July 17, 2014 - Emma Stone

  • Episode: 19130 | 
  • Views: 219,766

Republicans seek to impeach Barack Obama, Jessica Williams investigates an Army regulation that targets black women, and Emma Stone chats about "Magic in the Moonlight." 

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

TONIGHT'S GUEST, ACTRESS EMMASTONE IS GOING TO JOIN US.

SHE'LL COME OUT, WE'LL TALK,JUST A COUPLE ACTORS TALKING.

ALL RIGHT.

ONE ACTOR TALKING.

[LAUGHTER]BUT FIRST, THE REAL QUESTION IS

THIS: WHAT TIME IS IT?

DID YOU REALLY JUST SHOUT "PARTYTIME"?

YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE I'M SETTINGUP A BIT OF A ROUTINE HERE?

[LAUGHTER]JUST GOT OUT OF COLLEGE,

IT'S JUST A REFLEX.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

PARTY TIME!

A LITTLE BIT QUIET NOW.

A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.

YOU MAY BE THINKING TO YOURSELF,TIME TO HAVE THE TV ON IN THE

BACKGROUND WHILE I HAVE SEX.

WRONG!

[LAUGHTER]NOTHING ELSE? ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOUWHAT TIME IT IS.

I'M GOING TO LET MY FRIEND SARAHDO IT FOR ME.

>> THE MANY IMPEACHABLE OFFENSESOF BARACK OBAMA CAN NO

LONGER BE IGNORED.

SO IT'S TIME TO IMPEACH.

>> Jon: IT'S TIME TO IMPEACH.

ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S TIME TOSTOP CHECKING SARAH PALIN'S

FACEBOOK PAGE, BUT SHE POSTSSUCH CUTE PICTURES OF BABY GUNS.

[LAUGHTER]WELL, SINCE CLICKING ON THAT

PAGE THERE ALREADY CAUSEDFACEBOOK TO CHANGE ALL MY POP-UP

ADS TO SNOW MACHINE AND MOOSECLUBBING PRODUCTS, LET'S STAY

WITH IT.

>> ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OF THE YEARSOF ABUSE FROM THIS PRESIDENT,

HIS UNSECURED BORDER CRISIS, FORME IT'S THE LAST STRAW.

IT MAKES KIND OF THE BATTEREDWIFE SAY, NO MAS.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]>> Jon: NOW, IF I MAY, IT

APPEARS EX-GOVERNOR PALIN ISFINALLY FINISHED WITH MANGLING

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND HASMOVED ON THE MAKING SPANISH

INCOMPREHENSIBLE.

SHE'S LIKE A SERIAL KILLER OFLANGUAGE.

OR WHATEVER THE OPPOSITE OF AROSETTA STONE IS.

ANYWAY, THE POINT IS THIS: HERPOINT IS THE REAL VICTIM OF

CHILDREN FLEEING VIOLENCE INCENTRAL AMERICA IS

LATINA SARAH PALIN.IT MIGHT BE EASIER TO

DISMISS THIS CALLFOR IMPEACHMENT AS JUST

ANOTHER SERVING OF SARAHPALIN'S PATENTED WORD SAUSAGES.

IF NOT FOR THE FACT THATPEOPLE WHO DIDN'T QUIT THEIR

ELECTED OFFICES MID-TERM AREECHOING IT.

>> YOU GOTTA GO UP THEREAND YOU JUST IMPEACH HIM.

>> TELL ME HOW I CAN IMPEACH THEPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

>> IT WOULD BE A DREAM COMETRUE.

>> THERE ISN'T A WEEKEND THATHASN'T GONE BY THAT SOMEONE SAYS

TO ME, MICHELLE, WHAT IN THEWORLD ARE YOU ALL WAITING FOR IN

CONGRESS?

WHY AREN'T YOU IMPEACHING THEPRESIDENT.

>> Jon: AND I'M LIKE, [BLEEPED]YOU.

I'M EATING.[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I SAY.

