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March 2, 2015 - Robert Smigel

  • Episode: 20068
  • Views: 118,957

Congress threatens to defund the Department of Homeland Security, Senator Jim Inhofe argues against climate change, and Robert Smigel discusses Night of Too Many Stars. (21:27)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILYSHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, THE GREATROBERT SMIGEL WILL BE JOINING US

ON TONIGHT'S PROGRAM.

[APPLAUSE]NOW, EARLIER TONIGHT, AFTER THIS

TAPING BUT BEFORE THE AIRING OFTHIS PROGRAM, I WAS ON MONDAY

NIGHT RAW, WHICH IS THE WWWRESTLING SHOW, I WAS THERE TO

FULFILL A FEUD, A VERY, A VERYREAL AND POWERFUL FEUD THAT

I'M HAVING WITH A WRESTLER.

SO TONIGHT I GOT IN THE RINGWITH, WITH, WITH PROFESSIONAL

SETH ROLLINS SO I CAN ONLYASSUME THAT THIS IS THE BEFORE

PICTURE, AND BY THE TIME YOU SEETHIS, I WILL HAVE BEEN

ROYALLY [BLEEP] UP.

BECAUSE I'M AN OLD MAN WHO HASNO BUSINESS DOING ANY OF THIS.

[LAUGHTER]NOW YOU MAY REMEMBER BACK WHEN

DEMOCRATS CONTROLLED THE SENATE,THE REPUBLICANS CONTROLLED THE

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES,NOTHING GOT DONE.

GRIDLOCK RULED THE DAY.

BUT AFTER THE REPUBLICANS WHATDO YOU CALL IT THERE -- RED

WEDDING'D THE DEMOCRATS LASTNOVEMBER, THE OUTLOOK CHANGED.

>> THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NOW HASAN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW THAT WE

CAN ACTUALLY GOVERN.

>> WE WILL GET THINGS DONE.

>> WE ACTUALLY CAN WORK TOACCOMPLISH THINGS.

>> THIS GRIDLOCK AND DYSFUNCTIONCAN BE ENDED.

>> I'M SO HAPPY.

[LAUGHTER]REPUBLICANS NOW RUN BOTH THE

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND THESENATE.

WHICH MEANS BARACK OBAMA NOWFACES THE UNSTOPPABLE TAG TEAM

OF JOHN BOEHNER AND MITCHMCCONNELL OR AS THEY WERE KNOWN

IN THEIR OLD COP SHOW:TURTLE AND CARROT.

TURTLE WAS THE STRAIGHT ARROW,ALWAYS PLAYED BY THE RULES.

CARROT WAS A LOOSE CANNON WHOWAS A GREAT SOURCE OF VITAMIN A

AND DIETARY FIBER.

NOW THESE TWO POWERFULREPUBLICANS ARE PERFECTLY --

[LAUGHTER]THAT'S HOW EVERY EPISODE ENDED

BY THE WAY.

BUT THEY'RE PERFECTLY POISED TOPASSED A LITANY OF LEGISLATION

AND I'M EXCITED FOR ONE TO SEEHOW WELL IT GOES.

>> BUT THE REPUBLICANS MAINTAINTHAT THE PLAN OVERSTEPS THE

PRESIDENT'S AUTHORITY,AND THEY'VE THREATENED TO BLOCK

FUNDING FOR THE DEPARTMENTOF HOMELAND SECURITY UNLESS

THE IMMIGRATION ACTIONS AREREPEALED.

>> Jon: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?YOU'RE BLOCKING DHS FUNDING FOR

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXECUTIVEIMMIGRATION ACTION.

SO TO STOP THE PRESIDENT FROMBEING TOO LENIENT ON ILLEGAL

IMMIGRATION YOU WANT TO DEFUNDTHE DEPARTMENT THAT SECURES THE

BORDER? [LAUGHTER]

THAT'S REALLY LIKE SAYING YOUKNOW, YOU KIDS ARE TOO HORNY

AND OVERSEXED SO YOUR MOTHERAND I HAVE DECIDED TO

TAKE AWAY ALL OF YOUR CLOTHES.

FROM NOW ON, IF YOUR FRIEND WANTTO VISIT YOU THEY'VE GOT TO DO

IT IN OUR BASEMENT ON THE COUCHWITHOUT SUPERVISION NEXT TO THE

LIQUOR CABINET WHILE THIS BARRYWHITE ALBUM IS PLAYING.

