August 28, 2014 - Todd Glass

  • Episode: 19145 | 
  • Views: 132,327

Rick Perry is indicted on two felony counts, Jason Jones examines Germany and America's friendship, and Todd Glass discusses his book "The Todd Glass Situation." 

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, VERY, VERYFUNNY COMEDIAN TODD GLASS IS

GOING TO BE JOINING US, BUTFIRST, THE NEWS HAS BEEN VERY

GRIM LATELY. YOU'VE GOT, YOU'VEGOT YOUR ISIS THERE

RAMPAGING THROUGH THE MIDDLEEAST. YOU'VE GOT YOUR TERRIBLE

SITUATION IN FERGUSON, MISSOURITHERE. ON TOP OF ALL THAT

WE FOUND OUT TODAY HELLOKITTY NOT EVEN A CAT.

IT'S NOT A CAT.

HELLO KITTY IS APPARENTLY JUST ATHIRD GRADER WHO LIVES IN LONDON

AND [BLEEPED] IN A SANDY BOX ORI DON'T KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]MY POINT IS THIS, WE COULD

REALLY USE SOME GOOD NEWS RIGHTABOUT NOW.

>> TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRYPLANS TO BE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

FRIDAY ON THE WAY TO A POSSIBLERUN FOR PRESIDENT IN 2016.

>> Jon: HALLELUJAH.

AND THE LORD DID TELL HIM TO RUNAND IT WAS GOOD.

>> THAT MEANS HE WON'T BE INAUSTIN, TEXAS, FOR HIS

ARRAIGNMENT ON FELONY CHARGES.

>> Jon: WHAT?

NO!

YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE THIS TO MEAND THEN JUST TAKE IT AWAY.

WHAT KIND OF CRUEL GOD ARE YOU?

>> IT WASN'T THE TYPICAL BOOKINGAT THE TRAVIS COUNTY COURTHOUSE

TUESDAY NIGHT, AND IT WASN'T THETYPICAL MUGSHOT, A SMIRKING

SITTING GOVERNOR OF TEXAS.

>> Jon: I GOT TO TELL YOU,THAT'S AN OLAN MILLS QUALITY

MUGSHOT, THAT IS, CHISELED JAW,SUN-KISSED SKIN, THOSE EYES THAT

SAY, YEAH, I MIGHT HAVE[BLEEPED] UP A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S ALL GOOD.

LOOK, THIS... I'M GUESSING THATOLD RICK PERRY, HE WASN'T

ARRAIGNED ON A CHARGE OF BEINGCRIMINALLY HANDSOME.

>> A GRAND JURY IN TEXASINDICTED PERRY LATE FRIDAY NIGHT

ON TWO FELONY COUNTS, ONE COUNTOF ABUSE OF POWER, THE OTHER

COUNT OF COERCION OF A PUBLICSERVANT.

>> Jon: NOT TO MENTION AMISDEMEANOR FOR STEALING MSNBC'S

GLASSES.

LOOK, THEY NEED TO SEE, RICK!

>> THE CHARGES STEM FROM PERRY'STHREAT TO VETO FUNDING FOR

THE TRAVIS COUNTY DISTRICTATTORNEY'S PUBLIC INTEGRITY UNIT

UNLESS D.A. ROSMARY LEHMBERGRESIGNS.

>> THE PUBLIC INTEGRITY UNIT ATTHAT VERY TIME WAS INVESTIGATING

CRONYISM AND GOVERNOR PERRY'SCANCER RESEARCH PROGRAM.

>> Jon: WAIT. CRONYISM IN CANCERRESEARCH?

HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

WHAT? ALL THE BENIGN TUMORS GOTO YOUR GOLF BUDDYS?

HOW DOES THAT WORK?

[LAUGHTER]WHATEVER THE CASE, I CAN'T

BELIEVE GOVERNOR PERRY WOULDBULLY THIS INNOCENT DISTRICT

ATTORNEY, WHO I IMAGINE IS SOMEKIND OF WELL-MEANING DEMOCRATIC

INTEGRITY WARRIOR PRINCESS.

>> LEHMBERG WAS ARRESTED FORDRIVING DRUNK IN

APRIL 2013 AND WAS SEEN ACTINGBELLIGERENT AT HER BOOKING IN

A NOW-INFAMOUS VIDEO.