I SAY, I'M AT THE OLIVE GARDEN.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

WHY DON'T YOU IMPEACH HIMYOURSELF YOU PIECE OF [BLEEPED].

THAT'S MY MICHELE BACHMANNIMPRESSION.

THE TRUTH IS FOR MOSTREPUBLICANS, IMPEACHMENT IS

PROBABLY TOO GOOD FOR THISPRESIDENT.

>> HE DECLARED HIMSELF KINGOBAMA.

>> THIS KING COMPLEX.>> TYRANICAL DESPOT.

>> HE'S BECOME A MONARCH. OR ANEMPEROR.

>> A DICTATORSHIP.>> MY GOD, HE'S A TYRANT.

>> TEA PARTIERS KNEW IN THECOLONIES THAT KING GEORGE'S

DICTATORIAL METHODS WOULDN'T BETOLERATED.

WE WON'T TOLERATE THEM HERE.

I'M RANDY WEBER AND DAMN PROUDTO BE AN AMERICAN.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: WHY DO I GET THE

FEELING HE SHOUTS THAT WHEN HEJIZZES?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]I'M RANDY WEBER.

I'M DAMN PROUD TO BE AN -- OH,SON OF A BITCH.

OH, MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE,SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY.

[LAUGHTER]ALL RIGHT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: I'M QUITE THE ACERBICSOCIAL CRITIC.

[LAUGHTER]ALL RIGHT, RANDY WEBER, DAMN

PROUD AMERICAN THERE, I DIDN'TREALIZE THE LEVEL OF DESPOTISM

OF OBAMA WAS SO GREAT.

I'M CONVINCED.

LET'S RID OURSELVES OF THETYRANT.

>> WE DO NEED TO DO THISMETHODICALLY AND CORRECTLY AND

DO IT IN THE RIGHT WAY, SO IDON'T THINK IT'S PRACTICAL THAT

WE IMPEACH HIM RIGHT NOW, BUT HEDEFINITELY DESERVES IT.

>> WAIT.

WHAT?

HUH? BUT YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT

KING GEORGE IS PROUD TO BE ANAMERICAN.

ARE YOU AMERICAN RANDY WEBER ORNOT?

PATRICK HENRY DIDN'T SAY, GIVEME LIBERTY OR IF NOT NOW, IT'S

FINE, I UNDERSTAND.

WE'RE BUSY.

COME ON!

DON'T TELL ME YOU CAN'T SQUEEZEONE LITTLE TYRANT IMPEACHMENT

INTO YOUR BUSY SCHEDULE OF NOTPASSING LAWS.

[LAUGHTER]WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE?

>> I THINK THAT GETS TO BE A BITOF A DISTRACTION, JUST LIKE THE

IMPEACHMENT OF BILL CLINTON DID.

>> NOTHING WOULD FIRE UP THEBASE OF THE DEMOCRATS MORE THAN

AN IMPEACHMENT ACTION.

THAT IT WOULD TURN OFF SOME OFTHE INDEPENDENTS WHO ARE RIGHT

NOW LEANING OUR WAY.

>> Jon: YEAH, AND ALL THAT ISHOW YOU KNOW ALL THIS TALK OF

TYRANNY IS BULL [BLEEPED].

BECAUSE WHEN YOUR MAIN CONCERNABOUT DEPOSING A TYRANT IS HOW

IT WILL AFFECT YOUR PARTY'SCHANCES IN THE UPCOMING MID-TERM

ELECTIONS, THAT'S NOT TYRANNY.

[LAUGHTER]APPARENTLY REPUBLICANS CAN'T

IMPEACH OBAMA.

THEY CAN'T BEAT HIM IN ANELECTION.

THEY DEFINITELY CAN'T WORK WITHHIM.

WHAT'S LEFT DO?

USE SNAPCHAT TO DRAW A DONG ONHIS FACE?

I MEAN, YEAH, IT WILL MAKEYOU FEEL BETTER.

BUT, WHOA, SWIPE IT TO THE LEFT.

