July 31, 2014 - Aubrey Plaza

  • Episode: 19138 | 
  • Views: 20,482

Congress spends the time before summer recess deciding to sue President Obama, Jason Jones tries to stop supporting the NFL, and Aubrey Plaza discusses "Life After Beth." 

>> Jon: HEY!

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A VERY NICE SHOWTONIGHT.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, AUBREY PLAZAFROM THE MOVIE "LIFE AFTER

BETH," BUT FIRST, I DON'T EVENKNOW HOW TO TELL YOU, FOLKS,

WHERE TO BEGIN TONIGHT.

THE MIDDLE EAST, YOU DON'T HEARA LOT ABOUT IT THESE DAYS.

[LAUGHTER]BUT RIGHT BEFORE WE STARTED THE

TAPING, ISRAEL AND HAMAS HAVEAPPARENTLY AGREED TO A 72-HOUR

CEASEFIRE, A 72-HOUR CEASEFIRE.

IT'S VERY NICE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]IT'S THREE DAYS. LET ME TELL

YOU, HERE'S WHAT I'M HOPING FOR,A THREE-DAY CEASEFIRE SOMEHOW

MIRACULOUSLY TURNS INTO ANEIGHT-DAY CEASEFIRE AND SUDDENLY

WE GOT OURSELVES ANOTHERHANUKKAH WORKING, YOU KNOW WHAT

I'M SAYING? A WHOLEOTHER MIRACLE.

OBVIOUSLY THIS IS SOMETHING ALOT OF US HAVE BEEN HOPING FOR.

>> WE CONTINUE TO SUPPORTDIPLOMATIC EFFORTS TO END THE

VIOLENCE BETWEEN ISRAEL ANDHAMAS.

>> THE PRESIDENT HAS PUT HISPRESIDENCY BEHIND THE EFFORTS TO

TRY FIND PEACE IN THE REGION.

>> Jon: AND NOW WE GOT THREEDAYS OF IT.

[LAUGHTER]A LONG WEEKEND OF PEACE.

IT'S STILL TOO EARLY TO REALLYKNOW WHAT BROUGHT THIS ABOUT,

BUT WE DO KNOW THAT THE BREAKCAME AFTER THIS:

>> ISRAEL HAS MADE A REQUEST FORRESUPPLY OF SEVERAL TYPES OF

AMMUNITION.

AS ONE DEFENSE OFFICIAL SAID TOME, THEY HAVE BEEN USING UP AN

AWFUL LOT.

>> Jon: THAT IS, OF COURSE, THECORRESPONDENT FROM THE

UNDERSTATEMENT TIMES PICAYUNE.

SO MAYBE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

THEY'RE JUST RUNNING OUT OF[BLEEPED] TO BLOW UP.

MAYBE WHAT HAPPENED HERE IS THEDIPLOMATS TACKLED ISRAEL WHILE

THEY WERE RELOADING.

IT'S THE OPPORTUNITY FOR PEACETHAT WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

THAT THE ADMINISTRATION ASWE HEARD EARLIER HAS BEEN

WORKING TIRELESSLY TOWARDS.

NOW IS OUR CHANCE.

>> THE UNITED STATES HAS AGREEDTO RESUPPLY ISRAEL'S MILITARY

WITH MULTIPLE TYPES OFAMMUNITION.

>> 120 MILLIMETER MORTARS ANDGRENADES, FOUR GRENADE

LAUNCHERS.

>> Jon: WE HAD THIS.

WHY ARE WE GIVING THEM MORE WITHTHE BLOWING...?

LET'S END THE FIGHTING, BUTFIRST, HAVE SOME MORE FIGHTING

STUFF.

NO!

GUYS, WE CANNOT BE ISRAEL'SREHAB SPONSOR AND ITS DRUG

DEALER.

IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

JUST SAY NO.

BUT FIRST, SMOKY SMOKE?

BUT, NOW LET'S TURN TO CONGRESS.

OBVIOUSLY GREAT NEWS ON THECEASEFIRE.

CONGRESS, THOUGH, HAS A LOT TOGET DONE BEFORE THEIR SUMMER

RECESS, WHICH IS GOING TO START,OH, NOW.

IT IS NOW.

