May 3, 2011 - Rachel Maddow

  • Episode: 16058
  • (0)

A royal wedding simulation reveals the consummation, and Rachel Maddow discusses Bin Laden's death.

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

A VERY SPECIAL SHOW TONIGHT.

MY GUEST... WHAT?

MY GUEST TONIGHT, MY GUEST

TONIGHT, THE ONE AND ONLY RACHEL

MADDOW WILL BE JOINING US A

LITTLE BIT LATER.

WE'RE EXCITED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT FIRST, BEFORE WE GET GOING,

I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE I HAVE

THIS RIGHT.

THAT'S ONE CHICKEN BURRITO AND

ONE NACHOS A PABLANO?

SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCE IS

REMEMBERING ME FROM MY DAYS WHEN

I USED TO [BLEEPED] UP THEIR

ORDER, THE GLORY DAY, IF YOU

WILL.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE USED TO WATCH YOU DO COMEDY

ON TUESDAY NIGHTS AT THE BITTER

END AND ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS WE'D

WATCH YOU BUS TABLES.

[LAUGHTER]

WHICH ONE YOU WERE BETTER AT,

QUITE FRANKLY.

BUT FIRST WE TURN TO OUR

CONTINUING COVERAGE, DAY TWO,

THE DEMISE OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.

I'LL ADMIT, I'LL ADMIT,

YESTERDAY'S SHOW, YESTERDAY'S

SHOW WAS I.D. DRIVEN, AN

MALLISTIC, ALMOST TRIBAL,

CATHARSIS FUELED.

BUT IN THIS SOBER DAWN,

SELF-REFLECTION AND QUESTIONS

BEGIN TO ENTER THE

CONSCIOUSNESS, QUESTIONS LIKE:

>> WON'T THERE ALWAYS BE THAT

LINGERING DOUBT AMONGST

AMERICAN, WELL, WHERE IS THE

BODY?

HOW DO WE KNOW HE'S DEAD?

WHY ISN'T THERE A PICTURE OF IT?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: NO.

THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION, BUT

ALREADY?

COME ON, MAN.

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO AS A

COUNTRY STOP PRETENDING THAT

THERE'S A LEVEL OF EMPIRICAL

PROOF THAT WILL SATISFY THE

CONSPIRACY SEEKERS AMONGST US?

THESE THINGS ARE NEVER ABOUT

EVIDENCE.

WE COULD HAVE A VIDEOTAPE OF THE

TERROR LEADER HIMSELF HOLDING UP

SUNDAY'S "NEW YORK POST" AND HIS

BIRTH CERTIFICATE IN HIS "I AM

BIN LADEN SERIOUSLY" T-SHIRT

SAYING ON CAMERA, "I THINK THIS

DUDE'S ABOUT TO [BLEEPED] ME UP

BIG TIME."

WOULDN'T MATTER.

HERE'S THE VIDEO.

THIS IS BUZZ ALDRIN.

BUZZ ALDRIN WAS ON THE MOON.

WE SAW HIM LAND THERE ON

TELEVISION.

THIS IS THE CRAP HE HAD TO PUT

UP WITH.

>> YOU'RE A COWARD AND A LIAR

AND A THIEF.

>> Jon: APPARENTLY ONLY ONE OF

THOSE MEN REENTERED THE EARTH'S

AT MS FEAR.

-- ATMOSPHERE.

COME ON.

THE NAGGING QUESTION IN MY MIND

CONCERNS PAKISTAN.

THE COUNTRY WHOSE SUBURB OF

ABBOTTABAD HAS BEEN HOME TO BIN

LADEN FOR APPARENTLY THE LAST

SIX YEARS.

AND, YOU KNOW, PAKISTAN WAS LAST

YEAR'S HONORED RECIPIENT OF THE

UNITED STATES' $3.2 BILLION "BE

OUR FRIEND PLEASE" SCHOLARSHIP

AWARDED EACH YEAR TO THE COUNTRY

THAT IF WE DIDN'T GIVE THEM $3.2

BILLION WOULD IN NO WAY BE OUR

FRIEND.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS REMINDED OF AN INTERVIEW

THAT PAKISTAN'S PRIME MINISTER

DID LAST YEAR.

>> OSAMA BIN LADEN IS NOT IN

PAKISTAN.

>> HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE HE'S

NOT IN PAKISTAN?

>> BECAUSE THERE ARE MILITARY

ACTIONS THAT ARE VERY

SUCCESSFUL.