>> YOU'VE BEING ARRESTED FOR AD.U.I.

>> THAT'S Y'ALL'S PROBLEM,NOT MINE.

[LAUGHTER]>> SHE'S LIKE THE LOVE CHILD OF

HANNIBAL LECTER AND DAVIDHASSELHOFF'S CHEESEBURGER VIDEO.

LOOK, LADY, FIRST OF ALL, THAT'SNOT HOW YOU DO A MUGSHOT.

THIS IS HOW YOU DO A MUGSHOT.

THERE YOU GO.

IF THESE CHARGES STICK, PERRYCOULD ACTUALLY BE LOOKING AT

SOME SERIOUS JAIL TIME. WHATDOES THE GOVERNOR HAVE TO

SAY ABOUT ALL THIS? HE'S GOT TOBE WORRIED. KEEP IN MIND,

HE'S NEVER BEEN THE BEST AT,YOU KNOW, THE TALKIE TALK.

>> HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOUDOING?

>> HOW DO I LOOK?

>> HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH ALLTHIS?

>> DO I LOOK PRETTY GOOD?

>> YOU LOOK, YOU LOOK LIKEYOU'RE HANGING IN THERE.

>> OH COME ON.

YOU CAN GIVE ME BETTER THANTHAT.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I THINK PERRY'S GOING TO

MAKE KIND OF A CREEPYINMATE, IF YOU ASK ME.

A LITTLE BIT OF THE "ORANGE ISTHE NEW BLECCH."

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, THIS WHOLETHING...NO, NO, NO.

THIS WHOLE THING IS A POLITICALHIT JOB.

THIS IS POLITICAL HIT JOB BY THEDEMOCRATS TO SABOTAGE PERRY'S

PRESIDENTIAL AMBITION.

I'M SURE THE DEMOCRATS ARE LOCKSTEP UNITED TO DESTROY PERRY.

>> EVEN SOME DEMOCRATS ARESAYING, YOU KNOW, THIS

INDICTMENT IS A LODE OF HOOEY.

>> THE LIBERAL EDITORIAL PAGE OF"THE NEW YORK TIMES" CALLS THE

INDICTMENT THE PRODUCT OF ANOVERZEALOUS PROSECUTION.

>> LIBERAL WASHINGTON POSTCOLUMNIST RUTH MARCUS DUBBED IT

A SHOCKINGLY SKIMPY INDICTMENT.

>> YEAH, WELL I BET THE OLDUBER-LIBERAL SIDE-BOOB GAZELLE

IS STILL ON BOARD. DON'T YOUTHINK THERE?

"RICK PERRY'S EPIC MUGSHOT WILLCHANGE EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT

YOU KNEW ABOUT WINNING THEINTERNET."

THAT DOESN'T EVEN, THAT DOESN'TEVEN MAKE SENSE.

AND YET I WANT TO CLICK ON IT.

I DON'T... WHY WOULD I?

NATIONAL OPINION ASIDE, WHATEXACTLY IS THE DEMOCRATIC

PROSECUTOR TRYING TO DO HERE?

>> THE JUDGE WHO APPOINTED THESPECIAL PROSECUTOR AND THE

SPECIAL PROSECUTOR HIMSELF AREBUSH-APPOINTED REPUBLICANS.

>> Jon: WHAT IS HAPPENINGHERE?

WAIT A MINUTE.

I GET WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

IT'S THE OLD SWITCHEROO,DEMOCRATS ARE DEFENDING PERRY

BECAUSE THEY REALLY WANT HIM TORUN FOR PRESIDENT BECAUSE HE

WILL LOSE IN AN ALBEITENTERTAINING FASHION, AND

REPUBLICANS ARE OKAY WITH THISINDICTMENT BECAUSE THAT MEANS

HE'LL LOSE, ALBEIT IN ANENTERTAINING FASHION.

YOU KNOW WHAT, TO HELL WITH THEPROFESSIONAL POLITICIANS AND

PUNDITS.

IT'S GOING TO BE JOHN Q. SIXPACK THE PLUMBER THAT ULTIMATELY

DECIDES PERRY'S FATE.

>> THIS IS GOING TO HELP HIMPOLITICALLY.