>> THE BORDER BILL.

>> A HIGHWAY FUNDING BILL.

>> EMERGENCY UNEMPLOYMENTINSURANCE.

>> STUDENT LOAN RELIEF.

>> COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATIONREFORM.

>> IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHINGTO FIX THAT, THEN BY THE TIME WE

LEAVE HERE FOR THE AUGUSTRECESS, WE WILL HAVE FAILED.

>> Jon: STOP.

STOP IT.

DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

[LAUGHTER]WHEN YOU GUYS SUCK, IT IS NOT

FAILURE. IT IS JUST YOU LIVINGUP TO OUR EXTREMELY

LOW EXPECTATIONS OF YOU.

[LAUGHTER]CONGRESS IS THE "SHARKNADO 2"

OF GOVERNMENT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]OF COURSE, OF COURSE IT SUCKED.

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SUCK.

[LAUGHTER]BUT I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS

LIKE THE HEAR THAT KIND OFURGENCY FROM MEMBERS OF

CONGRESS, SO WHAT ARE YOU GOINGTO DO FIRST THERE?

BORDER CRISIS? STUDENT LOANS?

HOW ABOUT A NICE LITTLEBUDGET RESOLUTION?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

>> WE HAVE CHOSEN TO BRING THISLEGISLATION FORTH TODAY TO SUE

THE PRESIDENT OVER HIS SELECTIVEIMPLEMENTATION OF THE AFFORDABLE

CARE ACT.

>> Jon: OKAY. OKAY.

OR YOU COULD TO THAT.

THAT COULD... LOOK, CONGRESS, WETALKED ABOUT THIS.

YOU HAVE TO PASS THE LAWS ONYOUR PLATE, ALL OF THEM, BEFORE

YOU GET DESSERT, WHICH IN THISCASE IS YOU SUING THE PRESIDENT.

LOOK, THAT'S YOUR PRIORITY?

SURE, THOUSANDS OF IMMIGRANTKIDS ARE SLEEPING UNDER OUR

BRIDGES, WHICH, BY THE WAY, ARECOLLAPSING BECAUSE OF THE

HIGHWAY STRUCTURES FUNDINGBILLS, BUT IF WE GO ON BREAK

WITHOUT SUING THE PRESIDENT,WE'LL NEVER REACH

CHARLIE RANGEL LEVELS OFRELAXATION ON OUR BREAK.

[APPLAUSE]LOOK, WHY ARE YOU SUING THE

PRESIDENT?

>> OUR FOUNDERS, THEY UNDERSTOODTHAT TOO MUCH POWER IN THE HANDS

OF ANY ONE PERSON OR ANY ONEGROUP OF PEOPLE WOULD INEVITABLY

LEAD TO TYRANNY.

>> Jon: OH, FOR [BLEEPED]SAKE.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE A WHILE.

CARRY ON.

>> OUR FOUNDING FATHERSUNDERSTOOD THE DANGER OF HAVING

A PRESIDENT WHO NOT ONLYENFORCED THE LAWS BUT MADE THEM.

>> ARE YOU WILLING TO LET ANYONETEAR APART WHAT OUR FOUNDERS

HAVE BUILT?

>> WE CANNOT STAND BY AND WATCHTHE PRESIDENT SHRED OUR

CONSTITUTION.

>> THAT TYPE OF ACTION AMOUNTSTO TYRANNY, MR. SPEAKER,

TYRANNY.

>> Jon: WHAT?

HUH?

THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THEBRITISH ARE COMING!

YES, IT'S TYRANNY.

OBAMA'S A TYRANT.

WE ALL KNOW THROUGHOUT HISTORYTHE ONLY WAY TO DEPOSE A TYRANT

IS VIA A CIVIL LAWSUIT.

[LAUGHTER]I THINK I REMEMBER CAESAR'S

FAMOUS LAST WORDS, "ET SUE,BRUTE?"

LOOK, LOOK, MAKE NO MISTAKE,THIS ENTIRELY NECESSARY

AND EFFECTIVE LAWSUIT WASN'TA MATTER OF PARTNERSHIP

BUT OF PRINCIPLE.

>> THIS IS NOT ABOUT POLITICS.

