE THAT HAS

BROUGHT BACK THE FOUNDINGFATHERS TO GET ME MORE THAN 30

MINUTES WITH THEM?

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SPENDTHE FIRST 20 MINUTES

JUST EXPLAINING WHY THE WAITSTAFF AREN'T SLAVES ANY MORE

AND I THEN I'LL BE LIKE, HANDSOFF, FRANKLIN, IT'S NOT A

CANDLE, IT'S FILAMENT, AND THEELECTRICITY COMES -- HEY, STOP

TOUCHING, IT'S A SUIT, IT'S APOLYESTER BLEND,

STOP LICKING MY PHONE!

(LAUGHTER)EVENTUALLY GOVERNOR HUCKABEE

DID APPEAR TO TELL US WHY HESHOULD BE THE MOST POWERFUL MAN

IN THE WORLD.

>> I GOT MY FIRST BB GUN AT AGE5, IT WAS A DAISY MODEL 25.

I'VE STILL GOT IT.

IT'S IN MINT CONDITION.

I LEARNED THE BASIC RULESOF GUN SAFETY AND I NEVER

THOUGHT ABOUT USING A FIREARM TOMURDER SOMEONE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: THAT MAY BE THE LOWEST

BAR A CANDIDATE HAS EVERESTABLISHED FOR THEIR

PRESIDENTIAL QUALIFICATIONS.(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS GETTINGAT?

OF COURSE, IF I DON'T GET YOURVOTE, WHO KNOWS WHAT I'LL START

TO THINK BECAUSE OL' DAISY'SSTILL IN THE CLOSET READY TO GO.

WHAT -- WHAT'S THAT, DAISY?

YOU SAY IT'S TIME FOR A HARDRAIN TO FALL?

EASY GIRL, LET'S SEE WHATHAPPENS IN THE PRIMARY.

OF COURSE IT WOULDN'T BE AHUCKABEE SPEECH WITHOUT SOME

THEOCRATIC DEMAGOGUE-A-GOO.

>> WE ARE NOW THREATENING THEFOUNDATION OF RELIGIOUS LIBERTY

BY CRIMINALIZING CHRISTIANITYAND DEMANDING THAT WE

ABANDON BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES OFNATURAL MARRIAGE.

MANY OF OUR POLITICIANS HAVESURRENDERED TO THE FALSE

GOD OF JUDICIAL SUPREMACY.

>> Jon: AH YES, THE FALS GOD OFJUDICIAL SUPREMACY, OR AS YOUR

FOUNDING FATHER DINNER MATESONCE CALLED IT,

THE CONSTITUTIONALRULE OF LAW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)KIND OF A POTATO, PO-TAH-TO

SITUATION IN THAT I CALL THEMPOTATOES AND YOU PROBABLY

CALL THEM, I DON'T KNOW,SOUL-TAINTING DEVIL TURDS.

THE POINT IS THIS, FOR ALL THREECANDIDATES THAT

ENTERED THE RACE IN THESE LASTFEW DAYS,

PERHAPS BEN CARSON'S POETLAUREATES SAID IT BEST.

♪ YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF INTHE MUSIC, THE MOMENT YOU OWN

IT, YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO ♪

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO, IT'S MORELIKE --

♪ HI, MY NAME IS WHAT?

♪ MY NAME IS WHO?

♪ MY NAME IS...

♪ TICKA-TICKA SLIM CHANCES .

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: I JUST REALIZED, I JUSTREALIZED THIS JUST NOW

FROM THE FIRST ACT, THEREARE SO MANY HOPEFULS IN

THE REPUBLICAN RACE.

WE'VE GOT TO START NARROWING THEFIELD, SOME KIND OF METHOD OF

SEARCHING FOR DISQUALIFYINGTRENDS OR BEHAVIORS.

LET'S DO IT WITH A GAME I CALL"LET'S GET RID OF TED CRUZ."

THAT'S UH -- TED CRUZ.

