share

August 6, 2015 - Jon Stewart's Final Episode

  • Episode: 20142
  • Views: 1,519,694

On Jon's last episode of The Daily Show, he revisits The Best F#@king News Team Ever, gets a send-off from his top political targets and says goodbye after 16 years as host. (49:10)

>> Jon: WELCOME.

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY.

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

MY NAME JON STEWART.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMINGTONIGHT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

HEY, GUESS WHAT?

I GOT BIG NEWS.

THIS IS IT.

THIS IS THE FINAL EPISODE!

AND WHAT A NIGHT, WHAT A BIG,BIG NIGHT.

A SHORT TIME AGO, THE FIRSTREPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

WRAPPED UP IN CLEVELAND.

AND I THINK YOU'LL ALL AGREEWITH ME, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

SO...

ARTICULATE.

AND BECAUSE OF THAT, EVEN THOUGHIT IS OUR LAST NIGHT ON THE AIR,

I FEEL A RESPONSIBILITY--

>> OOOH!

>> Jon: BUT YET, WE ALLSTILL REMAIN ALIVE.

LAST NIGHT ON THE AIR.

I FEEL SOMEWHAT OF ARESPONSIBILITY-- NAY, NAY, AN

OBLIGATION-- TO DEVOTE THEENTIRETY OF OUR LAST SHOW TO OUR

STANDARD POST-DEBATE, FULL-TEAMCOVERAGE.

AND SO--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

STANDING BY TONIGHT, OUTSIDEOF CLEVELAND'S QUICKEN ARENA,

WHERE THE DEBATES WERE HELD,WE'VE GOT JESSICA WILLIAMS

JOINING US WITH THE BUSHCAMPAIGN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WE'VE GOT HASAN MINHAJ

HE'S WITH SCOTT WALKER'SCAMPAIGN.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Jon: JORDAN KLEPPER.

>> TRUMP!

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: JORDAN KLEPPER WILLBE COVERING DONALD TRUMP.

AND I WANT TO ASK YOU GUYS, WHATARE YOUR IMPRESSIONS OF

TONIGHT'S REALLY INTERESTINGDEBATE?

>> OH, MAN!

JON.

I THOUGHT JEB DID WELL!

>> Jon: UH-HUH.

>> WALKER, ALSO -- SOLID.

>> AND I CAN'T BELIEVE TRUMPTOOK OUT HIS PENIS --

SO LATE IN THE DEBATE.

>> Jon: IT WAS A SURPRISETO EVERYBODY.

( LAUGHTER )

NOW, OBVIOUSLY, OUR COVERAGE ISA BIT LIMITED.

WE'RE LIMITED TO THE TOP THREECANDIDATES DUE TO THE SIZE OF

THE REPUBLICAN FIELD RELATIVE TOTHE SIZE OF OUR CURRENT STABLE

OF CORRESPONDENTS.

SO UNFORTUNATELY--

>> JON, JON!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: ASSIF, THANK YOU.

THIS IS AN ENORMOUS-- ASSIFTHANK YOU FOR SPONTANEOUSLY

APPEARING IN CLEVELAND TO HELPUS.

>> I'LL TAKE KASICH.

>> Jon: THANK YOU!

WE'VE GOT FOUR PEOPLE COVEREDNOW.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OH, MY GOD!

AL MADRIGAL!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO COVER?

>> I GET IT, AL YOU'RE LATINO.

COVER CRUZ OR RUBIO.

YOU DISGUST ME, STEWART!

>> Jon: AL, THERE ARE SIXREMAINING CANDIDATES.

TAKE WHOEVER YOU WANT.

>> I'LL TAKE RUBIO, PLEASE.

>> Jon: AT LEAST WE CANCOVER FIVE PEOPLE, AND THAT--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

JOHN HODGMAN AND LEWIS BLACK,THE CONTRIBUTORS, PITCHING IN

TONIGHT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LENDING AHAND TO OUR COVERAGE.

JOHN HODGMAN, WHY DON'T YOU TAKERAND PAUL.

AND LEWIS BLACK, CHRIS CHRISTIE.

>> OH, I GET IT.

"LEWIS, YOU'RE AN ANGRY ASSHOLE.

COVER CHRISTIE."

YOU DISGUST ME!

>> Jon: WHAT?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THIS IS AMAZING.

WE WERE ALMOST THERE.

KRISTEN SCHAAL, THANK YOU SOMUCH.

THIS IS-- I GOTTA TELL YOUSOMETHING, REALLY DRESSED UP FOR

A DEBATE.

YOU LOOK LOVELY.

>> OH, JON, YOU'RE STILL HERE?

I THOUGHT TREVOR HAD STARTED BYNOW.

>> Jon: WHAT?

>> I SAID, WE'LL MISS YOU!

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, YOU,TOO.

ALL RIGHT, EIGHTUT OF 10CANDIDATES.

EIGHT OUT OF 10 CANDIDATES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

SAM BEE!

SAM, I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH.

THANKS FOR PITCHING IN TONIGHT.

>> NO, JON, THANK YOU, THERE ISNO ONE ELSE I WOULD FLY TO

CLEVELAND IN AUGUST TO HELPCOVER-- WAIT, I'M SORRY.

WHO'S LEFT?

>> Jon: BEN CARSON ORHUCKABEE.

>> OH, MY GOD, EWWW! NO.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, OH, DAMNIT, NINE OUT OF 10.

DAMN!

SO CLOSE, IT WOULD HAVE BEENGREAT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

OH, MY GOD.

I'M SORRY.

>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU, JON.

THERE'S A LOT OF APPLAUSE HEREIN CLEVELAND.

THAT'S RIGHT, JON.

TONIGHT, I HEART HUCKABEE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: STEVE, I GOTTA SAYTHIS IS-- FOR ME IT'S VERY

TOUCHING THAT YOU WOULD COMEBACK AFTER 12 YEARS AND DO THIS.

