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April 30, 2015 - Kristen Wiig

  • Episode: 20099
  • Views: 157,576

Sen. Bernie Sanders enters the presidential race, Hillary Clinton faces corruption rumors, Jon celebrates Samantha Bee's last day, and Kristen Wiig discusses "Welcome to Me." (21:28)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW!" MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW! WE MADEA GOOD SHOW TODAY!

OH, WE'VE GOT A NICE SHOW.

OUR GUEST, KRISTEN WIIG -- BOY,SHE'S GOOD --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)SHE'S GOING TO COME OUT AND I'M

GOING TO GET HER TO ADMIT TO HERCOMPLICITY IN THE FALSE BUILDUP

TO THE IRAQ WAR -- I THINK.(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT. DOESN'T REALLY WORKON ANYONE.

BUT FIRST!

YOU KNOW, THE REPUBLICANS THEREARE FAT, FAT!

WITH 2016 PRESIDENTIALCANDIDATES.

DEMOCRATS HAVE DECIDED TO SKIPTHE PRIMARY PROCESS ENTIRELY!

MORE OF A CORONATION TYPEDEALEY.

(LAUGHTER)UNTIL NOW.

>> VERMONT SENATOR BERNIESANDERS HAS MADE IT OFFICIAL HE

WILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT -->> Jon: YEAH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THAT'S RIGHT!

LET'S MEET WHOEVER BERNIESANDERS IS!

(LAUGHTER)NO, THAT'S ACTUALLY -- THAT'S

COLONEL SANDERS.

LET'S MEET -- THAT'S DEIONSANDERS.

(LAUGHTER)THAT --

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S NED FLANDERS.

SURE.

SURE, THAT'S BERNIE SANDERS.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

(LAUGHTER)SO HOW WILL THIS --THERE WE GO!

HOW WILL THIS TWO-TERM SENATOR,THIS EIGHT-TERM REPRESENTATIVE,

THIS FULL-TERM CURMUDGEON BATTLETHE INCREDIBLY POWERFUL CLINTON

MACHINE?

>> LET ME JUST MAKE A BRIEFCOMMENT AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO

TAKE A FEW QUESTIONS.

WE DON'T HAVE AN ENDLESS AMOUNTOF TIME.

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: WITH CHARM!

(LAUGHTER)THAT WAS HIS PRESIDENTIAL

CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCEMENT.

NOT SO MUCH YES WE CAN AND MORELIKE LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER

WITH.

I'M A BUSY MAN!

BUSY RUNNING AS THEANTI-HILLARY.

SHE'S AN ESTABLISHMENT CENTRIST,HE'S AN UNAPOLOGETIC LEFTIST.

HER CAMPAIGN IS MANAGED TO A T!

HE FORGOT HIS COMB!

(LAUGHTER)SHE HAS ALMOST 100% NAME

RECOGNITION!

HE IS SOMEWHAT LESSER KNOWN!

(LAUGHTER)SHE HAS A PRIVATE SERVER IN HER

HOME WHERE SHE DELETED TENS OFTHOUSANDS OF HER OWN E-MAILS.

HE OWNS A VHS COPY OF TOOTSIE.

(LAUGHTER)

HE HAS A SET OF CONSISTENTPRINCIPLES

HE HAS RUN ON HIS ENTIREPOLITICAL LIFE.

SHE...

IS GOING TO CRUSH HIM!

(LAUGHTER)THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN STOP

HER!

NOTHING THAT CAN POSSIBLY DERAILOR UNDERMINE OR --

>> AT LEAST 181 CLINTONFOUNDATION DONORS LOBBIED THE

STATE DEPARTMENT AT THE SAMETIME THAT HILLARY CLINTON WAS

RUNNING IT.

>> THE CLINTONS DID NOT LIVE UPTO THEIR PROMISE TO DISCLOSE ALL

FOREIGN DONATIONS.

>> NOW THE FOUNDATION HAS HAD TOREFILE FIVE YEARS OF TAX RETURNS

BECAUSE AT LEAST THREE OF THOSEYEARS THEY REPORTED ZERO

DONATIONS FROM FOREIGNGOVERNMENTS WHEN IN FACT THERE

WERE TENS OF MILLIONS OFDOLLARS.