HE'LL BE THE GUY. (APPLAUSE)

BUT HERE'S WHY -- THIS HASBEEN VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT,

WE'RE GETTING RID OF TEDCRUZ BECAUSE TED CRUZ

CANNOT LIVE UP TO THE EXTREMELYHIGH STANDARDS SET FOR A

CANDIDATE BY -- TED CRUZ.(LAUGHTER)

FOR INSTANCE -->> IT IS SCANDALOUS THAT THE

PRESIDENT HAS MORE TIME TO BEFUNDRAISER IN CHIEF THAN HE DOES

TO DO HIS BASIC JOB ASCOMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.

>> Jon: BUT UNLIKE OBAMA, TEDCRUZ DIDN'T COME TO WASHINGTON

TO FUNDRAISE, HE CAME TO GOVERNACCORDING TO HIS PRINCIPLES,

LIKE KEEPING ANY AND EVERYCONSTITUTION HATER OUT OF

OFFICE.

>> MY VOTE FOR LORETTA LYNCHIS GOING TO BE UNAMBIGUOUSLY NO.

>> Jon: SORRY OBAMA NOMINEEFOR ATTORNEY GENERAL LORETTA

LYNCH, YOUR CONFIRMATION NOTHAPPENING!

BECAUSE TED CRUZ IS FIGHTING FORAMERICA BECAUSE WHEN TED CRUZ

IS FIGHTING FOR AMERICA, HEWON'T REST.

>> THE SENATE HAS CONFIRMEDLORETTA LYNCH AS THE NEXT

ATTORNEY GENERAL.

THE AFTERNOON'S VOTE WAS 56 TO43.

TED CRUZ WAS THE ONLY SENATORNOT TO VOTE --

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: THAT'S WEIRD.

HOW DID TED CRUZ'S UNAMBIGUOUSLY"NO" VOTE TURN INTO

UNAMBIGUOUSLY NO VOTE?

>> THE REASON IS BECAUSE HE WASON HIS WAY TO HOUSTON FOR A

MAJOR FUNDRAISER FOR HISPRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.

(AUDIENCE BOOING)>> Jon: I THINK THEY SEE HOW

DISAPPOINTED TED CRUZ WILL BE INYOU.

YOU.

(LAUGHTER)SO A SLIGHT DISCONNECT ON THE

FUNDRAISING TIP.

BUT ON TO THE NEXT ROUND OFOUR GAME, ONCE AGAIN

WE'LL START WITH SOME STRONG TEDCRUZ CRITICISM.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS MADEDECISIONS THAT I THINK HAVE

INFLAMED RACIAL TENSIONS, THATHAVE DIVIDED US RATHER THAN

BRINGING US TOGETHER.

>> Jon: SO TRUE. AND WHEN WASTHE LAST TIME PAUL McCARTNEY AND

MICHAEL JACKSON DID A DUET?

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT HAPPENINGONCE UNDER OBAMA --

(LAUGHTER)I REMEMBER McCARTNEY STUFFERING

FROM THAT TERRIBLE DISEASE WHEREHE COULD ONLY GROW A SHAVING

CREAM BEARD.

(LAUGHTER)HERE'S HOW GLARINGLY

CHALLENGEABLE A STATEMENT THATIS, A CNN REPORTER FOLLOWED UP

ABOUT IT.

>> SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID ONTHE STAGE I THINK BEARS

A FOLLOW-UP, SPECIFICALLY THEPRESIDENT, HOW HAS HE

INFLAMED RACIAL TENSIONS?

>> Jon: AND YOU KNOW, TED,

WHILE YOU TRY AND STRUGGLE TO BESPECIFIC, I'LL JUST READ A

LITTLE SOMETHING JUST INCASE IT TAKES YOU A WHILE.

>> I THINK HE HAS NOT USED HISROLE AS PRESIDENT TO BRING US

TOGETHER.

HE HAS --(LAUGHTER)

-- EXACERBATED RACIALMISUNDERSTANDINGS, RACIAL

TENSIONS FROM BACK AT THEBEER SUMMIT TO A SERIES OF

EFFORTS TO PIT AMERICANSAGAINST EACH OTHER.