[LAUGHTER]

REPUBLICANS, HOW CAN YOU GAMBLEWITH HOMELAND SECURITY?

HOW CAN YOU GAMBLE WITH HOMELANDSECURITY, REPUBLICANS, AS SCARED

AS YOU ARE?

>> THE TRUTH IS THERE ARE PEOPLETHAT WAKE UP EVERY DAY WHOSE

INTENTION IS TO TRY TO KILLAMERICANS.

>> THESE ARE BARBARIANS.

THEY INTEND TO KILL US.

>> THEY HAVE SAID THAT THEY WILLUSE NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

>> ISIS.>> NORTH KOREA.

>> AL-QAEDA.

>> IRAN >> EBOLA.

>> THIS PRESIDENT NEEDS TO ARISETO THE OCCASION BEFORE WE ALL

GET KILLED BACK HERE AT HOME.

>> Jon: WE'RE ALL GOING TODIE.

BY THE WAY YOU CAN FIND THAT ANDMORE IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

MAGAZINE UNDERGROUND BUNKERSQUARTERLY.

LOT OF GOOD IDEAS FOR URINE INTHAT MAGAZINE.

[LAUGHTER]NOW THERE'S NO WAY DEMOCRATS

WILL PASS A BILL THAT UNDOES THEPRESIDENT'S EXECUTIVE ACTION ON

IMMIGRATION,

SO HOW ARE WE GOING TO BREAKTHIS IMPASSE?

>> MAJORITY LEADER MITCHMCCONNELL BROKE AN IMPASSE

WEDNESDAY.

HE PUT LANGUAGE TO BLOCKPRESIDENT OBAMA'S EXECUTIVE

ACTION ON IMMIGRATION IN ASEPARATE BILL.

>> Jon: IMPASSE BROKEN.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE THESE GUYS ARE READY TOGOVERN.

>> IT'S EFFECTIVELY DEAD ONARRIVAL RIGHT NOW IN THE HOUSE.

HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE NOT GIVINGIN THE WAY SENATE REPUBLICANS

DID.

>> Jon: AND THERE WE HAVE IT.

[LAUGHTER]BUT THIS FINALLY ANSWERS THE

QUESTION, WHERE IS THE TURDCLOGGING OUR LEGISLATIVE

PLUMBING?

THEY'RE CALLED HOUSEREPUBLICANS.

YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING WAS GOINGTO RUN SMOOTHLY IF WE HAD A

REPUBLICAN SENATE TO WORKWITH THE REPUBLICAN HOUSE.

TURNS OUT NO ONE CAN WORK WITHTHE REPUBLICAN HOUSE.

THEY'RE THE KEITH OLBERMANN OFCONGRESSES.

[LAUGHTER]WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEW

SEGMENT MEET THE [BLEEP].SO THE SCARITIEST BRANCH OF OUR

GOVERNMENT THE HOUSE OFREPUBLICANS ARE THE ONES WHO

WILL SHUT DOWN THE HOMELANDSECURITY.

BUT THEIR VAUNTED LEADER JOHNBOEHNER TREATS THE HOUSE

REPUBLICANS OBSTINANCE WITHTHE SERIOUSNESS IT DESERVES.

>> IF DEPARTMENT OF HOMELANDSECURITY FUNDING RUNS OUT ON

FRIDAY NIGHT, ARE WE LESS SAFEAS A NATION.

>> IF IFS AND BUTS WERE CANDYAND NUTS, EVERY DAY WOULD BE

CHRISTMAS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: OKAY.

NUMBER ONE OBVIOUSLY I GREW UPJEWISH AND NOT COMPLETELY FLUENT

IN THE RITUALS OF YOU'RECHRISTMAS HOLIDAY, BUT I'M

PRETTY SURE NOBODY WAKES UP AT5:30AM AND SNEAKS DOWNSTAIRS TO

MAKE SURE SANTA BROUGHT THEMPECANS AND JUJUBEES.

I MEAN, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVEGOTTEN CHRISTMAS MIXED UP WITH

HALLOWEEN AND SOME HOLIDAY WHEREPEOPLE BRING YOU NUTS.

SECOND OF ALL, THISDISMISSIVENESS THAT YOU DISPLAY

IS SOMEWHAT DISCONNECTED FROMTHE SERIOUSNESS OF THAT

QUESTION.