BUT THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHINGMORE EFFECTIVE THAN IMPEACHMENT,

SOMETHING MORE FUNDAMENTALLYAMERICAN.

>> SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHNBOEHNER SAID HE PLANS TO SUE THE

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION ON BEHALFOF THE G.O.P.-CONTROLLED

CONGRESS.

>> REALLY?

YOU THINK, YOU THINK THIS ISGOING TO FLY IN COURT?

REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

ALL PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS TO DO ISTHROW HIS BRIEFCASE DOWN

UNEXPECTEDLY.

YOU TURN YOUR NECK.

CASE DISMISSED.

BOOM.

THANK YOU, MIKE BRADY, ATTORNEYAT LAW.

I'M OLD.

[LAUGHTER]BUT ENOUGH TALK.

LET'S GET TO THE ACTION.

WHAT ARE WE SUING OBAMA FOR?

WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE? THEFAST AND FURIOUS, THE

BENGHAZI, THE IRS, THE FLOATINGMUSLIM TERRORIST BLIMP?

OOPS.

>> THE SUIT HAS TO DO WITH THEPRESIDENT'S EXECUTIVE ORDER IN

2013 POSTPONING THE MANDATE INTHE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT THAT

REQUIRES LARGE EMPLOYERS TOPROVIDE HEALTH INSURANCE TO

THEIR EMPLOYEES.

>> Jon: WAIT.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

THE G.O.P. IS GOING TO TAKE DOWNOUR DICTATOR IN CHIEF WITH A

CIVIL SUIT ACCUSING HIM OF NOTPROPERLY EXECUTING A LAW THEY

THEMSELVES HAVE TRIED MORE THAN50 TIMES TO PARTLY OR COMPLETELY

REPEAL?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL TAKE IT.

WHETHER THIS LAWSUIT HAS ANYMERIT, WHETHER IT'S A GOOD CHECK

ON EXECUTIVE POWER, I DON'TKNOW.

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA.

BUT AT LEAST FOR THE FIRST TIMETHE TWO SIDES WILL BE FORCED TO

DEAL WITH EACH OTHER.

EVEN IF IT'S THROUGH THEIRLAWYERS.

FINALLY WE THE PEOPLE WILL BEREPRESENTED BY OUR ELECTED

REPRESENTATIVES' LEGALREPRESENTATION.

AS THE FOUNDING FATHERSENVISIONED, WHEN THEY WERE

TRIPPING ON MUSHROOMS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

AS I MENTIONED EARLIER, I AMRANDY WEBER...

[LAUGHTER]YOU KNOW, THE STRENGTH OF OUR

MILITARY IS THE BRAVE MEN ANDWOMEN WHO SERVE IN IT.

THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO MAKETHE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE TO DEFEND

THEIR COUNTRY, AND BLACK WOMENHAVE HAIR.

NOW, THOSE TWO THINGS MAY NOTSEEM CONNECTED TO YOU, BUT

JESSICA WILLIAMS EXPLAINS.

>> THE U.S. ARMY RECENTLYRELEASED A NEW SET OF UNIFORM

REGULATIONS, AR670-1, WHICH,AMONG OTHER THINGS, LIMIT

OPTIONS FOR BLACK WOMEN'SHAIRSTYLES, PROMPTING ONE BLACK

SERVICE WOMAN TO RESPOND, OH,NO, THEY DIDN'T, IN THE FORM OF

A WHITEHOUSE.GOV PETITION WHICHRECEIVED OVER 17,000 SIGNATURES.

SERGEANT JASMINE JACOBS.

>> THE NEW REGULATIONS AREBASICALLY STATING THAT THE

CURRENT HAIRSTYLES FOR BLACKFEMALES ARE NOW UNAUTHORIZED,

SUCH AS TWO-STRAND TWIST, NEATLYKEPT DREADLOCKS, FLAT TWIST AND

BASICALLY ALMOST ANY NATURALHAIRSTYLE.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

OKAY. OKAY. WAIT.