>> I NEVER LEFT, JON.

BECOMING AN INTERNATIONALSUPERSTAR IS JUST SOMETHING I

DID WHILE WAITING FOR MY NEXTASSIGNMENT.

WE'VE ALL JUST BEEN WAITING,JON, THE WHOLE TIME.

>> Jon: YOU'VE BEEN WAITINGTHE WHOAM TIME, THAT CAN'T--

NANCY WALLS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

>> WE ALL BEEN WAITING A REALLYLONG TIME, JON.

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF!

I HAVE TWO CHILDREN TO RAISE.

>> AND I HAVE THREE.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: WAIT A MINUTE.

HAS EVERYONE, HAVE ALL THECORRESPONDENTS JUST BEEN-- JUST

BEEN WAITING AROUND LIKE-- IT'SBEEN 16 AND A HALF YEARS.

THAT CAN'T BE...

WHAT ABOUT, LIKE, VANCEDEGENERES AND MO ROCCA?

ARE THEY--

>> WE'RE HERE, JON.

>> Jon: THEY COULDN'T BEHERE--

>> WE'RE HERE, JON.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS AREHERE.

>> WE'RE HERE DOWN ON WALLSTREET, JON?

>> READY TO DO OUR SIGNATURE"DOLLARS AND SENSE" COVERAGE.

>> Jon: IT'S BEEN SO LONGSINCE THAT BIT WAS DONE ON THE

SHOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS AREHERE--

TO JUST NOW DO A FINANCIALSEGMENT.

>> WELL, APPARENTLY, THEREWASN'T MUCH FINANCIAL NEWS TO

COVER THIS--

>> THIS PAST DECADE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, WELL,YOU KNOW, YOU DO THE BEST--

DAVE ATTELL!

>> HEY, BUDDY.

>> Jon: ATTELL!

>> OH, MAN.

>> Jon: HEY, DAVE.

>> I WOULDN'T MISS THIS FOR THEWORLD.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, JON.

YOU'VE DONE IT.

16 YEARS OF GREAT TV.

>> Jon: THANK YOU, SIR.

>> NEXT STOP, PODCAST.

>> Jon: THIS IS-- THIS ISUNBELIEVABLE.

HOW FAR BACK ARE WE GOING TO GOWITH THESE REPORTS?

>> OKAY, SO WE HAVE TIME FOR ONEMORE QUESTION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

RIGHT THERE, YES, YOU, THE OLDGUY.

>> Jon: OH, HEY, MATTWALSH, DAVE BAKKEDAHL.

IT'S ME, JON STEWART.

YOU'RE ON MY SHOW NOW, NOT YOURSHOW.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR SHOW.

>> Jon: "VEEP."

YOU PLAY THE CONGRESSMAN, MATT'STHE PRESS SECRETARY.

BEFORE THAT, YOU WERECORRESPONDENTS ON "THE DAILY

SHOW," SO I WAS EXPRESSINGHAPPINESS THAT YOU WERE HERE--

>> AND WE'RE DONE HERE, THANKYOU.

>> Jon: I JUST WANT TO SAYONE MORE THING--

>> HEY, HEY, ASKED AND ANSWERED,ASSHOLE.

>> YEAH, YOU (BLEE )ING (BLEEP)FACE.

WE'RE DONE HERE!

>> EXCUSE ME, JON, EXCUSE ME.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, THIS ISAMAZING.

>> I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY BECAUSEI GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO

TONIGHT.

"THE NIGHTLY SHOW" GOT BUMPED.

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: SORRY ABOUT THAT, LARRY.

>> BLACK SHOWS MATTER, JON.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: I APOLOGIZE.

>> WHERE'S JONES?

>> Jon: JASON JONES?

YOU DIDN'T HEAR.

HE'S IN GEORGIA FILMING A NEWSHOW, LARRY.

>> WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HIM.

>> Jon: THAT'S NOT GOING TOWORK.

>> IT WILL, IF YOU BELIEVE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

WELL, LET ME TRY IT.

LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DO HERE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S WEIRD.

LET'S SEE IF I CAN DO IT.

LET'S GO TO JASON JONES.

>> THAT ONE.

THANKS, JON.

LET ME JUST SAY I AM SO HAPPYYOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOME

WELL-DESERVED TIME OFF TO WATCHMY BRAND NEW TELEVISION SHOW

"THE DETOUR" ON TBS.

>> Jon: WELL, OBVIOUSLY,YOU MUST BE BUSY, I'LL LET YOU

GET BACK --

>> THANKS FOR ASKING, JON, IT ISA HILARIOUS NEW COMEDY SHOW

COMING SOON ON TBS.

>> Jon: WHAT AN ODDLYCROSS-PROMOTIONAL MOVE BY--

>> HEY, JON

>> Jon: JOSH GAD!

WHAT'S UP.

♪ DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE THE SHOW,MAN ♪

>> Jon: OH, YOU PLAYED OLAFTHE SNOWMAN IN "FROZEN."

>> THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.

I'M A SHOW BUSINESS GOD, JON.

>> Jon: -- AMONG EIGHT YEAROLDS.

>> DISNEY MONEY, BITCH!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> WOW, WOW.

JON.

JON.

THIS IS INTENSE.

SO MANY-- SO MANY OLD FACES.

>> Jon: ROB CORDDRY.

I CANT EVEN BELIEVE YOU'RE BACKHERE.

COME ON, GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

>> NO, NO.

>> Jon: ROB CORDDRY,EVERYBODY.

I CAN'T-- I'M LIKE-- I'M LIKEKNOCKED OUT HERE.

>> I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS.

IT'S VERY EMBARRASSING.

IT'S JUST THAT EVERYBODY HERE,YOU GUYS, YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY.

YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY YOU, JON.

>> Jon: THANK YOU, ROB.