IF THERE WERE A REPUBLICANPRESIDENT DOING THE SAME THING,

I WOULD FEEL JUST AS STRONGLY.

>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S BULL[BLEEP.]

[LAUGHTER]IT'S JUST, I MEAN, IT'S JUST, IT

JUST IS [BLEEPED]. ITJUST IS [BLEEPED].

LOOK, THIS LADY WAS IN CONGRESSWHEN THEN-PRESIDENT BUSH IN 2006

TOOK EXECUTIVE ACTION TO WAIVEOR EXTEND DEADLINES ON FINANCIAL

PENALTIES CLEARLY WRITTEN INTOTHE MEDICARE PART D HEALTH CARE

LAW.

NOW, SINCE THAT WAS PRETTY MUCHEXACTLY IDENTICAL EXECUTIVE

ACTION TO THE ONE YOU'RE NOWSUING PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR, LET'S

FLASH BACK TO THEN AND CHECK OUTTHE REPUBLICANS AND

CONGRESSWOMAN FOX'SJUST-AS-STRONG REACTION TO THAT

TYRANNY.

>> HEY!

HEY!

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

>> Jon: TO BE FAIR, TO BE FAIRTO THE REPUBLICANS, BEFORE THEY

DECIDED TO SUE THE PRESIDENT,THEY TRIED OFFICIAL CHANNELS OF

COMMUNICATION TO MAKE THEIRVOICE HEARD.

>> REWRITING OBAMA CARE ISN'TONLY ONE OF THE WAYS THIS

PRESIDENT HAS ABUSED HIS POWER.

LAST WEEK I SENT THE PRESIDENT21 TWEETS, WHICH LAID OUT THE

THINGS THAT HE COULD DO TO STOPTHIS MESS AT THE BORDER.

>> Jon: 21 TWEETS!

A RALLYING CRY FOR VICTORY.

21 TWEETS, WHY THAT'S ALMOST3,000 CHARACTERS.

OF COURSE, SPLIT OVER THETIMELINE BETWEEN RETWEETS AND

@ REPLIES, HASHTAG GAMES, INADDITION TO THE OTHER BILLIONS

OF PAGES OF TWEETINGCOMPLAINTS THAT THE PRESIDENT

RECEIVES EVERY [BLEEPED] SECONDOF THE DAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE THE

PRESIDENT WOULDN'T EVENTAKE THE TIME TO AT LEAST

FAVE ONE OF THOSE.

[LAUGHTER]ALTHOUGH I GUESS IT IS SHOCKING,

CONGRESSMAN, THAT THE MEDIUMCHRIS BROWN USES [BLEEPED] TO

TALK DRAKE IS NOT AN EFFECTIVELEGISLATIVE TOOL.

SO HOUSE REPUBLICANS DECIDED TOSPEND THEIR LAST HOURS IN

SESSION INDULGING IN EMPTY,TIME-WASTING POLITICAL THEATER.

HOUSE DEMOCRATS WERE LEFT ONLYONE OPTION.

IMPOTENT ANGER.

>> THE FACT OF THE MATTER ISTHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE

TIRED OF THE RELENTLESSPARTNERSHIP THAT HAS LED THE

CONGRESS TO HAVING A LOWERAPPROVAL RATING THAN HEAD LICE.

>> Jon: OH, HO, LOWER THANHEAD LICE.

WAIT.

DO YOU HEAR THAT?

I HEAR A CELEBRATION.

CHUCK, CAN WE GET A CLOSE-UP OFTHE CELEBRATION?

>> WE DID IT.

WE'RE NOT THE MOST HATEDTHING.

>> Jon: GOOD FOR YOU, HEADLICE.

GOOD FOR YOU.

AND AS FOR YOU, PUBIC LICE, HANGIN THERE.

CONGRESS KEEPS GOING THE WAYIT'S GOING, YOU'LL GET YOUR

SHOT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW.

SO WHAT DID YOU GET YOURSIGNIFICANT OTHER ON VALENTINE'S

DAY?

CAN YOU REMEMBER BACK THEN?

FEBRUARY 14th.

MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN MUCH.

CHANCES ARE IT'S BETTER THANWHAT RAY RICE GOT HIS FIANCEE.