>> Jon: "...MEE NAY OSOZ-NYET"(RUSSIAN)

COME ON, CRUZ!

ALL YOU DID WAS TAKE, LIKE, AMINUTE TO SAY THE EXACT SAME

THING, JUST A REPHRASING OF WHATYOU SAID BEFORE!

>> PART OF THE PROBLEM IS THEWAY HE ADVOCATES FOR ANY GIVEN

PLAN IS TO PAINT A, TO BUILD ASTRAW MAN OF THE OPPOSITION

AND THEN TO VILIFY ANDCARICATURE IT.

>> Jon: STAW MAN AND VILIFYING ACARICATURE, HUH?

WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE IF SAYSOMEONE WAS DESCRIBING AMERICANS

WHO DIDN'T AGREE WITH THEM ON, IDON'T KNOW, MARRIAGE EQUALITY

AND THE RELIGIOUS FREEDOMRESTORATION ACT?

>> WE LOOK AT THE JIHAD AS BEINGWAGED RIGHT NOW IN INDIANA AND

ARKANSAS GOING AFTER PEOPLE OFFAITH WHO RESPECT THE BIBLICAL

TEACHINGS AND MARRIAGE IS THEUNION OF ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

>> Jon: SO YOU WANT A PRESIDENTWHO CAN BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER,

WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT IF YOU'REPRO MARRIAGE EQUALITY YOU'RE

THE SAME AS I.S.I.S.

(LAUGHTER)GOT IT!

AND WHAT WOULD THAT WHOLEVILIFYING CARICATURE THING LOOK

LIKE IF IT WAS JUST GENERALLYREFERENCING PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE

WITH YOU.

>> WHEN DID DEMOCRATS ABANDONTHE BILL OF RIGHTS?

THE MODERN DEMOCRATIC PARTY HASBECOME AN EXTREME RADICAL PARTY.

THEY CONSIDER MOST OF THECOUNTRY FLYOVER COUNTRY.

SO EXTREME, SO INTOLERANT.

BIRKENSTOCK-WEARING, TREEHUGGING --

LIBERAL FASCISM!

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: REMIND ME AGAIN HOW

PRESIDENT OBAMA HASFAILED US AS A LEADER?

>> WE NEED LEADERSHIP THATBRINGS US TOGETHER INSTEAD OF

TRYING TO DIVIDE US.

>> Jon: THANKS FOR PLAYING.

"LET'S GET RID OF TED CRUZ."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!

MY GUEST TONIGHT THE LEGENDARYMUSICIAN, HIS NEW MEMOIR

IS CALLED "IT'S A LONGSTORY: MY LIFE."

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THEPROGRAM, WILLIE NELSON!

YOUNG MAN!

♪♪(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND?

>> I'M GOOD.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> Jon: I'M DOING VERY WELL.

FIRST OF ALL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Jon: YOU'RE VERY VERYWELCOME, MY FRIEND.

YOU, I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'VEDONE, HOW MANY IS THIS, YOUR

SECOND BOOK, YOUR THIRD BOOK?

>> OH, I DON'TKNOW. >> Jon: SOMETHING.

>> YEAH, A NUMBER.

>> Jon: YOU PUT OUT 60 ALBUMS.

YOU HAVE BEEN WRITING SONGS LIKECRAZY SINCE THE '50s, TOURING

RELENTLESSLY.

PUTTING OUT THE MOST PROLIFICMUSIC, DIFFERENT STYLES.

HOW DOES SOMEONE WHO SMOKES THATMUCH POT --

(LAUGHTER)-- GET THIS MUCH DONE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT ARE WE DRINKING HERE?

THIS MIGHT HELP.

>> Jon: EXACTLY!

(LAUGHTER)IT MIGHT HELP.

YOU -- I GUESS START WITH, YOUKNOW, PEOPLE THAT JUST HAVE THIS

IN THEIR BLOOD AND IN THEIRBONES, DID YOU JUST KNOW IT?

YOU SAID YOU WROTE YOUR FIRSTSONG AT 7.

