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December 16, 2014 - Paul McCartney

  • Episode: 20038
  • Views: 129,555

Congress passes a budget bill that's full of surprises, Aasif Mandvi reports on a suggestive South Dakotan PSA, and Paul McCartney discusses his song "Hope for the Future." (21:27)

>> Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW"! MYNAME IS JON STEWART.

GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST SIR PAULMCCARTNEY IS GOING TO BE JOINING

US TO TALK A LITTLE LATER ON.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]BUT FIRST, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, WE ALL KNOW THEESTEEMED MEMBERS OF OUR UNITED

STATES CONGRESS [BEEP]HATE EACH OTHER.

[LAUGHING]IN FACT THE ONLY THING LOWER

THAN CONGRESS' APPROVALRATING AMONGST THE PUBLIC IS HOW

THEY FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER.THERE'S A LOT OF SWIPING LEFT.

BUT NOW AS THE NEW YEAR FASTAPPROACHES

THEY MUST ENACT A VARIETY OFLAST MINUTE ITEMS, NOT THE LEAST

OF WHICH IS THE ONE TRILLIONDOLLAR BUDGET THAT ALLOWS THEM

TO KEEP BASTING INTHEIR OWN HATEFUL JUICES.

THE STAKES COULD NOT BE HIGHER.

>> WE HAVE SOME IMPORTANT STUFFTO DO.

WE COULD COMPLETE EVERYTHING IFWE WANTED TO TODAY.

I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME, MR.PRESIDENT, IN SUCH A LONG TIME.

AND I WANT TO GO HOME. IBOUGHT A NEW HOME THERE.

I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLETO SEE THE HOME.

I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN IT.

WE BOUGHT IT IN MAY.

I HAVE NOT BEEN THERE.

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HOME IN

SUCH A LONG TIME.

YOU JUST HAD A BREAK OVERTHANKSGIVING, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

YOU'RE NOT WASHINGTON ADDRESSINGTHE TROOPS BEFORE HEADING

BACK TO MOUNT VERNON.

OH, MR. PRESIDENT, I MISS MYHOME.

[LAUGHING] IT'S A GOOD HOME.

IT'S SPLIT LEVEL, COLONIAL.

IF IT PLEASES THE SENATE ISHOULD WOULD LIKE TO OPEN A

FRONT DOOR AND ENTER HER.

OH, WHO AM I KIDDING HER BACKDOOR, IT'S FINE.

I DON'T CARE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME IN SOMETIME.

SO, DID THE POET LAUREATE OFNEVADA REAL ESTATE GET GOOD NEWS

OR BAD NEWS?

>> CONGRESSIONALNEGOTIATORS HAVE REACHED A DEAL

TO AVERT A GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN.

>> A 1.1 TRILLION DOLLARSPENDING BILL FUNDING

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT THROUGHNEXT SEPTEMBER.

>> A BILL THAT WILL KEEP THEFEDERAL GOVERNMENT'S

LIGHTS ON.

>> WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUTHERE IS A MONUMENTAL

ACHIEVEMENT.

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO IT'S NOT.

HARRY REID HAS BEEN HOME JUST ALITTLE WHILE AGO, AND THIS IS

NOT -- I KNOW THAT EXPECTATIONSFOR CONGRESS ARE LOW.

BUT THE ONLY WAY KEEPING THELIGHTS ON IS A MONUMENTAL

ACHIEVEMENT IS IF YOU'RE AMACCABEE AND YOUR MENORAH

HAS BUT ONE NIGHT OF OIL -- TOEVERYONE'S ASTONISHMENT THE

GOVERNMENT LIGHTS BURNEDFOR AN ENTIRE FISCAL YEAR.

AND THAT IS WHY WE CELEBRATE THEMIRACLE OF

CONGRESSICA BUDGETICA. WE GOT ABUDGET.

WHAT ARE WE GOING INTO DEBT FORTHIS YEAR?

>> ON IMMIGRATION, THE BILLINCLUDES AT LEAST $1.2 BILLION.

$521 BILLION FOR THE MILITARY.

>> $5.4 BILLION TO COMBAT EBOLA.

>> IT ALSO BLOCKS A PAYRAISE FOR THE VICE PRESIDENT.