IF THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ANY

CHANCE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN

ARRESTED.

>> Jon: REALLY, WOULD HAVE

BEEN ARRESTED.

[LAUGHTER]

YOUR MILITARY ACTIONS VERY

SUCCESSFUL, WOULD HAVE GOTTEN

HIM.

YOU KNOW, NOT ONLY WAS THERE

CHANCE THAT BIN LADEN HAD BEEN

LIVING IN PAKISTAN FOR SIX

YEARS, HE WAS LIVING HALF A MILE

FROM PAKISTAN'S VERSION OF WEST

POINT IN A TOWN SURROUNDED BY

RETIRED EX-MILITARY OFFICERS.

A HALF MILE.

LOOK AT THAT IN NEW YORK CITY

TERMS.

BIN LADEN WAS ON 21st AND

7th AVENUE.

THEY WERE ON 21st AND 9th

AVENUE.

[LAUGHTER]

IF THE PAKISTANI MILITARY

ACADEMY WERE DOMINO, THEY WOULD

DELIVER TO BIN LADEN ON FOOT.

THE PAKISTANI MILITARY, THE

PAKISTANI MILITARY COULD HAVE

CAUGHT BIN LADEN WITH A ROD AND

REEL.

OR A GIANT ACME MAGNET.

YOU WERE NEIGHBORS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY.

MAYBE... TO BE FAIR, MAYBE OSAMA

WAS KIND OF IN A STEALTH J.D.

SALINGER MODE.

>> ONLY 35 MILES FROM ISLAMABAD,

BIN LADEN'S COMPOUND BECAUSE

McMAHON SHUN.

>> SURROUNDED BY WALLS TEN TO

18-FEET HIGH TOPPED WITH WASHED

WIRE.

>> NO INTERNET, NO PHONE.

>> EIGHT TIMES THE SIZE OF

NEARBY HOUSES.

>> THEY BURNED THEIR GARBAGE

INSTEAD OF TAKING IT OUT LIKE

THE REST OF THE NEIGHBORS.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: COULD IT HAVE BEEN ANY

MORE OBVIOUS?

LOOK AT THE MAN'S MAILBOX, FOR

GOD'S SAKES.

WHAT MORE DID YOU WANT?

WHAT MORE EVIDENCE DID YOU NEED

THAT SOMETHING WAS AWRY IN THAT

ONE CUL-DE-SAC?

WHAT DID YOU NEED, ABJECT

CRUELTY TO SCHOOLCHILDREN?

>> WHEN CHILDREN, LOCAL CHILDREN

PLAYING FOOTBALL NEARBY KICKED

THEIR BALL OVER THE WALL, THE

PEOPLE IN THE COMPOUND JUST GAVE

THEM MONEY AND TOLD THEM TO GO

AND BUY ANOTHER BALL RATHER THAN

LET THEM COME IN AND SEARCH.

>> Jon: HE WOULD KEEP THE

CHILDREN'S BALLS AND THE

MONEY... THE MONEY... THE

MONEY... THE MONEY THAT THEY

GAVE THE CHILDREN WAS IN THE

FORM OF A PERSONAL CHECK FROM

THE DESK OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.

THAT'S... THAT'S WHAT... I DID

NOT KNOW... I DID NOT KNOW YOU

COULD GET THE TWEETY BIRD DEATH

TO AMERICA CHECK.

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT PAKISTAN'S

LEADERS, INCLUDING FORMER

PRESIDENT MUSHARRAF, HAVE SOME

EXPLAINING TO DO.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, FOR YEARS U.S.

OFFICIALS, INTELLIGENCE

OFFICIALS, HAVE BEEN SAYING

OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS, IN FACT, IN

PAKISTAN.

YOU HAVE BEEN DENYING THAT FOR

YEARS NOW CATEGORICALLY SAYING,

NO, HE'S IN AFGHANISTAN.

DO YOU NOW ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG?

>> NEW YORK I DON'T THINK I WAS

EVER DENYING.

I WAS ASKED EVERYWHERE, AND MY

FIRST RESPONSE INVARIABLY ALWAYS

WAS THAT I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

>> Jon: OKAY.

TWO THINGS, ONE, I THINK IT'S

RUDE TO TALK ON THE PHONE WHEN

YOU'RE BEING INTERVIEWED.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NUMBER TWO, THAT'S WHAT

WE'RE SAYING, WE'RE SAYING, WHEN

YOU SAID "I DON'T KNOW," YOU

KNEW!