>> RAY RICE IS CHARGED WITHASSAULT AFTER AN ARGUMENT WITH

HIS FIANCEE IN ATLANTIC CITY.

>> THE ALL-PRO SUPER BOWLWINNING RUNNING BACK HOVERING

OVER AND THEN DRAGGING HISTHEN-GIRLFRIEND, NOW WIFE,

UNCONSCIOUS OUT OF AN ELEVATORAFTER HE PUNCHED HER IN THE

FACE.

>> Jon: I STILL FIND SO ITSTRANGE IN THAT VIDEO.

RICE SEEMS TO BE GESTURING LIKE,HEY, ANYBODY HELP ME?

THIS WOMAN SEEMS TO HAVECOLLAPSED.

YOU CAN IMAGINE THE NFL WAS NONETOO HAPPY, AS WAS EXPRESSED ON

NFL'S OWN NETWORK.

>> HE'S ABOUT TO DEAL WITH THEIRON FIST OF THE NFL.

>> Jon: REALLY COULDN'T THINKOF A NON-FIST METAPHOR FOR THIS

CASE?

YOU REALLY, YOU REALLY HAD TO GOWITH IRON FIST?

UNLESS RICE IS GOING TO BEPUNISHED BY CLETUS THE ROBOT,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO REPHRASE IT.

BUT LET'S GET TO THE PUNISHMENT.

IS HE EXPELLED FOR ETERNITY ORLONGER?

>> THE NFL HAS OFFICIALLY HANDEDDOWN ITS JUDGMENT ON RICE'S

OFF-SEASON DOMESTIC VIOLENCEINCIDENT.

THE BALTIMORE RAVENS' STAR WASSUSPENDED TWO GAMES BY

COMMISSIONER ROGER GOODELL.

[AUDIENCE REACTS].

>> Jon: THEY'RE NOT OOHINGBECAUSE THEY THINK THAT'S A LOT.

TWO GAMES?

WELL, UNLESS ONE OF THE GAMES ISPROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, WHAT KIND

OF MESSAGE DO YOU THINK THIS ISSENDING?

>> I THINK IT'S ABSOLUTELY CLEARTO ALL INVOLVED THAT THE NFL

DOES NOT CONDONE DOMESTICVIOLENCE IN ANY WAY AND WILL NOT

TOLERATE IT IN OUR LEAGUE.

>> Jon: ABSOLUTELY CLEAR TOWHO?

[LAUGHTER]THE LEAGUE SUSPENDS YOU FOR FOUR

GAMES IF YOU GET CAUGHT SMOKINGPOT, WHICH IS ACTUALLY LEGAL IN

ONE OF THE CITIES THE NFLOPERATES IN.

TO BE CLEAR, THE NFL SUSPENDSYOU FOR TWICE AS LONG IF WHAT

YOU HIT IS THIS.

[LAUGHTER]ESPN SUSPENDED THIS GUY FOR A

WEEK JUST FOR TALKING ABOUT ITWRONG.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS:>> ONE ROOKIE GOT A FIVE-GAME

SUSPENSION FOR TAKING FREEBIESIN COLLEGE.

>> Jon: FIVE GAMES FOR TAKINGFREEBIES.

UNLESS FREEBIE IS ANOTHER WORDFOR COLD COCKING YOUR FIANCEE,

THE NFL PENAL CODE MIGHT NEEDSOME TWEAKING.

IN FACT, LET'S BE HONEST, NFL,THIS CASE PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN

BE GETTING THE ATTENTION IT HASIF IT WASN'T CAUGHT ON CAMERA.

THE ONLY REASON THE NFL EVENFLAGGED IT IS BECAUSE WE HAD

INSTANT REPLAY IN THIS CASE.

I JUST HOPE RAY RICE UNDERSTANDSTHE SEVERITY OF WHAT HE'S DONE,

EVEN IF THE NFL DOESN'T.

>> I APOLOGIZE TO MY FANS, MY...

TO THE KIDS, TO EVERYONE WHO WASAFFECTED, YOU KNOW, BY THIS

SITUATION THAT ME AND MY WIFEWERE IN.

I WON'T CALL MYSELF A FAILURE.

FAILURE IS NOT GETTING KNOCKEDDOWN, IT'S NOT GETTING UP.