>> Jon: WHAT!

BUT THAT'S OKAY...

THAT'S EASY MISTAKE.

THE ZERO TO TENS OF MILLIONS.

I COULD -- THAT'S AN EASY MIXUP.

WHAT PROBABLY HAPPENED THERE ISAS YOU WERE DOING IT THERE, LIKE

OKAY, 10 MILLION, YOU PROBABLYMISPLACED THE -- THE 1, AND,

UH --

(LAUGHTER)NATURALLY, SOME PEOPLE THINK

THAT WITH ALL THAT MONEYCHANGING HANDS --

(LAUGHTER)REALLY?

A LITTLE OLD REFERENCE, BUT ALLRIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)SOME PEOPLE THINK WITH ALL THE

MONEY CHANGING HANDS THEREMUST BE SOMETHING UNSEEMLY

GOING ON.

>> THAT'S THE WORLD IN WHICHPEOPLE HAVE ACCESS TO THE

CLINTONS OR SOMEHOW BUYINGACCESS TO THE CLINTONS.

I MEAN, TO GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE,THE "NEW YORK TIMES" LAST YEAR

TOOK NOTE THAT CHELSEA CLINTONGETS ABOUT $75 OR AS MUCH AS

$75,000 A SPEECH FOR SPEAKING ONSUBJECTS LIKE DIARRHEA

WHICH IS A SUBJECT SHE SAYSSHE'S PASSIONATE ABOUT.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: IS IT YOUR SUGGESTION,

SIR, THAT AUDIENCES MIGHT NOT BEINTERESTED IN CHELSEA CLINTON'S

SPEECH ABOUT DIARRHEA?

(LAUGHTER)BECAUSE AS SHE HAS SO ELOQUENTLY

SAID -- SOME PEOPLE THINK IT'SFUNNY, BUT IT'S REALLY BROWN AND

RUNNY.

(LAUGHTER)CHA-CHA-CHA!

(APPLAUSE)ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY

THE Q&A SESSION AFTERWARDSTHAT'S MOST VALUABLE.

CHELSEA,CHELSEA CLINTON,JON STEWART AT "THE DAILY

SHOW," WHEN YOU'RE SLIDINGTO FIRST -- (LAUGHTER)

-- AND YOUR PANTS BEGIN TOBURST, IS THAT -- OH IT IS --

(LAUGHTER)I HAVE A QUICK FOLLOW UP!

-- WHEN IT SMELLS LIKE A FART,

MY POINT IS CHA-CHA-CHA!

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, DIARRHEAKILLS 1.5 MILLION CHILDREN EVERY

YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT.

UM...

SO -- SO THE OPTICS, THEDONATIONS FROM FOREIGN

GOVERNMENTS, THE OPTICS ARE NOTGOOD AND THERE'S A LOT OF

POTENTIAL FOR CORRUPTION.

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU KNOW, WHAT DOYOU CALL IT THERE, PROOF?

>> SO FAR THERE AREN'T ANYSPECIFIC CONCRETE EXAMPLES THAT

ANY COMPANIES OR FOREIGNGOVERNMENTS RECEIVED SPECIAL

TREATMENT -->> ABC FOUND NO EVIDENCE THAT

HILLARY CLINTON TOOK ACTIONBASED ON THESE CONTRIBUTIONS.

>> Jon: WELL, THERE YOU HAVEIT.

NO PROOF, NO NOTHING.

THE ONE OPENING SANDERS MIGHTHAVE SHUT DOWN.

ALL FORMER SECRETARY CLINTON HASTO DO IS ADDRESS THIS SIMPLY AND

SQUARELY AND PUT THIS TO BED.

>> DID FOREIGN ENTITIES RECEIVEANY SPECIAL TREATMENT FOR MAKING

ANY KIND OF DONATIONS TO THEFOUNDATION OR YOUR HUSBAND?

>> Jon: I KNOW WHAT SHE'S GOINGTO SAY. I'M JUST GOING TO WRITE

DOWN MY ANSWER WHAT SHE'SGOING TO SAY

AND WE'LL SEE IF I'M RIGHT.