SORRY JOE BIDEN.

>> Jon: SORRY, JOE BIDEN.

MY GUESS IS HE HEARS THAT PHRASEA LOT.

SIR, WE CAN NOT SERVE YOUWITHOUT A SHIRT,

SORRY JOE BIDEN.

THIS METER DOES NOT ACCEPTCHUCKIE CHEESE TOKENS.

SORRY, JOE BIDEN.

ANYWAY, IT SOUNDS LIKE PRETTYSTANDARD BUDGET STUFF IN THERE.

>> BUDGET CUTS FOR THE IRS ANDTHE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION

AGENCY.

>> THIS WOULD DO AWAY WITH THEBAN ON TRADITIONAL

INCANDESCENT LIGHT BULBS.

>> STOPPING THE DISTRICT OFCOLUMBIA FROM LEGALIZING

MARIJUANA.

>> Jon: WAIT, STOPPING PEOPLEFROM SMOKING POT'S A BUDGET

THING? I THOUGHT THATWAS MORE OF A GIRLFRIEND

OR BOYFRIEND THING. THOSE LASTTHINGS SOUNDED LESS LIKE

BUDGET ITEMS AND MORE LIKE, IDONT KNOW, LAWS.

WHAT OTHER NON BUDGETARY ITEMSARE IN THE BUDGET?

>> FARMERS WILL NOT HAVE TOOBTAIN METHANE EMISSION PERMITS.

>> TWO KINDS OF BIRDS CAN NOLONGER BE DECLARED ENDANGERED.

>> LONGER HOURS FOR TRUCKERS.

>> A FEDERAL PROGRAM CANNOW CALL WHITE POTATOES A

FRESH VEGETABLE.

>> Jon: WHAT THE (BLEEP) ISTHAT?

IN THE BUDGET NOW YOU CAN JUSTMAKE UP WORDS?

THE ARMY CAN NOW CALL BULLETSINGESTIBLE IRON SUPPLEMENTS.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH-- HOW DID THAT RANDOM STUFF

END UP IN THE BUDGET?

>> A LOT OF LAW MAKERS USE THISOPPORTUNITY A MUST PASS

BILL TO SLIP IN A LOT OF SPECIALINTEREST PROVISIONS THAT THEY

PROBABLY COULDN'T GETPASSED ON THEIR OWN.

AND SOME OF THEM CAME IN, IN THEMIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN NOT A

LOT OF PEOPLE ARE LOOKING.

>> Jon: WHAT?

THEY JUST WAIT UNTIL NOBODY ISLOOKING AND THEN JUST SLIP THIS

TOXIC STUFF IN?

WHAT ARE THEY, THE BILL COSBY OFLEGISLATION?

[LAUGHING][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GUILTY, INNOCENT.

GUILTY, INNOCENT.

GUILTY --[LAUGHING]

ALTHOUGH I IMAGINE YOUCALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

>> IT'S CALLED A CHRISTMAS TREE.

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: AND IS THERE ANYTHING

MORE MAGICAL THAN A LOOK ON ACONGRESS PERSON'S FACE WHEN THEY

COME RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS TOSEE WHAT THEY GOT THEMSELVES?

YOU KNOW, ANOTHER WAY THISBUDGET IS LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE:

LIBERALS WANT TO DESTROY IT.

>> THE BIGGEST ITEM THAT RILEDUP PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRATS WAS THE

BILL'S REVERSING OF NEWREGULATIONS ON BIG BANKS AND

DERIVATIVE SECURITIES, THEKIND THAT NEARLY IMPLODED

THE WORLD'S FINANCIALSYSTEM IN 2008.

>> THAT PART OF THE LEGISLATIONWAS WRITTEN BY CITIGROUP.

>> Jon: WOW. WELL, OF COURSETHEY HAD TO HIDE THE CITIGROUP

WRITTEN PROVISION IN THESPENDING BILL.

EITHER THAT OR TRY TO GETGET CONGRESS TO PASS THE

WE NEVER LEARN OUR [BEEP]LESSON ACT OF 2014.

WHY WOULD THE CONGRESS SNEAK INA PROVISION THAT BASICALLY

WAS JUST AN ENORMOUS GIVEAWAYTO BIG BANKS?