>> Jon: WHAT IS WITH THEVIOLENT METAPHORS?

[LAUGHTER]THE IRON FIST, THE KNOCK DOWN,

THE GETTING UP.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE GRASSIS ALWAYS GREENER.

IT'S NOT APPLICABLE, BUT ATLEAST NOBODY'S GETTING HIT IN

YOUR METAPHOR.

NO SENSE CRYING OVER SPILLEDMILK. OUR LANGUAGE IS RICH IN

NON-VIOLENT IMAGERY.LISTEN, FOR MORE WE TURN TO

SENIOR SPORTS CORRESPONDENTJASON JONES.

JASON, WELCOME.

JASON, THIS IS, THIS IS NOT AHARSH PUNISHMENT.

>> JON, WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECTFROM THIS LEAGUE?

IT IGNORES HEINOUS ACTIONS.

IT COVERS UP THE INJURIES THEGAME INFLICTS ON THE PLAYERS AND

IT REGULARLY SCREWS OVERTAXPAYERS ON STADIUM AND

INFRASTRUCTURE DEALS.

IT IS TIME TO SAY IT: THE NFL ISA MORALLY, INDEFENSIBLE

ORGANIZATION.

OF COURSE, THAT BEING SAID, MANAM I GLAD TRAINING CAMPS ARE

BACK.

I AM READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!

>> Jon: WHAT?>> A SUNDAY NIGHT PARTY.

WHOO!

>> Jon: JASON, YOU JUST LAIDOUT, IN MY ESTIMATION,

AN ELOQUENT ...

>> UH-HUH.

>> Jon:, AN INCREDIBLE CASEAGAINST THE ETHICS AND THE

MORALITY OF THE NATIONALFOOTBALL LEAGUE.

>> YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING

ME YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TOSTART UP AGAIN.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

IT'S A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLEORGANIZATION, BUT I ALREADY

ORDERED THE PARTY SUBS FOROPENNING WEEKEND.

SO INTERNALLY INCONSISTENT, BUTWHAT ARE YOU GOING DO?

>> Jon: YOU COULD FOLLOWTHROUGH, JASON, WITH YOUR

CONVICTIONS HERE, WHICH ARE WELLTAKEN.

>> OH, OH, OKAY, SO, SO NO MOREGIANTS GAMES FOR YOU THEN, JON?

>> Jon: YES, YES.

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY IF IT'S ON INTHE BACKGROUND.

[LAUGHTER]OF THE SPORTS BAR THAT I'M IN,

>> RIGHT.>> Jon: I CAN'T ASK

THEM TO TURN iT OFF JUST BECAUSEI'M NOT GOING TO WATCH THE

NEW OFFENSE THE GIANTS HAVEINSTALLED WITH MACADOO AND A

SHORTER PASSING GAME, HIGHERCOMPLETION PERCENTAGES.

COME ON, ELI, YOU CAN DO THIS.

>> YES! EXACTLY!

AND I WILL SEE YOU AT MY HOUSEFOR KICKOFF.

OKAY.

BRING BEER AND FOOD AND A TV.OKAY.

[BLEEPED] IT, LET'S DO IT ATYOUR HOUSE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT. THANKYOU, JASON.

JASON JONES, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

SORRY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, OH, SHE'S GOTA NEW MOVIE OUT CALLED

"LIFE AFTER BETH."

>> WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?>> YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A SPAZ.

>> IT'S A LITTLE BIT HARD TOEXPLAIN.

>> YES. >> HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO

ME, BETH? YOU MADE ME THINK THATYOU WERE...

>> HEY, HEY, HEY, ZACH SHEDIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

>> EVERYTHING'S NORMAL.

THIS JUST HAPPENED.

>> WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT DIDI DO?

>> NOTHING HAPPENED.

IT'S NORMAL.

>> EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELYNORMAL. YOU'RE TOTALLY FINE.

>> JUST TELL ME. JUST TELL ME.

TELL ME WHY YOU SHUT ME OUT.

>> TELL YOU WHAT?

>> ZACH, WHY DON'T YOU AND I GOOUT AND HAVE A LITTLE

CONVERSATION.