>> WELL, WE'RE BACK INTO THEPOLITICAL SEASON AND, THEREFORE,

WE WILL BE SUBJECTED TO ALLKINDS OF DISTRACTIONS AND

ATTACKS AND I'M READY FOR THAT.

IT IS, I THINK, WORTH NOTINGTHAT THE REPUBLICANS SEEM TO BE

TALKING ONLY ABOUT ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY TALKABOUT IF I WEREN'T IN THE RACE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: OH, THAT'S FUNNY, IWROTE DOWN "NO."

I WROTE DOWN "NO." SO THERE'SSTILL HOPE, BERNIE!

LET'S CHECK THE -- OH, DIDN'TMOVE AT ALL.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Jon: HI, EVERYBODY!

WELCOME BACK!

WE HAVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD AFEW TIMES THIS YEAR.

EACH TIME IT'S NOT EASY.

TONIGHT MARKS THE END OF AN ERA,THE FINAL SHOW OF THE LONGEST

SERVING MEMBER OF THE GREATEST[BLEEP] NEWS TEAM,

SAMANTHA BEE.

IT ALL STARTED BACK IN 2003 OTTHREE.

THE BUSH PRESIDENCY WAS ENTERINGITS TERRIBLE TWOs.

THE IRAQ WAR WAS JUST STARTING.

SO WE NEEDED A CORRESPONDENT, WELOOKED IN THE USUAL PLACES,

YOUR LIQUOR STORES, YOUR BETTINGPARLORS, YOUR METHADONE CLINICS,

AND OBVIOUSLY GOOGLE MAPS WASIN ITS NASCENT STAGES,

AND WE TOOK A WRONG TURN,WE ENDED UP IN CANADA.

(LAUGHTER)AND WE FOUND THIS, THIS, THIS

JUST DELIGHTFUL, INCREDIBLYFUNNY, PERSON, SAM BEE.

SO WE HID HER IN THE TRUNK ANDRACED BACK OVER THE BORDER

PURSUED BY MOUNTIES.

CANADA HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WASLOSING.

>> HAVE YOU HAD A HOT CARL SINCEYOU'VE BEEN HERE?

>> I HAVE NOT. I JUST,YOU KNOW, THERE'S SO MUCH

TO DO, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TODO EVERYTHING YET.

>> I COULD TOTALLY SEE IF LONGISLAND SECEDED AS ITS OWN STATE.

>>WE'RE A TOTALLY DIFFERENTGROUP OF PEOPLE.

>> WHAT STATE COULD YOU BEAT UP?

>> IRELAND.

>> I DON'T THINK THAT COUNTS.

>> OH, STATES, I'M SORRY.

>> OTHER STATES.

>> I FEEL LIKE A RETARD NOW.

>> OTHER STATES NOT IN EUROPE.

>> STATEN ISLAND.

>> OTHER STATES.

>> CANADA?

>> CANADA? OKAY.

>> NONE OF THESE TOOLS ARESTERILE.

>> OKAY, WELL NEITHER IS THIS.SO LET'S GO. GET STARTED.

CAN I CALL YOUBACK? MY MOM IS IN MY ROOM,

AND SHE WANTS TO TALK TO MEABOUT SOMETHING!

I'M SAMANTHA BEE AND I WATCHTHE FIVE!

IT'S THE TALE OF A WINSOMEBLONDE INGENUE, DANA PARINO.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A CATCH!

COULD YOU MAKE IT SNAPPY?I'VE GOT PLACES TO BE. SERIOUSLY

OKAY, DRIPPING WET BALLS.

IGNORE THIS.

BABY'S ON FIRE AGAIN. DAMN IT.

YOU TWO TIMING MONSTER -- AHHH!

I'M THE ONE GETTING FLOWN OUTOF THIS (BLEEP) POOL!

ONE PILL MAKES YOU LARGER AND --

LET IT RING!

>> WELL I THINK A LOT OF THETIME IT FEELS LIKE A

THANKLESS JOB.

PEOPLE THINK OUR DAY ENDS AT3:00 AND THAT'S NOT THE CASE.

WE FEEL UNAPPRECIATED.

>> GIVES MEN BASICALLY INSTANTERECTIONS.

TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF DOING.

>> OH BOY, OKAY, OKAY.