WHAT DOES CONGRESS GET ALMOSTDIRECTLY IN RETURN FOR THIS

FAVOR/INVESTMENT.

>> A LAST MINUTE CHANGE FROM THETOP REPUBLICAN LEADERS TO ALTER

CAMPAIGN FINANCE RULES SO BIGDONORS CAN GIVE TEN TIMES MORE

MONEY.

UP TO $324,000.

>> Jon: BUT NOT A PENNY MORE.OBVIOUSLY I SHOULDN'T INSINUATE

THAT RAISING THE PERSONAL DONORLIMIT TO $324,000 IS TANTAMOUNT

TO PAY BACK FOR INCREASINGTHE BANK'S PROFITS. REALLY,

ANY INDIVIDUAL COULD GIVE$324,000, BE THEY A WALL STREET

BANKER WHO BENEFITED FROM THISCONGRESSIONAL LARGESSE

OR THE LOCAL JANITOR WHO ISLOOKING TO BANKRUPT HIMSELF.

[LAUGHING]BUT NOT EVERYONE IN CONGRESS

IS HAPPY WITH THESE SECRET DODDFRANK ROLLING BACK SHENANIGANS.

>> THAT'S WHY I WAS SO REALLYHEARTBROKEN.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER SAIDTHAT WORD ON THE FLOOR OF THE

HOUSE.

HEARTBROKEN TO SEE THE TAINTTHAT WAS PLACED ON THIS VALUABLE

APPROPRIATIONS BILL.

[LAUGHING][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHING][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: I FOUND ITINTERESTING THAT THE GESTURE

SHE USED AFTER SAYING THEWORD "TAINT" WAS.

HOW SHORT IS SHE?

[LAUGHING] I'M SORRY. ALRIGHT.

IS THERE, IS THERE -- IS THERESOMEONE IN CONGRESS WHO CAN NOT

APPEAL TO ME IN SUCH ANADOLESCENT WAY.

>> WHO DOES CONGRESS WORK FOR?

DOES IT WORK FOR THEMILLIONAIRES?

THE BILLIONAIRES?

OR DOES IT WORK FOR ALL OF THEPEOPLE?

IT IS TIME FOR ALL OF US TOSTAND UP AND FIGHT.

>> Jon: IT'S SO CUTE. SHE THINKSSHE CAN CHANGE THE SYSTEM.

[LAUGHING]FRESHMEN. WELL, DON'T WORRY

ONE OF THE MEAN GIRLS WILL GETHER BACK IN LINE.

>>TO MY GOOD FRIEND FROMMASSACHUSETS, THERE IS SOMETHING

IN HERE YOU DON'T LIKE, WELCOMETO DEMOCRACY.

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: WHAT, WHAT JUST HAPPENED

THERE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YOU DON'T LIKE IT --

THAT IS DEMOCRACY.

SO, HE SAYS, LINDSAY GRAHAM SAYSWELCOME TO DEMOCRACY.

BUT HERE'S THE THING, THAT'S NOTDEMOCRACY.

DEMOCRACY IS WHAT HAPPENED WHENCONGRESS PASSED DODD FRANK,

FOLLOWING A VIGOROUS OPENDEBATE AND BIPARTISAN

COMPROMISE.

WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK ISSOMEONE ANONYMOUSLY REPEALING

PART OF THAT AGREEMENTBY SNEAKING IT INTO AN UNRELATED

MUST-PASS BILL.

IT'S DEMOCRACY IN THE SAME WAYTHAT CHEESE WHIZ IS CHEESE.

IT LOOKS KIND OF SIMILAR FROM ADISTANCE BUT IT SURE TASTES LIKE

SOMEONE'S TAINT.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

NOW YOU MAY RECALL,A PREVIOUS SEGMENT COMPRISED OF

A FAIRLY DETAILED DISCUSSION OFTHE OMNIBUS BUDGET BILL.

THE SORT OF ENTRENCHEDAND POLITICAL SATIRE WE'VE COME

TO BE KNOWN FOR AND WHICH ISSLOWLY KILLING ME.

WHICH IS WHY THIS ACT WE'REGOING WITH THIS.

>> BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A DANGEROUSTIME OF YEAR.