>> YOU-- YOU'RE LIKE THE BROTHERI NEVER HAD.

>> Jon: THANK YOU SO MUCH,ROB, EXCEPT I THINK YOU HAVE A

BROTHER.

( LAUGHTER )

>> NO, NOPE.

I DON'T EYE DON'T THINK YOU'RERIGHT ABOUT THAT.

>> Jon: I THINK YOU HAVE ABROTHER, ROB, AND I THINK HIS

NAME IS NATE, AND HE ACTUALLYWAS A CORRESPONDENT HERE, TOO.

NATE CORDDRY.

>> NO, NATE DOES NOT RING ABELL.

>> Jon: NO, IT WAS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I THINK YOU DO.

>> I'M NATE CORDDRY.

I'M YOUR BROTHER.

>> COME ON, CORDDRY!

COME ON, CORDDRY!

>> Jon: COME ON!

>> I TOLD YOU TO WAIT IN THECAR!

IN THE TRUNK OF THE CAR!

GO!

I AM SORRY, JON.

YOU SHOULD CHECK IN WITH YOUROTHER CORRESPONDENTS.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, I'M-- I'LL--LET ME-- WAIT.

WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

I'LL CHECK IN WITH ANOTHERCORRESPONDENT--

LORD VADER?

IS THAT YOU?

>> STEWART.

I AM MORE MACHINE THAN MAN.

TWISTD AND EVIL.

RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATHS OFBILLIONS OF SENTIENT BEINGS.

BUT IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTIONYOU HAVE BEEN COMPARING ME TO

DICK CHENEY.

THAT SEEMS A BIT HARSH.

>> Jon: I JUST THOUGHT ITWAS SOMETHING SITH LORDY ABOUT

YOU AND HIM AND I JUST THOUGHT--

>> LET US BE CLEAR -- THERE ISTHE DARK SIDE AND THEN WHATEVER

HE CALLED HIS SICK THING.

>> Jon: I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

>> ANGER LEADS TO HATE, AND HATELEADS TO SHOOTING YOUR FRIEND IN

THE FACE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: THANK YOU, LORDVADER.

WOW, THAT WAS-- THAT WASINTENSE.

A SITH LORD AS A CORRESPONDENT.

YOU KNOW, SPEAKING OF SHOOTING,LET'S GO OVERSEAS TO OUR MIDDLE

EAST CORRESPONDENT, BASSEMYOUSSEF.

BASSEM, ARE YOU THERE.

>> JON, I KNEW THEY WOULDEVENTUALLY GET TO YOU.

WHO SHUT YOU DOWN, THE WHITEHOUSE?

THE SECRET POLICE?

THANKS, OBAMA.

>> Jon: NO, NO ONE'SSHUTTING SHOW DOWN.

I'M LEAVING BECAUSE I WANT TO.

>> WHOA.

THAT'S IT?

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> WHAT A PUSSY.

>> Jon: OH.

>> JON, IT'S ME!

>> Jon: MICHAEL CHE?

HEY, WHAT'S UP.

YOU KNOW, MICHAEL, IT'S GREAT TOSEE YOU BUT YOU WERE A

CORRESPONDENT FOR THREE WEEKS.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT WARRANTED AFULL CAMEO--

>> MAYBE SOME OF US LIKECHANGING JOBS BEFORE THE ASS

GROOVE IN OUR DESK CHAIR IS OLDENOUGH TO VOTE.

>> Jon: I HAVE TO SAY THATHURT A LITTLE BIT.

I TRIED TO DO A GOOD THING ANDLET YOU DO SOME BITS FOR US, AND

THEN WE COULD GO THROUGH AND GETAND GET--

( APPLAUSE )

ACTUALLY.

HEY, TREVOR.

COULD YOU GIVE ME, LIKE, 20MORE MINUTES?

>> OH, I'M SO SORRY.

>> Jon: IT'S GREAT TO SEEYOU.

IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU.

>> JUST REAL QUICK IF YOU DON'TMIND.

>> Jon: OH, SURE.

THANK YOU, BROTHER, I APPRECIATEIT.

WE'LL DO IT LATER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT REMIND ME, IT'S NOT THEFIRST TIME THAT THEY'VE HAD TO

RE-TAILOR THE SUITS HERE.

>> YOU'RE FINALLY GETTINGCANCELED, JON.

I HATE TO STAY IT, BUT I KNEWYOU WERE GOING TO RUN THIS THING

INTO THE GROUND.

>> Jon: IT'S GOOD TO SEEYOU, TOO, CRAIG.

>> JON!

>> Jon: OH MY GOD, OLIVIA MUNN!

OLIVIA, HOW ARE YOU?

>> CONGRATULATIONS!

>> Jon: OLIVIA, THANK YOUSO MUCH.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> OF COURSE.

>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BRING ME ACAKE.

THAT'S LOVELY.

>> OF COURSE, I DID! IT'S YOUR70th BIRTHDAY.

>> Jon: NOT MY 70th.

FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT MYBIRTHDAY, AND I'M NOT 70.

>> WHAT IS IT, LIKE, 75-- NO,YOU DO NOT LIKE 80!

>> Jon: NO, IT'S NEITHERONE OF THESE.

THIS IS LOVELY--

>> WHY ARE YOU ON --

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

>> COME ON, JON!

I'VE COME TO TAKE YOU OUT OFHERE, BUDDY.

HEY, MUNN. WHAT'S UP, GIRL.

>> Jon: RIGGLE, WHAT AREYOU DOING?

PUT ME DOWN, RIGGLE.

>> NO WAY, JOSE.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME IF YOUWANT TO LIVE.

>> Jon: WE'RE HAVING A NICECELEBRATION HERE.

THERE'S NO REASON TO GO RAMBO.

>> YOU SWEET, NAIVE, FRAIL, TINYLITTLE--

>> Jon: YES, ALL OF --

>> YOU DID SAY FRAIL?