YOU WANT US TO BELIEVE THAT THE

I.S.I., THE PAKISTANI

INTELLIGENCE, THE MILITARY, THE

GOVERNMENT, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY

IDEA BIN LADEN WAS THERE OR HAVE

ANY INVOLVEMENT IN PUTTING BIN

LADEN THERE?

>> I THINK I.S.I. MUST BE

UTTERLY STUPID TO PUT THEM IN

SUCH A PROMINENT PLACE, HIDING

THEM IN SUCH A PROMINENT PLACE

THAT.

THAT IS NOT WHAT I.S.I. WOUND

HAVE DONE, CERTAINLY NOT.

>> Jon: SO YOUR DEFENSE IS

BASICALLY THE I.S.I. IS WAY TOO

SMART TO PUT BIN LADEN IN SUCH

AN OBVIOUS PLACE, BUT FAR TOO

CLUELESS TO KNOW HE WAS THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE IN THAT MAGIC SWEET

SPOT.

[LAUGHTER]

SMART ENOUGH NOT TO DO IT,

DUMB ENOUGH NOT TO KNOW.

AND BY THE WAY, HIDING BIN

LADEN, HIDING?

BIN LADEN WASN'T HIDING IN

PAKISTAN.

HE WAS CHILLIN' IN PAKISTAN,

CRASHIN', IF YOU WILL.

IF WALDO HID THE WAY OSAMA BIN

LADEN DID, I WOULDN'T FIND THOSE

BOOKS SO INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING.

LOOK, THAT'S HIM RIGHT THERE!

HE'S IN THE GIANT, HIGH-WALLED

COMPOUND.

HE'S RIGHT THERE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW YOU'RE LIKE, OH, THAT

WAS OSAMA'S HOUSE, THE TALL

LANKY GUY?

WE THOUGHT MAYBE JEFF GOLDBLUM

HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR A SUMMER

RETREAT, HAD GROWN A BEARD AND

WAS BURNING ALL HIS TRASH.

YOU KNOW HOLLYWOOD PEOPLE,

ECCENTRIC.

YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?

YOU MAY RECALL PAKISTAN'S

THEN-LEADER, PERVEZ MUSHARRAF,

WAS ON THIS VERY PROGRAM TO

PROMOTE HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY A

LITTLE LESS THAN FIVE YEARS AGO.

I GAVE THIS MAN A TEA AND

TWINKIE WELCOME.

TO YOUR HEALTH, SIR.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

WE APPRECIATE IT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: MMM.

IS IT GOOD?

WHERE'S OSAMA BIN LADEN?

[LAUGHTER]

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> Jon: OH, DON'T YOU?

DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

WELL, GUESS WHAT...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HE LIED TO ME.

HE LIED TO ME.

WELL, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL

YOU, PERVEZ MUSHARRAF.

I SAID I READ YOUR BOOK.

I DIDN'T READ YOUR BOOK.

AND THOSE TWINKIES WERE OVER 40

YEARS OLD.

I GOT THEM ON A CAMPING TRIP

WHEN I WAS SIX YEARS OLD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK MY GUEST

TONIGHT, THE HOST OF MSNBC'S

"THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME

BACK TO THE SHOW RACHEL MADDOW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.

>> Jon: I AM... I AM SO GLAD

TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU I

COULDN'T EVEN SHAKE YOUR HANDS.

I WAS CONTAGIOUS WITH THE BU

BONS.

YOU AND YOUR STAFF WERE VERY

KIND WITH SLIPPERS AND GINGER

ALE.

I WAS VERY APPRECIATIVE.

>> I FELT MYSELF SLIPPING INTO

THAT KIND OF FEELING WITH HITLER

AND THE SEX SCENE CAMEO FROM THE

WHATTINGHAM PALACE?

I GOT A LITTLE...

>> Jon: I FOUND IT VERY

TASTEFUL.

>> REALLY?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: GIVEN WHAT SOME OF OUR

ORIGINAL CHOICES WERE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT CAN I TELL YOU MY FAVORITE

PART ABOUT ALL, THAT TRYING TO

EXPLAIN TO THESE GUYS WHAT WE

WANTED THEM TO DO.

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, A STRAP-ON WITH HITLER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HITLER.

ADOLF HITLER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND WE'D LIKE HIM TO BE WEEPING.

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.

WE NEED IT BY MONDAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

THESE ARE FOR A NEWS PERSON I

IMAGINE THESE ARE EXCITING

TIMES.