>> NO, MAURY. NO.

>> I THINK THAT'S A WONDERFULIDEA.

>> YOU LIED TO ME.

>>NO, I NEVER LIED.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?WHY ARE YOU ACTING ALL WEIRD?

>> I'M NOT ACTING ALL WEIRD.

STOP PLAYING DUMB, BETH.

>> I'M NOT PLAYING DUMB.

YOU'RE FREAKING OUT.

>> ALL RIGHT, THAT IS NO WAY TOTALK TO MY DAUGHTER.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE ALLCONFUSED.

>> LISTEN TO ME, ZACH, YOU NEEDTO CALM DOWN!

>> LOOK, THIS IS GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: I THINK WE'VE ALL BEEN

THERE.

PLEASE WELCOME AUBREY PLAZA.

[APPLAUSE]YEP, YEP, YEP.

[APPLAUSE]YEP, YEP, YEP.

THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT'S SOMEHIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING IN JOY

>> OKAY.>> Jon: AND ANTICIPATION.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: AND I THINK YOURENTHUSIASTIC RESPONSE BACK WAS

WELL TAKEN.

>> GLAD TO BE HERE.

>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

>> FINE.

>> Jon: HOW IS... THIS IS...

YOU ARE IN THIS MOVIE, IF I MAY,AND THIS IS...

>> YES, I AM.

>> Jon: I'M NOT TRYING TOGIVE THINGS AWAY.

YOU ARE DEAD.

>> YES.

>> Jon: OKAY.

BUT UNDEAD.

>> YES.

I WILL EXPLAIN THE MOVIE.

>> Jon: PLEASE.

>> IN THE CLIP YOU JUST SAW,IT'S FIRST TIME THAT ZACH, WHO

WAS MY BOYFRIEND WHEN I WASALIVE, SEES ME.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> THE MOVIE STARTS OFF AND I'MDEAD.

I'VE BEEN BITTEN BY A SNAKE.

AND THEN I UNEXPECTEDLY COMEBACK AND CHAOS ENSUES.

AND, I SLOWLY THROUGHOUT THEFILM TURN INTO A ZOMBIE.

SO I'VE BEEN... WE'VE BEENCALLING IT A ZOM COM ROM DRAM.

IT'S A NEW GENRE AND IT'SGONNA CHANGE EVERYTHING I

THINK.

>> Jon:, NO I THINK IT WILL.

IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GOING TOCHANGE EVERYTHING.

>> OH, IT WILL.

>> Jon: YOUR, YOUR PARENTS, YOURBOYFRIEND SEEMS TO BE WEARING

WHAT APPEARS TO BE A BLANKETUNDER HIS SHIRT.

>> YES.

OUR COSTUME DESIGNER WAS DRUNK.

>> Jon: UH-HUH.

OKAY.

>> EVERY DAY.

SO IN EVERY SCENE THERE'S SOMEWEIRD LITTLE THING LIKE THAT,

AND THE CONTINUITY IS JUST OUTOF CONTROL.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> YOU KNOW HOW CONTINUITY IS.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING? INTHE SECOND ACT OF THE SHOW

HERE, I HAD MUTTON CHOPS.THERE'S NO REASON FOR THAT.

>> CRAZY.

>> Jon: WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

>> IT'S A CRAZY BUSINESS, JON.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, AUBREY,YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT IS A CRAZY BUSINESS.

AND WHO KNOWS WHAT IT'S ALLREALLY ABOUT.

>> WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANYTHINGREALLY?

>> Jon: NOTHING.

>> WHY ARE WE HERE?

>> Jon: AUBREY, I DON'T KNOWWHY WE'RE HERE, BUT I'M GLAD

YOU'RE ASKING THE RIGHTQUESTIONS.

>> IT'S LIKE YOU'RE INTERVIEWINGME, BUT NOT ME, MY SOUL.

>> UM, YES, PLEASE.

>> Jon: WE'RE DOING AN IMPROVSCENE AND NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO

KNOW IT.

WE'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.

>> YEAH, ISN'T EVERY MOMENT INLIFE AN IMPROV SCENE, JON?

>> Jon: CAN I JUST SAYSOMETHING RIGHT NOW, AUBREY?