WE'RE THROWING AROUND A LOT OFWORDS HERE.

LET'S TAKE A SECOND AND LET THEWHITE PEOPLE CATCH UP.

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, THEY'RENEVER GOING TO CATCH UP.

WHITE PEOPLE, THESE ARE THEHAIRSTYLES THE ARMY HAS BANNED.

>> TWO-STRAND TWIST.

>> TWISTS ARE JUST TWISTED HAIR.

>> NEATLY KEPT DREADLOCKS.

>> THAT'S WHEN BLACK HAIR LOCKSTOGETHER.

>> BASICALLY ALMOST ANY NATURALHAIRSTYLE.

>> NATURAL MEANS HOW OUR HAIRNATURALLY GROWS, CRAZY, RIGHT?

AND THESE ARE THE INCREDIBLYDIFFICULT HAIRSTYLES THE ARMY

ALLOWS, CHEMICALLY STRAIGHTENEDHAIR THAT BURNS LIKE HELL,

WEAVES THAT ARE SEWN ONTO YOURHEAD, MICROBRAIDS THAT TAKE

FOREVER, WIGS, YEAH, WIGS, ANDCORN ROWS.

PSHT, I'VE SEEN YOU GUYSAT MYRTLE BEACH.

YOU KNOW WHAT CORN ROWS ARE.

BASICALLY THE ONLY HAIRSTYLESTHE ARMY ALLOWS COST A TON OF

MONEY AND PUT YOUR ASS IN ASALON FOR HOURS.

NOW THAT THE WHITE PEOPLE ARECAUGHT UP, LET'S CONTINUE.

>> WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT THEREGULATIONS, I DEFINITELY WAS IN

A PANIC. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IWAS GOING TO DO WITH MY HAIR.

>> RIGHT. YOU WERE PROBABLYSTRESSED BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANT

TO LOOK FLY, RIGHT?

>> WELL, NO. IT DOESN'T HAVEANYTHING TO DO WITH LOOKING FLY,

ACTUALLY. YOU HAVE TO ACCOMPLISHYOUR MISSION. THE HAIRSTYLES

THAT WE'RE LEFT WITH ARECOSTLY AND TIME CONSUMING

AND, HONESTLY, GET IN THE WAY OFYOU DOING YOUR JOB PROPERLY.

>> BUT SOME PEOPLE IN THEMILITARY THINK SERGEANT JACOBS

HAS STEPPED OUT OF LINE, LIKEFORMER LIEUTENANT COMMANDER

THOMAS CHEEVER. AND HE'S GOTSOME MUCH-NEED ADVICE FOR

BLACK SERVICE WOMEN.

>> SOLDIER, IT'S TIME TO SUCK ITUP.

THEY'RE CALLED UNIFORMREGULATIONS FOR THE PURPOSE OF

MAKING PEOPLE LOOK UNIFORM.

>> OF COURSE, EVERYONE IN THEARMY SHOULD LOOK THE

SAME, WHETHER YOU LOOK LIKE, TOTAKE TWO TOTALLY RANDOM

EXAMPLES, WILFORD BRIMLEY ORBEYONCE'S PRETTIER SISTER.

>> BUT ALSO, THERE ARE SAFETYISSUES IN THAT WHETHER IT BE

KEVLAR HELMETS, WHETHER IT BE AGAS MASK, WHETHER IT BE AN

OXYGEN MASK FOR AN AVIATOR ANDTHINGS OF THAT NATURE, MUST FIT

PROPERLY.

>> SO YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO PUTON A GAS MASK?

>> YES.>> LIKE THIS?

>> YES.

>> AND YOU NEED TO HAVE ANAPPROVED HAIRSTYLE?

>> CORRECT.

>> LIKE A WIG, LIKE THIS?

WELL, LET'S TRY TO PUT THIS ONAND THIS ON RIGHT NOW AND SEE

HOW IT FEELS.

GO AHEAD.