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR PICTURE TAKENWITH A BLACK PERSON YET?

>> WELL, I DON'T THINK SO, BUT IWOULDN'T MIND DOING IT.

>> THAT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD BEWILLING TO TRY?

>> WHY, CERTAINLY.

>> THERE'S PLENTY OF THEM.

>> I KNOW.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THEM INMONTANA?

>> WE DON'T, YOU KNOW. WE DON'THAVE ANY.

IN FACT, OUR KIDS WERE PRETTYOLD BEFORE THEY SAW ONE.

>> Jon: HERE'S A LITTLESOMETHING, SOME DAILY SHOW

TRIVIA, OF ALL OF OURCORRESPONDENTS SAM IS ONLY

THE THIRD CORRESPONDENTTO EVER GET HER

FACE STUCK IN A PENIS PUMP.

BUT WHILE SHE COULD ALWAYS DOTHE SILLY, THE SAM PIECES THAT

I LOVED THE BEST ARE THE ONESCLOSEST TO HER HEART.

>> SARAH PALIN TOOK THE STAGEAND SILENCED HER CRITICS.

BUT THERE'S ONE ISSUE FOR WHICHSHE'S STILL BEING

UNFAIRLY ATTACKED.

>> IT'S VERY INAPPROPRIATETHAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE SEIZED

ON THE ISSUE OF BRISTOL'SPREGNANCY.

>> I THINK IT'S A FAMILY ISSUE.

>> YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOING TO HAVETHE BABY,

SHE'S GOING TO GET MARRIED..

>> SHE SAID NO, IT'S A HUMANBEING.

>> SHE MADE THE -- I'M SORRY,WHAT IS THE DECISION --

THE DECISION -- THERE'S ANOTHERWORD I'M LOOKING FOR.

I THINK IT RHYMES WITH VOICE.

EVERY FAMILY AND EVERY WOMANSHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO --

I'M SORRY, WHAT'S THE WORD I'MLOOKING FOR?

IT'S HER FAMILY, IT'S HER --GOD, WHAT IS THE WORD?

WHAT IS THE WORDI'M LOOKING FOR?

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE A LOTOF OPTIONS, AND YOU HAVE TO

SELECT ONE. WHAT'S THE WORDI'M LOOKING FOR?

WHAT IS THE WORD I'M LOOKINGFOR?

>> ADOPTION IS ONE.

>> NO, THERE'S A SPECIFIC WORDI'M LOOKING FOR.

>> YES, BUT I DON'T THINK THE --I DON'T THINK THAT THE

DECISION -- I THINK IT SHOULDBE -- NOT -- I THINK THAT THE

FAMILY DECISION WOULD BECOME --THAT'S HOW -- YES.

OKAY.

>> A DIFFERENT CHOICE?

CHOICE!

YES!

EXACTLY!

EVERY FAMILY, EVERY PERSONSHOULD HAVE THE CHOICE TO DECIDE

WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM!

>> THERE MAY SEE A 10-YEAR-OLDOUT THERE PICKING TOBACCO BUT

YOU WON'T SEE HIM THERE ALL DAY.

>> I WORK 12 HOURS A DAY IN THETOBACCO FARM.

>> OR SOMETIMES A LITTLBE BITLONGER.

>> OKAY, WOW. YOU'RE MAKING ITVERY HARD FOR ME

TO IRONICALLY SUPPORTCHILD TOBACCO LABOR.

THE PRESIDENT SAYS THAT HE WANTSUS TO TALK ABOUT RACE.

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT RACE!

YOU GO FIRST.

>> I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT IFYOU STARTED OFF.

>> I DON'T THINK IT WOULD BEGREAT AT ALL.

>> IF YOU'RE SCARED, SAY YOU'RESCARED.

(LAUGHTER)>> WHY WOULD I BE SCARED? NO!

I'M NOT AT ALL.

I'M JUST INCREDIBLYUNCOMFORTABLE.

>> I KNOW THE PERCENTAGE IS SOSMALL, SO SMALL OF A PERSON

BECOMING PREGNANT FROM A RAPETHAT I JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW IF

THAT'S EVEN IN THE EQUATIONBECAUSE THEY SAY THAT PERCENTAGE

IS JUST, LIKE, ALMOSTIMPOSSIBLE.