TALK ABOUT A BASE RALLYING.

>> IT'S RALLIED A LOT OFCONSERVATIVES.

>> THIS MAKES ME LIKE RICK PERRYA LITTLE MORE.

>> THIS WILL HELP HIM BECOMEMORE OF A DARLING FOR THE

REPUBLICAN PRIMARY VOTER.

>> YOU CAN'T BUY THIS KIND OFPUBLICITY.

>> THE PUBLICITY THAT IT'SGIVING HIM TO BUILD AND

TRY CHANGE HIS BRANDFROM THE OOPS RICK PERRY

THAT WE SAW IN 2012.

>> Jon: OH, THE PRICELESSREBRAND FROM FORGETFUL DOOF TO

POSSIBLE FELON.

[LAUGHTER]THE SAME TRICK THAT WORKED WHEN

AFTER THE B.P. GULF OIL SPILLTHEY RENAMED THEMSELVES

AMALGAMATED ASBESTOS AND[BLEEPED] PUNCH INCORPORATED.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> OH, WELCOME BACK.

I WANT THE TALK ABOUT SOMETHINGNEAR TO MY HEART, GERMANS.

EASY PEOPLE TO LOVE, THE HUMOR,THE LANGUAGE, THEIR WHIMSICAL

DEDICATION TO RUTHLESSEFFICIENCY.

BUT RELATIONS BETWEEN OUR TWOCOUNTRIES HAVE COOLED.

JASON JONES HAS MORE.

>> EVER SINCE PUTIN ANNEXEDCRIMEA, THE U.S. HAS BEEN URGING

ALLIES IN THE E.U. TO GETTOUGHER WITH RUSSIA, BUT SOME OF

OUR SUPPOSED FRIENDS LIKEGERMANY HAVE BEEN REACTING A

LITTLE SLOWER THAN WE'D LIKE, SOI MET WITH ACTING GERMAN

AMBASSADOR PHILIP ACKERMAN TOSEE JUST WHAT'S GOING ON.

>> THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT THERE'SMORE ECONOMIC ACTIVITY BETWEEN

GERMANY AND RUSSIA THAN BETWEENTHE AMERICANS AND RUSSIA.

AND IF YOU SEE THE POLES, THENYOU'LL SEE THAT THE GERMAN

PEOPLE TEND TO HAVE ASORT OF A MORE APOLOGETIC

VIEW OF WHAT PUTIN DID.

>> WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU ARECLOSER TO THEM THAN YOU ARE TO

US?

>> NO.

OH, OH, OH. I WOULD HAVE TO...

>> THAT'S THE EXACT EMPHATICRESPONSE I WAS LOOKING FOR.

>> BUT AT THE SAME TIME, WE HAVEAN OLD RELATION WITH RUSSIA.

WHICH JUST CAN'T, YOU CAN'TTHROW IT AWAY.

>> REMEMBER, THOUGH, WE WERE THEONES WHO SAID,

"ICH BIN EIN BERLINER.">> YEAH.

>> OK. THE OTHER GUYS, THEY,WELL...

>> THEY PUT A WALL UP.

>> AND THEY ALSO SHOT YOUWHEN YOU TRIED TO RUN AWAY.

>> YEAH. I MEAN, YES, THAT'STRUE. YEAH.

>> JUST REMEMBER WHO THE GOODGUYS ARE.

>> DON'T WORRY.

>> OKAY.

IF WE'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

>> I MEAN, THERE'S CERTAINDISAPPOINTMENT IN THE

UNITED STATES. THE TRUSTIN AMERICA AMONGST THE

GERMAN PUBLIC DROPPED. IF WEWORK CLOSELY TOGETHER, IF

WE ARE FRIENDS AND ALLIES, ONESHOULD NOT SPY ON YOUR FRIENDS.

>> WE'RE NOT SPYING ON YOU.

>> WE HAVE SEEN SO MANY EVIDENCETHAT YOU ARE SPYING ON US.

>> COME ON.

HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS OLDTHING, IS HE?

>> THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANYTOLD PRESIDENT OBAMA TO STOP

TAPPING HER PHONE.

>> GERMAN LEADER SAID TRUST INTHE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION HAS

BEEN SHATTERED AND WILL NEED TOBE REBUILT.