>> Jon: YOU DID SAY FRAIL.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THETRAIL OF HATE THAT YOU'VE LEFT

BEHIND?

ROLL 212.

>> I'M PAUL BROWN, C.E.O. OFARBY'S, BROUGHT TO YOU TONIGHT

BY JON STEWART.

JON STEWART, IT'S LIKE A TVTHREW UP ON YOUR FACE.

>> I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, JON --BUT I WILL BE TRYING.

>> GOOD RIDDANCE, SMART ASS.

>> DON'T GO.

COME BACK.

... JON, BEING SARCASTIC.

>> AND JUST WHEN I'M RUNNING FORPRESIDENT.

WHAT A BUMMER.

>> SEE YOU, PIP-SQUEAK.

>> WHAT HAS NINE AND A HALFFINGERS AND WON'T MISS YOU AT

ALL?

THIS GUY.

>> JON, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHATTO SAY.

>> I'M SURE YOU'LL, MISSED BYSOMEBODY.

>> YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OFTHINGS HAPPENING AROUND THE

WORLD THAT KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT.

WHICH IS WHY I'VE RELIED ON YOUTO PUT ME TO SLEEP.

>> HAVE FUN FEEDING YOURRABBITS, QUITTER.

>> I'M JON STEWART.

I'M DUMB, I'M STUPID.

NAH-NAH!

SO LONG, JACKASS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: THAT STINGS.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT DIDN'TSTING A LITTLE BIT.

>> THAT WAS AWESOME.

>> Jon: ED HELMS!

WHAT'S UP, BABY?

YOU LOOK GREAT.

>> Jon: IT'S SO GREAT TOSEE YOU, ED!

>> ♪ AND IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEEYOU ♪♪

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, YOUDID LOVE TO SING.

>> I DO.

I LIKE TO SING.

I LIKE TO MAKE MOVIES WITH MYFRIENDS, AND, OF COURSE, I HAVE

MY REAL PASSION, WHICH IS RUNGTHE ROCKY MOUNTAIN INSTITUTE FOR

MEN HOGET MORE DISTINGUISHED ANDHANDSOME AS THEY AGE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: I'VE HEARD OF THAT.

AND ACTUALLY, IT'S KIND OF NICETHAT YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE I'M

GOING TO BE HAVING SOME FREETIME.

PERHAPS I COULD STOP BY THEINSTITUTE.

>> UM--

>> Jon: JUST FOR A QUICK VISITAT THE--

>> NO.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RERIGHT--

>> JON!

>> Jon: WHAT THE-- IS THAT?

I KNOW THAT VOICE.

I KNOW THAT VOIGHT VOICE.

IS THAT WYATT?

WYATT, WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU, WYATT?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

HEY, WYATT!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU FOR CRAZYAAPPLAUSE.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: ARE YOU ACROSS THESTREET?

>> MAYBE.

>> Jon: YOU LOOK LIKEYOU'RE RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

ARE YOU COMING OVER?

>> I'M THINKING ABOUT IT.

I GOT SOME BALLS IN THE AIR.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOOD?

>> YEAH, I'M GOOD.

YOU GOOD?

>> Jon: YEAH, I'M GOOD.

I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU.

>> I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

MY SOCIAL MEDIA'S BLOWING UP.

>> Jon: I HEAR YOU.

>> HEY, JON!

HEY!

>> Jon: WHAT THE?

>> HEY, JON!

>> Jon: LET'S CHECK IN ONELAST TIME AT GUATANAMO BAY WITH

OUR OLD FRIEND AND LONG-TIMEDETAINEE, GITMO!

HEY, GITMO!

>> YAY!

YAY!

WHAT A GREAT DAY!

YAY!

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, GITMO.

>> GITMO AND JON STEWART FINALLYGETTING OUT.

YAY!

HOORAY FOR GITMO.

>> Jon: GITMO, I GOT SOMENEWS.

I'M LEAVING BUT THEY DIDN'T EVERREALLY CLOSE GUANTANAMO.

I'M GOING--

>> GITMO...

NOT LEAVING?

ONLY JON STEWART?

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> ( BLEEP )!

AARRGG!

>> Jon: WE'LL GET YOU OUTOF THERE, GITMO.

WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF THERE!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> HELLO!

I HAVE TO SAY, JON, I JUST HAVETO SAY, WORKING HERE MEANT

THE WORLD TO ME.

I HAVE SUCH GREAT MEMORIES,STARTING WITH MY VERY FIRST DAY.

SO LET'S JUST DIVE IN.

>> Jon: SURE.

>> I REMEMBER FOR BREAKFASTTHERE WERE EGG SANDWICHES.

I CHOSE THE EGG WHITES, BECAUSE,AND I'LL TELLYOU WHY --

YOU'RE GETTING THE PROTEIN.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING THEPROTEIN, BUT ALSO YOU'VE LEAVING

YOURSELF OPEN FOR A SECONDSANDWICH.

SO THAT'S WHY WITH EGG WHITES --

>> Jon: JOHN, THIS IS ALLFASCINATING.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PICK UPTHE PACE JUST A SMIDGE.

>> NO, NO, NO, JON, WE CAN'T.

WHEN SOMETHING IS IMPORTANT IT'SWORTH TAKING THE TIME TO DISCUSS

IT IN DEPTH.

I'M TALKING 15, 18, EVEN 20MINUTES IF NECESSARY.

OTHERWISE, WHAT, ARE YOU DOING.

>> Jon: NO, I HEAR YOU, I HEARYOU.

EVENTUALLY WE HAVETO GO TO COMMERCIAL.

>> HOLD ON.

WHAT THE ( BLEEP ) IS ACOMMERCIAL?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE TALKING MADNESS, BOY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WOW, THIS IS-- THISIS--

I HAVE TO SAY -- LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, THIS IS AMAZING.