>> I STARTED WRITING POEMSAROUND THEN. YOU KNOW, I

STARTED, WHEN I LEARNED TOPLAY GUITAR A LITTLE BIT,

I STARTED PUTTING MELODIES TOTHE POEMS.

>> Jon: RIGHT. AND YOU JUST, DIDYOU ALWAYS THINK JUST MUSICALLY

IT JUST HAD TO COME OUT OF YOU?

>> YEAH, I WAS NEVER, NEVERHAD A PROBLEM WRITING SONGS.

WHETHER THEY'RE GOOD OR NOT, YOUKNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW WRITINGA SONG WASN'T HARD WORK, REALLY.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

BUT THEY CAME OUT PRETTY GOOD.>> THANK YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO WHEN YOU WERE FIRSTSTARTING AND THEY'RE PAYING YOU

50 BUCKS, AND THEY'RE PAYINGYOU, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SELLING A

SONG FOR 50 BUCKS AND YOU WRITESOMETHING LIKE "CRAZY,"

PATSY CLINE HEARS IT AND SHEDECIDES SHE WANTS TO RECORD IT,

HOW DO THEY WORK THAT OUT WITHYOU?

LIKE DID THEY, WHEN IT BLOWS UPTO THE BIGGEST JUKEBOX HIT OF

ALL TIME, DO THEY COME BACKAND GO, HERE'S ANOTHER 50...

(LAUGHTER)HOW DO THEY, HOW DOES THAT WORK?

>> WELL, A WRITER, YOU KNOW,NORMALLY IF HE WRITES FOR A

PUBLISHING COMPANY, HE GETS XAMOUNT OF DOLLARS FOR EVERY

RECORD THAT'S SOLD, SO -- FOREVERY RECORD THAT'S SOLD,

SO, YOU KNOW, PATSY CLINE'S"CRAZY" DID VERY WELL,

SO IT MADE SOME MONEY.

>> Jon: THEY THREW THAT BACKTO YOU A LITTLE BIT?

>> OH YES. YES.>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. GOOD.

>> 50 WASN'T ENOUGH.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. GOOD.YOU COULD DO THAT.

>> I RAISED THEM UP TO 80.>> Jon: EXACTLY!

>> YOU GOT IT! YEAH.

>> Jon: AND DO YOU STILL GET,YOU KNOW,

WHEN YOU GO OUT NOW ONTHE ROAD, DOES IT STILL -- DO

YOU STILL FEEL THE THRILL OF IT?

DO YOU STILL FEEL LIKE, MAN,GETTING IN FRONT OF THE

AUDIENCE, THAT'S THE REASON I DOIT.

IS THAT STILL THE PLEASURE OFIT?

>> YEAH.

I STILL ENJOY PLAYING MUSIC,AND AS LONG AS PEOPLE SHOW UP

TO HEAR IT, YOU KNOW, I HOPE TOSTAY OUT THERE.

>> Jon: RIGHT. AND IS ITWEIRD THAT YOU KNOW,

YOU AND MERLE, YOU KNOW WHENYOU LOOK BACK

AT THE GUYS YOU PLAYEDWITH --

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: YOU THINK TO YOURSELF,YEP, ME AND MERLE,

WE'LL LIVE THE LONGEST. YEP,THAT'S RIGHT.

>> WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THATWAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

THAT SURPRISED BOTH OF US.

>> Jon: I WOULD THINK SO. IT'SGOOD HARD LIVING, THOUGH.

>> WE LOOKED AROUND, ANDSAID AIN'T NOBODY LEFT BUT ME

AND YOU, BUBBA, YOU BE CAREFUL.(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WAS THE OUTLAW THING,WAS THAT SOMETHING THAT CAME

OUT, YOU KNOW,BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU AND

MERLE AND WAYLON ANDTHOSE GUYS ARE DOING,

WAS SO DIFFERENT FROM LIKE THEGENERAL COUNTRY THEMES OF THAT

TIME.

WERE YOU GUYS DEVELOPING THATTOGETHER?

IS IT SOMETHING THAT YOU -->> WE HAD A GOOD PRODUCER, FIRST

OF ALL, MERLE AND I DID.