>> BUT IF THEY DIDN'T HAVEANYTHING TO HIDE, THEN WHY

SHOULD THEY CARE ABOUTUS SPYING ON THEM.

DO YOU THINK THERE WOULD EVER BEA REASON ANY TIME IN THE HISTORY

FOR US NOT TO TRUST YOU?

>> GENERALLY SPEAKING, I WOULDSAY THAT GERMANY AND AMERICA

HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE ALLIES THATIT WOULD BE DIFFICULT FOR ME

TO...

>> YOU CAN'T THINK OF MAYBEONE...

>> NOT TO TRUST US?

>> OR TWO REASONS?

>> NO. IT'S A SENTIMENTAL THING.PERHAPS, YOU KNOW,

THE FRIENDSHIP STARTS IN 1945,YOU KNOW, WHEN THE U.S. WERE

THE ONES WHO REALLY GAVE USA SECOND CHANCE.

>> YOU MEAN THIRD.

>> AND WE ARE IMMENSELY GRATEFULFOR THAT, AND...

>> OF ALL THE THINGS THAT WE DIDSEE, WHAT DID YOU WANT US TO NOT

SEE?

>> I AM NOT AN INTELLIGENCE GUY.

>> DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE,THOUGH?

>> NO. YOU SAID "NOT SEE." NAZI.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. BUT YOU KNOW,THEY WERE ACTUALLY RIGHT,

FRIENDS SHOULDNEVER SPY ON EACH OTHER.

>> GERMAN PRESS REPORTS SUGGESTTHE COUNTRY'S INTELLIGENCE

AGENCY SPIED ONTURKEY FOR YEARS.

>> MOTHER [BLEEPED] WERE DOINGTHE EXACT SAME THING YOU WERE,

WHICH MEANS WE'RE MEANT FOR ONEANOTHER.

IT WAS TIME TO FULLY HEAL THISDIVIDE IN A WAY ALL AMERICANS

AND GERMANS WOULD APPRECIATE.

>> IT SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE GETTINGSOMEWHERE.

>> YEAH, I HAVE THIS STRONGFEELING TOO, ACTUALLY.

>> YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU DON'TWANT THE LOSE OUT ON ALL WE

HAVE TO OFFER, RIGHT? IMEAN, THE GERMANS,

YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUTBEER.

AND HERE IN AMERICA, WE'VEGOT BUD LIGHT LIME A RITA.

>> WHAT IS THIS?

>> OH, IT'S PART BEER, PARTMARGARITA, ALL PARTY.

>> DO THEY OPEN?

>> YEAH, YOU BET.

LET'S DO THIS.

TO AMERICA AND GERMANY.

DRINKING THE BEST BEER ON THEPLANET.

[LAUGHTER]YEP, IT WILL DO THAT.

>> THIS IS TERRIBLE.

>> UH-HUH.

SURE IS, TERRIBLY GOOD.

>> I'M SO SORRY, BUT I CAN'TDRINK THAT.

>> OKAY.

SO THAT'S NOT YOU SPEED.

ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY ASTRAWBERITA.

>> OH NO, NO, NO, PLEASE DON'T.I MEAN, WE HAVE A GOOD

FRIENDSHIP AND EVERYTHING, BUTYOU CAN'T FORCE THAT ON ME.

>> SO THE BEER SUMMIT DIDN'TWORK, BUT THERE WAS ONE MORE

IDEA THAT COULD FIX ALL OF.

THIS LET'S DO A LITTLE TRUSTEXERCISE.

HAVE YOU EVER DONE A TRUST ALLBEFORE?

>> NO.

>> HAVE A STAND UP, TURN AROUND,TURN AROUND.

YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME ON THISONE. OK.

NOW I WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUREYES.

JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND YOU'REGOING TO TRUST ME.

WE USED TO DO IT IN THEATERSCHOOL.

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

BASICALLY I STAND BACK ANDTHEN YOU FALL AND YOU TRUST THAT

I'M GOING TO CATCH YOU.

IT'S A THING TO BRING US BACKTOGETHER.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE DONE,JUST LIKE THAT, WAY TO GO.

HAVE A SEAT.

>> YEAH, YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TOFALL.

>> I DIDN'T NEED YOU TO FALLBECAUSE I GOT ALL I NEEDED.