THAT'S IT.

MY THANKS TO EVERYBODY.

OVER ALL THESE YEARS, WHEN YOULOOK AT THE TALENT THAT'S PASSED

THROUGH THESE DOORS IT WOULDHAVE BEEN HARD TO SCREW THIS

SHOW UP.

I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYBODYWHO LENT THEIR TALENTS TO THIS

PROGRAM.

IT MEANT THE WORLD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

I UNDERSTAND.

CALM DOWN.

I GET IT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

>> JUST A MOMENT!

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

( CHEERS )

>> JUST A MOMENT.

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE,JON?

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LEAVE WITHOUTSAYING GOOD-BYE TO YOUR SAM.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: WAIT.

WHO'S SAM?

>> I AM, JON.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: WHAT AM I DIANE?

WHAT IS THIS "CHEERS"?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

>> NO, JON, DON'T YOU SEE?

YOU'RE FRODO.

>> Jon: YOU'RE SAYING I'MFRODO.

HOW AM I FRODO, WHY AREN'T YOUFRODO.

>> JON, ONE OF US IS ADULT-SIZEDAND DOESN'T HAVE HAIRY TOES.

>> Jon: POINT TAKEN.

>> JON, LIKE FRODO, YOU ARELEAVING US ON A VOYAGE TO THE

UNDYING LANDS.

>> Jon: I'M JUST GOING TONEW JERSEY.

>> FOR 16 YEARS, YOU AND YOURBASIC CABLE FELLOWSHIP OF FUNNY

CLUTHED THE RING OF POWER ANDTRUDGED UP THE STEEP SLOPES OF

MOUNT DOOM.

>> Jon: WE DIDN'T TRUDE SOMUCH --

WHAT'S THE METAPHOR OF RING?

>> THE RING OF POWER ISA METAPHOR FOR POWER.

THE POWER TO BE A PLAYER IN THEWORLD OF MEDIA AND WASHINGTON

POLITICS.

>> Jon: I DON'T REALLY WANTTHAT.

>> JON, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE DIDN'TWANT THAT?

>> Jon: FRODO.

>> YOUR WORDS, JON.

FRODO THOUGHT SURELY SAURONWOULD KNOW THEY MEANT TO DESTROY

THE RING, BUT I DON'T HAVE TOTELL GANDAFF SAID ABOUT THAT.

>> Jon: YOU'RE JUST GOINGTO TELL ME THAT, AREN'T YOU--

>> HE SAID, AND I'M PARFRAIGZHERE EVEN IF I COULD DO IT

VERBAITIN IF I WANTED.

HE SAID, MY FELLOW AMERICANS, ITHAS NOT ENTERED INTO SAURON'S

DARKEST DREAMS THAT WE WOULDDESTROY THIS HIDEOUS POWER.

AND IN THE METAPHOR HERE, POWERALSO STOOD FOR POWER.

>> Jon: I JUST WANT TO SAYTHAT I AM SO TOUCHED THAT

EVERYBODY COULD BE HERE TONIGHT.

>> ME, TOO, JON.

IS THERE A PARTY OR ANYTHING?

BECAUSE I BROUGHT A LOT OFPEOPLE FROM CBS.

AND I TOLD THEM THAT I KNOW YOU.

>> Jon: YES, THERE IS APARTY.

AND YOU CAN GO TO IT STEPHENCOLBERT, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> ACTUALLY, JON, JON,ACTUALLY --

NO, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

ACTUALLY, JON, WE'RE NOT QUITEDONE.

>> Jon: DON'T DO THIS.

>> JUST A MOMENT, JON.

YOU CAN'T STOP ANYONE BECAUSETHEY DON'T WORK FOR YOU ANYMORE.

HUGE MISTAKE, JON.

IT WILL BE QUICK IF YOU JUSTHOLD STILL.

JON, I'VE BEEN ASKED AND HAVETHE PRIVILEGE TO SAY SOMETHING

TO YOU THAT IS NOT ON THEPROMPTER RIGHT NOW.

>> Jon: PLEASE DON'T DOTHIS.

>> HERE'S THE THING JON, YOUSAID TO ME AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE

TO NEVER THANK YOU BECAUSE WEOWE YOU NOTHING.

IT IS ONE OF THE FEW TIMES I'VEKNOWN YOU TO BE DEAD WRONG.

WE OWE YOU-- AND NOT JUST WHATYOU DID FOR OUR CAREER BY

EMPLOYING US TO COME ON THISTREMENDOUS SHOW THAT YOU MADE--

WE OWE YOU BECAUSE WE LEARNEDFROM YOU.

WE LEARNED FROM YOU BY EXAMPLEHOW TO DO A SHOW WITH INTENTION,

HOW TO WORK WITH CLARITY, HOW TOTREAT PEOPLE WITH WITH RESPECT.

YOU WERE INFURIATINGLY GOOD ATYOUR JOB.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

ALL OF US, ALL OF US, WHO WERELUCKY ENOUGH TO WORK WITH YOU--

AND YOU CAN EDIT THIS OUTLATER-- ALL OF US WHO WERE LUCKY

ENOUGH TO WORK WITH YOU FOR 16YEARS ARE BETTER AT OUR JOBS

BECAUSE WE GOT TO WATCH YOU DOYOURS.

AND WE ARE BETTER PEOPLE FORHAVING KNOWN YOU.

YOU ARE A GREAT ARTIST AND AGOOD MAN.

AND PERSONALLY, I DO NOT KNOWHOW THIS SON OF A POOR

APPALACHIAN TURD MINER--

I DO NOT KNOW, I DO NOT KNOWWHAT I WOULD DO IF YOU HADN'T

BROUGHT ME ON THIS SHOW.

I'D BE BACK IN THOSE HILLSMINING TURDS WITH PAPI.