>> PRESUMABLY THE WIG WOULDALREADY BE ON.

OKAY, WELL, THAT'S MINUS ONEDEMERIT.

MEETING A WHITE STANDARD OFBEAUTY CAN GIVE YOU A THREE

STOOGES STANDARD OF COMBATREADINESS.

HOW DOES THAT FEEL?>> IT FEELS TERRIBLE.

>> NOW, WAS THAT BATTLE READYHAIR?

>> NO.

>> SO WHY CHANGE THE REGULATIONSNOW?

IT'S FUNNY, BACK WHEN THE ARMYWAS FIGHTING TWO WARS, THEY

NEEDED BLACK WOMEN.

BUT NOW THEY CAN SUDDENTLYAFFORD TO BE A LITTLE PICKIER.

>> THESE NEW REGULATIONS COULDDEFINITELY DETER BLACK FEMALES

FROM JOINING THE MILITARYBECAUSE IT'S WAS LIKE, YOU'RE

GOOD ENOUGH TO GO TO IRAQ AND,YOU KNOW, LIKE RISK YOUR LIFE,

BUT YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGHTO WEAR YOUR HAIR THE WAY

IT NATURALLY GROWS OUT OF YOURHAIR.

>> WELL, WHAT IF THE ARMYRECOGNIZED HOW PAINFUL HAIR

RELAXERS ARE AND THEN REWARDEDYOU WITH A MEDAL? GREAT HAIR,

SERGEANT JAMES. WE'RE AWARDINGYOU WITH A PURPLE SCALP?

>> UM, I DON'T WANT A PURPLESCALP.

I THINK THEY REALLY NEED TOEDUCATE THEMSELVES ABOUT THE

COMPLEXITY OF BLACK HAIR.

THEY'RE NOT AWARE ANDPROBABLY DIDN'T FEEL A NEED TO

GO FIND OUT ABOUT IT.

>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?SOMEONE TO EDUCATE AND INSPIRE

NOT JUST THE MILITARY BUT THEENTIRE COUNTRY.

SOMEONE WHO CAN RAISE AWARENESS.

>> RIGHT.

THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT I'VE BEENTRYING DO WITH MY PETITION.

>> NO, NOT YOU, SOMEBODY WITHMAGNETIC PERSONALITY, A TALENTED

TV PERSON.

LUCKILY I KNEW JUST THE PERSON.

IT WAS GO TIME.

COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TOLIVE. IN AN ARMY

WITHOUT A LOT OF PISSED-OFFBLACK LADIES. LET'S GO.

LET'S COMMENCE WITH OPERATIONBLACK HAIR.

OILS, SERUMS, POMADES, THESEARE TOOLS OF THE TRADE,

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW.

A RECON MISSION TO UNCOVER JUSTWHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE BLACK HAIR

ARMY READY.

>> I NEED DO YOU TALK TO HIMABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS

AND DON'T SAY IT'S BECAUSE YOUHAVE A NATIVE AMERICAN GRANDMA.

HOT COMB. KNOW IT.

RESPECT IT.

>> WHAT THIS IS, IT'S EXTENSION,HAIR EXTENSIONS.

>> DOES IT HURT?

>> DOES IT HURT?

>> YEAH, YEAH, IT HURTS.

>> THIS IS RELAXER.

IT WILL LAY YOUR [BLEEPED] OUT.

YOU'RE GOING TO SIT HERE ANDYOU'RE GOING TO WATCH HER GET

HER BRAIDS DONE. IT'S GOING TOTAKE FOUR HOURS.

OKAY.

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

EYES ON TARGET.

THIS ISN'T A 20-MINUTETACTICAL CREWCUT.

THIS IS BOOTS ON THE GROUND,HANDS IN THE HAIR, ALL DAMN DAY.

BUT WAS THIS WORKING?

WHAT IS THIS?

>> RELAXER.

>> WHAT DOES IT DO?>> LAY YOUR [BLEEPED] OUT.

>> YOU HAVE SURPRISED ME TODAY.