CHIPS MOMAN WAS ONE OF THE BESTPRODUCERS OUT THERE AND HE

PRODUCED A LOT OF MY ALBUMS,AND, YOU KNOW, IT HAS A LOT TO

DO WITH THE WAY THE RECORD COMESOUT, ALSO IF YOU'VE GOT A GOOD

RECORD COMPANY THAT KNOWSHOW TO SELL THEM, YOU HAVE

TO HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS WORKINGAT THE SAME TIME.

>> Jon: RIGHT. OH, SO YOU DIDN'TREALLY DO ANY OF THIS?

>> I DID NOTHING.

I JUST SANG.

>> Jon: HOW'S TRIGGER?

>> TRIGGER'S GOOD. TRIGGER ISFINE.

>> Jon: TRIGGER'S THE OLDGUITAR.

HOW OLD IS TRIGGER NOW?

OR IS THIS NOT REALLY TRIGGER?IS THIS LIKE LASSIE WHERE --

>> NO, THIS IS STILL TRIGGER

ONE, YOU KNOW.

>> Jon: TRIGGER ONE!

>> MM-HMM.

>> Jon: WELL, WHAT THE -- HOW?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE HAD TO DO SOME WORK ON, YOUKNOW, THE INSIDES FELL OUT A

COUPLE OF TIMES AND I HAD TO GOIN AND GET SOMEBODY TO GO IN AND

BUILD IT BACK, BUT ITSTILL SOUNDS GREAT.

>> Jon: IT SOUNDS, IT SOUNDSUNBELIEVABLE.

I HAD A FRIEND OF MINE SAW YOUMIGHT HAVE EVEN BEEN LIKE THREE

OR FOUR NIGHTS AGO, WHO'S LIKEIT'S JUST LIKE IT'S CRISP AND

CLEAN LIKE JUST FROM THE ALBUMSAND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT.

>> OH GOOD.

>> Jon: DO YOU, NOW, THE LEGENDIS TRIGGER WAS IN A FIRE.

IS THAT THE HOLE OR IS IT JUSTFROM STRUMMING?

>> THAT'S TRUE,YEAH. MY HOUSE BURNED.

AND SO TRIGGER WAS IN THE HOUSE.

AND SO I WENT INTO THE HOUSE ANDGOT TRIGGER.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: MEANWHILE, I'M SURE YOUR

WHOLE, YOUR FAMILY AND YOURANIMALS ARE, LIKE,

WHAT THE (BLEEP)! HE'S LEAVINGWITH THE GUITAR!

(LAUGHTER)WELL, IT'S BEEN A BEAUTIFUL AND

FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIP FOR THEBOTH OF YOU, AND I'M SO GLAD TO

HAVE YOU ON THE PROGRAM.

I HAVE BEEN SUCH A FAN OF YOURSFOR SO LONG.

>> MUTUAL. VERY MUTUAL.

>> Jon: WELL, THANK YOU, MYFRIEND.

I APPRECIATE IT.

AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.

AND WHEN I'M DONE WITH THIS DAMNTHING, I'M GONNA COME --

>> COME GET ON THE BUS.

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'MSAYING, WE'LL RIDE AROUND ON THE

BUS AND HAVE A GOOD OLD TIME!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: "IT'S A LONG STORY" ISON THE BOOKSHELVES NOW,

YOU CAN BUY THE NEW ALBUM, BYTHE WAY, MERLE HAGGARD

"DJANGO & JIMMIE" JUNE SECOND.THE GREAT WILLIE NELSON!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW!

HERE IT IS, OUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE WERESURPRISED THAT YOUR TEAM DID

NOT REGISTER CARLYFIORINA.org.

BUT SOMEBODY ELSE DID AND THEYSAID CARLY FIORINA FAILED TO

REGISTER THIS DOMAIN SO I'MUSING IT TO TELL YOU

HOW MANY PEOPLE SHE LAID OFFAT HEWLETT PACKARD.

IT'S WAS THIS MANY.

THAT'S 30,000 PEOPLE SHE LAIDOFF, THEY USED FROWNY FACES.

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