SO I'M GOING TO LET YOU TRYAGAIN.

>> IT'S GOING TO BE A CLEAN DHSFUNDING BILL.

ARE YOU GOING TO PUT IT ON THEFLOOR? ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT?

ARE YOU GOING TO LET THEM VOTEON IT?

HAVE YOU EVEN HAD THISDISCUSSION?

[LAUGHTER]>> IFS AND BUTTS ARE TERRIBLE

ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS, WHAT AREYOU DOING?

THE ONLY QUESTION WOULD HAVEBEEN AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO

IS SPEAKER BOEHNER, WOULD YOUMIND LETTING THE ENTIRE PRESS

CORPS KNOW HOW YOU CALLYOUR CAT?

[LAUGHTER]THIS GUY IS DROPPING RHYMES AND

MAKING KISSY FACES TO THE PRESS.

EITHER MENTALLY JOHN BOEHNER'S AFEW SEATS SHORT OF A MAJORITY.

OR HE'S GOT SUCH AN AMAZING PLANHE CAN AFFORD TO BE

OVERCONFIDENT TO THEPOINT OF WEIRDNESS.

>> THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A VOTETO HAVE A STOP GAP FUNDING

MEASURE TO KEEP THE DEPARTMENTRUNNING FOR THREE WEEKS.

>> Jon: THAT'S THE PLAN?

[LAUGHTER]THREE WEEKS STOP GAP PLAN.

THAT'S THE PLAN THAT ALLOWED YOUTO BE SO COCKY WITH

EVERYBODY, YOU'RE UP THERE. YOUBELIEVE YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO

CONVINCE YOUR CAUCUS TO DELAYTHIS PROBLEM A FULL 21 DAYS.

THAT'S WHAT'S GIVING YOU THISSWAGGER.

IT IS MY PLEDGE TO YOU THAT THISCOUNTRY WILL NOT HAVE TO DEAL

WITH THIS HOMELAND SECURITYCRISIS AT LEAST UNTIL

ST. PATRICK'S DAY.

[LAUGHTER]>> HOUSE REPUBLICAN LEADERS WERE

BLIND SIDED WHEN THEIR PLAN TOPREVENT THE DEPARTMENT OF

HOMELAND SECURITY FROM SHUTTINGDOWN WAS DEFEATED.

52 CONSERVATIVES VOTED NOBECAUSE THE FUNDING BILL DIDN'T

ALSO STOP THE PRESIDENT'SIMMIGRATION PLAN.

>> Jon: OH MY GOD, BOEHNER,YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET YOUR OWN

CAUCUS TO GIVE YOUNEXT TO NOTHING.

I DON'T KNOW JOHN, THREE WEEKSEXTENSION DOESN'T SEEM

LIKE IT'S REALLYEMBARRASSING ENOUGH.

IF YOU GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE WEPROMISE WE CAN MAKE YOUR

HUMILIATION COMPLETE.

HOW LONG DOES A HULUPLUSFREE TRIAL LAST?

[LAUGHTER]LET'S GIVE THAT A SHOT.

>> IN THE END A BILL DID PASS TOFUND THE HOMELAND SECURITY

DEPARTMENT FOR ONE WEEK.

>> Jon: ONE WEEK.

[LAUGHTER]SO WE GO THROUGH THIS SAME

RIDICULOUS DANCE ON FRIDAY.

IT'S AS THOUGH THE CAUCUS THATYOU JOHN BOEHNER PURPORT TO

CONTROL HAS TOLD YOU TO DO THISTO THEIR ASS.

[LAUGHTER] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: BOOM! BOOM!

WELCOME BACK TO THE PROGRAM.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAN.

WE ARE ON FIRE TONIGHT.

AS YOU KNOW, OUR -- AS YOU KNOW,OUR LEGISLATIVE SYSTEM RUNS ON

COMMITTEES. YOU KNOW THAT.

EVERY COMMITTEE IN OUR CONGRESSIS RUN BY A CHAIRPERSON.

NOW THE QUESTION THEN COMES UPHOW DOES ONE REACH THIS POSITION

OF RESPONSIBILITY.

MERIT?

HA.

[LAUGHTER]GOOD ONE, TELEPROMPTER.

NO.

SENATE CHAIRMANSHIPS AREOVERWHELMINGLY AWARDED

BY SENIORITY.

PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN IN THEINSTITUTION THE LONGEST GET TO

BE IN CHARGE, JUST LIKE INORPHANAGES.

IT'S WHY KANSAS SENTAOR PATROBERTS GOT TO CHAIR THE

SENATE'S COMMITTEE ONAGRICULTURE, NUTRITION,

FORESTRY DESPITE DISTRUSTINGNUTRITION PROGRAMS.

AND WHY ARIZONA'S JOHN MCCAINHEADS ARMED SERVICES DESPITE

WANTING TO INVADE EVERYONE,EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME.

AND WHY BEDFORD FALLS MR. POTTERIS IN CHARGE OF BANKING.

I'M SURE HE'LL BE FAIR.

NOW GIVEN THIS TREND, I CAN'TWAIT TO SEE WHO IS IN CHARGE OF

THE COMMITTEE ON ENVIRONMENT ANDPUBLIC WORKS.

>> WE KEEP HEARING THAT 2014 HASBEEN THE WARMEST YEAR ON RECORD.

I ASKED THE CHAIR, DO YOU KNOWWHAT THIS IS?

IT'S A SNOWBALL.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: NOW IF IT PLEASES MY

COLLEAGUES, YOU WILL SEE A GROWNMAN MAKE LOVE TO A SNOWBALL.

HERE WE GO. OHHHH -- [LAUGHTER]

OKLAHOMA WHERE THE WINDCOMES WHIPPING DOWN -- SO

SO SENATOR INHOFE, YOU THINKGLOBAL WARMING'S A HOAX BECAUSE

YOU IN FEBRUARY WERE ABLE TOCOLLECT ONE BALL'S WORTH OF

SNOW.

[LAUGHTER]CLEARLY IF GLOBAL WARMING

WAS A PROBLEM, I WOULD ONLY BEABLE TO GRAB LAVA BALLS.

WELL, PLEASE SIR, CONTINUE WITHYOUR SNOW AND TELL.

>> THAT'S JUST FROM OUTSIDEHERE, SO IT'S VERY VERY COLD

OUT, VERY UNSEASONAL SO MR.PRESIDENT CATCH THIS.

>> Jon: I'M JUST CURIOUS WHATHAPPENED TO THAT SNOWBALL AFTER

INHOFE THREW IT OFF CAMERA.

THAT'S -- HE'S THROWING IT ANDTHEN IT'S JUST, OH MY GOD IT HIT

MADONNA. OH MY GOD.

IT KNOCKED MADONNA OFF STAGE.

YOU MONSTER.

WHY DID YOU KNOCK MADONNA OFFSTAGE IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

COUNTRY?

PLEASE TELL ME SENATOR, YOU HAVEMORE THAN JUST ONE OF FROSTY'S

TESTICLES TO BACK UP YOUR2014 ISN'T HOT ARGUMENT.

>> THE GODDARD INSTITUTEOF SPACE STUDIES SAYING THERE'S

ONLY A 38% CHANCE THAT 2014 WASTHE WARMEST YEAR ON RECORD.

>> Jon: RIGHT ON RECORD.

BUT EVEN WITH THE CHANCE ITWASN'T THE NUMBER ONE

HOTTEST YEAR EVER, IT'S PRETTYCLOSE.

IT WAS NOMINATED.

IT WAS A STRONG CONTENDER.

IT WAS AT THE VERY LEAST THE"BOYHOOD" OF THE HOTTEST YEARS

ON RECORD. REALLY THOUGHT THATWAS GOING TO WIN BEST PICTURE.

BUT THAT'S JIM INHOFE.

UNLESS HE'S PERSONALLYWITNESSING SOMETHING,

IT JUST CAN'T BE REAL.

HERE HE IS ON GAY PEOPLE.

>> I'M REALLY PROUD TO SAY THEINDEX RECORDED HISTORY OF OUR

FAMILY, WE'VE NEVER HAD ADIVORCE OR ANY KIND OF

HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

>> Jon: NOW, THE KEY WORDSTHERE ARE IN THE RECORDED

HISTORY.

[LAUGHTER]MY GUESS IS IF I'M GAY AND I'M

IN THE INHOFE CLAN, I'M NOTWRITING IT DOWN.

SENATOR INHOFE SEEMS TO BEALMOST NEUROLOGICALLY UNABLE TO

UNDERSTAND OR EMPATHIZE WITH ANYEXPERIENCE OUTSIDE OF HIS OWN.