JON, YOU KNOW BY NOW, I'D HAVE--I'D HAVE DUNG LUNG.

SO, JON-- AND IT'S ALMOST OVER.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

>> I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ASKING FORTHIS, BUT ON BEHALF OF SO MANY

PEOPLE WHOSE LIVES YOU CHANGEDOVER THE PAST 16 YEARS --

THANK YOU.

AND NOW, I BELIEVE YOUR LINE--CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG --

>> Jon: YES.

>> IS "WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY.

WELCOME BACK!

NOT SURE-- NOT SURE WHAT YOUMISSED DURING THE COMMERCIAL

BREAK.

AH!

SO, SO, OKAY.

( LAUGHTER )YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS--

THE THING I'M GOING TO MISS MOSTABOUT THIS PLACE IS THE PEOPLE I

WORK WITH.

THEY ARE AMAZING.

EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE ISILLUMINATING, UPLIFTING.

THERE ARE DAYS WHERE YOU COME INAND THE CONFUSION AND THE FOG IS

EVERYWHERE, AND THE PEOPLE HERENEVER FAIL TO HAVE MY BACK ON

THOSE MOMENTS.

SOMEBODY IN THE BUILDINGBRINGING INSPIRATION, IDEAS,

TENACITY, HARD WORK-- IT'S THETHING I'M PROUDEST OF, OF THIS

PLACE.

IT'S NOT THE SHOW.

IT'S THE PROCESS OF THE SHOW.

IT'S THE PEOPLE OF THE SHOW ANDTHE ATMOSPHERE.

I'VE BEEN IN SHOW BUSINESS FOR ALONG TIME AND WORKED IN LOTS OF

DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERES IN ZEROINGLEVELS OF TOXICITY, AND THIS IS

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE I HAVEBEEN AND I'LL NEVER HAVE THAT

AGAIN AND I HAD TO COME TO TERMSWITH THAT BEFORE LEAVING KNOWING

WHAT I WAS WALKING AWAY FROM,AND I CAN TELL YOU WHAT EACH OF

THESE INDIVIDUALS IS LIKE ANDWHAT THEY HAVE BROUGHT TO US,

BUT I REALLY THOUGHT RATHER THANYOU WATCHING ME DISSOLVE INTO A

PUDDLE AGAIN, I'D RATHER LET YOUMEET THEM.

AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER, IALWAYS WANTED TO BE A COMIC.

COMICS WERE THE COOLEST GUYSAROUND-- AFTER ATHLETES, MOVIE

STARS, SIRNGZ, CARNEYS, NARCS,BUT AFTER THAT, COMICS.

FOR 17 YEARS I GOT TO DO IT WITHTHE PEOPLE IN THIS BUILDING.

MY CREW.

IF SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE-- IFYOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN--

>> WE TOOK CARE OF THAT THINGFOR YOU.

>> Jon: I KNOW WHAT THEYMEAN.

EVERY DAY WE'D MEET UP AT OURFAVORITE HANG-OUT, THE OFFICE.

THERE WAS, OF COURSE, COOL ZACH.

>> HOW YOU DOING, GUY.

>> Jon: AND THE WRITERS,THE BREAD BAKER AND CALEB.

>> IF HUT IS A SPECIES, WHY DIDHE CALL HIMSELF JAWBA THE HUT.

>> IT'S LIKE AN ETHNIC EPITHET,LIKE JIMMY THE GEEK.

>> NERDS.

>> THERE'S Z-BONE, JOAN,DELANEY, TRAYVON, MIDWEST

ALLEY.

>> I'M FROM COLORADO!

>> Jon: THERE WAS BEARDYMcPLAID, AND BEARDYMcPLAID,

AND BEARDYMcPLAID.

>> WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

>> Jon: YOU HAVE TO BEQUIET WALKING PAST.

AND SEAN.

HE'D MADE SURE EVERYTHING WESAID WAS CORRECT, AND THAT'S WHY

I CALLED HIM THERESEARCH-IN-ATOR.

>> YOU NEVER ONCE CALLED METHAT.

>> Jon: THESE POOR SOLESDID THE HARDEST JOB OF ALL,

WATCHING THE NEWS ALL DAY.

JULIETTE, LIZA.

BRUNCH MAN.

AND, OF COURSE, GABA-GOO.

HEY, JAY.

TAXLER.

JAMES FRANCIS AND MEL KERRS.

>> DONALD TRUMP JUST ANNOUNCEDHE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

( SIRENS ).

>> ALL HANDS ON DECK!

>> Jon: WE SHOULD PROBABLYGO.

DENNY WIRES HAD THE WHOLE PLACEWIRED.

OFF TO PRODUCTION.

THE HURT LOCKER.

DEV.

DONNIE APPLESEED, AND BRITTANY.

>> IT'S FOR THE SHOW!

>> Jon: SURE, IT IS.

THERE'S LISA.

AND THEN THERE'S-- THAT GUYDOESN'T WORK HERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT GUY IS.

AND, OF COURSE, THE PROP MASTER.

>> IT TOOK 6 MONTHS TO BUILD.

>> BUILD ANOTHER ONE.

>> LETS BUILD A POOL ON THEROOF.

>> I LIKE IT.

>> Jon: ACCOUNTINGLAUNDERED-- MOVED THE MONEY.

LISA, CHRISTIE.

>> JON, HEY, GO BUY YOURSELFSOMETHING NICE.

>> Jon: DON'T MIND IF I DO.

SOMETIMES THE STORIES DIDN'TCOME TO US.

THAT'S WHEN THE FIELD DEPARTMENTWAS FOR.

WE SENT OUTER CORRESPONDENTS OUTINTO THE WORLD AND USED THEIR

MILES TO GET DISCOUNTS ATAMAZON.

THERE WAS NATE, J.B., ANDMOXIE'S DAD, AND POLLY.