SEE, THAT'S TRUST.>> WELL.

>> YOU KNOW, WHAT FRIENDSSHOULDN'T SPY ON ONE ANOTHER.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

BEST FRIENDS.

>> JASON JONES, WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, A COMEDIAN.

HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED "THE TODDGLASS SITUATION: A BUNCH OF LIES

ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE AND ABUNCH OF TRUE STORIES ABOUT MY

30-YEAR CAREER IN STAND-UPCOMEDY."

PLEASE WELCOME TO THE PROGRAMTHE VERY FUNNY TODD GLASS.

YOUNG MAN.

>> YOU LIKE THE WAY I WALK OUT?>> Jon: WELL DONE, SIR.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. THANK YOU.>> Jon: RESPECT.

>> LOOK AT THIS.

>> Jon: NICE TO SEE YOU, SIR,WELL DONE.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THE TODD GLASS SITUATION. NOW...

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I DRINK WATER, IT MAKES YOU LOOKLIKE YOU'RE COMFORTABLE.

>> Jon: DO YOU FEELCOMFORTABLE?

I WANT YOU TO FEEL COMFORTABLE.

>> I DO FEEL COMFORTABLE.

>> Jon: I WANT YOU TO BE AGOOD GUEST.

WE HAVE, WE WORKED TOGETHER MANYYEARS AGO.

YOU WERE ALWAYS ONE OF THE TOPCOMICS, FUNNY AS HELL, WHAT I

DIDN'T REALIZE, WHAT YOU HAVEOUT IN THIS BOOK IS THERE WAS

SOMETHING THAT WE DIDN'T KNOWABOUT YOU.

MOST COMEDIANS ARE HIDING HOWMUCH THEY DRINK.

YOU ON THE OTHER HAND HAD ADIFFERENT SITUATION GOING ON.

>> YES.

>> Jon: WHAT WAS GOING ON?

>> WELL, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE TOTALK ABOUT IT, JON.

>> Jon: SURE.

>> AND I TOLD YOUR PRODUCER IDIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

>> Jon: OH SURE, LET ME TAKE,LET ME JUST PUT THIS HERE...

>> AND YOU [BLEEPED] DO THESAME THING WITH ALL YOUR GUESTS.

>> Jon: I'M SO SORRY.

>> I'M HERE TO PROMOTE MYAPPEARANCE AT THE D.C. IMPROV.

THAT'S IT.

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND. TELL USABOUT THE PAKISTAN-AFGHANISTAN

CONFLICT. THAT'S ALLI WANT TO KNOW.

>> YEAH WELL, ABOUT TWO YEARSAGO I... A LOT OF MY COMEDIAN

FRIENDS KNEW THAT I WAS SORT OFIN THE CLOSET, WHICH IS A TERM

I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT.

I HAVE AFFECTIONATELY SAID THATI WOULD RATHER IT BE SOMETHING

TOUGHER LIKE, YOU KNOW, MAYBEBUSTING OUT OF THE SHED OR

SOMETHING, YOU KNOW.>> Jon: THERE YOU GO.

>> YEAH. STILL GOT A LITTLEOF...

>> Jon: BOOM, YEAH.

>> I'M STILL A GUY, RIGHT?

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT SOUND SOFEMININE. SO, SO YEAH ABOUT

TWO YEARS AGO, AND YOU KNOW, IWAS, BEFORE THE SHOW WE WERE

SAYING THAT IT'S FUNNY BECAUSEAS I'M PROMOTING THE BOOK, I'M

TALKING ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW, BUTBEFORE I DIDN'T WANT TO COME

OUT BECAUSE I WAS REALLY AFRAIDIT WOULD BECOME MY IDENTITY.

YOU KNOW. AND I DIDN'T WANT TOSAY BECOME MY IDENTITY,

WHICH IT HASN'T.

>> Jon: SO YOU WERE, YOU KNOW,SO NATURAL ON STAGE, SO

CHARISMATIC, SO FUNNY, BUT ICAN'T IMAGINE AS A PERFORMER,

NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS LIKETHE WHOLE OF YOURSELF ON STAGE.