NOW IT COULD BE BECAUSE HEADHERES STRICTLY TO A

FUNDAMENTALIST STRAIN OF JOHNLOCKE STYLE EMPIRICISM,

BELIEVING THAT NOTHING BUT THATWHICH HE HAS PERSONALLY OBSERVED

HAS OCCURRED OR ALTERNATIVELYHE'S A CRAZY OLD [BLEEP].

BUT THERE IS AN OBVIOUS

SOLUTION.

I THINK WITH A NEED TO GIVE JIMINHOFE THE DIRECT EXPERIENCE HE

LACKS. BOTH GLOBALWARMING AND GAYNESS.

FOR THE GOOD OF THECOUNTRY, SOMEBODY HAS TO BLOW

HIM IN THE SENATE'S SAUNA.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK!

MY GUEST TONIGHT, LEGENDARYCOMEDY WRITER AND PERFORMER,

HE'S GOT A NEW SHOW ON ADULTSWIM CALLED

"THE JACK AND TRIUMPH SHOW."HE'S ALSO THE CREATOR AND

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF "NIGHTOF TOO MANY STARS."

[LAUGHTER]>> YOU CHEW IT.

>> YOU CHEW IT.

>> UNTIL YOU FEEL IT'S FULLYMASTICATED AND THEN YOU DROP IT

VIA YOUR MOUTH INTO PAUL RUDD'SMOUTH. REALLY GET IT GOING.

REALLY GET IT GOING.

THERE YOU GO.

I'M GOING TO NEED YOU IN AKNEELING POSITION.

>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME ROBERTSMIGEL.

ROBER SMIGEL!

>> THANK YOU!

[CROWD CHEERING]>> Jon: WELCOME YOUNG MAN.

>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Jon: HAVE YOU RECOVEREDFROM THE LIVE PORTION, THE

BEACON THEATRE PORTION.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: OF NIGHT OF TOO MANYSTARS?

>> IT'S A HARD GIG.

>> Jon: SATURDAY NIGHT.

>> IT'S A HARD GIG.

I HAVE NOT RECOVERED AND IT'SNOT OVER.

>> Jon: IT'S NOT OVER BY ALONGSHOT.

>> IT'S NOT OVER, WE'RE DOING ALIVE PHONE BANK ON SUNDAY NIGHT.

>> Jon: THIS SUNDAY NIGHT.

>> THAT'S WHEN THE SHOW AIRS,YES.

>> Jon: BUT I'VE GOT TO TELLYOU --

>> YES.

>> DOING THIS A WHILE, LAST --IT WAS SATURDAY NIGHT --

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: I'M TELLING YOU, ITHOUGHT MORE INSANE THINGS

HAPPENED THAT SATURDAYNIGHT THAN IN ANY SHOW

THAT WE'VE DONE SOFAR WITH THIS.

>> YES.

YEAH, WELL YOU KNOW, I, I KINDOF, WHEN MY SON WAS DIAGNOSED

WITH AUTISM A LONG TIME AGO.>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND I ALWAYS KIND OF --

>> Jon: HOW OLD IS DANIEL NOW?

>> HE'S 17 YEARS OLD.>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT, YOUKNOW, EARLY ON I KIND OF DIDN'T

WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, PARTLYBECAUSE I'M TRIUMPH THE

INSULT COMIC DOG'S HAND UP THEASS. AND I KIND OF LIKE

TO -- THERE HE IS.

>> Jon: THERE HE IS.>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> Jon: HELLO!

>> AND I THOUGHT MAYBE IT'SBETTER PEOPLE JUST LOOK AT ME AS

AN ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW?

>> Jon: SO IF THEY WERE TO SEEYOU AS HUMAN --

>> YEAH WELL, IT'S KIND OFCREEPY ESPECIALLY WHEN

I DO THE VOICE. BUT I FIGURED,LIKE AT THIS POINT THIS SHOW HAS

GOTTEN SO BIG.>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND IMPORTANT.>> Jon: YES.

>> THAT LET'S JUST PICTURE IT ASA COMEDY, AS A CHARITY EVENT

RUN BY AN ASSHOLE. WHAT IF ACHARITY EVENT WERE RUN BY

SOMEONE WHO'S DISTURBSBUT WELL MEANING?

>> Jon: VERY WELL MEANING.