AND THE PRODUCERS. JANNA THEJEW, SMILLS THE JEW, AND OFCOURSE IAN THE JEW

>> I'M NOT JEWISH.

>> Jon: NO ONE BELIEVESTHAT HERE.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO DO A GREATJOB.

JUST ANSWER THE QUESTIONSDIRECTLY.

>> Jon: NOW IF YOU REALLYWANT TO KNOW WHO RAN THE JOINT,

YOU HAD TO HIT THE EXECUTIVESUITE.

HEY, FELLAS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

ARE YOU PLAYING CARDS?

DID I INTERRUPT?

I'LL GO.

MEOW.

HEARTBREAK HILL.

SHE BOOKED ALL THE GUESTS.

>> HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

I THINK HE'S A LITTLE MAD.

>> HEY, JON,UN YOU RIPPED ME OFFFOR THE LAST TIME OF GOODFELL

AS, OKAY.

YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYERSSOON.

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW WHATHE'S TALKING ABOUT.

AND AIB AND FELIPE, ANTONIO.

AND THE MAESTRO AT THE EDITINGBAY.

THE DOCTOR.

I'M OPEN.

I'M ALWAYS OPEN.

NICK, AND WHERE'S ZUZU.

>> ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO EDITTHIS LATER?

>> IT'S ONE TAKE.

>> Jon: AND I SPIN THECAMERA AND WE END UP IN THE

GRAPHICS CAGE.

JOE HOGAN, MADDIE, AND JENNY.

FINALLY!

SMALL VICTORY.

THERE WAS HASAN.

AND POLLY P.

>> I NEED 10 MINUTES TO GO TOTHE VET.

>> Jon: WHY?

>> PYTHONS ARE SICK, BOSS.

>> Jon: THE CONTROL ROOM.

CHRISTINA, TIM, ROB, ZOE.

WHAT'S UP, PAULEY.

AND THE BIG MAN, CHUCK.

CAN'T FORGET ROCKY AND RYAN.

>> READY, CAMERA, THREE?

HEY, HEY, ANYONE OUT THERE KNOWWHY FRUIT MAKES YOU BURP.

>> Jon: HEY, MIKEY.

ANOTHER PAUL ON WARM-UP JAN ANDMARILYN.

AND THE CAPOS.

GREENBERG.

>> WE LOST A MINUTE ON THE FEES.

>> WE NEED THAT.

>> THE NETWORK APPROVED THEBALLS JOKE.

>> FINALLY, A BALLS JOKE ON "THEDAILY SHOW."

>> Jon: FINALLY WE HAD--HEY, GUYS.

>> HI.

>> Jon: CORRESPONDENTS.

FINALLY, THE STUDIO WHERE IT ALLCAME TOGETHER.

PHILLY PHIL.

CHRIS.

RICHIE ON JIB.

FRANCO.

T.D., MIKE, QIG, AND, OF COURSE,SPIN.

>> HERE WE GO.

HERE'S THE SHOW!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Jon: THEY'RE THE BEST IN THE

BUSINESS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!

ANYWAY, ABOUT THE DEBATE.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING FOR YOU.

WE'VE SEEN THE CORRESPONDENTS.

WE'VE MET EVERYONE WHO WORKSHERE.

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDPROBABLY SAY SOMETHING.

SO MAYBE ONE LAST TIME, MAYBE ALITTLE-- IF YOU WANT TO-- MAYBE

A LITTLE CAMERA THREE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )BULLSHIT IS EVERYWHERE.

( LAUGHTER )ARE THE KIDS STILL HERE?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WE'LL DEAL WITH THAT LATER?

BULLSHIT IS EVERYWHERE.

THERE IS VERY LITTLE YOU WILLENCOUNTER IN LIFE THAT HAS NOT

BEEN, IN SOME WAYS, INFUSED WITHBULLSHIT-- NOT ALL OF IT BAD.

GENERAL DAY-TO-DAY FREE RANGEBULSHIT IS OFTEN NECESSARY,

OR AT LEAST INNOCUOUS.

OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BABY.

I'M SURE HE'LL GROW INTO THATHEAD.

THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IN MANYWAYS PROVIDES IMPORTANT SOCIAL

CONTRACTS FERTILIZERS AND KEEPSPEOPLE FROM MAKE EACH OTHER CRY

ALL DAY.

BUT THEN THERE'S THE MOREPERNICIOUS BULLSHIT, YOUR

PREMEDITATED INSTITUTIONALBULLSHIT DESIGNED TO OBSCURE AND

DISTRACT.

DESIGNED BY WHOM?

THE BULLSHIT TALKERS.

COMES IN THREE BASIC FLAVORS,ONE, MAKING BAD THINGS SOUND

LIKE GOOD THINGS.

ORGANIC ALL-NATURAL CUPCAKES.

BECAUSE FACTORY MADE SUGAROATMEAL BALLS DOESN'T SELL.

PATRIOT ACT, BECAUSE ARE YOUSCARED ENOUGH TO LET ME LOOK AT

ALL YOUR PHONE RECORDS ACT,DOESN'T SELL.

WHENEVER SOMETHING IS TITLEDFREEDOM, FAIRNESS, FAMILY,

HEALTH, AND AMERICA, TAKE A GOODLONG SNIFF.

CHANCES ARE IT'S BEENMANUFACTURED IN A FACILITATE

THAT MAY CONTAIN TRACES OFBULLSHIT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NUMBER TWO, THE SECOND WAY,

HIDING THE BAD THINGS UNDERMOUNTAINS OF BULLSHIT.

COMPLEXITY-- YOU KNOW, I WOULDLOVE TO DOWNLOAD DRIZZY'S LATEST

MEEK MILL DIS.