NOT IMPOSSIBLE BUT CLOSE, ANDTHERE HAVE BEEN SOME CASES.

>> YEAH, PROBABLY ABOUT 32,000 AYEAR.

>> IS IT 32? OKAY. >> THOUSAND.

>> YEAH, OKAY.>> 32,000.

>> WOMEN IN COMBAT POSITIONS AREA THREAT TO MILITARY COHESION.

IT'S NOT CLEAR THAT MEN CANACTUALLY BOND WITH WOMEN.

MEN JOIN THE INFANTRY BECAUSETHEY WANT TO FIGHT.

>> SORRY, EXCUSE ME FOR ONESECOND.

OKAY. OKAY, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.SORRY.

>> GIRLS BECOME WOMEN BY GETTINGOLDER.

BOYS BECOME MEN BY ACCOMPLISHINGSOMETHING, BY PROVING SOMETHING.

>> OKAY.

HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY MET AWOMAN BEFORE?

>> SEVERAL.

>> UM...

A WOMAN WHO DID NOT WANT TOSTRANGLE YOU?

>> THE REVERSE HAPPENS AS WELL,WHERE HOMOSEXUALS GO OUT AND

FIND STRAIGHTS TO BEAT UP.

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

HEY!

WATCH OUT!

I'VE GOT A CHRISTIAN!

GUYS! DAMN IT!

IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN GO ONTHE RADIO ANYMORE AND CONDEMN A

WHOLE SUBSET OF PEOPLE TO HELLWITHOUT GETTING SOME BLOWBACK.

>> WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY ITDOES SOUND RATHER ARROGANT,

MYOPIC, NARROW-MINDED ANDBIGOTED.

>> GOOD, THEN I'VE DONE MY JOB.

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME OURSENIOR, SENIOR CORRESPONDENT

CORRESPONDENT SAMANTHA BEE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK! MY GUESTTONIGHT,

OH SHE'S THE BEST.

SHE HAS A NEW FILM OUT CALLED"WELCOME TO ME."

>> UM, I WANT A TALK SHOW WITHME AS THE HOST.

HOST.

>> OKAY.

WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE OUR FIRSTFORAY INTO VANITY PROGRAMMING.

>> THAT'S TRUE, LAST YEAR WE DIDA HOBBIES SHOW.

>> I THINK ALICE WANTS TO TAKEOVER FOR OPRAH.

>> GOOD DEAL.>> THAT'S CRAZY.

>> SO, YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUTCURRENT EVENTS?

>> NO.

>> A SHOW WITH GUESTS AND DOINTERVIEWS.

>> NO.

>> WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOUWANT TO TALK ABOUT?

>> ME.

>> HMM...

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TOTHE PROGRAM KRISTEN WIIG!

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TOTHE PROGRAM KRISTEN WIIG!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HELLO!

>> HI!

>> Jon: HOW ARE YOU?

SAMANTHA BEE!

>> Jon: I KNOW, IT'S KILLINGME.

>> THAT'S TOUGH.

>> Jon: YOU GOT A LITTLE? YEAH.

>> I DID. I DID. I DID.>> Jon: YOU DID.

YOU WENT THROUGH THAT.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: I'M HAVING -- THAT ONEFELT, YOU KNOW THIS PAST YEAR,

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN -->> YEAH.

>> Jon: AND WE LOVE, BUT SHE'SFOUNDATIONAL --

>> YEP, I GET IT.

>> Jon: AND LOVE HER ANDDECENT --

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: AND I THINK I GOT ALITTLE VERKLEMPT THERE.

>> YEAH, THAT'S OKAY.>> Jon: DOES THAT HAPPEN?

THANK YOU!>> THAT'S LIFE.

>> Jon: WHAT DID YOU DO, YOUHAD, WHEN YOU LEFT S.N.L.

THEY DID, LIKE, MICK JAGGERCAME RIGHT? AND HE SANG.

>> YEAH, THAT WASCRAZY. YEAH, HE WAS THE HOST,

HE WAS THE HOST THAT WEEK -->> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND, YEAH, THAT WAS -- YEAH,FOR A GOOD YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)IT WAS REALLY HARD TO WATCH THE

SHOW AFTER THAT. YEAH, IT'S HARDTO LEAVE.