THE SOUTH DAKOTA DEPARTMENT OFPUBLIC SAFETY HAS A NEW AD

CAMPAIGN OUT THAT'S AIMED ATKEEPING DRIVERS SAFE ON THE

ROAD.

>> IT'S CALLED DON'T JERK ANDDRIVE.

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: OH, YEAH.

YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING IFYOU DON'T EAT YOUR MEAT.

WELL, I GUESS I'VE EATEN MY MEATCAUSE THAT SURE FEELS LIKE

PUDDING. IT IS OUR NEW SEGMENT.

JON STEWART REWARDS --[LAUGHING]

IS THAT REALLY WHAT WE'RE --

ALRIGHT.

SO DON'T JERK AND DRIVE.

LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING IT'S BADADVICE.

ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF US WITHCLOTH SEATS.

BUT IS IT, IS IT THAT MUCH OF APROBLEM AND FOR SOUTH DAKOTA IN

PARTICULARLY?

>> WINTER DRIVING CAN BETREACHEROUS.

SHOULD YOUR TIRE LEAVE A SNOWYOR ICEY ROAD,

RESIST THE URGE TO JERK THESTEERING WHEEL.

OVERCORRECTING ONLY RESULTS INCHAOS,

AND BESIDES NOBODYLIKES A JERKER.

>> Jon: THAT IS, THAT IS SOMEEXPLOSION THERE.

WAS ONE OF THOSE CARS MADE OFMENTOS AND THE OTHER MADE OF

DIET COKE? WHAT? OR IS THATJUST WHAT GOD DOES TO CARS THAT

JERK AND DRIVE?

LOOK -- ALRIGHT.

THE CAMPAIGN ISN'T EXACTLY WHATIT SOUNDS LIKE.

>> NOW IF YOU THINK THAT'S A BITFUNNY WITH THE SEXUAL

CONNOTATIONS TIED TOIT, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE

THE PEOPLE BEHIND THE ADS SAYTHAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO GRAB YOUR

ATTENTION.

>> Jon: WELL, IT GRABS YOURATTENTION BUT YOU DON'T

GENERALLY ADDRESS GENUINE PUBLICSAFETY CONCERNS WITH SEX PUNS.

WE DON'T FIGHT BULLYING WITH ANO FISTING CAMPAIGN.

OR PROMOTE COLON HEALTH WITHLIKE LICK ANAL CANCER.

BY THE WAY, THAT'S ALSO ANUNRELEASED ROLLING STONES

ALBUM COVER.

ACTUALLY THAT MAY BE WHY THISHAPPENED.

>> TREVOR JONES WITH THEDEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY

ISSUED THIS STATEMENT "THIS ISAN IMPORTANT SAFETY MESSAGE.

I DON'T WANT THIS INNUENDO TODISTRACT FROM OUR GOAL TO SAVE

LIVES ON THE ROAD ."

>> THE SLOGAN GAINED A LOT OFATTENTION.

BUT NOW THE STATE HAS DECIDED TOPULL IT ANYWAY.

>> Jon: FOR MORE WE TURN TOAASIF MANDVI LIVE IN

SOUTH DAKOTA. AASIF, THANKSFOR JOINING US.

WOW, IT'S ALREADY SNOWING OUTTHERE.

IT'S ALREADY COLD OUTTHERE.

OBVIOUSLY, AASIF, IT SOUNDS LIKETHEY HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THE

MISUNDERSTANDING,SEXUAL INNUENDO.

>> YES, JON. AND IT IS A SHAME.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> BECAUSE ALL OF THE SILLINESSHAS DISTRACTED FROM THE

REAL PROBLEM HERE: THE DANGERSOF MASTURBATING WHILE DRIVING.

IT'S KILLING THIS STATE.

>> Jon: IT'S -- REALLY? IT'SKILLING --

>> YES, YES.>> Jon: REALLY?

>> YES, YES THIS STATE HAS APROBLEM WITH DRIVERS WHO CANNOT

WAIT UNTIL THEY REACH THEIRDESTINATION TO MASTURBATE.

>> Jon: WHAT? WHY ISMASTURBATING WHILE DRIVING SO

RAMPANT IN SOUTH DAKOTA?

>> WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN SOUTHDAKOTANS, JON?

THEY ARE INSANELY HOT. JANUARYJONES IS FROM HERE.

DAISY DUKE IS FROM HERE.

AND YOU KNOW HOW CONGRESS PEOPLEARE THE UGLIEST PEOPLE IN THE

STATE? THESE ARE THEIRCONGRESS PEOPLE.

>> Jon: WOW.

>> I DARE YOU TO TELL METHAT YOU ARE NOT HARD AS A ROCK

RIGHT NOW, HUH.

>> Jon: I DON'T DISPUTE THAT.

BUT YOU ARE NOT LOOKING AT THOSEBEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHEN YOU ARE

ALONE IN YOUR CAR.

>> THERE IS TEMPTATIONEVERYWHERE, JON.

TAKE SOUTH DAKOTA'S MOST FAMOUSATTRACTION, MOUNT RUSHMORE.

>> Jon: YEAH.>> NOW, YOU HAVE SEEN THE HEADS.

BUT YOU HAVE SEEN THE WHOLEMONUMENT?

>> Jon: OH MY GOD, THAT IS UM --

>> JON, JON, JON, YOU ARE ONTHE AIR.

>> Jon: SORRY. I'M SORRY.JUST WHAT CAN BE DONE TO HELP

SOUTH DAKOTANS?

>> WELL, THEY'RE GOING TO TRY ANEW CAMPAIGN, NOTHING CLEVER

JUST MORE DIRECT. SPEAKING TOSOUTH DAKOTANS IN THE MIDWESTERN

COMMON SENSE LANGUAGETHEY'RE USED TO:

PLEASE MASTURBATEBEFORE YOU DRIVE.

HEY! YOU! GET YOUR HANDS OFFYOUR DICK.

AND FINALLY: FOR GOD'S SAKE IFYOU HAVE TO MASTURBATE PULL OVER

FIRST.

>> Jon: GREAT REPORTING, AASIFMANDVI.

NOW YOU CAN COME BACK TO NEWYORK.

>> ABSOLUTELY, JON.

BUT FIRST I HAVE TO DO MY PARTTO KEEP THE ROAD SAFE.

>> Jon: WAIT, YOU'RE NOT EVEN INTHE CAR.

>> WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

Jon: ALRIGHT CUTAWAY. AASIFMANDVI.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, A LEGEND. NEWSONG IS CALLED

"HOPE FOR THE FUTURE." IT ISFEATURED ON A NEW VIDEO GAME

CALLED "DESTINY."

♪ WE WILL BUILD BRIDGES UP TOTHE SKY

♪ HEAVENLY LIGHTS SURROUNDING♪ YOU AND I

♪ HOPE FOR THE FUTURE♪ IT'S COMING SOON ENOUGH

♪ HOW MUCH CAN WE ACHIEVE?

>> Jon: PAUL, LOOK OUT,THE ALIENS.

PLEASE WELCOME, PAUL MCCARTNEY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING

TO -- UNFORTUNATELY THAT'S ALLTHE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY.

NOW, I'M GOING TO GO WITHTHUNDEROUS.

THAT WAS THUNDER OVATION.

>> THAT WAS THUNDEROUS.

THAT WAS STUNNING, THANK YOU.

>> Jon: THAT WAS STUNNING.

NOW THEY'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

THEY JUST KEEP DOING IT.

>> I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT HERE.

>> Jon: I UNDERSTAND NOW WHYMUSICIANS HAVE THE HEARING

PROBLEMS. BECAUSE THETHUNDEROUS OVATIONS.

>> THIS IS RIGHT, YEAH.

Jon: WHO ELSE GETS THAT IN THE-- YOU KNOW, I GET THAT, SO

YOU WALK OUT AND PEOPLE APPLAUD.>> YEAH.

>> Jon: DO YOU REMEMBER, SO I'VEHAD A LOT OF JOBS WHERE I SHOW

UP, NO APPLAUSE.

>> BARTENDER.

>> Jon: SURE, I WAITED TABLES.

NO APPLAUSE.

NEVER OH, HE'S COMING WITH THEMENUS.

>> NOTHING.

>> Jon: NOTHING.

>> WELL, THAT'S WHY I WENT INTOMUSIC, JON.