>> YES, MA'AM.

I'M WEARING A BLIND FOLD, NOTEARPLUGS.

PLEASE.

>> MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

ONE WHITE GUY IS PROBABLYCONVINCED.

BUT I COULDN'T STOP THERE.

I HAD TO TAKE THIS MESSAGE OFINSPIRATION TO THE ENTIRE

NATION.

I HAVE A WEAVE.

I HAVE A WEAVE THAT WE BE JUDGENOT BY WHAT GROWS OUT OF OUR

HEAD BUT BY THE CONTENTS WITHINIT.

I HAVE BEEN TO THE BEAUTY SHOP.

DAMN, YOU STILL NOT DONE WITHTHEM BRAIDS?

[BLEEPED].

[BLEEPED].

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: JESSICA WILLIAMS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

VERY NICE.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> WELCOME BACK.

MY GUST TONIGHT, A NEW FILM ISCALLED "MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT."

>> AND WHEN, WHEN YOU CONTACTTHE SPIRITS, WILL WE BE ABLE TO

SEE THE SOULS, AND HOW ARE THEYDIFFERENT FROM GHOSTS?

OR ARE THEY GHOSTS?

>> I SHOULD THINK SOULS AREQUITE DIFFERENT?

>> HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OFECTOPLASM?

>> ECTOPLASM.

NOW ISN'T THAT A MILKY SUBSTANCERATHER LIKE YOGURT?

>> YOU ARE A JOKER, AREN'T YOU?

>> SO YOU'RE SAYING IT MIGHTLOOK LIKE YOGURT, BUT IT WILL BE

HER FORMER HUSBAND?

>> PLEASE WELCOME EMMA STONE.[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: HELLO. HOW AREYOU? WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S HAPPENING.

>> Jon: NOTHING.

NOTHING AT ALL.>> COOL.

>> Jon: EVERYBODY'S VERY EXCITEDTO HAVE EMMA STONE IN THE HOUSE.

>> REALLY?

>> Jon: EMMA STONE'S KINDOF... YOU HAVE CREATED.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: I'M TALKING ABOUT EVENAMONGST THE STAFF.

LIKE SOMETIMES THERE'S, WE'LLHAVE A GUEST ON AND THEY'LL BE

LIKE DO YOU KNOW WHO IS ONTONIGHT. I'LL SAY THE NAME OF

THE GUEST, AND THEY'LL BE LIKE,YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

>> DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE ONYOUR STAFF MADE ME A SCARF?

>> Jon: MADE YOU A SCARF?

>> YEAH. LIKE KNITTED...

>> Jon: WAIT. OUT OF WHAT?

>> KNITTED ME A SCARF OUT OF

BABY ALPACA WOOL.>> Jon: WOW.

>> IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND ITEARED UP AFTER SHE LEFT.

>> Jon: WOW.

>> SO I'M GOING TO GO BACKSTAGEAND SAY THANKS.

HAS SHE EVER MADE YOU A SCARF?

>> Jon: NO.

I'VE BEEN HERE 16 YEARS.>> OK.

>> Jon: BABY ALPACKA.WELL, OK. I ONCE HAD A GUY,

IT LOOKED LIKE I GUESS LIZARDSKIN, MADE LIKE A, IT WAS LIKE,

IT WAS LIKE A BALL, FOUNDIT UNDER HIS DESK.

THAT'S REALLY NICE.

I ACTUALLY KNOW WHO THAT IS.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: THAT'S... THAT'S BETH.>> THAT'S BETH.

>> Jon: SHE MAKES BEAUTIFULSCARVES.

SOMETIMES SHE MAKES HATS.

>> IT'S A GORGEOUS INFINITYSCARF THAT YOU CAN WRAP AROUND

YOUR NECK AND KEEPYOU WARM FOREVER.

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH. THAT'SNOT EASY, THE SCARF IS A VERY

DELICATE THING TO PULL OFF.

>> KNITTING IN GENERAL IS A VERYDELICATE THING TO PULL OFF.