>> YEAH.>> Jon: BA-BOOM.

BA-BOOM, AND ALSO BA-BAM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]THAT IS FOR REALS.

FOR REALS.

>> THANKS.

>> Jon: ARE YOU, ARE YOUENJOYING NOW, NOW,

YOU HAVE NOT HAD A BREAK.

YOU'RE "PARKS AND REC" ANDYOU'RE DOING ALL THESE MOVIES.

WHEN ARE WE GETTING AUBREY TIME?

WHEN ARE WE GETTING TIME FORAUBREY TO RECONNECT WITH AUBREY?

>> AUBREY, AUBREY NO LIKERECONNECT WITH AUBREY.

>> Jon: AUBREY SCARED OFAUBREY.

>> AUBREY LIKE WORK, A LOT.

>> YES.

>> WHEN I DON'T WORK, I SPIRALINTO A DARK HOLE OF DEPRESSION,

WHICH, I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO TALK. THISCROWD IS HERE FOR YOU.

>> OH.

[APPLAUSE]>> Jon: OH, LOOK AT THIS.

DID WE ACTUALLY ZOOM IN CLOSER?

YOU'RE THE FIRST GUEST THAT EVERASKED FOR THIS.

THIS THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENEDBEFORE.

>> A LITTLE BIT HIGHER, TOO.

I JUST TURNED 30.

>> Jon: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU LOOK TREMENDOUS.

WANT TO SEE SOMETHING SUPERSCARY IN THIS THING?

WANT TO SEE HER GET -- NO, NO,NO.

STAY ON THE CLOSE-UP.

STAY ON THE CLOSE-UP.

THIS IS AUBREY PLAZA BEINGSWALLOWED UP BY A NOSTRIL.

IN THAT CLOSE-UP.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

I WAS IN YOUR CLOSE-UP THERE.

>> THAT'S OKAY.

>> Jon: DOES IT, IS IT BETTER? IHAVE FOUND, AS WELL, THAT PEOPLE

ALWAYS SAY YOU NEED TORELAX AND TAKE SOME TIME.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: BUT I ALWAYS FIND THAT,YOU KNOW, THERE'S A VERY SMALL

WINDOW BETWEEN, WOW, IT'S SOGOOD TO JUST BE WITH MY

THOUGHTS AGAIN, TO YOU FAILEDEVERYONE THAT EVER LOVED YOU.

LIKE THAT...>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

>> Jon: THAT IS A VERY SHORTWINDOW.

>> YEAH, I LIVE IN A CONSTANTSTATE OF REGRET, AND AND I'M

JUST REPLAYING ALL THEFAILURES IN MY LIFE.

AND WHEN I'M WORKING, I DON'THAVE TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING

REALLY.>> Jon: RIGHT.

PEOPLE TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANDTHEY TOUCH ME A LOT.

I GOT A LOT OF PHYSICAL CONTACT,AND I LIKE THAT.

>> Jon: YOU'RE LIKE A SIMSCHARACTER TO SOME EXTENT.

>> YEAH. YEAH.

>> Jon: WELL, I LOVE IT.

THE MOVIE IS INCREDIBLYENTERTAINING, AS ARE YOU.

WE CAN SHAKE NOW OR WE CAN DO ITLATER OR WE COULD ARM WRESTLE.

>> OR WE COULD MAKE A BABY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: "LIFE AFTER BETH,"

CURRENTLY AVAILABLE ONDirecTV.

IT'S IN THE THEATERS ON AUGUST15th.

IT'S AUBREY PLAZA.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

JOIN US NEXT WEEK.

OBVIOUSLY IT'S BEEN ABOUT 22MINUTES SINCE THE START OF THE

SHOW.

LET'S HOPE THAT THE CEASEFIRE WEANNOUNCED AT THE TOP IS STILL IN

EFFECT.

FINGERS CROSSED, EVERYBODY.

HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> IN THE CONDOMINIUMS OF SOUTHFLORIDA, MY CONSTITUENTS

SOMETIMES TURN TO YIDDISH TOFIND THE PERFECT WORD.

THEY HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THEG.O.P. MAJORITY: STOP THIS

MISHEGAS AND DO YOUR JOBS.

Loading...