>> Jon: AND EVERYONE CAME INDANCED.

>> YEAH. THAT WAS NICE.

>> Jon: WE SHOWED SOME CLIPS.

(LAUGHTER)I OWE SAMANTHA BEE AN APOLOGY.

I NEED TO CALL THE ROLLINGSTONES.

IT'S SO (BLEEP) HARD BECAUSEIT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE END OF

AN ERA -->> YEAH.

>> Jon: BUT I KNOW, LIKE, SAMAND I WERE TALKING EARLIER AND

SHE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT THEFUTURE, SHE HAS SO MANY GREAT

THINGS COMING UP, IT'S HARDTO LEAVE A PLACE WHERE YOU FELT,

WHERE YOU LOVED THE PEOPLE, YOUFELT COMFORTABLE,

YOU DID GOOD WORK AND IT'S,IT KNOCKS YOU OUT A LITTLE BIT.

>> YEAH, BECAUSE THOSE PLACES,YOU DON'T HAVE MANY OF THOSE

IN A LIFETIME, ASECOND HOME LIKE THAT.

>> Jon: YEAH. RIGHT.>> I GET IT.

>> Jon: WAS IT DIFFERENT, SONOW, HERE'S WHAT I LIKE SO MUCH

ABOUT WHAT YOU DO IS THECHOICES YOU MAKE ARE,

THEY'RE ALL INTRIGUING.

YOU SEEM LIKE A PERSON WHOCHOOSES THINGS BASED ON TRUE

INTEREST AND PASSION AND NOTOTHER LESSER THOUGHTS.

>> YEAH, I GUESS.

>> Jon: NO...

>> YES!

IT'S ALWAYS WEIRD TO TALKABOUT YOURSELF.

>> Jon: IS IT? ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT SAMBEE A LITTLE WHILE LONGER?

>> YEAH, LET'S TALK ABOUT HER.>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

>> NO, YEAH, I MEAN, I LIKE TOTRY DIFFERENT THINGS.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> AND WE WERE TALKING EARLIER,I FEEL LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, BEING

AN ACTOR, PERFORMER, WHATEVER,WHEN YOU'RE A LITTLE

UNCOMFORTABLE AND YOU'RECHALLENGED --

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> YOU QUESTION WHY YOU DIDTHAT.

YOU'RE, LIKE, OH, MY GOD, WHYDID I DO THIS?

WHY AM I JUST NOT LIKE HOME INMY HOUSE.

BUT -- THEN YOU'REDONE.

>> Jon: THE BALLSIESTTHING WAS THAT GRAMMIES THING,

AND THAT THING YOU DO, YOU WEREPHENOMENAL IN IT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: AND I THOUGHT, OH THISMUST BE, YOU MUST BE A TRAINED

LIKE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL, LIKE THEMOVEMENTS EVERYTHING

WAS PHENOMENAL. AND I ASKED YOUABOUT IT, AND YOU WERE LIKE,

OH YEAH, NO, WE DID ACOUPLE OF WEEKS OF PRACTICE.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH. YEAH, I MEAN, I DANCE

BY MYSELF IN WIGS AND LEOTARDS.

AND I CRY A LOT.

(LAUGHTER)NO, I TOOK BALLET WHEN I WAS A

KID -->> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND THEN, YEAH, WE JUST-- YEAH.

>> Jon: IS THAT SOMETHING YOUWOULD PURSUE LIKE --

DO THEY CALL YOU UP? DOESSOMEBODY LIKE SIA CALL YOU

AND GO, HEY, MAN, I'M GOING THEGRAMMYS,

WOULD YOU MIND DANCING TO MYSONG?

OR IS THAT SOMETHING YOUWOULD SAY, I WOULD LIKE TO DANCE

TO YOUR SONG AT THE GRAMMYS?

>> IT'S KIND OF A WEIRD, UM, MYEX BOYFRIEND IS FRIENDS WITH

HER, WE WERE TALKING.

I KIND OF MADE A JOKE OF LIKE IFSHE EVER NEEDED ANYONE TO DANCE

AROUND IN THE BACKGROUND WHILESHE WAS SINGING AND THEN IT WAS,

LIKE, GRAMMYS?