>> Jon: I THINK IT WAS, YOUKNOW, A WISE CHOICE.

I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.

I THINK A FALL BACK PLAN ISALWAYS --

>> THAT'S WHAT MY DAD SAID TOME.

>> Jon: DID HE REALLY?

>> OH YEAH.

>> Jon: NOW HOW LONG -- HOW MUCHSUCCESS DID YOU HAVE BEFORE

FAMILY, FRIENDS THOUGHT, WE'REGOING TO GET OFF HIS BACK

NOW, WE'RE GOING TO LET HIM GO.

LIKE WHERE WERE YOU,WAS IT, WAS IT CHARTING?

WAS IT ED SULLIVAN?

WHAT WAS THE MOMENTWHERE EVERYONE WENT OKAY YOU'RE

GONNA DO THAT FOR A LIVING.

THAT'S FINE. THAT'S FINE.

>> YEAH, YEAH I THINK ITWAS JUST THE FIRST RECORD ON THE

CHARTS PROBABLY.

YEAH.

>> Jon: OR WAS IT THE SONG FOR"DESTINY" FOR THE VIDEO GAME.

WAS THAT, WAS THAT WHERE THEYSAID, OKAY NOW HE HAS MADE IT?

>> WELL, THIS ONLY JUSTHAPPENED, YEAH.

THEY NEVER BELIEVED IT.

BUT YEAH, THE SONG FOR"DESTINY" I'M NOT HERE TO PLUG.

>> Jon: NO.

>> NO.

>> Jon: NO I'M NOT HERE TO PLUGIT EITHER.

>> THIS IS JUST A CASUALMENTION.

>> Jon: WE WOULD PROBABLY TALKANYWAY.

>> ABOUT THAT. RIGHT.

>> Jon: OR JUST HANGING OUT ASWE OFTEN DO.

>> WE OFTEN DO. YEAH.

>> Jon: ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE.

YOU IN IT.

>> WELL -- YOU KNOW.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TODO?

>> WELL, BUT YOU KNOW.

>> Jon: HOW DO THEY GET YOU TODO THAT?

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OFTHINGS I THINK TO MYSELF,

JEEZ I WOULD LOVE TOHAVE PAUL MCCARTNEY DO A SONG

FOR THIS, BUT YOU WOULDN'T.

>> I MIGHT.

IT DEPENDS HOW YOU ASKED ME.

>> Jon: REALLY?

IT'S A INTERESTING THING.

I GUESS PEOPLE DON'T REALIZETHESE ARE NOW BILLION DOLLAR

INDUSTRIES.

THESE ARE FRANCHISES.

THESE ARE BIGGER THAN MAJORMOTION PICTURES.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.AND THAT IS WHAT WAS POINTED OUT

TO ME BY THE PEOPLE WHO ASKEDME.

WHY DON'T YOU DO THIS, PAUL.

IT'S BIGGER THAN ANYTHING.

NO, THE THING WAS I'D SEEN MYGRANDKIDS MAINLY PLAYING THEM.

AND I KIND OF WOULD SAY GIVE MEA GO AT THAT.

COME ON.

I WOULD GET KILLED WITHIN THEFIRST COUPLE OF SECONDS, HAND IT

BACK TO THEM, GO ON. OKAY

SO, YOU KNOW I WAS MR. COOL.

COME ON, GIVE IT UP.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: HOW CRAZY IS THAT.

PAUL MCCARTNEY.

CAUSE IT IS, I FIND MYSELF DOINGTHAT AS WELL.

THAT WHATEVER MY KIDS AREINTERESTED IN I TRY TO DO A

LITTLE SOMETHING FOR.

BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE ABOUTTHIS.

>> THEY DON'T CARE, NO.

>> Jon: DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY SONSAID TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT?

>> WHAT?

>> Jon: WHY CAN'T YOU DO A SHOWLIKE "ELLEN"?

>> HE COULD HAVE SOMETHINGTHERE, JON.

>> Jon: HE SAID DO A SHOW LIKE"ELLEN."

HE SAID I WATCH YOUR SHOW. IDON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT.

I WATCH HER SHOW AND I REALLYENJOY IT.