>> Jon: OH, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUTMAKING IT.

I WAS EVEN TALKING ABOUT WEARINGIT.

>> NO, FOR A MAN, IT'SCOMPLICATED.

>> Jon: YES. IT'S COMPLICATED.

>> IT'S COMPLICATED. YOU COULDTHROW A SCARF ON WITH PRETTY

MUCH ANYTHING, I THINK, AS A,AS A... YOU KNOW, I COULD BE

WEARING A SCARF RIGHT NOW. IFYOU WORE A SCARF RIGHT NOW...

>> Jon: I WAS THINKING TOMYSELF, IT'S THE ONE THING

MISSING FROM YOUR OUTFIT. [LAUGHTER]

DO YOU LIKE A GENTLEMAN IN ASCARF, BECAUSE A GENTLEMAN IN A

SCARF, UNLESS HE IS, IF IMAY, A BON VIVANT...

>> RIGHT.>> Jon: HE MAY NOT BE LIKE

A, LIKE A, WHAT IS THE OPPOSITEOF A BON VIVANT, A SHORT JEW.

LET'S SAY HE'S A SHORT JEW, YOUDON'T PULL IT OFF AS DASHINGLY.

IT'S A DASHING ACCESSORY.

>> IT GIVES THE SUGGESTION OFBON VIVANT.

>> Jon: YEAH. RIGHT.

>> IF YOU CHOOSE TO WEAR ASCARF, YOU MUST SOMEWHERE IN

YOU BE SLIGHTLY A ORKNOW A BON VIVANT.

IS IT JUST YOU ARE BON VIVANTOR A BON VIVANT?

>> Jon: A BON VIVANT.>> A BON VIVANT.

>> HERE'S WHY I WOULD WEAR IT.I WORRY ABOUT TONSILLITIS. SO

OTHER, THERE ARE OTHER... THEREIS A FUNCTION IT TO, AS WELL.

>> JUST KEEPING EVERYTHING WARM.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT I USED TOWEAR... THIS WILL REALLY BE...

I USED TO WEAR THE TURTLENECK.

[LAUGHTER]

I JUST WANT TO SEE IF WE CANCATCH THAT ON THE CLOSE-UP.

THE FACE SHE MADE, LIKE THATMADE HER NAUSEOUS.

THAT.

RIGHT THERE.

BOOM!

WHAT IS, LET ME ASK YOU THIS ONA PURELY...

THIS IS ANTHROPOLOGICAL ORSOCIOLOGICAL,

ON A DATE, LIKE A FIRST DATE,THE WORST THING THAT A GUY HAS

EVER WORN OR THAT WOULD BEDISCUSSED, THE WORST THING TO

WEAR WHEN JOINING A YOUNG LADYON DATE, WOULD SCARF BE

SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

WOULD BIT SOMETHING LIKE THAT,LIKE A PORK PIE HAT?

WHAT WOULD BE THE WORST THING,THE PORK PIE...

>> OH, THE PORK PIE HAT.PROBABLY NOT, NOT A SHIRT.

>> Jon: SO IF YOU'RE SAYING,IF SOMEBODY GOES BIG YOU, DON'T

WANT ANY PART OF THAT?

>> I THINK MAYBE A NOT SHIRT.

>> Jon: HAS THAT EVER HAPPENEDTO ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS OR YOU?

>> I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S EVERSHOWN BE UP WITH A NOT SHIRT

ON.

>> Jon: YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUSTWRITE IN MAGIC MARKER, I'M A

BRO. JUST ON YOUR THING.

>> FULL BRO, DUDE.

>> Jon: ON ALL THIS STUFF.

WHICH, BY THE WAY, WE SHOULDTALK ABOUT MOVIE.

>> OK.

THE MOVIE IS... YOU'VE FILMEDIT.

>> YES.

WITH CAMERAS AND...

>> Jon: THEY DID THE WHOLETHING.