YOU KNOW, THERE IS NOTHING ITHINK TO RAISE THE HUMAN SPIRIT

LIKE SEEING PAULRUDD ON HIS KNEES.

>> YES. YES.

>> Jon: TAKING FULLY CHEWED WHATAPPEARED TO BE D'AGOSTINO'S

CHICKEN.

>> I THINK IT WAS ZABAR'S.

>> Jon: WAS THAT A ZABAR'S?

>> YEAH, IT WAS A CLASSY EVENT.

>> Jon: AND THIS GENTLEMAN INTHE AUDIENCE --

>> YES.

>> Jon: WON THE BIDDING AND CAMEUP.

>> ACTUALLY, THOSE PEOPLE CAMEON FOR FREE.

>> Jon: FOR FREE.

>> YEAH, A LOT OF THE SHOW IS --

>> Jon: AUCTIONS.

>> AUCTIONS. THE BEACON THEATREIS FILLED WITH ABOUT 2500

PEOPLE.>> Jon: YES.

>> ABOUT 75 OF THEM AREREALLY RICH AND CRAZY AND

WILING TO AUCTION, WILLING TOBID, GOD BLESS THEM.

>> Jon: THEY'RE CRAZY AUCTIONS.

>> THEY WANTED TO SUPPORT THISCAUSE.

>> Jon: CHRIS ROCK DID A LIVEAUCTION IN THE THEATRE,

LOUIS CK TOOK SOMEBODY OUT.>> YES.

>> Jon: CAN I TELL THEM WHATJOHN OLIVER DID?

>> SURE, YEAH.

>> Jon: THEY BID, THERE WAS ANAUCTION TO BID TO COMMIT A

CRIME WITH JOHN OLIVER.

>> YES, AND IT HAPPENED! THECRIME WAS COMMITTED.

[APPLAUSE]>> Jon: IT WENT OUT THAT NIGHT

WITH A CAMERA ANDCOMMITTED A CRIME.

[LAUGHTER]

>> IT'S THE -- IT'S THE WRONGESTCHARITY EVENT.

>> Jon: AND YET IT'S SOLOVELY BUT THERE ARE MOMENTS IN

IT.>> YES.

>> Jon: THE MOMENT WITH OWENSUSKIND.

WITH RON SUSKIND'S SON OWEN.

>> WELL YES. THIS IS THE CRAZYTHING THAT ON THE ONE HAND --

>> Jon: YES.>> PAUL RUDD LITERALLY THIS

HAPPENED THAT WITHIN TEN MINUTESOF EACH OTHER.

>> Jon: YES. RIGHT BACK TO BACK.

>> PAUL RUDD REGURGITATED,RECEIVED REGURGITATED FOOD.

>> Jon: FOOD.>> TEN MINUTES LATER

LITERALLY GILBERT GOTTFRIED WASMAKING PEOPLE CRY. YEAH.

>> Jon: BUT, CRY WITH EMOTIONNOT LIKE HE WOULD NORMALLY --

>> WITH EMOTION -- WELL YEAH.YEAH. NORMALLY THEY'RE CRYING

OUT OF AGONY.

>> Jon: NOT LIKE GILBERT WOULDNORMALLY DO.

>> YEAH, NOT THE AGONY KIND OFCRYING HE USUALLY GENERATES.

>> Jon: YES.

>> NO.

IT'S LIKE IT'S AN INCREDIBLEMOMENT.

>> Jon: IT'S AN INCREDIBLYMOVING MOMENT WHERE HE ISTHE

CONDUIT THROUGH WHICH THIS YOUNGMAN OWEN COMMUNICATES HIS

FEELINGS TO HIS FAMILY ANDTO OTHERS AROUND HIM.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Jon: IT'S AMAZING.>> RIGHT.

WELL THE WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUTRAISING MONEY NOT TO CURE

AUTISM. >> Jon: RIGHT.

>> BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE AREWORKING ON BIOMEDICAL RESEARCH.

MY WIFE AND I COULDN'T GET OURKID INTO ANY KIND OF SCHOOL OR

PROGRAM THAT WAS ADEQUATE FORHIM UNTIL HE WAS SEVEN YEARS

OLD.

AND PEOPLE WITH FEWER RESOURCESTHAN US --

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> IT'S UNIMAGINABLE TO US WHATTHEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH.

AND, AND THE KIDS. THEY DESERVEBETTER.