YEAH, AND I WAS, SURE, AND ITHAPPENED.

YEAH, IT WAS REALLY WEIRD.

>> Jon: I'VE ASKED PEOPLETHAT, TOO, IF THEY NEEDED

SOMEBODY -->> THE DIDN'T CALL? NO.

>> Jon: BUT YEAH, I'VE NEVERGOTTEN THAT CALL.

NEVER -- SAY IT TO A LOT OFPEOPLE.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE, EVEN PEOPLEWHO DON'T SING.

>> Jon: YEAH, NO I SAY IT TOORATORS --

>> YEP. >> Jon: SENATORS

-- WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DANCE INTHE BACKGROUND? THEY DON'T --

>> AND NO ONE'S, NO ONE'S SAID--

>> Jon: NO ONE BITES. NO ONEBITES.

>> WELL, IT'S A COUPLE WEEKS OFPRACTICE, JUST SO YOU KNOW.

DID YOU SEE -- DID YOU LIKEBERNIE SANDERS?

HE STRIKES ME AS --

>> THAT WAS REALLYFUNNY. THAT PICTURE OF HIM --

>> Jon: HE'S TREMENDOUS.

>> HE'S LIKE THIS.

>> Jon: BUT IT REALLY FEELS LIKELARRY DAVID IS RUNNING NOW FOR

PRESIDENT.

LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A GUYWHO'S LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

BACK OFF!

>> HOW HE'S, LIKE, I HAVE TO GOSO WHENEVER WE CAN GET THIS

OVER WITH. THAT WAS FUNNY.

>> Jon: IT'S CRAZY. HE JUSTWALKS OUT --

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: I MEAN, THAT WAS HISANNOUNCEMENT FOR RUNNING FOR

I'M PRESIDENT --

>> I KNOW! HE'S LIKE I HAVE TOLEAVE.

>> Jon: LET'S KEEP ITGOING, PEOPLE!

>> THAT WAS SO WEIRD! (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HE REALLY REMINDS ME, DOYOU REMEMBER WATCHING

SEINFELD AND THE STEINBRENNERCHARACTER?

>> OH YEAH, THE --

>> Jon: THAT WAS DAVID'S VOICE.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: I REALLY FEEL LIKE THATWOULD BE A BERNIE SANDERS

PRESIDENCY.

>> JUST A LOT OF HAND MOVEMENTSAND --

>> Jon: JUST HE WOULD WALK INAND HE'D ALWAYS BE SHOT FROM

THE BACK AND WOULD JUST BE GOINGI WANT AN EMBARGO!

>> YEAH!

>> Jon: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THESEMOVIES,

AND I KNOW YOU'RE NOTCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS,

BUT I'M GOING TO SAY IT ANYWAY.>> OKAY.

>> SO, STEVE CARELL WAS ONTHIS PROGRAM FOR A LONG TIME.

AND HE WAS ALWAYS TREMENDOUSCOMEDICALLY,

BUT THEN HE DOES THIS "FOXCATCHER" AND HE SHOWS THIS

DEPTH AS AN ACTOR AND LIKE THAT,

I FEEL LIKE THAT'S YOU.

LIKE YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING THERE.

I JUST I LOVE THE WORK YOU'REDOING AND IT'S GOT --

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: LIKE THIS MOVIERIGHT HERE, "WELCOME TO ME,"

IT'S NOT EASY TO PULL THIS OFFWITH GREAT EMPATHY BUT ALSO

LIKE DEPTH OF CHARACTER ANDYOU DO A GREAT JOB AT IT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: IT'S REAL NICE. UM"WELCOME TO ME," OPENS IN

NEW YORK AND L.A. TOMORROW,OPENS NATIONWIDE ON MAY 8TH,

KRISTEN WIIG, SHE'S GREAT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SHOW. HERE ITIS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> I'M ALLERGIC TO WHEAT,SUGAR, BUMBLE BEES, MILK, WOOL

COTTON, POLYBLENDS, PONY HAIR,

OATMEAL, SOAP.

I SHOULD PROBABLY ALSO MENTIONTHAT I'M A VIRGIN AND

A BAD WETTER.

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