EVERYONE PROMISED ME THAT THATMADE SENSE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

BUT I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTEDRIGHT NOW IN READING TOLSTOY'S

iTUNES AGREEMENT, SO I'LL JUSTCLICK "AGREE" EVEN IF IT GRANTS

APPLE PRIMA NOCTAE WITH MYSPOUSE.

HERE'S ANOTHER ONE-- SIMPLY PUT,SIMPLY PUT, BANKS SHOULDN'T BE

ABLE TO BET YOUR PENSION MONEYON RED.

BULLSHITLY PUT, IT'S-- HEY,THIS.

DODD-FRANK.

HEY, A HAND SM OF BILLIONAIRESCAN'T BUY OUR LEXINGTONS, RIGHT?

, OF COURSE, NOT, THEY CAN ONLYPOUR UNLIMITED ANONYMOUS CASH

INTO 501-C4 IF THE 50% IS THEVOTED TO ISSUE EDUCATION

OTHERWISE THEY'D HAVE TO 506-C6IT OR FUNNEL IT OPENLY THROUGH

A NON CAMPAIGNE COORDINATINGSUPER PAC WITH A QUARTER-

"I THINK THEY'RE ASLEEP NOW.

WE CAN SNEAK OUT."

( APPLAUSE )AND FINALLY-- FINALLY, IT'S THE

BULLSHIT OF INFINITEPOSSIBILITY.

THESE BULLSHITTERS COVER THEIRUNWILLINGNESS TO ACT UNDER THE

GUISE OF UNENDING INQUIRY.

WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE WEDON'T YET KNOW EVERYTHING.

WE CANNOT TAKE ACTION ON CLIMATECHANGE UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE

WORLD AGREES GAY MARRIAGEVACCINES WON'T CAUSE OURCHILDREN TO

MARRY GOATS WHO ARE GOING TOCOME FOR OUR GUNS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NOW, THE GOOD NEWS IS THIS--

BULLSHITTERS HAVE GOTTEN PRETTYLAZY, AND THEIR WORK IS EASILY

DETECTED.

AND LOOKING FOR IT IS A PLEASANTWAY TO PASS THE TIME LIKE AN "I

SPY" OF BULLSHIT.

I SAY TO YOU TONIGHT FRIENDS THEBEST DEFENSE AGAINST BULLSHIT IS

VIGILANCE.

SO IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING, SAYSOMETHING.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT,EVERYBODY. THAT IS OUR PROGRAM.

NOW, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE TOTHANK THAT I CANNOT PLAUSIBLY DO

IT IN THE AMOUNT OF TIMEALLOTTED.

COMEDY CENTRAL GAVE ME THISOPPORTUNITY 16 AND A HALF YEARS

AGO.

THE PEOPLE THAT WORKED HEREGAVE ME THE TALENT AND

INSPIRATION TO DEVELOP IT OVERALL THOSE YEARS.

IT'S THE MOST INCREDIBLE PLACE.

HONESTLY, TODAY, IT STILL FEELSLIKE A DREAM A LITTLE BIT, AND

WALKING AROUND THE BUILDINGTODAY, NOBODY WAS MAKING EYE

CONTACT BECAUSE I THINK THERE'SSO MUCH LOVE AND PRIDE FILLING

THE BUILDING RIGHT NOW, THAT WEJUST DON'T WANT TO DROWN IT IN

SALINE.

SO THERE'S A LOT OF THIS-- "SOTHE SCRIPT IS READY?"

"UH-HUH."

SO EVERYBODY IS MAKING MOVESWITH SALTY GOGGLES ON.

SO I JUST CAN'T THANK THEPEOPLE WHO WORK HERE ENOUGH, AND

I CAN'T THANK COMEDY CENTRALENOUGH AND I CAN'T THANK THE

AUDIENCE ENOUGH.

YOUR SUPPORT AND ENTHUSIASM OVERTHE YEARS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )HAS BROUGHT TO US-- DON'T--

DON'T THINK THAT THE ENERGY THATYOU PUT OUT IS NOT RECEIVED ON

THOSE DAYS WHERE WE JUST FEELLIKE WE DON'T HAVE IT.

>> WE LOVE YOU!

>> Jon: I'M VERY FOND OFYOU AS WELL, SIR.

IT SEEMED AWFULLY GRAVELLY.

( LAUGHTER )I WANT TO THANK MY WIFE, TRACY,

AND MY KIDS, NATE AND MAGGIE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )NOT GOING TO LOOK OVER THERE.

FOR TEACHING ME WHAT JOY LOOKSLIKE.

AND... AN ARTIST I REALLY ADMIREONCE SAID HE THINKS OF HIS

CAREER AS A LONG CONVERSATIONWITH THE AUDIENCE, A DIALOGUE.

AND I REALLY LIKE THAT METAPHORFOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS BUT

THE MAIN ONE IS BECAUSE IT TAKESAWAY THE IDEA OF FINALITY.

THIS IS JUST-- IT'S ACONVERSATION.

THIS SHOW ISN'T ENDING.

WE'RE MERELY TAKING A SMALLPAUSE IN THE CONVERSATION, A

CONVERSATION, WHICH, BY THE WAY,I HAVE HOGGED AND I APOLOGIZE

FOR THAT.

( APPLAUSE )I NEVER-- I REALLY-- I SHOULD

HAVE AT SOME POINT TURNED THECAMERA AROUND AND SAID, "DO YOU

GUYS HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD?"I'VE REALLY BEEN DOMINATING THIS

IN A VERY SELFISH WAY.

BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS AREMARKABLE WAY OF GETTING TO

THAT. NOTHING ENDS.

IT'S JUST A CONTINUATION.

IT'S A PAUSE IN THECONVERSATION.

SO RATHER THAN SAYING GOOD-BYEOR GOODNIGHT, I'M JUST GOING TO

SAY, "I'M GOING TO GO GET ADRINK,

AND I'M SURE I'LL SEE YOU GUYSBEFORE I LEAVE."

Loading...