WAS THAT EXHAUSTING AS APERFORMER, AS SOMEONE WHO EVEN

WANTING TO TALK ABOUT THECONFUSION YOU FACED ABOUT IT OR

NOT WANTING THAT TO BE YOURIDENTITY.

WAS THAT THE MOST DIFFICULTPART?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WASBECAUSE I COULD NEVER TALK

ABOUT IT. I MEAN, I COULDN'TEVEN... LIKE

IF I GOT IN AN ARGUMENTWITH SOMEONE I WAS DATING,

WHICH WAS CHRIS, WHOIS HERE TONIGHT, AND HE'S SO

NERVOUS, HE SAYS, DON'T TALKABOUT MY NAME ON THE SHOW, MY

FRIENDS IN FLORIDA WILL FINDOUT.

>> Jon: WELL, HOW MANY CHRISESCAN THERE BE IN FLORIDA?

>> RIGHT, RIGHT. THERE'S ONE.

IT'S HIM, EVERYBODY.

[LAUGHTER]SO, I KNOW HE HATES THAT.

BUT, YEAH, BECAUSE ON STAGE,LIKE, YOU KNOW, I WOULD TELL

STORIES ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND.

I HAD MORE STORIES ABOUT MYGIRLFRIEND FROM A GUY THAN GUYS

THAT HAD GIRLFRIENDS, BUTTHEY WERE TRUE STORIES.

I JUST SWITCHED THE SEX.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?>> Jon: RIGHT, RIGHT.

>> WHICH PROVES HOW THERELATIONSHIPS ARE THE SAME.

>> Jon: IT'S UNIVERSAL.

>> BECAUSE NEVER ONCE DID I TELLA STORY WHICH WAS ABOUT A GUY

BUT SAYING IT WAS A GIRL AND THE

AUDIENCE WENT, THAT'S WEIRD. YOUKNOW.

WE WOULD ALWAYS JOKE THAT THEONLY TIME I WOULD GET CAUGHT IN

THAT IS ON A SPECIFIC SITUATIONLIKE IF I SAID, YOU KNOW, I'M AT

THE AIRPORT AND I HADTHE USE THE BATHROOM AND

I WAS TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIENDWHO WAS PEEING NEXT TO ME.

WAIT A SECOND.

>> Jon: YEAH, I COULD SEE THATBEING PROBLEMATIC.

>> YEAH, THEN I WOULD GETCAUGHT.

>> Jon: DID YOU, YOU KNOW, IKNOW THAT YOU, SO YOU'VE GOT

THIS LIVING SITUATION. YOU'RELIVING WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

CHRIS, AND THEN A WOMAN.

>> I LIKE TO SAY, WHAT I LIKETHE SAY IS PARTNER IN CRIME.

>> PARTNER IN CRIME.

>> AND OUR CRIME IS WE DISOBEY AFAKE GOD.

>> Jon: WELL, THAT WORKS OUT.THAT'S FINE.

>> HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Jon: DO YOU FEEL... WHAT ISTHE FEELING?

WHAT IS... IS THERE A SENSE OFUNBURDENING?

IS THERE A SENSE OF... WHAT ISIT YOU'RE FEELING?

ARE YOU STILL CONFLICTED?ARE YOU NOT CONFLICTED?

>> NO, NO, IT'S...>> DO YOU FEEL FREE?

WHAT'S THE FEELING?

>> IT'S, IT'S, YOU KNOW WHAT, IWAS HAPPY BEFORE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I REALLYWAS, YOU KNOW,

BUT, JON, IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.

IT'S LIKE EVERY DAY I'LL BETALKING ABOUT SOMETHING, EVEN

CASUALLY TO A FRIEND, AND I HAVEA PODCAST.

SOME OF THE KIDS THAT WORK ON ITARE LIKE 20, 21 YEARS OLD.

>> Jon: RIGHT. >> WE CAN HAVE CONVERSATIONS

ABOUT IT, NOT EVEN IN DEPTHCONVERSATIONS, YOU KNOW,

JUST HONEST CONVERSATIONS,YOU KNOW.

AND IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.>> Jon: YEAH.

>> IT REALLY IS A BETTER WAY.THE PLATE'S SPINNING.

I THINK WHEN A LOT OF PEOPLE,EVEN PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE,

DON'T REALIZE THE PLATE SPINNINGTHAT GOES ON WITH HIDING IT.