THEY EDITED IT. AND NOW IT'SOUT. IT'S ALWAYS, LISTEN,

WOODY ALLEN'S FILMS, I FEEL LIKEI CAN'T EVEN DISCUSS IT ANYMORE

BECAUSE OF ALL THE THINGS THATGO ALONG WITH IT, BUT ALWAYS

ENTERTAINING FILMS, ALWAYSPROLIFIC AND VERY GOOD.

>> YES. YES.

>> Jon: WAS IT ENJOYABLE TOPERFORM IT?

>> IT WAS.

>> Jon: THE GENTLEMANYOU'RE PERFORMING WITH,

COLIN FIRTH...>> COLIN FIRTH.

>> Jon: HAS BEEN ON THEPROGRAM MANY TIMES.

THERE'S A GUY WHO CAN WEAR ASCARF.

>> HE LOVES YOU AND THISSHOW SO MUCH. HE CAN PULL OFF

PRETTY MUCH, HE COULDWEAR A NOT SHIRT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> THAT HURTS. THAT HURTS A

LITTLE BIT. YOU KNOW WHAT'S NICEABOUT ME, I'M GONNA SAY THIS,

I'M NOT TRYING TO TOOT MYOWN HORN, I'M NOT TRYING TO

COME ON, I'M JUST SAYING THIS, ICOULD GET AWAY WITH NOT

WEARING A SHIRT, ANDI'LL TELL YOU WHY,

MY BODY IS SO HAIRY, THAT IWOULD COME IN AND YOU WOULD JUST

THINK LIKE, OH, MINK, THAT'S ANINTERESTING CHOICE.

SO THAT...

>> IT'S PERPETUAL BODY SCARF.

>> Jon: LET'S SEE THE NAUSEOUSFACE AGAIN. IF I CAN GET THE

NAUSEOUS FACE AGAIN. YEAH,THAT'S NOT GOOD.

NOW, YOU'RE LIVING IN THE CITYNOW?

>> I'M LIVING IN THE CITY.

I'M LIVING IN THE CITY AND I'MAROUND.

>> Jon: YOU'RE AROUND.

>> I'LL RUN INTO YOU.

>> Jon: PROBABLY RUN IN. ANDTHEN WE CAN PRETEND WE DON'T

KNOW EACH OTHER.>> YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]>> I THINK THAT'S HAPPENED

TO US ONCE BEFORE.>> Jon: THAT DID HAPPEN ONCE.

>> THAT DID HAPPEN.

>> Jon: I RAN INTO HER AND AGENTLEMAN WITH A DOG AND I WAS

LIKE, HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON.

I REMEMBER THAT, AND THEN ITHOUGHT, OH, I SHOULD HAVE

BROUGHT MY DOG AND THEN IWOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED LIKE A

CRAZY PERSON YELLING.

SO DID I EVER APOLOGIZE FORTHAT?

>> APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT,FOR RUNNING IN.

>> Jon: FOR ACCOSTING YOU ONTHE STREET WHEN YOU HAD A DOG

WITH YOU.

>> I DON'T THINK YOU ACCOSTEDUS ON THE STREET.

>> Jon: YOU DON'T THINK?

WELL, THAT'S VERYKIND OF YOU TO SAY.

>> I WOULD NEVER THINK THAT YOUSAYING HI WOULD BE ACCOSTING.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY.>> YOU...

>> Jon: NO, DON'T EVEN... I'MGOING TO KNIT YOU A WHOLE

OUTFIT.>> YOU...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: "MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT"

IT'S IN THE SELECTCITIES JULY 25th.

OPENS EVERYWHERE IN AUGUST 15th.

AS ALWAYS, SO PLEASING.

EMMA STONE, THANK YOU.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> YOUR OLD RUNNING MATE, SARAHPALIN, SHE'S CALLING FOR HIS

IMPEACHMENT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?

>> WELL, I DON'T AGREE.

I THINK THAT WE SHOULD FOCUS OURATTENTION ON WINNING ELECTIONS.

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