[LAUGHING]>> AND DOES SHE GIVES OUT CDs

AND THINGS, AND HOLIDAYS.

>> Jon: YOU ARE WISHING YOU WEREON "ELLEN" TOO.

NO, YOU ARE! I SEE IT.

>> NO, I'M NOT.

I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE.

[LAUGHING]I REALLY AM.

Jon: THIS IS SO NOT RIGHT.

IF YOU DO THIS FOR THEM IS THERELIKE A CHEAT CODE FOR THE GUY

WHO WROTE THE SONG FOR THE VIDEOGAME WHERE YOU ARE LIKE

IMPERVIOUS TO DAMAGE. CAN YOU,YOU KNOW,

DO YOU PLAY IT NOW AND THEY TELLYOU HOW TO WIN?

>> NO.

>> Jon: SO YOU STILL GET BLOWNUP.

DO YOU PLAY THEM?

>> BASICALLY. NO, I DON'T PLAYTHEM.

>> Jon: NO, BUT THE KIDS DO.

>> YEAH, THE KIDS DO.

I'VE TRIED THEM, I'M NO GOOD ATTHEM.

I GO IN THE FIRST ROOM.

YES, COME ON, YES.

AND THEY'RE SHOOTING AT ME.

THEY'RE SHOOTING AT ME, JON.

>> Jon: YEAH.

>> I GET KILLED AND I HAND THECONTROL BACK.

>> Jon: IT'S REALLY ONE OF THEBIG DRAWBACKS IN THESE GAMES.

IS THAT THEY'RE RELENTLESSLYTRYING TO DESTROY YOU.

>> YEAH. THEY KEEP SHOOTING ATYOU ALL THE TIME.

>> Jon: I JUST, I FIND ITFASCINATING, LIKE

FOR ME THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDRATHER BE THAN A POP STAR,

THAN A ROCK STAR.

TO ME IT'S SUCH A MAGICAL WAY OFEXPRESSING YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW, COMEDY IS SO LINEAR.

IT'S LANGUAGE.

EVERYONE KNOWS SOMEBODYWHO'S FUNNY.

NOT EVERYBODY -- MUSIC IS SUCH ADIFFERENT LANGUAGE.

SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, MORE ABSTRACTLANGUAGE.

IT'S SHOCKING TO ME TO KNOWTHERE IS SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT

THAT GOOD AT THAT YOUTHINK TO YOURSELF IT WOULD

BE FUN TO BE GOOD AT THAT.

>> WHAT'S THAT?

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: ARE YOU GOING TO THE

ROCK -- ARE YOU GOING TO GO WHENRINGO'S GHOST BALL THING?

>> I AM. YEAH, I DEFINITELY AM,YEAH.

I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.

>> Jon: IT'S VERY EXCITING.YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

AND THAT'S, SO NOW, YOU'RE IN,HE'S IN.

EVERYONE IS IN.

YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I'LL GO.

IT'S IN NEW YORK, IS IT NOT?

DON'T THEY DO THE CEREMONY INNEW YORK?

>> DO THEY? I DON'T KNOW.

I WILL FIND OUT THOUGH BEFORETHE NIGHT.

>> Jon: YOU REALLY DON'T KNOWWHERE YOU GO.

THEY JUST POINT YOU IN ADIRECTION.

>> I DON'T.

>> Jon: AS FAR AS YOU KNEW, YOUWERE COMING ON LETTERMAN,

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOUARE.

>> I THOUGHT THIS WAS "ELLEN."

[LAUGHING]>> Jon: I KNEW IT! NOW YOU CAN

BUY THIS ON iTUNES.

IT'S ALSO FEATURED IN "DESTINY"YOU CAN BUY THAT AS WELL.

BUT COME ON IT'S PAUL MCCARTNEY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: THAT'S THE SHOW.

HERE IS YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> LET'S GO TO JOY, LET'S GOTO JOY IN RAWLING,

NORTH CAROLINA. GOOD MORNING TOYOU, JOY.

>> HEY, SOMEBODY FROM DOWNSOUTH.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT I'M FROM DOWNSOUTH.

>> OH GOD, IT'S MOM.

>> AND I'M YOUR MOTHER.

AND I DISAGREE THAT ALL FAMILIESARE LIKE OURS.

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