LIKE WHEN WE WOULD HAVE DINNERPARTIES, I TRIED TO TOUGHEN IT

UP, TAKE OUT THE PARTY PART, ITSOUNDS GAY.

DINNERS. WE HAD DINNERS!

WE ATE STEAK.

>> Jon: HUNGRY MAN DINNERS.

>> WE DID COKE, WE COKED ANDATE A LOT OF [BLEEPED].

[LAUGHTER]WE'D BE LIKE, WHO KNOWS?

WHO DOESN'T KNOW. LIKE, I'LLBE HONEST WITH YOU NOW...

>> Jon: YEAH.

I LIKE TO... I DON'T LIKE TOCOOK.

BUT, I LIKE, I LIKE THELOOK OF A SET TABLE.

LIKE IF YOU'RE HAVING A BIGDINNER.

>> Jon: YEAH. MAKE IT LOOK NICE.

>> I LIKE THE LOOK OFIT. I LIKE TO DO IT. YOU KNOW,

NO SODA CANS. BUT, I WOULD BE SOMORTIFIED THAT MY FRIENDS WOULD

FIGURE ME OUT, THAT WE HAD AFRIEND ANDREA AND

I WOULD SAY, BEFORE EVERYONECAME OVER, IT WAS LIKE I WAS

INTERROGATING HER. I WOULD GO,ANDREA, NOW PEOPLE ASK,

WHO SET THE TABLE,WHAT DO YOU SAY?

>> AND SHE'D BE LIKE, I SAYI SET IT.

AND I'D GO, YEAH, AND DON'T DOIT LIKE YOU DID IT LAST

TIME AND THEN LAUGH ABOUT IT ANDSAY IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

AND THEN REMEMBER ONE TIME, THISIS SO TRUE AND IT'S SO

EMBARRASSING NOW IN HINDSIGHT.>> Jon: YEAH.

>> SHE TOLD SOMEONE, SHE GOES,

OH, TODD SAID HE DOESN'T WANTEVERYONE TO KNOW.

I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.

THE NEXT DAY, I'M LIKE WHY THE[BLEEPED] DID YOU DO, THAT

ANDREA?

I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT. SOTHERE YOU GO.

>> Jon: IT'S TOUGH, MAN.WELL, I'M VERY HAPPY FOR

YOU, AND THE NICE THING ISYOU'RE THE SAME GUY AS YOU WERE

BACK THEN, AND HILARIOUS ANDHAVE ALWAYS HAD THE RESPECT AND

ADMIRATION OF ALL YOUR PEERS.SO.

>> COOL.

>> Jon: WHAT THE HELL.>> THANK YOU.

>> TODD GLASS, MAN.

"THE TODD GLASS SITUATION" ONTHE BOOKS NOW.

WATCHING THE D.C. IMPROV.HE WASN'T KIDDING AROUND.

SEPTEMBER 5TH AND 6TH. TODDGLASS.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW,BEFORE WE GO, QUICK THING,

AS YOU KNOW, FOR THE LAST FEWYEARS I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON

THIS PROJECT, THIS FEATURE FILM, IT WAS WHY I WAS GONE LAST

SUMMER.

AND I LEFT THE SHOW TO BE HOSTEDBY JOHN OLIVER, WHO WAS SO BAD

AT IT, I DON'T THINK HE'SEVER BEEN HEARD FROM AGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.

I THINK HE'S OUT OF THEBUSINESS.

BUT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT A FRIEND,A JOURNALIST, MAZIAR BAHARI.

THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT HELD HIMCAPTIVE IN 2009 FOR REPORTING ON

THE IRANIAN PEOPLE'S HISTORICPROTEST FOR FREEDOM THERE.

AND WHILE HE WAS IN TEHRAN,MAZIAR HAD ALSO TAPED A

"DAILY SHOW" INTERVIEW WITH OUROWN JASON JONES, AND WHO, AND I

THINK YOU'LL FIND THIS FUNNY,IRAN'S GOVERNMENT THEN ACCUSED

OF BEING AN AMERICAN SPY.

YOU CAN IMAGINE THE LAUGH THEYHAD WHEN THEY REALIZED THEIR

MISTAKE, AND BY LAUGH I MEANBRUTAL INTERROGATION OF MAZIAR

FOR WEEKS.