DO THEY CALL YOU WHEN SOMETHING

LIKE THIS HAPPENS AND SAY, GET

DOWN HERE.

DOES YOUR BEEPER GO OFF?

>> YEAH.

LOTS OF PEOPLE START CALLING,

AND EVERYBODY ON MY STAFF IS

VERY NICE AND THEY SAY, HEY,

YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING TOO

IMPORTANT TONIGHT, ARE YOU?

AND THEN THE BOSS CALLS AND

SAYS, RUN TO THE STUDIO.

SO IT'S VERY... IT'S EXCITING.

IT MAKES YOU FEEL... IT'S ONE OF

THOSE TIMES WHEN IF YOU HAVE A

BIG EGO ABOUT WORKING IN THE

NEWS BUSINESS, IT'S GOING TO GET

WORSE, BECAUSE SOMETHING HAS

HAPPENED TO OSAMA BIN LADEN AND

I'M THE ONE WHO IS NEEDED NOW?

I'M NOT SURE THAT I AM.

>> Jon: HOP IN THE NEWS

MOBILE.

>> HOP IN THE NEWS MOBILE.

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE STORIES

THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MESS UP

UNLESS YOU TRY TO GET OUT AHEAD

OF IT.

ESSENTIALLY OUR JOB RIGHT NOW IS

TO GIVE THE INFORMATION, GIVE

THE INFORMATION TO AN AMERICAN

PUBLIC THAT IS INCREDIBLY,

INCREDIBLY HUNGRY TO HEAR IT IN

GREAT DETAIL BECAUSE EVEN IF

YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

OUT THERE SINGING IN THE STREETS

ABOUT THIS, WE'RE ALL HAVING AN

EMOTIONALLY CATHARTIC REACTION

TO IT.

>> Jon: VERY VISCERAL.

>> AND I THINK WE JUST NEED

TO... I THINK WE NEED TO BE

HUMBLE AND NOT GET TOO FAR AHEAD

OF THE FACTS, NOT GET

IDEOLOGICAL ABOUT IT AND JUST

LET PEOPLE UNDERSTAND AS MUCH AS

WE KNOW ABOUT IT.

IT'S SUCH A BIG DEAL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK TEN

YEARS.

>> Jon: WHAT'S SO GREAT IS

WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT

REALLY DID LAST FOR OVER I THINK

LIKE 47 MINUTES AS I WATCHED THE

NEWS.

DIDN'T YOU NOTICE THAT?

IT WAS LIKE THAT FIRST NIGHT

EVERYBODY WAS IN THAT MODE.

THE NEXT NIGHT IT'S LIKE, WHAT

DO YOU THINK FOR OBAMA'S POLL

NUMBERS.

IT ALL OF A SUDDEN DEVOLVED BACK

INTO THE REGULAR SORT OF

CATEGORIES THAT THE NEWS HAS TO

PLACE THINGS IN AS THEY GO

ALONG.

>> BUT, YOU KNOW, I ALSO THINK

THIS IS A TIME WHEN THIS IS ONE

OF THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU EITHER

PROVED YOURSELF AS A JERK OR YOU

PROVED YOURSELF NOT.

IF YOU CAN RESIST THAT

TEMPTATION, I HONESTLY THINK THE

WHITE HOUSE HAS BEEN TRYING THE

LEAD EVEN THE MEDIA.

THE WHITE HOUSE HAS BEEN TRYING

THE SAY, THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR

UNITY.

THIS IS NOT A TIME TO TALK ABOUT

POLITICS.

THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR

RECRIMINATION.

LET'S CONGRATULATE THE PEOPLE

WHO DID IT.

THERE IS A NEWS EQUIVALENT TO

THAT WHICH IS STAYING CLOSE TO

THE FACTS AND NOT TRYING TO MAKE

THIS HELP YOU SCORE WHATEVER

POLITICAL POINT YOU WANT TO

MAKE.

THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO SCORE

POLITICAL POINTS.

OSAMA BIN LADEN WILL BE DEAD

FOREVER.

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS NEVER COMING

BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: VERY QUICKLY, CAN YOU

CONFIRM THAT?

BECAUSE...

[LAUGHTER]

AS WE SAW, BUT IMMEDIATELY YOU

ARE TALKING ABOUT THE OBJECTIVE

REALITY THAT YOU LIVE INCH I

TURN ON THE NEWS AND IMMEDIATELY

YOU DO HAVE PEOPLE SAYING, WELL,

IS HE DEAD?