THESE ARE, YOU KNOW, LAST YEARWE HAD A MOMENT, I DON'T KNOW IF

YOU SAW LAST YEAR'S SHOW OR SAWIT ONLINE, KATY PERRY DID A

DUET.>> Jon: YES. WITH JODI DIPIAZZA.

>> WITH A LITTLE GIRL.

DID EVERYBODY SEE THAT?WITH JODI DIPIAZZA?

>> Jon: YEAH, IT WAS AMAZING.

AND SHE, AND THIS LITTLE GIRLPLAYS THE PIANO AND THEN THERE'S

THIS MOMENT WHERE SHE RECEIVESSPONTANEOUS APPLAUSE AND SHE

SMILES. AND PEOPLE --

>> Jon: SHE JUST LIGHTS UP.>> SHE JUST LIGHTS UP.

AND THAT'S THE KIND OF THE THINGPEOPLE ARE SHOCKED, A LOT OF

PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND -->> Jon: RIGHT.

>> THAT THESE ARE WHOLE HUMANBEINGS AND

THEY'RE ENTITLED TO NOT BEOSTRACIZED AND WRITTEN OFF.

THEY NEED TO BE GIVEN THE CHANCETO HAVE THE BEST LIFE AS

POSSIBLE.>> Jon: RIGHT. YEP.

[APPLAUSE]>> AND THIS ALLOWS ALL KINDS OF

PROGRAMS. THROUGH OUR SHOW, WEFUND, WE FUND PROGRAMS ALL OVER

THE COUNTRY, SCHOOLS, PROGRAMS,A WIDE RANGE OF THINGS.

>> Jon: BUT "THE NIGHT OF TOOMANY STARS"

THE LIVE AUCTION PART

ON COMEDY CENTRAL THIS SUNDAYNIGHT, I URGE YOU TO

TUNE IN. IT'S MARCH 8, 8:00 PM.

WE'LL DO A PHONE BANK. WE'LLSHOW ALL THE GREAT --

>> Jon: YES, LARRY, DAVID ANDMARTY SHORT WILL BE AT THE

PHONE BANK.

>> Jon: THEY'LL BE AT THE PHONEBANK ALL NIGHT.

WE'LL DO THE SKITS ANDSTUFF AT THE BEACON WILL

BE ALL IN THE SHOW. >> YEAH.

>> Jon: IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.OBVIOUSLY JACK AND TRIUMPH

YOU CAN SEE FRIDAY NIGHTS AT11:30 ON ADULT SWIM.

THE GREAT ROBERT SMIGEL,EVERYBODY.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

BEFORE WE GO, EVERY MONDAY CHECKIN WITH LARRY WILMORE AT THE

NIGHTLY SHOW.

LARRY, HOW ARE YOU.

>> HEY JON, HOW IS IT GOING?

>> Jon: PRETTY GOOD, MYFRIEND.

>> CHECK IT OUT, MAN. ON THESHOW TONIGHT WE'VE GOT MAYOR

NEW YORK CITY MAYOR BILL DEBLASIO.

>> Jon: BOY, YOU'VE REALLY GOTTHIS THING DOWN, HUH LARRY?

>> THAT'S WHAT WE'VE GOT, MAN!THAT'S WHAT WE'VE GOT!

>> Jon: YOU'VE REALLY GOT THISWHOLE HOSTING THING DOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TOTALK ABOUT WITH DE BLASIO?

>> I DON'T KNOW. BEATS ME.

I'M JUST GOING TO WING IT, IDON'T KNOW.

>> Jon: YOU MIGHT WANT TOPREPARE A COUPLE QUESTIONS.

>> NO OFFENSE, GUY WHO WASCANCELED, BUT I THINK I GOT

THIS.

>> Jon: I WASN'T CANCELED,I JUST, I SAID I WAS GOING TO BE

LEAVING.

>> WHATEVER, JON.

I MEAN WEREN'T YOU WRESTLING ONMONDAY NIGHT RAW TONIGHT OR

SOMETHING.>> Jon: YEAH.

I'M DOING IT YOUR ADVICE.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

LARRY WILMORE, EVERYBODY.

THAT'S OUR SHOW.

JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT AT 11:00.HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> A SOLAR ECLIPSE.

THE COSMIC BALLET GOES ON.

>> DOES ANYONE WANT TO SWITCHSEATS?

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