MAZIAR WROTE THIS INCREDIBLEBOOK ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE.

WE TURNED IT INTO A FILM WITHTHE INCREDIBLE GAEL GARCIA

BERNAL AS MAZIAR.

IT'S GOING TO COME OUT INNOVEMBER, BUT THE TRAILER IS

BEING RELEASED TODAY.

IT OCCURRED TO ME SINCE I HAVE ANIGHTLY TELEVISION SHOW...

[LAUGHTER]I COULD MENTION IT AND SHOW YOU

A COUPLE OF SCENES THAT AREN'TIN THE TRAILER BUT GIVE YOU A

SENSE OF SORT OF WHY WE GOTINVOLVED.

THIS IS A QUICK ONE FROM THEMOVIE, IT'S A RE-ENACTMENT OF

MAZIAR AND JASON'SINTERVIEW IN TEHRAN.

>> ACTUALLY AMERICANS ANDIRANIANS HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN

COMMON MORE THAN THEYHAVE DIFFERENCES.

>> WHAT DO I HAVE IN COMMON WITHYOU?

>> WHAT IS THE NUMBER-ONE ENEMYOF THE UNITED STATES?

>> AL QAEDA.

>> AL QAEDA IS ALSO THE NUMBERONE ENEMY OF IRAN.

THE AL QAEDA MEMBERS SAY THAT IFYOU KILL AN IRANIAN OR IF YOU

KILL A SHIITE, YOU GO TO HEAVENAND YOU GET 72 VIRGINS.

>> WELL, THEY WON'T BE VIRGINSFOR TOO LONG, HUH?

RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?UPSTAIRS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: THAT'S JASON JONES,

VERY TALENTED ACTOR, AND IT'SWHY HERE WE MOSTLY HAVE HIM

PUTTING HIS PENIS INTOCANTALOUPES.

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE DO THAT.

WE REALLY HAVE TO UTILIZE HIMBETTER. AND, SO TO JUST GIVE

YOU A SENSE, THIS IS MAZIAR INPRISON AND HIS

INTERROGATOR IS CONFRONTING HIMWITH THIS DAMNING EVIDENCE.

>> SIR, YOU'RE MAKING A BIGMISTAKE.

I AM A JOURNALIST.

THAT'S IT.

NOTHING MORE.

>> JUST A JOURNALIST.

>> YES.

>> AS A SPY, I'M JUST TRYING TOFIGURE OUT WHY YOUR COUNTRY IS

SO TERRIFYING.

>> FIRST THING TO KNOW ABOUTIRAN IS THAT IT IS NOT EVEN.

AMERICANS AND IRANIANS HAVE ALOT OF THINGS IN COMMON MORE

THAN THEY HAVE DIFFERENCES.

>> WHAT DO I HAVE IN COMMON WITHYOU?

>> SO CAN YOU TELL ME WHYJUST A JOURNALIST WOULD MEET UP

WITH THIS AMERICAN SPY.

>> HE'S NOT A SPY.>> HE'S NOT A SPY?

>> NO, IT'S A SHOW.>> IT'S A SHOW?

>> IT'S A COMEDY SHOW.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO, IT'S STUPID.

>> IT'S VERY STUPID, YES.

>> HE'S A COMEDIAN PRETENDING TOBE A SPY.

>> SO CAN YOU TELL ME WHY ANAMERICAN PRETENDING TO BE A SPY

HAS CHOSEN TO INTERVIEW YOU?

>> AND WHY WOULD A REAL SPY HAVEA TV SHOW?

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: AND THEN SHAQUILLE

O'NEAL COMES IN AND SAVES THEDAY DRESSED AS A WIZARD.

IT GETS THAT IN THERE.

BOY, IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE THETRAILER IS AVAILABLE NOW ON

ITUNES.

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

WE'RE REAL PROUD OF IT.

AND I HOPE WHEN IT COMES OUT YOUGET CHANCE TO SEE IT AND LIKE

IT.

ANYWAY, HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENTOF ZEN.

>> TEXAS IS A PRETTY RED STATENOW.

BUT I REFER TO TRAVIS COUNTY ASTHE BLUEBERRY IN THE TOMATO

SOUP.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

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