IT'S AWFULLY WEIRD THAT... DO

YOU THINK THEY DID IT TO

DISTRACT FROM THE BIRTH

CERTIFICATE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND YOU THINK TO YOURSELF,

REALLY?

THAT'S WHAT'S LIVING IN YOUR

HEAD?

IS THAT... ARE YOU THAT JUST

INSANE?

>> THE IDEA THAT THE BIRTH

CERTIFICATE IS THE REAL STORY.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> AND OSAMA BIN LADEN IS THE

DISTRACTION FROM IT TELLS YOU

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY

INVESTED IN THE BIRTH

CERTIFICATE STORY.

IF YOU THINK THAT OSAMA BIN

LADEN IS THE DISTRACTION THAT

AMERICA NEEDS, I THINK THAT PUTS

THAT IN THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE.

THE WHOLE LIKE IF WE DON'T SEE

THE PICTURES, NONE OF US WILL

EVER BELIEVE HE'S DEAD THING IS

A COUNTRY THAT I DON'T

RECOGNIZE.

>> Jon: AND IF THEY SHOW THE

PICTURES, THEY'LL GO, YOU SEE

THIS SHADOW, IT'S PHOTOSHOPPED

IN.

YOU CAN TELL THAT IT DOESN'T

REALLY DO THAT.

DID THEY TELL YOU GUYS BEFORE

THE PRESIDENT MADE HIS SPEECH

WHAT HAD HAPPENED?

DID EVERYONE KNOW?

>> WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING OF

WHAT THE PRESIDENT WAS GOING TO

ANNOUNCE, BUT NOT THAT FAR OUT

IN ADVANCE.

I MEAN, NOT... NOBODY HAD

ADVANCED PLANNING NOTES FOR

SUNDAY NIGHT SOMETHING'S GOING

TO HAPPEN.

IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL.

BUT ONCE IT WAS CLEAR THE

PRESIDENT WAS GOING TO MAKE AN

ANNOUNCEMENT, THEN PEOPLE

STARTED GETTING WORD ABOUT WHAT

THE GENERAL CONTENT OF THAT

WOULD BE.

>> Jon: IT WAS FUNNY TO WATCH

PEOPLE BE SO COY, BECAUSE YOU

KNEW THEY KNEW, AND SO THEY WERE

... I CAN TELL YOU THAT

IT'S... IT'S C.I.A.

IT INVOLVES A VERY SKINNY MAN, A

SKINNY MAN, MAN THAT YOU MIGHT

THINK HAS RICKETTS.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW.

LIKE THEY WERE TRYING.

HOW DO YOU WALK THAT LINE?

>> IT'S THE SAME WAY THAT YOU

DEAL WITH AN EMBARGO SPEECH.

SOMETIMES A COUPLE MINUTES

BEFORE THE PRESIDENT OR SOMEBODY

ELSE VERY IMPORTANT IS GOING TO

GIVE A SPEECH, YOU GET THE FULL

TEXT, AND THEN YOU GET ALL THESE

PUNDITS SAY, WHAT WE OUGHT TO

EXPECT... YOU'RE SAYING, YOU'RE

A SPEED READER.

I CAN SEE YOU SKIPPING AHEAD TO

PREDICT THE THING THAT YOU KNOW

IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

PEOPLE LIE ABOUT THAT STUFF ALL

THE TIME.

>> SUDDENLY I FELT LIKE I WAS

THE STUDENT WHO GOT TO HANG

AROUND.

LIKE WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THAT

HAPPENS?

YOU GET THE SPEECH BEFOREHAND.

>> REALLY?

>> Jon: WELL, YOU CONTINUE TO

DO AN EXCELLENT JOB.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Jon: I ENJOYING SEEING YOUR

PROGRAM.

IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO COME BY

AND SEE US.

I KNOW YOU'RE VERY

JOIN US TOMORROW NIGHT AT 11:00.

HERE IT IS, YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN.

>> I THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

SHOULD NOT ONLY SEE THE PICTURE,

NOT ONLY SEE THE BODY BEING

TOSSED OFF, AND I AGREE WITH

SENATOR GRAHAM, I THINK WE NEED

TO SEE THE FOOTAGE OF THE

OPERATION.

>> THEY HAD TO OBSERVE MUSLIM

CUSTOM.

>> I DON'T THINK, GRETCHEN, THAT

OSAMA BIN LADEN LIVED THE

TYPICAL MUSLIM LIFE.

I DON'T THINK HE...

>> WELL, A LOT OF CHRISTIANS

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